Embrace, Entice, Emblaze (66 page)

always had, mixed in with the light sweat that reminded me I was with a man. Heat radiated from him and I wanted to be wrapped

tight within his arms, but sitting there on the ground beside him, I could see he’d already put up the walls.

And
in
the
end, I have to too.

My eyes cast down and I let my hand slide from his face, but

before the last finger broke contact, he caught my hand in his and held it there— no,
pressed
it into his cheek. I looked up, our eyes locked, and for one brief moment of indulgence before he let go, before my hand dropped to the ground, I was sure.

Sure, beyond all doubt.

He was my
other
.

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chapter
sixteen

“The course of true love never did run smooth.”

WILLIaM shaKespeaRe

It’s not a small thing, knowing that in this world, you have a true match. It’s hard to keep a level head and avoid hyperventilating when everything inside you is exploding with new truth. Harder

still to look at the person, the soul, your perfect complement, knowing he can’t be yours and you cannot ask him to be. Ever.

Lincoln had disappeared to take a shower and change. I was pretty sure his main motivation was to get away from me. I didn’t blame him.

Sometimes the air between us felt so thick, it was barely breathable.

My wall, the one Lincoln had given me to paint, remained

covered by a huge drop cloth. I’d been working on it off and on.

I wasn’t much further than a double coat of primer and a huge

awkward streak of green that I knew I’d probably have to return to white. Before he’d fi nally agreed to let me paint the wall, things had been so diff erent. I was human, to start with. I wasn’t perfect. But I Entice.indd 192

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was just me, baggage and all. Now, everything had changed. I wasn’t sure what was left of that person— or who had taken her place.

I stared blankly at the wall and decided I wouldn’t touch it again until I was sure of what needed to be there, until I knew who it was painting the wall.

Lincoln’s phone buzzed on the kitchen table.

I walked over and grabbed it as I called out to him.

No answer.

I looked at the screen, alight with a new text message. I hadn’t intended to read it, but it was already half visible. And…I could see who it was from.

Have a good lead. City Comm Realty. If we don’t strike

now, they’ll—

The message ended there. To see more, I’d have to open it, and

then Lincoln would know I’d been snooping. Why would Magda

be tracking down a real estate company?

The distinctive click of Lincoln’s bedroom door startled me into action. I quickly replaced his phone, exactly where it had been before, angling it slightly toward the edge of the table, and darted back to my wall, where I pretended to be readjusting the drop cloth.

I heard him walking down the hall, heard his footsteps slow and stop outside the spare bedroom, the room with all his mother’s belongings locked away. He never goes in there but can’t bear to part with the sorry possessions that only remind him of what is no longer.

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Jessica shirvington

“Hey,” he said, walking into the living area and then behind the breakfast bar. He opened the fridge.

I was still tugging awkwardly on the sheet, scared to look at him.

“You hungry?”

“No. I’m fine. I…I think your phone buzzed.”

I listened as he closed the fridge, went to his phone, and pressed a few buttons. I turned to face him in time to see him slide it into his pocket.

He fake stretched and made a show of checking his watch. “I

didn’t realize how late it was. I have to get going,” he said, messing around with things, putting them away— he didn’t want to talk

with me anymore. He grabbed his keys and wallet. He was barely

making a show of being discreet, desperate to get out the door.

Back to Magda.

It was as if everything that had just happened between us no

longer mattered. We didn’t rate high enough, even though I was

sure he’d felt the connection between us too. Somewhere in those thoughts, my frustration built to anger.

Why
is
it
that
every
time
I
discover
something
new
about
myself, it
only makes everything harder?

“What are you doing, Linc?” I asked, the tone of my voice

alerting both of us to my temper. I put my hands down on the

opposite side of the breakfast bar and stared straight at him. “Where are you going?”

“It’s just a thing I organized earlier.” Lincoln’s eyes darted around the room.

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“You’re avoiding talking to me? I think I deserve to know what’s going on.” And it was true.

Lincoln ignored me at first and I thought he was going to snap

back at me, but he just dropped his head.

“I made a promise to you, so I’m not going to lie, but I have to go out and I want that to be okay with you.”

“And what if it’s not?” I replied, daring him. I couldn’t help it. I hated knowing he was choosing Magda over me again.

“I’ve had to trust you in the past, Violet.”

He used my full name— never good. I looked intently at my feet.

“I could ask you questions that are hard for you to answer,” he pressed, “but I respect that if you think we should discuss something, you’ll tell me.”

He was skirting around something, turning this back on me

somehow, and I could feel my anger morphing into panic.

“Well, don’t let me hold you back. Say whatever you want. Ask

whatever you want.”

His eyes snapped up briefly, but as if he couldn’t stop them, as if he couldn’t hold my gaze, they dropped again. When he spoke, it seemed like it came from a far away place.

“Are you glad Phoenix is back?”

My throat tightened instantly. I could feel a rising blush, which I desperately wanted to smother. I bit down hard on the inside of my lower lip.

“No,” I said in a too meek voice. “Of course not,” I added,

trying to compensate.

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Lincoln jolted and backed away from me a few steps.

“It would be understandable if you were…I mean, you two

were…close.”

“He was controlling my emotions,” I said quietly through

gritted teeth.

Are
we
really
having
this
conversation? Now?

He sighed. “Yeah, he has all the control. Even now. He can hurt you and it doesn’t matter how strong I am. I can’t…” He stopped himself, or maybe it was the break in his voice.

We both stood awkwardly for a moment until he shook his

head, gave a kind of tormented half laugh, and scooped up one of the leftover glasses of water only to smash it on the ground.

“He’ll always be there! Phoenix is a part of you and I can never change that!” He fisted his hands and I could see he was trying to calm himself down.

I felt myself flinching with fear— not of him, but for him. My

lower lip trembled and I tried to compose myself as I watched him fall apart in a particularly stoic manner.

“This doesn’t even sound like you. Can you hear yourself ?”

I asked.

It was like someone had been feeding him all these new thoughts, in addition to the ones already put there by Onyx. I was betting I knew who too. Magda worked every situation to her favor.

Lincoln looked at his watch and clicked his jaw to the side.

“I have to go, Vi. This is something I need to take care of and I can’t be late to meet with Magda.”

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“So you’re meeting Magda,” I said as casually as I could.

“You read my phone,” he said, resigned, but I could still see the touch of anger.

“No,” I said nonchalantly. Actually, pathetically high- pitched.

I scrunched up my face, not sure what to do with myself. I was a terrible liar.

He half smiled, returning to himself a bit. “Yes, I’m meeting

Magda.”

I wasn’t getting anywhere arguing with him, so I took a calming breath, trying to lighten my mood too. “Nahilius?”

He nodded but didn’t want to say more. At least he was being

honest about it.

“And you only want to go with Magda?”

“It would be best that way,” he said calmly, trying to keep the peace, but I could tell how anxious he was to leave.

I wanted to beg him to stay or at least take me with him. My

stomach knotted, fighting with my mind, almost forcing me

forward, pushing me toward him. But I didn’t move. I wanted him to trust me and confide in me the way he did with Magda.

I’d do anything for you.

Somehow, that very thought reminded me: I couldn’t ask anything of him. He wasn’t mine and I could never expect him to risk losing his strength, his powers as a Grigori, just so that he could be with me.

It didn’t matter that I’d have done it for him in a heartbeat.

“I thought we were partners,” I said, trying to keep an even tone.

“We are. I just…I can’t fight at my best with you at the moment.” 197

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Lincoln ran a hand through his hair and looked toward the door again.

An escape looked mighty appealing to me too after that comment.

“Right then,” I mumbled, burying my chin in my shoulder.

His expression broke and seemed to soften. “Please try and

understand. It will all be over soon and then you’ll be…I know I’ve been distracted, but once this is over, I’ll be better for it, better for you…as your partner.”

I stared down at my feet and then headed over to start picking

up the pieces of glass scattered across the floor. “Okay, Linc. I’ll stay out of it.”

“Thank you,” he said, surprised. He walked up to the door and

put on his coat. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll clean up later.”

“Actually, I…I don’t need to be at Hades for a bit. I’m happy to stay and clean up— if you don’t mind?”

His shoulders dropped, relieved I’d made it so easy for him.

“Sure. You know where the spare key is. Just lock up on your way out.” He grabbed a backpack and opened the door.

“Lincoln!” I called. “What about meeting Griffin and the rest

of us at Hades?”

“We’ll meet up with you guys there if we can. If not, Magda will get the lowdown from Griffin.”

I stared at him in disbelief.

Is
he
really
so
obsessed
he’s going to miss his chance to hunt Phoenix?

He smiled. “Don’t worry. Griffin won’t go after them tonight.

He’ll want to do surveillance first,” he said, as if he’d read my mind.

His eyes fixed on mine for a moment before he closed the door.

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Beautiful green eyes— yet steely. I had not seen them like that before, all emotion under tight lock and key.

I was desperate to reach him, but he was farther away than ever.

I watched the front door for a long time after he had closed it behind him. How had things come to this? Lincoln was managing

me. We’d had our fair share of arguments, so tension was not something we weren’t accustomed to, but this was different. He was

just shutting down, locking me out. He was cold and distant, as if everything we had between us, our friendship alone, no longer registered. He was so desperate to get his revenge on Nahilius, nothing else mattered. I was starting to think that he was willing to pay just about any price to get it.

“Well, not me,” I said out loud.

I might have told Lincoln I would stay out of it, but lie detecting wasn’t one of his strengths. For all his imploring me to stand aside, it really came down to one question: If it were me, if the roles were reversed, would Lincoln let me go off on some renegade

mission if he had a strong feeling I was headed for nothing but trouble and regret?

Not
on
your
life!

And neither would I.

When things were at their worst, when I had needed someone to

be there for me, it had always been Lincoln. Until recently, it didn’t matter what it was— training, protection, hell…even a balanced

diet—
he
had been the person I’d talked to, who’d backed me up. He was everything to me.