Embrace, Entice, Emblaze (143 page)

“I’ll walk out with you guys,” I said, grabbing my bag.

————

I stood in the middle of the footpath, immobile. Getting away

had been all well and good, but once I had said my good- byes and loaded Spence and Zoe into a taxi, I found I had no idea where to go. I couldn’t face Dad yet— I knew there would be endless questions that I would have to answer. Before that, I needed to get my head straight.

I felt his presence when Lincoln neared. I started to speed up— it would be better to stay away from him right now— but he was

beside me within moments. He pulled his coat off and wrapped it around me.

“Come on,” he said. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

I let him walk me all the way to his warehouse, and we settled

into a perfect silence that somehow conveyed more than anything we would dare say aloud.

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“I’ll run you a bath,” was all he said when we got there.

I soaked for as long as I could before my hungry soul dragged

me back out to him.

While Lincoln disappeared to have a quick shower, I picked up

my paintbrush and pulled back the drop sheet from a section of

my wall. I hadn’t thought about the mural much lately, and I still wasn’t ready to tackle the whole thing, but now, down one side, I felt inspired and outlined something that felt right— a single lily on a long stem.

Lincoln made dinner. Pasta. I asked for extra basil, which made him smile for some reason, and I soaked up every note of its aroma as it cooked.

Mmm…Home.

We sat in silence while we ate and until I made coffee. I dosed Lincoln’s with sugar, knowing if I asked, he’d say one, so not bothering and instead just adding the two I knew he really preferred.

He smiled as he watched.

“He likes you,” he said eventually. I knew he was talking about Jase.

When I didn’t respond, he added, “I wanted to rip his throat out.” I couldn’t hold back the smile. “I’m glad,” I said, saying exactly what I knew I shouldn’t.

He started to laugh but covered it quickly with a cough.

“You should get some sleep,” he said, clearing away our plates.

I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to grab him, make him all mine.

I followed him to his bedroom, where he stayed standing in the

doorway. I went straight to the bed, sitting on the edge.

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“Are we going to talk about your mom?”

I shook my head. “No. She’s gone.”

“You don’t think she’ll come back?”

“I hope not.” I flicked my hair so it curtained my face. “I never want to see her again.”

“We’ll see,” he said under his breath, but he let it go and I was grateful. I wasn’t up to contemplating the hows and whys of her return. Or anything else for that matter. At least I could rely on the fact she followed a consistent pattern when it came to me.

Permanent absence. Whatever she was here for, I hoped she would stay away from me. And Dad.

“There’s…an extra blanket on the end of the bed if you get cold.” I nodded, my mouth dry.

“Good night, Violet.”

He turned to leave, pulling the door behind him.

“Stay!” I said, before I’d had a chance to think about it. But I didn’t want to take it back.

He opened the door again, just a fraction, something new stir-

ring in his eyes. He clenched his jaw and braced a hand on the

doorframe, as if restraining himself, and I felt his power flare, guarding him.

“I can’t,” he said.

“I know. But stay anyway. Just till I fall asleep.”

I heard his swallow from across the room. “That’s…not a

good idea.”

“Well, I can’t be alone,” I said, looking at the floor. “I can’t close 435

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my eyes. I can’t…” I started, not realizing I was crying until I saw the tears fall onto my leg. I kept my head down so he wouldn’t see.

I knew I was being unfair, knew it would make things harder for us, but I didn’t care. Or maybe I didn’t believe things could get any harder.

It was silent for so long it became unbearable. I wasn’t going to force him, so I lay down and rolled over, turning my back to him, giving him his chance to escape. I figured he’d gone, but a few minutes later, I heard the creak of floorboards and felt the blankets ruffle next to me. My whole body tensed and I didn’t move. Not

even an inch. Too scared of frightening him away.

We lay like that, both frozen and barely breathing until I heard him exhale, finally relaxing more of his weight onto the bed. I did the same, shuffling into a more comfortable position but staying on my side, too nervous to face him.

With a sound somewhere between a sigh and a growl, he moved

in closer, wrapping his arm around my waist and burying his face into my neck so that I could feel his breath warm my skin.

Holy
hell, we’re spooning!

Before he had a chance to think twice, I grabbed his arm and

pulled it all the way around me. Completely wrapped in his

embrace, a well of emotions ignited in me as his fingers kneaded gently, but definitely, my arms. I exhaled again and let myself sink into his hold, my soul agreeing with me for once. I felt him shift a little away from me.

Oh.

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“I’m sorry, Vi. You’re stronger than I am.”

I almost fell out of the bed. How could he possibly think
I
was stronger than him?

We lay silently for a time, as I contemplated what he’d said.

I looked back over the past few weeks and my gradual but defi-

nite unraveling. Then I tried to see it from Lincoln’s point of view and realized there had always been something else going on at the time, something that could have excused my behavior in a way that didn’t make him think it was him. Even though it was. Always.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized why he was so

hard on himself. At the volcano, he’d told me so much more than he’d ever intended. He’d done it to save me but also…There was no hiding from the fact that he’d admitted to wanting to be with me, even though he knew it could destroy me.

I took a deep breath. I’d never told him that I was just as guilty, wanted him just as much. Sure, there was still fear and the deep desire not to hurt him, but he needed to know the truth.

I wriggled a bit, moving his arm a little higher again. I could feel his heart thudding in my back.

“Linc?” I began as my breathing went into overdrive. “You’re

going to have to tell me not to roll over.”

If I thought he was frozen before, I was wrong. Everything about him stopped dead still. I waited, but there was nothing.

This
is
it.

I started to turn toward him, but his arm clamped back down

on me, stopping me in my tracks.

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“Violet,” he said, his voice low and thick with desire. “Do. Not.

Roll. Over.”

I smiled. A wave of disappointment from my worse half and

then relief from my better half washed through me. I wasn’t going to steal his soul.

Not
tonight.

“Never think I’m strong, Linc. Not when it’s us. I’m always only hanging by a thread.” My truth.
And
my warning.

He settled in behind me, softening his hold, and kissed my hair before whispering in my ear, “Well, that makes two threads. We

can work with that.”

I didn’t want to sleep, didn’t want to miss a moment of this

feeling of…calm.

“Promise me we’ll find a way,” I mumbled. Because there had to

be hope, didn’t there? Hope for some day.

My body relaxed, my mind went still, my soul content for now.

I fell asleep within moments, but not before I heard him whisper,

“I promise.”

————

When I woke in the morning, I was alone. But I knew he’d stayed with me most of the night, could still feel where his arm had held me tight.

I went out to find him asleep on the couch. Spence would be

up at some point and Lincoln wouldn’t want to risk him thinking something had happened that hadn’t. I felt the twinge of guilt that had been guaranteed. I knew it had cost me. Us. That one request 438

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to stay. I could already feel the rebloom of pain from being close to him.

Despite my temptation to wake him and thank him for looking

after me, I decided not to. He’d only jump into one of his spiels about us never being together, and I knew it already. Plus, he looked so peaceful, so beautiful, that I couldn’t.

Instead, I wrote him a note, carefully, knowing Spence might

see it too.

Thanks for giving me a place to sleep last night, and for the extra
blanket.

Vi.

Because he was a mighty fine extra blanket and I hoped, just this once, my words would make him smile instead of frown.

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chapter
forty

“Destiny grants us our wishes, but in its own way, in order to
give us something beyond our wishes.”

JOHaNN WOLFGaNG VON GOeTHe

I couldn’t stay still, so I bought a to- go coff ee and blueberry muffi n and began walking, relishing the peace of some time alone in the city streets.

I strolled through the park where Lincoln and I had returned

that exile and wandered through the trees I’d used for cover. A lot had happened since that night. Lincoln and I had worked so hard to stay away from each other, but still…we were drawn to one

another. It went beyond us, beyond angels even, compelling us to want each other and need each other. After just a few hours in his arms, I felt the best I had in months.

Sipping my coff ee and nibbling my muffi n, I surprised myself by smiling. Not because everything was going to be okay, but because I was fi nally willing to accept I couldn’t control everything. I’m Emblaze.indd 440

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Grigori. A warrior. I would always fight and do my best to stop exiles from tormenting innocent humans. I would put my life on

the line to make sure others didn’t have to. And I couldn’t control the outcome. My smile widened and I pulled Lincoln’s coat around me and breathed in his scent.

He
does
love
me.

Phoenix had won. Resurrecting Lilith had released a nightmare

on our world, but also, he’d helped us. He’d sacrificed strong exiles whom he could have used to do his bidding, and I was sure he’d done so because he wanted them gone, stopped. Phoenix had helped us

save the people of Santorini. They had no idea what they had escaped.

No matter what else was on his mind today, whatever torment,

suffering, and destruction he was planning with Lilith, I knew he’d be thinking of that too. Phoenix had lied.

The
human
isn’t gone at all.

Lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t noticed that I’d walked myself all the way to my apartment building.

I didn’t have a plan, hadn’t made a decision, but I couldn’t keep hiding, and anyway, it was midmorning and Dad would be at work.

Chicken!

The security guy waved as I passed, and when I got into the

elevator, I couldn’t help but realize that the building felt different. I caught sight of my wrists in the mirror, my markings still exposed.

For some reason, I hadn’t put back on the bracelets I’d taken off in Santorini. Further proof that I wasn’t sure if I belonged here anymore, or if I was wanted.

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Dad loved me; I didn’t doubt that, but he loved only part of me and that part was getting smaller and smaller as the Grigori in me started to take over every facet of my life.

Would
it
be
better
if
I
just
left
now?

Before he saw who I really was? Before he had to choose whether or not to believe me? Before he had to find out about…her?

I banged my head against the elevator mirror.

Great
plan, Vi. Just like he thinks of…Evelyn less and less.

No. I’d promised him an explanation and he was going to get

one. I’d tell him everything except the part about her. I couldn’t do that to him. Then it would be his choice whether I belonged here or not.

As soon as I opened the door to our apartment, I knew I