Embittered Ruby (13 page)

She rushed into the bathroom and swished a mouthful of mouthwash. What would Nate tell her? Hopefully he’d reached some kind of decision. But was it the right one?

“Hey. You in here?” Nate poked his head in, his eyes smiling.

She’d take his expression as a good sign. “Over here. I took a nap—give me just a sec to pull myself together.”

“I remember Mom always felt exhausted when she was pregnant with Charlie. Do you think that’s what’s happening to you, too?”

“I hadn’t thought of it being pregnancy related. Maybe. I kind of thought I was just emotional and needed a break from it all. Probably a little bit of both.” So far, so good. He was thinking about pregnancy and smiling.

“Makes sense.” Nate nodded. “Hey, c’mere. Where’s my kiss?” He pulled her close.

Carmen sank into his embrace, and they fell back into the sofa, swallowed by the red cushions. If only they could stay tucked in the clouds forever. But they had to get up. She wanted to hear what he had to say…but then again, maybe she didn’t.

“Okay, Carmen, let’s talk.” Nate helped her sit up. He smiled and tugged on the dark braid hanging in front of her right shoulder. “Listen, I know this is all a big shock to us.”

Carmen nodded. Not really a shock, but okay—she’d go with it.

“It isn’t at all what we’d planned. But when two people love each other and have a relationship, this can happen sometimes—it’s part of the risk we took when we got physical with each other, you know?”

She nodded. The Birds and the Bees 101.

“So, the question now is what we do about it.” He turned her hand over and compared their palms as though he were a fortune-teller.

Quit stalling, Nate. What does the future say? It’s in your hands
.

“We ruled out abortion earlier. So we have three options left as I see it.”

Carmen leaned forward. This is where her fate would be decided. “Number one?”

Nate stared at the floor. “We have the baby and give it up for adoption.”

Don’t think so. “Number two?”

“We have the baby and stay together—do our best to share in raising it. See what happens.”

Uh-huh. Closer. “Number three?”

Nate took a deep breath and raised his eyes to meet hers. “We get married.”

Way more like it. “Which of those sounds best to you?”

“Honestly, adoption would be awful. I can’t imagine having a baby and then giving it away. Then to spend the rest of our lives knowing it’s out there somewhere.” He shuddered.

“I agree. So we have one option off the table?”

“Yeah.” Nate shrugged. “For now, at least. I think number two would be okay. I mean, we’d both take care of the baby as much as possible. It just seems unlikely things would work out for us for very long.”

“So we’re left with…”

Nate cleared his throat and slipped from the couch to the floor on one knee and clasped her hand. “That leaves us here. Will you marry me, Carmen? I love you, and I love our baby. I want us to be together. A family.”

“Really?” Carmen fought against her grin. He couldn’t mean it. Her plan actually worked?

“Yes, really.” Nate’s smile faded. “It’s not going to be easy—a lot’s going to change. I can’t imagine my parents will help much. They’re going to be devastated.…In fact, this will probably mess up my dad’s senate race.”

“Does it have to though? I mean it’s not like we aren’t going to handle everything ourselves.”

“Face it, C. There are a lot of reasons—right or wrong—that our marriage and baby will be a problem for them.” Nate shrugged. “But I can’t live my life making decisions based on what’s best for my parents. You and our baby, that’s what’s most important now.”

Carmen tugged Nate from the floor to the couch beside her and nestled under the protective wing of his strong arm. “I love you, Nater.”

“I love you, too.” He rubbed her belly. “And I love this little guy. Or girl.”

And all felt right in the world.

H
ey, baby.” Diego sidled up to Carmen as she applied lip gloss at her locker. He leaned in close until his nicotine breath left fog on her mirror.

“Must you do that?” she hissed through her teeth with a fake smile planted on her face. People were surely watching the supposedly happy couple.

“Oh, believe me. I must.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

Just ignore the flirting. “Tell me something. How’d you get the reputation you have for being such a tough guy?”

“Oh, you kill a rival gang member or two, and people start to leave you alone.” He popped a toothpick between his teeth and watched for her reaction.

Carmen gasped. “Are you serious? Did you kill someone? Is that true?” What was she doing hanging around with a murderer?

Diego’s eyes twinkled. “I don’t know, is it?”

Why couldn’t he be straight with her? She’d have to find out his story as soon as possible. Or get out of there. Abandoning him by leaving was a much better idea. If she could get herself back home, enrolled in her old school, none of this would matter. She and Nate had better make some plans fast.

“I still don’t understand what you’re getting out of this weird relationship we have—if you’d even call it that. More like a one-sided arrangement. I hope you know, I’m not going to date you for real.” Was he really acting out of the kindness of his purportedly murderous heart? Or was he attracted to her? Hard to say which was less believable, or which was worse. Wonder what he’d do when he found out she was pregnant?

“Diego knows the score, baby. Trust me. He’s just worried about you.” He gave her a quizzical gaze then narrowed his eyes. “But you’d better start being a little nicer to me or people are going to wonder.” Diego flipped his toothpick end over end between his teeth, his Adam’s apple bouncing beneath his tattoo.

“I’ll try.” Carmen laughed. “But trust me. I doubt people are going to wonder why I’m being rude to you. You’re not so bad though.”

“Let’s leave the details alone, and be glad I can protect you, okay?” Diego slipped his arm across her shoulders and pulled Carmen close for a hug then slunk away in the other direction.

She was engaged. Nate would have a fit if he knew about Diego. What was she thinking letting some other guy touch her mere days after she’d gotten engaged—with or without a ring—though he promised one was coming. Would she dare wear it to school?

But Carmen had reason to be afraid. She stuck out in New Jersey and had already been under the scrutiny of some scary people. In a lot of ways she felt lucky to have Diego on her side. But on the other hand, what if he was just the flipside of the same coin and not really any safer than the others? Carmen had to hope he was being straight with her though. She had no other choice.

Nate wouldn’t understand that she felt she had no options. How could he? He existed in a different world than the one Carmen now inhabited—one she’d barely known existed a few short months ago. But it wouldn’t be long before he rescued her from this landfill she now called home.

Although, what if they couldn’t afford a place back home in Briarcliff? What if they wound up living in a dingier apartment than the one she had now? What if they had to drop out of school and get jobs? What if they couldn’t raise a baby right? She probably should have thought some of the challenges through before she followed through with The Plan. But it was too late now. She’d have to handle whatever came her way.

She didn’t have to face it alone though. Nate would take care of everything. He wouldn’t let anything bad happen to them.

“What are you doing hangin’ with homeboy? He’s trouble, you know?” Theresa stepped in line with Carmen on the way to Home Ec.

Kayla stepped up to the other side. “No, he isn’t. Diego’s a pussycat.”

“How can you say that?” Theresa shook her head, her black braids whipping her face. “He’s been busted for two murders.” She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Unbelievable you want to pretend stuff never happened.”

What stuff? Carmen looked back and forth between the girls. Say more.

“Busted, but not convicted. He said one was self-defense and the other was to defend his girlfriend. In my book, that makes him all right.” Kayla crossed her arms on her chest.

Could Carmen ask the girls questions? Or maybe they’d share more info if she didn’t interrupt.

“A gangbanger. A murderer. An addict.” Theresa scoffed. “Yeah, a real good guy.”

“He’s none of those things. How can you say that? There is no proof to any of it.”

“Yeah, if you don’t consider the murder weapon and bloody hands proof.”

Murder weapon? Blood? What had she gotten herself into?

Kayla shrugged a shoulder and tipped her head. “Besides. Find me one guy here who isn’t any of those things.”

“There are some. But you’re right—not many. Diego is special to me. I even hang with him sometimes, but I keep to myself so I can stay outta trouble.” Theresa nodded at Carmen. “Which is exactly what you need to be doing, girl.”

Kayla stepped between them. “Just don’t be Dissing Diego, T. He never hurt you. He wouldn’t hurt a fly if he didn’t have to.”

“Look, Kayla, just because you’ve been crushing on him since second grade don’t mean it’s fair not to tell homegirl here the truth. She has the right to know what’s she’s getting into.”

“I can take care of myself.” Carmen’s voice croaked. She cleared her throat. “Thanks though. I appreciate the concern.”

Kayla and Theresa locked eyes and burst into laughter. “If you think you can take care of yourself, girlfriend, you really do need Diego. You’re in over your head, sista. Consider yourself warned.”

Beep. Beep. Beep
.

Waves crashed onto the deck. The boat rocked. Carmen gripped the sides, sure she’d get washed overboard with the next swell.

Beep. Beep. Beep
.

The roller coaster rounded the bend and climbed the steep hill slowly. It perched at the top, the front end tipping over the edge, teasing…taunting…

What? Carmen forced her body upright. She threw the covers off her body and stumbled to the bathroom. Her stomach revolted against the movement. She wanted to lie down and wait for it to pass, but she knew what was coming. She grabbed the door and pulled herself into the restroom, slamming the door behind her. In one motion, she fell to her knees in front of the toilet and flung the handle to turn the bathtub on as a barrier to the evidence of her retching.

The gushing of water from the bathtub faucet masked the sound of her heaves. Deep breaths and calm thoughts came nowhere near to soothing her churning gut. How long would this go on? She’d already thrown up more in the three weeks since her pregnancy test than she had in her entire life put together. If this didn’t end soon, she’d waste away to nothing. At eight weeks pregnant, the websites said she had about four more weeks of morning sickness, and then the second trimester should be easier unless she had it rougher than most. At this rate it would be tough to keep the baby a secret much longer.

Carmen reached across the edge of the tub and into the flow. She cupped her hands and splashed her face. The cool water felt like life. Refreshing, forgiving. Carmen pressed a plush towel into her face and held it there for a moment. Would she ever feel human again? It was like an alien had taken over her body and she had no control over what happened to her. She folded the towel back into place and stepped from the bathroom.

“Ahh!” Carmen reared back at the site of someone leaning against the wall opposite the door, waiting with arms crossed.

Tiffany. Her ponytail, perfect white jeans, and fitted tee made her appear around Carmen’s own age. Yet her eyes held understanding Carmen hadn’t seen before.

“When are you due?” If someone didn’t know her better, Tiffany’s blue eyes might have been mistaken for sympathetic.

How did she know? Should Carmen deny it? “Due? What are you talking about? I’m just…I have the flu. I’m not—”

“Oh come on. I know the signs. I’m an aunt. I have friends who are moms. Trust me. Plus…” Tiffany reached a hand to touch Carmen’s arm. “I found your pregnancy test when I was putting away laundry. The positive result was pretty telling.”

“You found what? You have no right to go through my things. Besides, the test wasn’t even mine.” Good one, Carmen. Only a fool would believe that.

“You expect me to believe a friend of yours took a pregnancy test, which came out positive, and then asked you to hold on to the dirty pee stick for her?” Tiffany raised her eyebrows. “Come on. Really?”

Carmen folded her arms on her chest. She didn’t have to deny or confirm anything. Tiffany had no proof. Well, at least if she didn’t count the positive pregnancy test as proof.

“Look, you need to let us help you. Your dad and I will get you through this. You only need to talk to us. Let us in.”

Who did she think she was, swooping in like some BFF? “I’m not talking to you about anything. Even if there were something to talk about.” Carmen tried to shove past. She had to get out of the hallway before the walls closed in on her.

Tiffany planted her pedicured bare feet shoulder-width apart, blocking Carmen’s exit. “Listen. I know we got off to a bad start. And I get why—I really do. But I’m here. I’m part of your dad’s life; I’m part of your life. And I’m not going anywhere.” She smiled gently, barely setting off the dimple in her right cheek.