Eleanor (93 page)

You’re still my friend, Freddie; you’re not suddenly going to go invisible.

Freddie laughed.
I’m going to hold you to that.
 

Eleanor smiled as he pulled his energy string back. She was still exhausted and the warm fire was making her drowsy. “I think I need to sleep some more.”

“OK,” Freddie said, releasing his hold. Instinctively she wrapped her arms around him. Freddie gasped at the pain.
 

“Sorry, please don’t let go,” she whispered, relaxing as Freddie hugged her close to him and let her sleep against him. She drifted again, the warm fire, Freddie’s firm hold and Conlan’s jacket all combining to make her feel safe, relaxed and loved.

“Is she OK?” Conlan’s soft growl made her smile; she did not feel able to open her eyes and felt a strange surge of pleasure over the fact that she did not have to. She had spent so long overriding her body’s urgent and increasingly desperate pleas for rest that it felt wonderful to finally be able to give in to it.

“She’s fine, just tired still.”
 

Eleanor felt Freddie’s reassurance rumble through his chest as he unconsciously pulled her closer.
 

“You can sleep too, if you want to. I’ll keep an eye on everyone,” Conlan offered.

“Thanks.”
 

There was genuine gratitude in Freddie’s tone and a friendly camaraderie that Eleanor had never heard before. Freddie seemed to have finally got over his distrust of Conlan. Moving with care, Freddie wriggled himself so he could lay down, panting a little at the pain. Eleanor let her limp body fall with him, laying at his side, head on his arm, his gentle snoring relaxing her back to sleep.

Something brought her from deep sleep to wide awake almost instantaneously. Sitting bolt upright, she stared wide-eyed and frightened. A fire blazed in front of her, her blanket covered her, it was dark and cold.

“What’s the matter, sweetie?”
 

Gasping and feeling foolish for her fear, Eleanor turned towards the voice. Amelia smiled at her. Will, his arms wrapped tightly around Amelia and his back leaning against a tree trunk, watched her carefully. Conlan and Freddie were nowhere in sight. Her mouth and throat felt like she had been asleep for days again.

“I think I just had a bad dream,” Eleanor said, her voice dry and rough. Amelia moved to crouch at Eleanor’s side, handing her a water skin and stroking her hair as her friend drank greedily. She was still wearing Conlan’s jacket.
 

“I think that’s to be expected after what we’ve been through recently,” Will said quietly, giving her a strange look she did not understand.

“What?” she asked.
 

The hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Nothing, it’s just you’ve been talking in your sleep a lot since we left Katadep.”
 

Eleanor felt the blood drain from her face.
 

“Oh, what have I said?” she whispered, not sure she wanted to know.

“Mostly you’ve been mentioning Arran,” Amelia said, not looking at her.
 

Eleanor felt embarrassment heat her cheeks. “In what context?” she stuttered, panic straining her voice.

“Not really a context, you’ve just been calling out for him, telling him to come and find us,” Will said.

“Well I want him to,” Eleanor said.

“Why? What’s so special about that kid?” Will asked, a genuinely confused look on his face.

Eleanor smiled. “Quite a lot, actually.” Will looked at her expectantly. She had not intended to tell them unless Arran turned up, but if she was talking about it in her sleep, then maybe she should tell them before she inadvertently blabbed it out. “He practices magic, like we do, but he has the ability to draw energy from all the elements. Apparently this is rare, as most natural magicians learn to rely on one element in childhood and are then unable to access the others later in life, and of course he has no shield.”

“How did he lose it?” Amelia asked, looking distressed; Eleanor knew she was remembering what it had taken for Conlan to lose his shield.

“From what I was able to piece together from my brief visit in his head, Daratus tortured him as a child, to the point where he gave up,” Eleanor said softly, unable to keep the pain she felt for him out of her voice.

“As a child?” Amelia said, horrified.

Eleanor nodded sadly. “He was taken from his mother the moment he was born and tested for magical talent. He then spent the next ten years locked up in a cell, being forced to practice and expand his abilities.”

“Do a lot of Enforcers have their shields stripped from them?” Amelia asked.

Eleanor shook her head. “From what I picked from Arran’s mind, only those with a prodigious talent have their shields stripped – it makes them easier to control.”

Amelia stared at her in pained silence.

“How did Daratus know he was going to be born with magical talent?” Will asked.

“An educated guess, I assume. After all, his mother had high magical ability and one of her other children had displayed some magical talent,” Eleanor said, watching the thoughts and expressions race across Will’s face.
 

“Who was his mother?” Will asked.

“Helena Baydon. Arran and Conlan are half-brothers,” Eleanor said quietly.

Amelia sat down on the ground with a bump, staring at Eleanor with open-mouthed shock. Having already worked out some sort of idea, Will handled his shock a little better, but they both looked at her for several long minutes before Will broke the silence.

“Do you have proof?”

“No, but I’m right. The only person who knows the truth is Daratus. Arran and Conlan have no idea, and even Merl didn’t know,” Eleanor said.

“Merl? Merl was Arran’s father,” Will said as the pieces fitted together for him. Eleanor nodded.

“Are you going to tell Conlan?” Amelia asked.

“I hadn’t intended to, not unless Arran turns up. I was just really hoping that he would come and find us,” Eleanor said. There was another lengthy and stunned silence as Will and Amelia attempted to come to terms with the information Eleanor had given them.

“You liked him,” Amelia said quietly.

“Eleanor likes everybody,” Freddie said as he and Conlan stepped into the firelight, carefully dropping the ingredients they had found for dinner in front of them. The glowing green eyes were still a surprise each time she saw them. And still beautiful. He was wearing Will’s spare jacket, and the dark brown looked good on him.

“Who were you talking about?” Conlan asked softly, not looking at her.

“Arran,” Eleanor answered, wondering what he had heard. She decided it could not have been anything she did not want him knowing yet, or Freddie would have said something. Conlan nodded, as if her answer was expected, but he said nothing else. They needed to talk, away from the others. Her nerves squeezing at her stomach, Eleanor stood up, and picking up a lantern she walked over to him, making her steps purposeful and confident. She stood in front of him, a hand held out.

“We need to talk.”
 

Conlan’s blank expression turned to apprehension and he slowly shook his head. Eleanor smiled at him.
 

“That wasn’t a request, Conlan, that was an order. Get up.” Her voice was quiet, but there was no mistaking the steel of resolve beneath it. Reluctantly Conlan got to his feet, took Eleanor’s hand and allowed her to pull him away from the fire. Eleanor walked through the dark wood in silence, looking for a suitable place to stop but mostly trying to calm her nerves. Conlan’s hand in hers was a pleasurable torment and she was tempted to move inside his head to see if he felt the same way.
His head is always going to be a temptation.
 

She found what she was looking for in the roots of a fallen tree – a small cave-like shelter that would be easy to heat with a small fire. She collected some wood and kindling and used the lantern’s flame to light it. Conlan stood watching in silence. Eleanor could feel his uncertainty. Once the fire had caught, she piled up some bigger pieces of wood beside it and sat in the mouth of the small natural shelter wondering if she should speak first or allow him to.
 

“I don’t think I can do this,” he said, the words laced with so much pain that for a moment Eleanor could only stare at him.
What can’t he do? Love me?

“I don’t understand,” Eleanor whispered, feeling her world start to wobble.

“I’ve learnt to share you with Freddie. It’s been really hard, but I know you love us both and I just want you to be happy. Freddie is a good man, he loves you and I trust him, but I barely know Arran. I’m not sure I’d trust him if he did show up here. I don’t think I can share you with him, too,” Conlan said, his face wrapped in shadows. Eleanor could not see his expressions and she did not understand his words.
He thinks he’s sharing me with Freddie?
Too stunned and confused to speak, Eleanor stared at him as Conlan kept talking, as if he had to get everything off his chest before she stopped him. “You love Arran, I heard it in your voice. You’ve been calling for him in your sleep. In Mydren having several wives is acceptable, but a woman having several husbands is not. Will has told me that in your world attitudes to love and relationships are different and that marriage is not necessarily part of a relationship, but this is so painful for me… I want you all to myself and it hurts that I can’t have that. I’m really hoping Arran stays away.”
 

Eleanor felt his misery wash over her.
How did I manage to give him the idea he was sharing me?
Struggling to find the right words, Eleanor stared at the shadow standing across the fire from her.
 

“I want to love Arran, just as I love Will, Amelia and Freddie. They’re my family. I’m hoping that Arran is going to choose to be a part of that, but there’s only one thing that’s going to make me happy, and that’s you. I love Freddie, but Conlan I’m
in love
with you. There’s a really big difference. I know it took a lot for you to admit you loved me. I know you’re afraid, that the things you love get taken away from you, but you are all I want. All I’ve ever wanted.”

“I don’t understand,” Conlan whispered.

“I can’t make it any clearer, Conlan. I want you and only you. I think I fell in love with you as I was dying. I’ve been feeling guilty for months about not missing my old life, my old home, my family and friends, but you made everything here so vivid. I felt more alive than I ever thought possible. This life became my solid reality because you fill it. My old life was just the dream I had while I waited for you. You’re my anchor to this world, to life, and I love you.” She was surprised at just how true the words were.

“After everything I’ve done to you? Why?”

Eleanor sighed. “Well it’s certainly not your easy-going nature.”
 

Conlan chuckled and Eleanor felt her heart do summersaults. He walked over and sat down next to her. She stared into the fire’s depths for a moment, gathering her thoughts.
 

“I’ve seen inside your head, Conlan. I saw flashes of your childhood. I know what happened with your mother, although I don’t understand how you decided it was your fault. You survived where so many others would have crumbled, and somehow you survived with your soul intact and I love you for that. I’ve felt your love, for me and the others. I know how much you care, even if you won’t admit it. I ripped you to pieces and you forgave me, still loved me. You’re wonderful; you deserve to be loved, so please, Conlan, let me love you,” she begged.
 

There was silence; she turned to him. The fire’s dancing light revealed the awestruck look on his face, his soft, glowing, green eyes shining with his love of her. A second later she felt this love surge through her, the emotion so powerful it was like a heavy storm wave crashing down. Her body shuddered as the warmth spread. She reached a shaking hand towards him. Slowly running her fingers down his face, he shivered but did not pull away. Eleanor moved closer, taking his head in her hands and drawing his stunned face to hers, not taking her eyes from his. She leant in and brushed his warm soft lips with her own. Pulling back slightly, she whispered, “I love
you
. I want
you
.”
 

Conlan smiled – the look she adored – and she gently brushed her lips against his again, running her fingers through his hair. Placing her hands on his chest, Eleanor pushed him back onto the ground, crossing her arms over him so she could support herself, and she looked into his face. She felt his heart beating under her hand. Leaning forward she pushed her lips into his, harder this time, still unable to take her eyes off him. Under her hand his heart rate increased. He kissed her back, slowly and gently, moved his tongue between her lips, tentatively exploring. The taste of him, the warmth of him and the loving look in his eyes filled her mind, and for a while all life and creation revolved around them. He ran his hand from her shoulder down to her waist and she sighed in pleasure. Then he carefully but firmly pushed her away. Panting, he stared at the roots and earth of their makeshift shelter’s roof. Eleanor sat up, worried.

“I don’t want you to stop”, she whispered. “I want you and I want to give you something I will give to no other man, no matter how many hugs and kisses I give Freddie or anybody else. I’m giving myself to you and only you.”
 

Conlan shook his head, deeply concerned. “I can’t do it, I could really hurt you.”

Her confusion deepening, Eleanor stared at him. He saw her look and tried to explain. “I mean you’re tiny, Eleanor, delicate… I… ” In frustration he took her hand, spread the fingers out and pushed his own hand against hers, palm to palm. Her hand looked like a child’s in comparison.
 

He looked at her, his eyes full of loving concern. “You don’t see yourself this way. Your personality always makes you seem larger than life, but you barely reach up to my chest. To me you’re a tiny, beautiful, perfect, delicate, fragile being that I desperately want to protect. Please don’t let me hurt you anymore.”