Effortless (20 page)

She grunted in frustration. “I hate that we’ve been at each other’s throats all the time. I miss our stupid little fun moments together. Being here has turned everything upside down.”

“And blue eyes over there is going to make it all better?” I teased, catching Colin staring hard at my friend.

“He’s so fucking hot,” she breathed. Snapping herself out of the hormone induced moment, she grabbed me and hugged me. “I’ll get his number. I’ll call him and maybe meet for drinks or something this weekend.” Pulling back, she searched me for a reaction. “I miss my best friend.”

“I’m right here, Steph. I haven’t gone anywhere.”

Having a heart to heart with her in this environment felt so weird. Screaming girls still crowded by the fence, clamoring for a one night stand.

“Let me go get his number and then we’ll find a cab and get the hell out of here. Sound good?”

“Sure.”

While she flirted with Colin I dug my phone out of my purse. I had several missed calls and texts from Alastair.

11:58pm On my way home now. Sorry. Was at a concert and couldn’t hear the phone

11:59pm You had me worried. Where are you? I’ll send Paxton

12:00am Some club downtown. I’m with Steph. We’ll get a cab.

12:01am I’d feel better if Paxton picked you up

12:03am Stop worrying, chief

12:06am Text me when you’re in the taxi

Stephanie bounded over with a huge smile on her face as I shoved the phone in my purse. “All set. We’re going out tomorrow night.” The trademark Stephanie Tempe grin lit up her face. “Score one for me, zero for those desperate chicks behind the fence.”

We linked arms and walked out to the main road. Scores of people leaving various pubs filled the sidewalk. Weaving our way through, we chatted like old times. I chalked up all of her moodiness and strange behavior to stress over work and more than a little bit of homesickness.

A car whizzed by, blaring its horn just as we were about to cross the street.

“Slow down, ass clown,” Stephanie shouted from the crosswalk. “Jeez. They drive worse than New Yorkers.”

I laughed. “Because you’ve been to New York so often.”

“You do know a good chunk of the people who live in Central Florida are from the northeast. You included. As far as I’m concerned, you’re all bad drivers.”

At the next corner we stopped to hail a cab. Stephanie lived closer to the West End so we told the driver to drop her off first. I sent Alastair a quick text to let him know we were on the way. After Stephanie hopped out and we said our goodbyes, I settled into the seat. What a strange night this has been. I couldn’t wait to get home and snuggle under the blankets with my future husband.

The cab slowed at the red light, coming to a stop. Glasgow, in my opinion, was at its most beautiful at night. I leaned my head against the window, gazing up at the city lights. I felt bad that Steph was having a hard time adjusting to life here. She’d always been hesitant about leaving Orlando. Dayna once told me it takes about six months to really become acclimated to a new city after moving to it. Stephanie had only been here since the end of July. Maybe she’d grow to love it if she gave it more of a chance.

My phone beeped so I reached into my bag to grab it. The cab pulled forward as I read Alastair’s text.

12:36am Hurry home, love. The bed is too empty without you.

A flash of light blinded me followed by the sickening sound of metal crushing metal.

Searing pain filled my head, making it difficult to move. I touched my temple, confused by the stickiness. When I opened my eyes, I noticed I wasn’t sitting in the same spot I’d been in a few seconds ago. I heard shouting from outside the car. The cab driver was yelling at someone. I opened the door and climbed out.

“Miss, miss! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said, feeling woozy.

“You’re bleeding. Here. Sit down.” He led me to the curb and handed me a handkerchief. I pressed it to the side of my head and got a good look at what happened. Apparently, we were broadsided. The other driver had run the red light and slammed right into the back of the cab where I’d been sitting.

That explains the massive headache.

Adrenaline kicked in, pushing me to my feet. I needed to find my phone and call Alastair. He was expecting me and if I didn’t show up he’d go ballistic. His little quirk about always needing to know that I’m safe wasn’t something to take lightly. I climbed into the backseat, feeling along the floor. My fingers hit something small and hard. Bingo. I grabbed the phone and went back to the sidewalk. My hands shook more than I wanted them to as I dialed.

“Missing me?” he answered after half a ring.

“Always. Um, something—”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m okay. There’s been an accident. Can—”

“Are you hurt? Where are you?” The panic in his voice gave it a raspy whine I’d never heard before.

“Um,” I looked for a street sign. “Gibson Street near the university, I think.”

“I’m on my way. Don’t move.”

An old church wasn’t too far from where I was standing. I glanced back at the cab driver and the guy who hit us before sitting on the steps in front of the church. The impact sounded worse than it actually was. The taxi had a sizable dent just behind the driver side door and the other car was banged up but for all intents and purposes, it was a minor collision.

I shivered, closing my eyes and leaning my aching head on the iron railing. The adrenaline faded, leaving me tired and wanting nothing more than to curl up in bed. A chilly breeze swept through, making the stone steps I was sitting on feel even colder. I pulled my coat tighter, hoping Alastair would get here soon.

Opening my eyes briefly, I saw the cabbie and the other driver each talking on their cell phones. I leaned my head against the railing again and closed my eyes.

“Amelia.”

The same panicked whine he’d had on the phone echoed through the night. I looked up seconds before Alastair engulfed me in his arms.

“Christ, you’re bleeding,” he growled, holding my face in his hands. Anger flashed through his eyes. “I’m going to take care of this. That bastard will lose his license when I’m finished with him. Have you given your statement to the police yet?”

“No. Are they here?”

“Yes. Come with me.”

He kept a protective arm wrapped around my waist as I recounted what happened to the officer on scene. When they were satisfied with my version of events, they told me it was okay to leave. Alastair hugged me again, not letting go for the longest time. When he finally did pull away, he kissed me with desperation. The way he looked at me tore me to pieces.

“Stare at me any harder and you’ll drill a hole in my head, chief.”

“I want you home and safe. Let’s go.”

The ride back to the house was silent and tense. I couldn’t get a definitive read on what was going through Alastair’s head. I knew, without question, this triggered his deep seated guilt over the death of his family. He blamed himself for causing that accident and I wouldn’t be surprised if he blamed himself for this one. His grip on the steering wheel turned his knuckles white. I wanted to comfort him, let him know that I was fine.

He ushered me into the house, leading me straight to the bedroom. Disappearing into the bathroom, he returned with a damp facecloth and cleaned the dried blood from my head.

“Does it hurt?” he asked.

“There’s a dull ache. I could use an Advil or something.”

“I’ll get you one. It looked worse than it is. There’s just a small scratch but you’ll have a nasty bruise in the morning.”

I changed into some pajamas while he fetched me a drink and the pain killers. Crawling into bed felt so damn good. I sighed into the mattress, snuggling into Alastair’s embrace.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked.

“Yes. It was just a little fender bender.” I felt his body seize with tension. His grip on me tightened. “Don’t break me, chief,” I said, nuzzling into his neck.

“I can’t stand the way this feels,” he murmured. “I can’t. It’s too much.”

I was afraid he’d disappear to the dark place in his mind. His fear of loss was more consuming than I realized.

Stroking his hair, I held him close. “I’m right here, Alastair. Tomorrow we’ll wake up and you can make me your famous cheesy omelet with toast. Then we can take a long, lazy bubble bath together and climb back into bed and stay here all day.”

Rolling on top of me, he sealed our mouths together. I loved his kisses but this one was laced with too much anxiety.

“Hey,” I whispered, nipping at his bottom lip. “Look at me.”

Raising his eyes to meet mine, I lost myself in their green depths. He was so beautiful and so scared for me it made my heart hurt. Blowing out a shaky sigh he wrapped himself around me.

“I want you safe, Lia. Always.”

* * *

I woke up in an empty bed a couple hours later. My head rumbled when I sat up, making its case for me to stay horizontal. Ignoring the discomfort, I got up and went to Alastair’s office. As expected, he was seated at the desk typing intently on the computer. I stood in the doorway, unsure if I should bother him. Flicking his eyes to me, he closed the laptop and gestured for me to sit. I felt the way I did the first time I walked into this office after waking up in a daze. The feeling was unsettling.

Alastair watched me, never softening the intensity of his stare. I went to him and straddled his lap.

“Come back to bed,” I urged, touching his cheek. “I want you next to me.”

Apprehension wracked my body. He was shutting down in front of me and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop it.

“I need you, chief.” I kissed the soft skin at the crook of his neck, sucking on a small patch. His fingers pressed into my lower back but the rest of his body remained still. I kept touching him, hoping to calm his fears.

Feeling his arms band around me quieted my pounding heart. We held each other like this for the longest time.

“Go to bed, love.”

The absolute deadness in his voice destroyed me. I looked at him, searching for a way to break through this wall. There was no way. He was unreachable, lost to the depths of thoughts only he could see.

I lifted his hand and placed it over my heart. Parting his lips, he moaned. “Lia. Don’t.”

“Feel me.” I pulled his hand down my chest. “Touch me.”

“Please don’t,” he whispered hoarsely.

I refused to let him succumb to the emotionless black hole he’d disappeared into for far too long.

“I want you. I love you.” My lips brushed his cheek. “Tell me you love me, Alastair. I need to hear you say it.”

He gripped my arms so tight, I gasped. Clenching his jaw, he shook his head. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me right now. Please don’t.”

As rigid as his body had become, mine was lax in his arms. I bowed my head, grasping for ways to break through to him.

“This wasn’t your fault, Alastair. There wasn’t anything you could have done to—”

“I should have insisted that Paxton pick you up,” he yelled. “I should have sent him with you in the first place. You had no business being at that concert without protection. That
will not
happen again.”

I stared at him, horrified at how hysterical he sounded. “You can’t control everything.”

“Yes I can,” he snapped. “I have been my entire life.”

I wriggled free and stood up. That was the root of the problem right there. He kept a tight leash on every aspect of his life so he wouldn’t be thrust into chaos. I paced his office like a caged animal, stopping in front of the cluster of photos hanging on the wall. The sad little boy throwing leaves in the air still lived in him. I thought after everything we’d been through, he’d finally left that boy where he belonged; in the past.

Turning to face him, I saw the man I’d met in April. Stoic and unreadable with eyes as hard as stone, he stared into nothing. The transformation was flawless and complete. I longed for the man who’d taken me to Paris only forty-eight hours ago. I longed to see him playful and happy and open. Tears stung the corners of my eyes.

“I feel like I’m losing you, Alastair. I’m losing you and it’s effortless.”

He didn’t look at me. He didn’t even flinch.

* * *

Work was my oasis. I was actually happy to be sitting in the weekly editorial meeting listening to Sam, Robbie and Julian bicker back and forth. The weekend had passed like a bad dream that I was still living. Alastair had stayed holed up in his office preparing for a conference call with a production house in Los Angeles. At least that’s what he told me. We barely spoke after what happened Friday night.

Stephanie went to Olivia’s shower and texted me every two seconds to tell me how bored she was and how good Brent looked. Then she went out with Colin on Saturday night and forgot Brent ever existed. I don’t know what she was looking for in her relationship quest but when she found it, or if, I hope it lived up to her expectations.

By lunchtime I was twitchy and on edge. More so than I’d been all weekend. Julian was out with a field producer on assignment and Sam was stuck in meetings for the rest of the afternoon with some corporate bigwigs from our parent company. I tapped a pen on my desk, staring at the framed photo of me and Alastair. It was from my first weekend here. We’d gone to his cottage and spent more time in bed than out. I’d wanted to take an impromptu couple picture so I’d grabbed his camera. The photo was candid and sweet. I’d timed it just as he was kissing my cheek.

My chest tightened. I don’t know how many more of his Grand Canyon sized mood swings I could survive. This one had to be the worst. His distance killed me. I figured giving him some space and time to process what happened would be best but my patience was wearing thin.

I don’t know what possessed me to pick up the phone.

“Mom?” I said when she answered.

“Lia. This is a nice surprise.”

“Well, you know, just thought I’d say hi.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m…I had a shitty weekend.”

I heard shuffling noises in the background and knew my mother was pushing aside some magazines or whatever she’d been reading to give me her full attention. “What happened?”

I recounted the accident, complete with having to confirm every three seconds that I was, in fact, physically fine. I don’t really know what advice I was seeking from her. I just figured she’d help give me some clarity.

“He had a rough start to life, Lia. He lost the people he loved the most and now you’re the person he loves the most. What happened Friday night probably shook him and he feels like he almost lost you. The accident might have been minor to you but to him it’s astronomical. I’m not going to pretend I know what’s going on inside his head but I will say that after seeing the two of you together I have no doubts that you’ll be able to work through this.”

“I just wish he wouldn’t push me away like this. I wish he’d let me be there for him.”

“Men compartmentalize. You know that.”

I sighed. “Yeah but with him it’s survival mode. I really thought we’d made a huge breakthrough the other night in Paris. He was so open and…I don’t know.”

My mom’s soft chuckle filled the gap in conversation. “Paris. I thought men like him didn’t exist in real life.”

“Mom.”

“Don’t let this consume you. I’ve told you this before but it bears repeating. The heart is vocal in situations like this. Listen to it. Don’t be afraid of what it tells you.”

“I know that. It’s Alastair who needs convincing.”

“Give him time. This is a bump in a very long road the two of you are traveling down. Be there for him even when it feels like that’s the last thing he wants.”

Talking to her made me feel a little better. I promised to call again before the end of the week and hung up. The words in the script I was staring at blurred. My level of concentration was nonexistent. Since anybody who was of importance was either on a shoot or in a meeting, I decided to call it a day at four-thirty. I told Meredith if anything major happened to call me on my cell phone. Grabbing my coat, I went down to the lobby. I stood there for a long time, staring at the traffic outside. As I turned, I bumped into Paxton.

Of course he’s here
.

“Is everything alright, Miss Meyers? Are you heading home?”

“Will you take me to him?”

“Of course.”

The ride to the financial district felt like an eternity. I don’t know why I was so nervous. When Paxton parked in front of the modern glass building I stared out the window. The name Holden World Media hung proudly in large brushed steel letters over the main entrance. I took a deep breath and went up to the top floor.

Simone greeted me with her trademark look of disinterest. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why he’d hired such an unpleasant person to be the first human contact people had when they came here. She’d be rather pretty if she cracked a smile.

By the time I reached her desk, she had the phone in hand. “Miss Meyers is here for you,” she said. “Right away.” She put the receiver down and motioned for me to go in his office.

Alastair stood with his back to me in front of one of the large windows. I highly doubted he was admiring the breathtaking view of Glasgow. His office was as pristine and well put together as he looked. More smoke and mirrors for the general public and business associates so they wouldn’t see the damaged man behind the mask.

His suit jacket was draped over the back of his chair. I liked it when he wore three-piece suits. I dragged my eyes over his charcoal gray pants and vest. His arms were folded in front of him but I knew a silver tie rested on his crisp white shirt. I wanted to slide my hands through his dark red hair, tangling my fingers in its thickness.