Effortless (13 page)

“So?”

“Keep looking at me like that and neither one of us will get any work done today.” Coming around the edge of the desk, he approached me with deliberate strides. My pulse quickened. I knew that look in his eyes. I knew what he wanted and I knew he would most certainly get it. But through the carnal way he looked at me I could see his exhaustion. The emotional wear and tear of the visit to his family’s estate and the ensuing nightmares had taken their toll on him.

“Are you working late tonight?” I asked as he reached for my hands.

“Yes. Why?”

“I invited Stephanie and Darren over.”

“Good. I don’t like when you’re home alone.”

“I don’t like when you work late.”

He sighed, running his knuckles down my cheek. “I’ll try to be home by half eight.”

“Try hard. You barely slept last night.”

He scowled and shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it, Lia. I appreciate your concern but let’s not push this any further.”

Against my better judgment, I dropped it and kissed him good bye. The rest of my day passed without incident. Julian stayed out of the newsroom and Sam remained locked in his office. When I left for the night, I was so happy to see Paxton waiting for me that I practically skipped to the waiting Mercedes SUV.

“This is a nice surprise,” I said.

“It was Mr. Holden’s idea,” he responded without cracking a smile. My stomach dropped. Usually when Alastair sent Paxton for me that meant something was up or someone was making him antsy.

“Is everything okay?” I asked after settling into the backseat.

“Yes.”

Ah, well, there begins the one word answer parade. Deciding not to put myself through the mental carousel of questions, I leaned back and watched the city flash by before my eyes. Raindrops hit the windshield one at a time, then fell faster until the outside world was drenched. I ran up the front path after Paxton dropped me off and stood in the hallway. The house was quiet and dark and felt unwelcoming. The same sense of foreboding I’d had the night Alastair gave me the diamond crept through my body. Figuring it was just the weight of the past few days, I ignored it.

“Hello, double standard,” Stephanie grumbled, pouring herself another glass of wine. She and Darren had arrived about an hour ago and were making themselves quite comfortable in Alastair’s museum-like living room. Darren even managed to discover an unused PS3 and promptly helped himself to a game.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” I said, giving her the side eye. “I trust him and know he’ll do what’s best.”

She narrowed her eyes at me and sipped from the glass. “After everything that happened with Nathan this summer I would have thought you’d be more suspicious of ex-flames nosing their way back into your fiancé’s life. I don’t like it.”

“I don’t like it either,” I snapped. “But it’s not like this girl causes problems for him on the level Olivia does.”

Stephanie rolled her eyes and gave me a look. “Olivia is harmless. She—”

“Just because you’re fucking her brother doesn’t mean I’m going to forgive or forget what she did to Alastair.”

Her jaw dropped open. Flustered, she stared at me. “What are you…I’m not…”

“Save it, Steph. I saw you guys on the balcony at the party. You looked pretty into it so spare me the whole ‘it’s not what you think’ speech.”

Her alabaster skin turned crimson with embarrassment. This wasn’t the way I’d planned to clue her in that I’d seen them but given the tone of our conversation, it just came out. Thank goodness Darren was wrapped up in his gaming session. He was missing quite the spectacle.

“So you’re pissed at me now because I like Brent?”

“No, I’m not pissed at you. You can date whoever you want. But I refuse to give his sister the time of day.”

She squirmed in her chair, tapping her nails on the wine glass. As outspoken as she could be, my best friend hated confrontation.

“What is it?” I asked, growing more irritated by the second.

“I’m going to the shower on Saturday” —she raised her hand to halt my protest— “and I think you should come with me as a sign of goodwill.”

“A sign of—” I balled up my fists, unable to speak. “No. Not a chance in hell. That girl tried to seduce Alastair on Friday night. You should have heard the things coming out of her mouth.”

“Lia, I think it’s best for everyone involved if someone extends the olive branch first. She likes you. Brent likes you. Be the bigger person and turn a new page.”

“What is your end game?” I shouted.

Darren turned his head to see what the commotion was all about. Stephanie gave him a warning glance so heated he focused his attention back to the television.

“This is supposed to be a fresh start for both of us. Holding onto baggage from the past won’t help anybody. Whatever happened between Olivia and Alastair has to be water under the bridge by now. He’s marrying you. She’s marrying Sergio. If she said or did something at the party it wasn’t intentional.”

I stood up and started pacing. “You should hear yourself. You have no idea what their past relationship was like. Olivia is a conniving, lying, crazy person. She’s like a female Nathan minus the hot temper.”

“I spent a lot of time with her Friday night after you disappeared. She’s not a bad person, Lia. Give her—”

“I think you should go home before I say something I’ll regret.” I shook, glaring at her. How my best friend, the one person who I leaned on the most during a difficult time in my life, could push me into something she knew made me uncomfortable hurt like nothing I’d experienced. My head pounded so hard my eyes felt like they’d fly out of their sockets.

“Amelia.”

I spun around and came face to face with Alastair. I hadn’t heard him walk into the room. He looked from Stephanie to me, tilting his head to the side. “Is everything alright?”

“Everything’s great,” Stephanie said with a sugary smile. “Lia was just telling me all about the generous offer another one of your ex-girlfriends made today.”

Alastair bristled at her tone and steeled his expression. Darren sauntered over and grabbed a beer off the table. “Want one, mate?” he asked, offering a bottle to Alastair.

“Cheers.”

The four of us remained at the table as a black cloud of tension billowed over our heads. Darren attempted to lighten the mood with a funny story about a Photoshop mishap. Too bad nobody else found it amusing. More than anything I wanted to sink into a warm bubble bath, put on some music and forget today happened. Hell, I’d even go for a long jog in the pouring rain. For a fleeting second I wished I still lived in Orlando. Then I looked at my handsome, exhausted fiancé and wiped that thought clear from my mind. I wanted to wrap myself around him and shut out the world.

“I don’t understand why you won’t come with me on Saturday.” Stephanie practically shrieked.

I clenched my fists and started to answer. Alastair raised his beer bottle and interrupted. “What’s on Saturday?”

“Olivia’s bridal shower.”

Without missing a beat, he took a sip and glared at her. “Why are
you
going?”

“Because I’m fucking her brother.” She folded her arms and glared back. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“No, Stephanie, it wasn’t. You can go to any bridal showers you want. Lia won’t be going with you.”

I took offense to his bossy tone. “Hang on a second. I’m not going because I don’t want to, not because you say so.”

“What is it with this girl that has the two of you so up in arms over her? She’s harmless.”

I was not about to open that can of worms. “It’s not important, Steph. Let it go.”

“Then come with me.” She pleaded before jabbing her finger at Alastair. “Your goddam past has such a hold on everything. Stop dragging my best friend into your black hole.”

“This isn’t up for negotiation. Lia isn’t going.”

“How dare you,” she yelled. “The last time I checked, Lia was free to do whatever she wanted. You don’t control her. You should thank your lucky stars that she ever gave you a second chance after you were such an asshole to her.”

Her shrill voice echoed through the room. Darren winced and shrunk back into the chair.

“That’s enough.” I clutched onto the table so hard my knuckles turned white.

“Great. Defend
him
.” Her ice blue eyes darted from Alastair to me. “What happened to you, Lia? He says jump, you say how high. I want you to come with me because you’re my best friend and I want to spend the day with you. So you don’t like the bride. I get it. Big deal. We’ll make fun of the presents or whatever. Besides, I like her brother. A lot. Brent will be there and I want you to see what an awesome guy he is.”

I didn’t know what to say. Stephanie and I just stared at each other. After a couple minutes, she shook her head.

“That’s it. I’m out.” She jumped up and stalked toward the front door. “When you’re ready to start acting like my best friend again you know where to find me.” The door slammed behind her, resonating through the house. Darren excused himself quietly.

A hot, salty lump formed in my throat, burning my esophagus. We’d never fought like this before and I feared our friendship was forever damaged. Alastair wiped an errant tear from my cheek.

”I’m sorry, love.”

I had no words. I just stood there like a weakling and cried. The one person whose comfort I wanted was also partly the cause of this argument.

“I can’t bear to see you like this,” he said, brushing his thumb on my damp skin. “Come. Lie down.”

He led me to the bedroom and attempted to curl up next to me on the mattress. “Stop,” I said. “I want to be alone for a little while.”

Pain and guilt ravaged his features before they were locked away by a mask of impassivity. He walked away without saying a word.

* * *

The clock on the nightstand revealed it was a little after two in the morning. Alastair’s side of the bed remained unused and there was a distinct chill in the room. I got up, looking for something to put on over my pajamas to ward off the cold. I found a soft, gray cardigan and wrapped myself in it before shuffling down the hall to Alastair’s office. When he wasn’t asleep next to me, this was the next logical place he’d be. But he wasn’t there. Making my way toward the living room, I heard a noise coming from behind a closed door and stopped. I twisted the knob slowly, expecting it to be locked. This room was never open and I hadn’t worked up enough nerve yet to ask what was in there. To my surprise, the knob turned and the door creaked open.

A single lamp sat on a nightstand next to a bed. Aside from a dresser and a small chest, the room was bare. Standing in front of a window, Alastair stared out into the darkness. He hadn’t changed out of his suit yet. Turning to look at me, his callous, cold expression stopped my heart.

“You shouldn’t be in here.” The melodic beauty of his accent fell as flat as his words. “Go back to bed.”

Desolation and sadness filled every corner of the room, suffocating me. I started to walk toward him but was halted by the deadness in his eyes. “What’s—”

“Not now, Amelia.”

I grasped the doorknob, steadying myself. I’d already fought with my best friend. I didn’t need a blowout with the man I loved. “Come to bed with me.”

A yearning filled his eyes so powerfully I could feel his love for me stretch clear across the room. I wanted to know what haunted him. I wanted him to lose himself in me, not this black hole.

“You said you wanted to be alone.”

“I did, for a little while. Not all night. Alastair, please, don’t shut me out.”

Like an apparition, he appeared in front of me, pressing his lips to mine. “You make me feel…” He grimaced, shaking his head. “I can’t.”

I ran my fingers through his hair, unable to prevent him from drowning in his own personal hell. All I could do was wait.

“My Lia,” he whispered. “Hanging onto that cliff is harder and harder each day.”

Choking bad a sob, I held him so tight I thought I might crack his ribs. All his muscles tensed. I shivered as the warmth of his body left mine. He backed away, sitting on the bed. I fought an urge to run to him. Instead, I watched him withdraw so far into himself I feared he’d never be reachable again.

“Do you blame me for what happened with Stephanie tonight?”

“Of course not. She’s been testy for days. This has been building, trust me.”

Luminous green eyes met mine. Their brightness was tinged with the familiar dominant spark that sent my pulse racing. My lips parted. We stared at one another as the seconds morphed into minutes. He never broke free of the protective shield but his eyes kept their intensity.

“Come to bed,” I requested again, holding out my hand. Without hesitating, he stood up and scooped me in his arms. I laughed in spite of the disquiet as he carried me down the hallway. To my surprise, he brought me into the kitchen.

“Wait here,” he said, putting me down. I sat at the breakfast bar, watching him grab a pint of ice cream from the freezer and a couple of spoons. I still couldn’t get a read on what was going on in his head.

“What’s this for?” I asked.

He shrugged, sitting next to me. “Felt like having something sweet.”

We ate in silence for a few minutes. The impenetrable shield was padlocked. His whole demeanor was unwelcoming and stiff. Stabbing my spoon into the ice cream, I sighed.

“Talk to me.”

“No.”

“You can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep tugging at my emotions and putting me on this roller coaster all the time. You’re so hot and cold sometimes Alastair. I can’t take it.”

“Why are you pushing me?”

“Because I love you and I want you to be free of everything that you’ve been holding onto all your life. The guilt. The self-hate. The fear of letting people in. You lock yourself behind this wall and refuse to feel anything.”

Dropping the spoon, he balled his hands into tight fists. “I feel
everything
when I’m with you,” he said through clenched teeth. “I lose control of every emotion whenever you’re near me. You make me feel…” He exhaled sharply. “Dammit, Lia. You make me feel like I can have it all with you. You make me feel so safe and loved. But it scares the shit out of me because I could lose you in a heartbeat.”

I let the raw emotion of his words fill the space between us. He’d bared his soul to me so unexpectedly I almost didn’t believe it. Seeing him so exposed sent me into a tizzy.

Sliding off the stool, he cupped my jaw. “Tell me,” he ordered. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“You feel safe with me?”

His eyes widened as the realization of what he’d admitted set in. “Yes,” he answered in a strained whisper. “I’ve felt safe with you all along.”

On some level, I’d always known he felt that way but I needed to hear it. And he needed to say it, to make it real. He needed to realize on his own and in his own time that expressing how he felt wasn’t a death sentence.

“Maybe now you can let go of that cliff,” I said, playing with his tie.

Grabbing my hand, he frowned. “I can’t fix everything in one night. Can feeling this way and being with you be enough?”

“Of course, chief.” I kissed him. “Come to bed.”

“With you?”

“No. With the other tired chick standing in your kitchen.”

I started to make my way to the bedroom and noticed he wasn’t following. When I turned, I saw he was still seated at the breakfast bar, looking me up and down. “Are you coming?”

Lifting a brow, he smirked. “Invite me.”

“What are you, a vampire?”

“Want me to suck on your neck?”

Words failed me, yet again. Folding my arms, I grinned. He looked so damn alluring sitting there with those come-hither eyes. “You have to catch me first.”

I made it maybe three steps before I felt his arms around my waist. His body pressed to mine.

“When will you learn, kitten? I’ll always catch you.”

* * *

I sat in Sam’s office flanked by Robbie, Julian and the company attorney. Apparently Julian’s little sexting scandal was all a hoax set up by a woman he’d been flirting with online. The picture was deemed not to be of my host’s unmentionables. The girl who accused him doctored the screen shot she’d taken of her phone to make it look like the photo was sent from Julian’s cell number. His phone was searched and no lewd photos were found. In fact, the only photos on there were of food, ties, suits and his dog. I didn’t even know he had a dog. “We dodged this one,” Sam said, rubbing his eyes, “but let this be a warning to you, Archer. In this day and age with social media and the internet and what not every little thing you do can become public in seconds.”