Edge of Pathos (The Conjurors Series Book 4) (31 page)

Valerie whispered
her full name as she returned home, and her body relaxed, relieved to be in its
natural form. As she got closer, she saw someone practicing basic blocks and
punches in the shadowy twilight.

As she approached to
see who it was, Thai’s hand touched her shoulder.

“Emin’s been out
there all day practicing the moves I showed him. He’s determined to get it
perfect. Reminds me of you.”

Valerie couldn’t
think of a better compliment, and she almost leaned back so that her head
rested on Thai’s chest. But she couldn’t let herself keep slipping into Thai’s
arms. It was too selfish.

“I missed you today,”
he whispered in her ear, and she couldn’t stop herself from blushing. “Where
were you? With Chisisi and Skye?”

Valerie tensed,
knowing that telling Thai the truth would turn into a fight.

Thai surprised her
by chuckling in her ear. “Don’t tell me. I can feel how rigid you are, and I’m
guessing you were doing something more dangerous than you should have been.
Tell me you weren’t confronting Reaper.”

If it was possible,
Valerie went even stiffer, and Thai turned her to face him. All of his laughter
was gone now.

“Why? If you don’t
care for your own life, do you at least care what it would do to me, Henry,
Emin, and Cyrus if you got yourself killed?”

“Thai, I’m fine. I
took a risk, I’ll admit, by not bringing support, but I knew I’d attract less
attention if I went by myself. I couldn’t live with myself if someone got hurt
because of my decision when I was capable of executing this mission by myself.”

“You may not be
committing suicide, like Henry, but there is a part of you that thinks you
don’t deserve to live, to be happy. Every time I think you’ve changed, that you
see how precious you are, you prove me wrong.”

“I wouldn’t—”

“How can I forgive
you for putting the life of the person I love the most in the universe in
unnecessary danger over and over again?”

“I’m sorry,” Valerie
said, but Thai was already striding away from her.

He didn’t
understand. Her life had less value every time she used her vivicus power. Some
mornings after she saved someone, she struggled to tie her shoes. She wouldn’t
be whole for long. Maybe it was better if she died in the war, rather than
torturing everyone by slowly dissolving afterward.

Valerie was empty,
and she sagged where she stood, tempted to curl up right at the base of the
tree she was resting against.

Her gaze turned back
to Emin, who was still practicing, even though only the stars provided any
light for him now. His focus and intensity took her out of her own mind, and
she walked toward him.

“I think you’re
ready for your next lesson,” she said.

Emin ran up to her,
and she could see how sweaty he was in the starlight. “I was waiting till we
were back in Silva, at the Guild of the Knights of Light, to start, but then I
decided that with you here to train me, I could start now. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s okay,”
she replied, pushing his hair off his forehead. “But what’s your rush? Is it
because you’re worried that you’ll have to fight the Fractus?”

The thought of Emin
being afraid made her wish that she could wrap him up in her arms, but he
surprised her by shaking his head.

“No, I’m not afraid.
But seeing you leading the Fist makes me sure that I want to be a Knight. I’m
going to be strong and help everyone, like you.”

His gaze was
adoring, and Valerie couldn’t help smiling at his hero worship. If he only
knew.

“I have something
for you,” she said, tugging the Laurel Circle off of her thumb. “This ring is
special. My mentor gave it to me to help me be a good Knight.”

Emin examined it,
and his voice was filled with awe when he answered. “It’s really for me? Don’t
you need it anymore?”

“This ring tells you
when fear is holding you back, and I think that’s one lesson I’ve learned. I’m
still afraid lots of times, but I’m able to push through it when I have to.”

Emin pulled a chain
that he wore around his neck out from under his shirt and unfastened it so he
could slip the ring on. It hung next to a delicately crafted silver leaf.

“From Mom,” he said
when he saw her looking at it.

“It’s beautiful. I
know you’re going to be an excellent Knight, Sir Emin.”

“Can Knights still
get hugs?” he asked.

Valerie swept him up
in her arms, hugging him and tickling him until he giggled. Then she put him
back on his feet and held his hand as they made their way back to the house.

“You
might want to be like me, Emin, but I’m trying to be as strong as you. So keep
training and trying and fighting, and so will I.”

Valerie awoke the
next morning to the sun streaming in. A leaf blew into her room through her
cracked window, and settled on her pillow. She picked it up, and Grandmother
North’s voice filled the room.

“We found a way to
prepare the object you requested sooner than expected. Come to Arbor Aurum
immediately.”

There was a little
pause.

“And bring my
grandson.”

Emin was awake now,
and he sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Are we going on an adventure?”

It had been a long
time since Valerie had considered her life an adventure, and she smiled at
Emin.

They chased each
other through the forest and ascended the leaf to the cities in the trees. On
their walk to Arbor Aurum, they played
I Spy
, and Valerie embraced being
eight again.

But as soon as they
entered the bustling city, they both became solemn.

“Grandmother North
might change her mind about wanting to see me if I’m too loud,” Emin said, his
tone very serious.

“Then we’ll tickle
her until she screams,” Valerie said, making Emin giggle.

Valerie saw North’s
stately gait as they made their way across the winding branches.

Her eyes were bright
when she saw Emin, and she placed her hand on his head. He threw his arms
around her waist, and after a charged moment, North’s face relaxed and she
hugged him back.

Three boys around
Emin’s age approached, bouncing a little on the balls of their feet with
excitement.

“You’re back!
Where’ve you been?” a boy with long hair threaded with gold asked.

“Is it true that
you’re training to be a Knight?” the second asked.

Valerie smiled. “Go
ahead and play with your friends. I’ll find you when it’s time to go.”

Valerie waited until
he scampered off before she spoke to North. “Not that I’m complaining, but how
did you get the object to bind Earth’s rules so quickly?”

“Come with me,”
North said, and began walking.

Valerie followed,
and North led her up steps in the side of a tree. She remembered the path from
her last visit to the Sky Garden. It was alive with colors that contrasted the
blue, cloudless sky.

Three other People
of the Woods were waiting, and Valerie’s steps slowed. “What’s going on?”

North turned to her.
“We conceived of a new way to create an everlasting object that will contain
the spell that binds magic on Earth.”

“Not we, you,
North,” one of the People, a woman with slightly pointed ears, said.

North inclined her
head in acknowledgment. “The object must come from you, vivicus. You have the ability
to renew life, and if we can create it from the essence of your magic, it can
always heal itself from any harm that might befall it.”

Valerie wondered how
much it would hurt, but didn’t say so. “What do I have to do?”

Another of the
People came forward and put a crown of flowers on her head.

“Rest,” he said.

Valerie breathed in
the scent of the flowers around her head, and she became weak-kneed. She barely
had time to consider that it might be a trap before she collapsed. The People
of the Woods laid her on the table.

“This will hurt,”
North said. There was no emotion on her face as she spoke. “But it must be done
if we are to have a chance of driving back the Fractus. I couldn’t risk that
you would fail us again, like you did when you let the Byway be destroyed.”

Valerie would have
undergone any pain to achieve the same goal. But being forced into this made
her strain against the paralysis the flowers had given her. She couldn’t so much
as wiggle her fingers, and her helplessness made her frantic. The edges of her
vision went black as memories of being locked up in foster care flashed through
her mind.

Her breath came in
little gasps, but North’s face held no pity. She turned to the other People
standing around Valerie. “I was right not to ask for her permission. Look how
she quakes, and we have not yet begun.”

The other three
People frowned, obviously uncomfortable with Valerie’s distress, but they only
watched her uneasily.

North began
chanting, low words in a language that Valerie had never heard before. The
others joined her, and Valerie squeezed her eyes shut, going to the little hole
inside herself where she could crawl when things got really bad.

Some part of her
mind registered that her hand unclenched itself from the tight fist she had
made, and magic poured from her spirit through her body like fire, shooting out
of the palm of her hand.

The pain was
intense, but no more than she had faced so many times before. Being unable to
move, or even moan, was a kind of horrifying claustrophobia that made her want
to crawl out of her own skin.

The pain ratcheted
up in intensity, making her arch her back involuntarily. She managed to turn
her head, and she saw light pouring from her hand, reminding her of Cyrus when
he used his power. The thought steadied her. Anything that reminded her of
Cyrus couldn’t be bad, even if it came from her.

The light was
coalescing into a stem with its roots in the center of her palm. Each inch it
grew made the pain blaze up in intensity, but she watched, fascinated, at the
perfect bud that formed.

The pain
went higher, higher, and then stopped, flooding her body with sudden sweetness
at its absence. The flow of her magic ceased after the bud on her hand bloomed.
It was a poppy.

Valerie didn’t
remember blacking out. She blinked, and when she opened her eyes, it was night.

North stood next to
her in silent vigil, but the other People who had assisted her were gone.
Valerie registered Emin’s soft, warm body. His head was resting on her belly.
Had North cared to see her grandson at all, or did she only know that his
presence would prevent Valerie from unleashing her rage to its full extent? Had
every moment she’d shown tenderness to Emin been an act?

Valerie’s eyes
connected with North’s. “Coward. I was defenseless.”

“I saw the fear in
your eyes, vivicus. You don’t have the right to call anyone a coward.”

“You don’t know
anything. Valerie’s the bravest person in the world,” Emin said.

North took a sharp
breath and turned on her heel.

“Wait.” Valerie’s
voice was flat. “Give me the flower. It’s mine, born of my magic. You have no
right to it.”

“I called it forth.
You may have it on my terms,” North said.

Valerie rose,
ignoring the pain beating behind her eyes. “Emin, go downstairs and wait.”

Emin obeyed
immediately. North turned to face her.

Valerie’s magic
hummed strangely in her veins. “You’ll give me what’s mine. Or I’ll take it.”

“Will you beat it
out of me?” North said, her back never straighter. “Kill me? Do what you will.”

As she stood before
North, facing her challenge, Valerie noticed for the first time that she was
taller than the old woman, giving her a feeling of control. The sense of power that
emanated from North was simply an illusion. With that, Valerie realized that
the woman was just another Conjuror wielding her power as a weapon against
those with less, like Reaper did. Valerie had been on the losing side of a
power imbalance more times in her life than she could count, but this wasn’t
one of them. This time, North was on the losing side.

The thought dialed
her anger down until it only simmered. She would not abuse her power like so
many had with her, even if North deserved it.

“I will only put you
under arrest. But if you use your magic on someone again without their consent,
I will subject you to one of Reaper’s black weapons until you are stripped of
your magic.”

North took a small
step back, as if her confidence had slipped. “My people will never allow me to
be arrested. We have our own justice here.”

“They have no say in
this.”

Valerie leaned
forward and pinched a nerve in North’s neck. She caught the Conjuror before she
fell to the ground, and hauled her unconscious body easily over her shoulder.
She sensed the hum of magic coming from North’s robe, and retrieved a cylinder
that must hold the poppy she’d made with her magic.