Eden's Root (46 page)

“Fi,” he murmured. “I have tried so hard not to cross the line, not to harm the Family. I mean, I respect the rules, I respect that you’re the Leader,” his voice grew thick, “but I’m finding it impossible to resist you.” Fi felt her legs weaken, but it didn’t matter because Asher’s grip on her wrist steadied her. “I don’t want to ruin the Family, Fi,” he explained. “And I don’t even know,” he started and then stopped and hung his head. Fi frowned in confusion. He doesn’t know what? He took a breath and his grip relaxed. “I don’t even know how you feel,” he finished. He met her gaze and she saw the tension in his eyes, the question behind them.

Time stopped and the only thing that moved was her heart as it fought to escape her chest. Her mind raced, replaying their moments, seeing something different in his smiles, in his gestures, even in his unwillingness to touch her. How she had ached to feel his touch again. Fi raised both of her hands as Asher released her wrist. She reached up, hesitating for a moment, and then touched his face and his eyes closed. She felt a small shiver pass through her fingers as she slid her hands softly along his jaw to his neck and twined her fingers through his shaggy hair. Rising up onto her tiptoes, she pulled his forehead down to meet hers. At the touch, she closed her eyes and he wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer. She breathed hard, her fingers tightening as their foreheads and noses pressed together.

Listening to his breath quicken with hers only made her weaker. She released her hands and slid them down his chest as she sank down from her tiptoes. She settled, pressing her left cheek to his chest between her hands. Asher held her tight and leaned down to kiss the top of her wet head. They stood enmeshed, unmoving and silent. It was impossible to speak, Fi realized, when one felt so overwhelmed. She didn’t know what this meant, or what it would mean for her Family, but she was powerless to resist it now. She wanted him. And if he wanted her, that was enough for her.

“Ha!” Fi and Asher were startled by a laugh. Kiara stood a few feet away giggling, a bouquet of leaves gripped in her hand. “You guys are silly,” she laughed and turned to run back toward camp. Fi and Asher separated, but still held hands for one moment. Fi kept her head down, suddenly feeling shy again. She sighed.

“I guess if she tells everyone, we’ll have to find a way to explain,” she smiled up at Asher, and bit her lip. He smiled and continued to twine his fingers with hers, turning and touching her palms and wrists, sending tiny shockwaves up her arms with each stroke.

“We’ll figure it out Fi,” he murmured happily. She nodded. Yes, they would figure out what to do, what to say. There was no way around it, because she wasn’t turning back now. Fi let go of Asher’s hands and moved to gather her things. She bent over to check on her wet clothes and heard a low whistle. She whirled around, frowning. Was he checking her out? Asher grinned, and silently mimicked whistling again. Of course, she blushed, he was checking her out, and now he could tell her. Open affection and appreciation would take some getting used to, she realized. As they walked back toward camp Asher spoke.

“So I already got to deliver my birthday surprise with your sister,” he began and Fi chuckled in appreciation, “but you did point out that it was technically a surprise for you, not me.” Fi slid her gaze sideways at him as they walked. Where was this going?

“Well,” he continued, his voice growing playful, “I just wanted to say thank you for the accidental surprise for me,” he laughed, and then he winked at her. She stopped dead and he kept walking and chuckling to himself. Oh God, she thought, covering her face with her hands. Oh God. She couldn’t decide if she was more embarrassed that he’d seen her in her panties or that he knew she’d seen him without his, or that her panties were horrible. Oh God, she thought. Now I REALLY wish I could sink through the forest floor. As he disappeared into the trees, she gathered herself.

Alright Fi, she told herself, have some dignity. Still barefoot, she ran as lightly as she could to catch up with him, doing her best to focus on her footing and ignore her embarrassment. Anyway, she thought as she ran, wasn’t he embarrassed too? At that thought, she stopped and laughed, sure of how she could get him back. She took off and raced ahead of him and turned.

“Stop!” She held out her hands and Asher stopped. An impish smirk crossed her face as she put her hands on her hips and cocked her head.

“So you were thanking me for your earlier gift, huh?” Asher narrowed his eyes, unsure. “Well, you got it wrong again,” she laughed and poked him in the chest with her hiking shoes. “That,” she waved her hand back toward the bathing stream, “was
still
a birthday surprise for
me
.” She turned and ran while he stood shocked, dumbfounded by her brazenness. She laughed the whole way back, her heart lightened by love.

Later on, as the sun sank below the hills, Fi stared across the low fire at Sean. Dread washed over her again at the thought of telling him about Asher. All afternoon had felt like a continual seesaw of crazy happy and crazy worried. It was a little exhausting. At least now she got to feel something besides crazy worried, she mused. That used to be the only feeling. Even though she knew that it would be so hard to make herself tell Sean, she owed it to him. Once darkness fell, Fi took the opportunity to sit with Sean alone.

For several moments she was silent, as her stomach twisted and words inexplicably failed her. God, this is excruciating, she thought. Sean sighed.

“What’s on your mind, Boss?” he joked, his voice a little tight. “Spit it out.”

Fi’s head whirled to face Sean in confusion. Did he sense what was coming somehow? Nodding, she took a deep breath.

“Sean, you know how important you are to me and how much I love you,” she began and he sucked in his breath. “Um, but, you know that, well, that I don’t love you that way,” she stammered, wringing her hands, “and well, um…” She stopped and put her head in her hands and shook it. “Shit, I suck at this,” she murmured.

She felt Sean begin to shake beside her and she turned to him in concern. It only took a moment to realize that he was shaking because he was
laughing
at her.

“What?” she demanded. “What’s so funny?” Sean’s shoulders shook harder as he tried to suppress his laughter.

“You’re right Fi, you really do suck at this,” he laughed out loud and she exhaled, her lips blowing a raspberry in frustration. At least he was laughing, she thought. That was good.

“It’s ok Fi,” he assured her as his laughter slowed. “I get it. You’re trying to tell me that you’re in love with Asher, and that he’s in love with you. It’s ok, I know already.” His face grew gentle as he met her eyes. Fi’s mouth dropped open. What? What the heck was he talking about?

“C’mon Fi,” he chuckled. “You can’t possibly think this is news. Seriously, you two have got to be the last two people in the Family to figure this out,” he shook his head. “I even talked to Maggie about it once a long time ago,” his voice grew distant.

“You did?” That was a surprise. Maggie had never said anything. “What did she say?”

“She comforted me, like Maggie always does…did…does,” he looked up. “Sorry.” Fi gave him a sad smile.

“It’s ok. Please tell me what she said.” She tried to keep the longing out of her voice, but she was certain that Sean would hear it anyway. It felt selfish to drag him through memories, but she wanted to hear her mother’s voice in her head…to hear what she said about Asher.

“Well, she said she wasn’t sure if you would be ever able to express yourself with the pressure you were under all the time, but if you did, then she knew that you loved Asher and that he loved you,” he sighed. “It was hard to hear, I won’t lie, but I already knew anyway.” Fi picked at her shoelaces. Was she always going to feel this guilty? She was so elated to hear that her mother understood, that she’d even told Sean. She couldn’t be happier and it felt awful.

“I’m sorry Sean,” she whispered. “I really am. It’s even harder because you’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose you. But I know it’s not easy and I feel bad asking you to be there for me.” It was such a relief to actually say what she felt. She was surprised by the kindness of his expression. Her heart tightened with pain for this boy…this boy whom she did love so desperately that the thought of losing him was unbearable. And yet, he was not what Asher was to her.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about Fi,” Sean put his arm around her shoulders and gave her his usual little side-hug. “Life is life. You don’t choose who you love.” He looked her straight in the eye. “Who knows that better than me?” he asked and she choked.

“I can’t lose you Sean,” she said as tears welled in her eyes. “I know it’s selfish, but I think it would kill me if you weren’t my best friend any longer.” She shook her head. “I think that is really why I couldn’t admit what I felt, because if it cost me you…” her voice trailed off. “I wasn’t sure I wanted it. Well, that, and I didn’t think he saw me that way,” she added and it was Sean’s turn to choke.

“Yeah, Maggie mentioned that too,” he said. “Not very observant are you?” he teased and her mouth dropped open again.

“Seriously Fi, we’re back to my original point. You and Asher, old news to everyone but you…” he squeezed her shoulder again.

“That bad, huh?”

“Yeah, honestly, I think we were all ready to just tell you guys to go get a room,” he said and Fi squeaked in embarrassment and punched him.

“Ow!” Sean protested, shoving her. “Should you be punching your beloved best friend whom you can’t live without?” he joked as he wrestled with her, grabbing her wrists. Relieved and happy, Fi laughed and pretended to pout until he released her. The anxiety that had been petrifying her all afternoon flowed away from her like air leaving a balloon. As she relaxed, she grew pensive, searching Sean’s face.

“Thank you Sean.” It was all she could manage. There were no other words to explain the feelings that whirled inside of her. Relief, joy, grief, guilt, excitement, worry…

“I’m happy for you Fi,” he stood and offered his hand. Taking it, she popped up next to him. Sean nodded toward Asher’s figure on the other side of camp where he sat reading to Kiara by flashlight. “The reason that I can find a way to handle this,” he said and his voice wavered and he paused. Fi touched his arm and he bit his lips and then smiled.

“The reason I can find a way to handle this,” he repeated, “is because I know for certain that he would do absolutely anything for you…anything. I don’t think I could have handled it if I thought he did not love you as much as I do,” his voice grew strangled. “But he does.” Overcome, Sean hugged her briefly and then walked away into the darkness of the forest.

--------------- Fi -----------

Over the past week, Sean had made a real effort to be his usual, cheerful, wonderful self once again. It made Fi happy to have Asher see what an amazing person Sean really was, to understand why he was so important to her. For his part, Asher seemed relieved as well, though he was equally chagrined when Fi recounted her conversation with Sean. They both found it embarrassing to learn that they’d been the talk of the Family for months. At least with their love out in the open, everyone could settle into the new relationships.

Rather than undermining the Family stability, acknowledging their partnership had seemed to strengthen it. What was forged through danger and violence months ago in that basement grocery store was an effective tactical team. With the Montreal crossing approaching, the rift between the three fighters had been mended just in time. They would need the team working on all cylinders to prepare for this last moment of danger. Once they were through Montreal, they would be headed back deep into the woods. In the meantime, what loomed ahead was a trek across an unknown city with the entire Family. It was the biggest risk that they had ever taken.

It was an overcast day as the Family set out to complete their last trek through the mountains. By afternoon, the road would carry them down to the lowlands where they would reach the banks of the St. Lawrence River. Glaring at the thickening clouds with concern, Fi hoped that afternoon showers would not add to the stress of the day.

“So what are our plans for Montreal?” Asher asked her as they strolled beside one another. Nodding, Fi sighed and waved to Sean. They had been putting off talking about the details, but it was time. Sean jogged up to join them.

“What’s up?” he asked with a smile. Fi’s smile flashed in response like a reflex. It was impossible to contain her happiness at having sunny Sean back in her life.

Asher spoke up, “I’m bugging our fearless Leader for the details of the Montreal crossing.” Sean nodded. Fi and Sean had talked about it some yesterday when Asher was out hunting with Jose. Sean replied.

“Yes, well we studied it and unfortunately, going across Montreal itself seems to be our only choice. The major issue is that we have to get across the river to get to Eden, but we don’t want to go too far out of our way. Montreal is by far the closest crossing. But to cross Montreal we not only have to cross a major City that we don’t know well, we also have to get across two bridges with the entire Family.” Asher drew in his breath.

“And why is this the only option?” he asked. “It seems unnecessarily risky,” he added, “especially with…” his voice trailed off and he indicated the rest of the Family. Yes, that was the main concern. Running into Others with the Family in tow was a major concern.

“The only other crossing is very far out of our way to the north over what looks like tough terrain,” Sean explained. “The reason we have to cross two bridges in Montreal is because, ironically,” Sean sniffed, “the place is an island just like Manhattan.” Asher laughed.

“How appropriate,” he joked and Fi gave him a quizzical look. Asher smiled at her expression. “How appropriate that the Three Musketeers will take Manhattan again,” he explained. “Only this time it’s Franch.” Fi and Sean both laughed at his terrible fake accent.

Sean spoke up again. “There is a bridge at the south end of the city and another not too far on the other side, also at that end of the city. That crossing is the narrowest I could find. I think that the shortest route across is our best bet, without any other knowledge that is.” They walked in silence for a while. Asher sighed in agreement.