Eden's Root (45 page)

She crested the hill and then stopped dead with a gasp. A man was hauling himself out of the stream. He was facing the other direction, but Fi knew his frame. As she stepped back, she realized that from her vantage point, she was hidden from view. Shafts of light lit him in stripes as he moved, brushing the water from his body. Embarrassment squeezed her stomach and she ducked and hid behind a tree. Guilt and anxiety flooded her chest as her heart pounded, but she did not turn away.

Asher did not turn her way, but grabbed a rag and dried himself before pulling on his black undershorts. Fi’s heart raced and she pulled away, conflicted. Then she leaned forward again, watching but hardly breathing. He pulled on his cargo pants and turned, but still did not look her way. He stared downstream and hummed to himself. Fi couldn’t remember if she was still breathing. Her eyes traveled over the ground, across the glittering stream, following the bright splashes as they reflected on leaves, on fabric, on skin…When her gaze traveled to his waist, she felt her legs start to shake beneath her where she crouched. Her mouth felt dry as she watched him, mesmerized. The angles of the muscle as it lay over his pelvic bones, she thought, and she shuddered. The sudden movement caused her to lose her footing and she fell back awkwardly.

Asher stopped and his head swung around. His eyes found hers and recognition flashed across his face.

“Fi,” he said, “It’s just you.” And then a slow smile spread across his face as he took in her appearance. Instinctively, her left hand flew up in front of her face to cover her eyes. She felt like a toddler who covers his eyes so you can’t see him. Stupid, she thought as her heart sank and the inevitable flush made its way up her neck. It was unfair; she just wanted a bath! Bathing is a luxury. He had to understand, she thought as she rehearsed her explanation.

Currently, she stood with her hand gripped around a bar of soap trying to cover her eyes while a dripping, shirtless Asher walked toward her up the path.

“I’m so, so, sorry,” she apologized. Though her hand covered her face, she was sure she could hear Asher stifle a laugh.

“It’s ok,” he said as he passed, “Honest mistake.”

Ugh, even when he thought she was throwing herself at him, he wasn’t interested. She was angry with herself. What a stupid thing to think.

“It’s just you,” she murmured angrily to herself, repeating his words. No doubt he was expecting someone way hotter to come traipsing out of the woods. Not someone in functional black panties. Oh God, she thought, the embarrassment was excruciating. For a split second she envisioned throwing him out of the Family for not properly respecting the Leader. But she realized that her feelings were meaningless. He felt differently, of course. He was older. She was just embarrassed that he saw her in her ridiculous underpants. Once he was gone, she rushed down to the stream, angry that now she wouldn’t enjoy her bath.

----------- Asher -----------

Asher made his way up the hill and focused on slowing the pounding of his heart. When he first started to pull himself out of the water, he’d heard a branch break behind him. At first he’d frozen, worried about Others, but then he’d smiled at her small gasp. It couldn’t be, he’d thought, feeling embarrassed and pleased at the same time. He didn’t want her to know that he was aware she was there. Careful to keep his back turned, Asher reached for his rag and dried himself. Of course, he had shown off a little once he’d gotten partially dressed, turning and stretching…making sure he engaged all his muscles as he moved. It was stupid, really, he thought, chiding himself.

But when she’d tripped and he’d had to turn and acknowledge her, he’d been so shocked himself that he’d had trouble figuring out what to do or say. His eyes found hers, locking into the deep brown warmth of her gaze.

It was then that he’d noticed that her eyes were wide open in shock. His gaze traveled over her body and he flushed. She stood barefoot, her soap gripped in one hand, her clothing and shoes in the other. Her thin tank top hung from her shoulders, clinging to her subtle curves. Below the tank top she was wearing basic black panties…nothing special, he thought. He’d seen girls in much less at the beach, but his heart pounded at the sudden intimacy. He never saw Fi like this. It was almost like she was naked, he thought and dropped his eyes.

Fi apologized over and over, the hand clutching the soap rising frantically to cover her eyes, and he blushed. He’d thought she was watching him for a while, but maybe she really was just embarrassed. As walked past her and made some comment about an honest mistake, he could feel her stiffen. Was that a good thing or a bad thing, he wondered? Was it possible that somehow he had hurt or offended her? His confusion deepened as he pulled on his tank top and continued up the hill.

On a sudden whim, he turned at the crest of the hill and saw her just sliding into the bubbling pool below. The light reflected in every direction as he peered through the dark pines surrounding the stream. For a moment Fi stood in the waist high water, facing the other direction and holding her long braid out of the water as her small fingers unwound it. Once she’d pulled the braid apart, she dropped her curls behind her like a waterfall over her slender back. It was only a second’s glance, but it made him freeze, transfixed.

As he watched, she sank into the pool and laid her head back with a sigh. He couldn’t see anything but her face as she turned, gathering her long wet hair up in her hands as she enjoyed the water. She smiled and he realized that she was relaxed and at peace. Her face softened and he wanted to rush back down the hill, gather her up, and hold her close. His heart seized and the spell was broken. He forced himself to turn away and walk up the hill.

Christ, she’s fifteen years old, he thought to himself angrily. She was just a young girl still, a girl he wouldn’t even have met in high school. Each stride he took was physical, his frustration driving him as he scolded himself again for his desires. And then his anger flowed away from him as suddenly as it had come. That wasn’t true anymore, he thought, not in this world, not now. Regardless of what was true in the old world, in this one Fi was not a little girl, she was the Leader. In fact, he smiled, she was his Leader, and that was the only thing that mattered.

Once again, as he seemed to do once a day now, he resolved to stay focused on the goal. He would continue to follow her and would support her the only way he could, by helping her to lead the Family safely to Eden.

Vowing to remain strong, he promised himself that he would not bother Fi with his personal longings. If she did not feel the same, it would only complicate things for her and the Family. Turning his focus to his task for the day, he made his way back to camp. He had to find Kiara so they could practice their birthday surprise.

----------- Fi -----------

Fi walked up the hillside feeling refreshed, the memory of her embarrassment washed away in the cool water. She had washed her underthings and socks and used that as an excuse to walk back barefoot in her tank top and cargo pants. Passing invisibly through the forest, Fi slipped back toward their camp. She moved so silently that when she came upon Asher and Kiara, they didn’t seem to notice her. Fi stood spellbound at the sight of them seated in the middle of the clearing they used for training. Kiara sat cross-legged, while Asher sat on his knees like Sensei Bob. Both drew deep breaths with their eyes closed. They were meditating, she realized. What in the world was going on? Surely Asher wasn’t teaching Kiara about fighting? She strode purposefully to the edge of the clearing.

“What exactly is going on here?” she demanded. Kiara’s eyes popped wide open in surprise.

“Fi!” she said excitedly and started to get up.

“Shhhhhhhhhh!” Asher chided, his eyes still closed. Fi realized that Asher had not startled at her voice. He must have known she was there. Of course he did, she thought, annoyed. Asher held one finger in front of his mouth to demand silence. An obedient Kiara settled back down and closed her eyes. What?!? Fi was shocked. Asher could just say “Shhh” once and Kiara would settle?

“Asher,” Fi put her hands on her hips. “I’m serious. I want to know what you guys are doing and I want to know right now.” Her voice rose in frustration. Kiara opened her eyes again, unnerved by Fi’s tone. Asher’s eyes remained closed and his voice even.

“Relax Fi,” he smiled without opening his eyes. “It’s a birthday surprise,” he explained, which annoyed her more. That didn’t make any sense at all. “Close your eyes and breathe Kiara,” he instructed and Kiara obeyed once again. You have got to be kidding me, Fi thought as she rolled her eyes.

“What do you mean it’s a birthday surprise Ash?” Fi protested. “It’s your birthday!” He sighed deeply and opened his eyes and smiled. Then he turned to Kiara.

“Ok Ki,” he began, using his nickname for her. He liked to joke that if she was Fi, then Kiara was Ki. It was his way of making Kiara feel special while still bugging Fi for her full name. Why he cared was beyond her, Fi thought, irritated.

“It’s time to show Fi.” Kiara nodded and stood, her little body held in perfect posture. Like Fi, she was small for her age. She turned to Asher and bowed as he did to her. Fi stifled a chuckle. It was so weird watching Kiara’s baby frame imitate such a serious gesture. Reluctantly, Fi sat on the ground to watch.

After the bow, the two turned so that they stood next to each other and faced Fi. Then in unison, they began to slowly move through the first Tai Chi form. Fi watched in amazement as Kiara moved deliberately through each position, breathing with concentration. Her movements were often soft and abbreviated compared with Asher’s, but her memory of the moves was amazing. Her tongue poked from the corner of her tight mouth as she focused, her face serious. Though Fi was impressed, it occurred to her that they had been practicing this for a while. How long has this been going on without my knowledge, she wondered?

They got through the first form in its entirety and gave a soft kiai at the end. Then they bowed to Fi and to one another. Asher gave Kiara a high five, congratulating her on a good job. Fi could see the excitement in Kiara’s eyes, her sense of accomplishment. She shifted her gaze to Asher’s face. His entire focus was on Kiara, his gaze soft and filled with love and Fi’s heart filled her throat. Whatever else Asher Grey was, he was a good father figure.

Of course, she thought with a sigh, maybe that was because he was twenty years old as of today and he actually could be a father. It made more sense for him to mentor Kiara then it did for him to want to be with her, she reasoned. Probably he sees himself as something of a father figure to me too. Rather than bringing any comfort, this thought only deepened her dejection. Lost in her thoughts, she realized that Kiara was still waiting for her response. With a smile, she stood and wrapped her into a big hug.

“Wow baby,” Fi breathed. “That was amazing!” Kiara beamed up at her.

“I did good, right? We practiced and practiced,” she waved her small hand toward Asher. Then she suddenly seemed struck by guilt and she ducked her head and added, “I actually know more than you saw.” Fi shook her head and cocked an eyebrow at Asher.

“Tell me again how this is a birthday surprise?” He shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

“I thought it was simple. It’s my birthday,” he began and then grinned. “And Kiara and I wanted to surprise you Fi.” A belly laugh accompanied his explanation. “Did it work?” As she stared into Kiara’s expectant face, Fi felt herself soften. Though she wasn’t sure how she felt about Kiara being taught fighting forms, she could argue with Asher about that later. For now, she would focus on the positives.

“Yes,” she admitted. “You definitely surprised the heck out of me,” Fi relented and laughed. She ruffled Kiara’s loose braid. “You too missy!” Kiara squeaked in pleasure.

“We surprised Fi!” she sang over and over as she ran circles around the two of them, forcing them to step closer together. Suddenly, standing this close to Asher, Fi’s bare feet and thin tank top made her remember her earlier embarrassment. Self-conscious, she gazed up at Asher’s face while they stood hemmed in by the boisterous Kiara. His eyes were locked onto hers, their look eager. Feeling herself flush, she wished that she were wearing more clothing.

“Ummm,” she started, fumbling for the right words. “I just wanted to say that as the Leader, I’m disturbed to find that a Family Member would keep secrets from me.” Asher frowned. Well, at least she thought it was a frown. It looked a little like a smile as well.

“But…” he prompted. She took a deep breath.

“But…I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your kindness to my sister,” she paused, “and to all the children, and to all the Family really.”

She felt anxiety take over and she dropped her eyes before she could see his expression. Kiara ceased dancing around them and started exploring a decaying log at the edge of the clearing, chattering to herself. Freed from Kiara’s circles, Fi was about to step back when Asher reached out and grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer. Shocked by his touch, her eyes flew to his face and her shock deepened. His face was angry? Frustrated? Happy? She couldn’t tell. He seemed like everything all at once.

What did I do? Her head whirled. Did I do something wrong? His fingers burned on her wrist, the soft skin hyperaware of his touch. She tried to drop her gaze again, but he caught her chin in his other hand and held it. Her heart pounded and she closed her eyes, desperate for the forest floor to open beneath her. He waited for her to open her eyes and finally she took a deep breath and met his gaze. No escape, she thought. No escape from what she knew she felt. She ached with the certainty that he did not understand, could not understand. And what was worse, she knew that it was written all over her face.

“Fi,” Asher’s voice was almost a whisper. “I love Kiara and the Family, and I would do anything for them.” He stopped and his eyes searched her face. She couldn’t breathe and she couldn’t look away. He took a deep breath. “But they are not the reason that I get up every day.” The fingers beneath her chin began to trace her jawline and Fi felt herself shudder. Something akin to panic passed through her and she felt like she had to sit down.