Edenbrooke (31 page)

My face was on fire. I felt like I was choking. “Why do you care if I meant it or not?”

She stepped closer. “Because I care about my brother. And he’s in the library right now reading your letter. So if you didn’t mean it, you had better tell me now, before you break his heart.”

I stared at her in dismay while my heart threatened to stop. “He’s reading it? Right now?” Panic streamed through me. I wanted to run away. I had declared my love in that letter, but I had no assurance that Philip felt the same way toward me. It was beyond forward—it was unheard of—and I was going to die from the shame of it all.

A smile lifted Louisa’s lips. “You meant it.”

She tapped on the library door. Cecily opened it and stood in the doorway, smiling at me. “There you are.” She grabbed my arm, pulled me inside, and walked out, shutting the door behind her.

The room was dark except for a low fire burning in the fireplace and the moon shining through the large window at the other end of the room. Philip was standing next to the fireplace, with one shoulder leaning against the mantel and his head bent over a piece of paper. He looked up when the door closed, but the room was too dark for me to see his expression.

My heart was pounding so hard that I pressed a hand to my chest to keep it from bursting through my skin.

Philip was looking at me from across the dim room with that condemning letter in his hand, and he wasn’t moving or saying a word. We both stood there, as if on the brink of a cliff, and I didn’t know if I moved if I would fall to hell or soar to heaven.

Then he finally spoke. “Did you mean this?”

My heart was in my throat. Here I stood, between something and nothing. I could answer either way. But my heart was stronger than it had been in months, and it was begging me to hope, to believe, to take a chance. So I stepped toward him—a step toward
something
—and whispered, “Yes.”

Philip moved, the firelight shone on his features for a split second, and I saw everything. That day I had watched him fence with William, I had been surprised to see how impassioned he looked—as if he was leashed fire. Now, by the light of the fire, I saw the leash snap.

He crossed the room to me and grabbed me by the shoulders. In three steps, he had me backed up against a bookcase. Before I could do more than catch my breath, he took my face in his hands and kissed me.

I had never really been kissed before. But I did not need experience to know that Philip’s kiss was, in a word, devastating. His lips were firm and insistent, gentle and caressing. His fingers threaded in my hair, holding my head exactly how he wanted it while he kissed me one way, then another, until I trembled in his arms.

And then it finally occurred to me that Philip was kissing me—
Philip was kissing me!
—and I was doing nothing about it. I quickly remedied that situation, sliding my hands up his chest, over his shoulders, burying my fingers in his hair. His arms surrounded me, pulling me close, holding me as if I was infinitely precious. I burned and trembled in his embrace.

And then, just when I was sure that Philip’s kiss could not get better, it slowed and softened and became achingly tender. His gentleness tugged at my heartstrings until I was completely undone. My heart broke open and quiet tears streamed down my cheeks. I tasted the salt of my tears on Philip’s lips.

He pulled away from me, just enough to rest his forehead against mine. His breath came as quickly as mine did, and through his shirt I could feel his heart pounding. A slow smile curled my lips.

“How could you not know?” His voice was throaty and a little shaky. “How could you not know that there is nothing in the world I want as much as I want you?”

I shook my head in wonder. It was all too much to believe.

“It seemed too remarkable,” I said, “for you to love me, instead of Cecily. And then . . . I heard you, in the fencing room, tell William you would do anything to be rid of me . . .”

Philip groaned and pulled away to look into my eyes. “Is that why you were so angry the night of the ball?”

I nodded.

“I wanted you out of my home, away from your sister, and free of the constraints of my honor—but I never wanted to be rid of you,” he said.

“I was going to follow you—I would follow you anywhere—and court you as I wasn’t free to court you here. But then, when your maid gave me that letter to your father, I thought following you to your own home might be the best solution. I had no hope . . .” He bent his head to mine, and kissed me again as if he couldn’t help himself. “I had no hope, darling, that I had already won you.”

“How could you doubt that?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine
not
falling in love with Philip.

“Very easily! Every time I attempted to woo you, you either scowled at me, or laughed, or ran away. Or you told me you only cared about me as a friend.”

I smiled sheepishly. That was exactly what I had done. There was so much to explain to him—about my heart, and my fears, and my loyalty toward Cecily. But all that could wait for another time. For now I said, “I was very confused, and rather blind, I think.”

He cupped my face in his hands. “Then listen to me, my blind, stubborn,
darling
friend. You stole my heart the night we met, when you sang that ridiculous song and dared me not to laugh. And every moment I have spent with you since then, you have stolen more and more of me until when you’re not with me . . .” He drew in a breath. “When you are not with me, I am left with nothing but longing for you.”

My heart swelled until I felt as if it might take over my entire being. I had landed in heaven. This was heaven.

“I tried to tell you,” he said. “So many times I came close. I even wrote that love letter, hoping you would know it was for you.”

I thought of the beautiful words he had written, and which I had torn up. “Will you write me that love letter again?”

He pulled me close. “I will. I’ll write you dozens of love letters—hundreds, if you want them.”

“I do. I do want them.” I wanted everything I could get from Philip. But this seemed too wonderful to be true. Even now, with all the evidence I had of Philip’s sincerity, I couldn’t help wondering why, out of all of the ladies he could have chosen, he had fallen in love with me.

“But are you certain you want me?” I asked. “I am not elegant or accomplished, and I always do the most embarrassing things—”

He stopped me. “You don’t know yourself, but I do, so I will tell you what you are, Marianne Daventry.” He looked intently into my eyes, as though he would write the words on my heart if he could. “You are bright and fun and delightfully unexpected. You are brave and compassionate and selfless. And you are lovely beyond measure. I want you, all of you, just the way you are.” He drew in a breath. “If you will have me.”

Something happened to me in that moment. Doubt was banished and hope became certainty. It overwhelmed me, and I found myself laughing and crying at once.

I was clearly unraveled, but Philip did not seem to mind at all. He wiped my tears, and he kissed me again, and again, and whispered things too sublime to repeat, until I was thoroughly convinced he was madly in love with me, Marianne Daventry, a girl with no great figure, too many freckles, and a propensity for twirling. And then I knew I had met my match.

Chapter 27

Much later, after I had pulled myself out of Philip’s embrace and Betsy had fixed the damage he had done to my hair, I found Cecily on the terrace. She smiled at me as I walked toward her.

“I hope you don’t mind that I read your letter,” she said. “I went to your room this morning while you were still asleep and saw it on your table. I confess I couldn’t contain my curiosity.”

“I don’t mind, considering how everything has turned out.”

She took my hand. “I hope you’re very happy.”

“I am,” I sighed, unable to restrain my smile. I wondered if she could tell that I had just been thoroughly kissed. “But, Cecily, I’m sorry if it comes at the cost of your happiness.”

She waved a hand in the air. “There are plenty of other wealthy gentlemen for me to choose from. And, to be perfectly honest, I knew Philip wasn’t interested in me. I saw that as soon as I arrived. There is no scheming that can help a lady’s cause when the man is in love with someone else. What I didn’t see, though, was how you felt.” She looked seriously at me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I shrugged. “You said you were in love with him.”

“Yes, I did say that. But I think I must have been very self-centered not to recognize your feelings. I’m sorry if I wasn’t the kind of sister you deserved.” She gripped my hand.

We stood in silence, listening to the strains of music floating through the ballroom windows. I thought of my fairy-tale childhood with my twin sister. There once were two girls born to parents who had wished dearly for a child. The girls were the sun and the moon to them. I had spent my life being the moon, reflecting Cecily’s light and allowing her to shine. But here, with Philip, I was the sun. I couldn’t imagine a better beginning to the rest of my life.

“I hope we will always be close,” I said, thinking of my mother and Lady Caroline.

“Of course we will be.” She pulled me to her and we hugged. I held her until she pulled away. Looking over my shoulder, she said, “I have someone I need to talk to.”

I turned and saw Mr. Kellet standing at the edge of the terrace. “What are you going to say to him?”

She bit her lip. “I’m not sure. But it may take a while.”

She flashed me a sly smile before she walked away. Mr. Kellet disappeared around the corner of the house and she followed him.

I was the last one to enter the dining room for breakfast the next morning. Philip and William and my father all stood at my entrance. In Philip’s eyes was such a look of warm affection that I blushed to have everyone see it.

As I sat down, I noticed the stares of everyone present, and then Rachel suddenly said, “Oh, have you two finally worked everything out? Thank goodness! Now we can all talk openly.”

Philip chuckled, and I blushed even harder. Every person in the room, from Lady Caroline to the footman standing behind Philip, smiled. Louisa’s smile was more tentative than the others’, but I was happy to see any sign of friendliness from her. I was also happy to see Cecily there, and not off somewhere in Mr. Kellet’s arms. I would not put it past him to run off with her, but Cecily had more sense than that, it seemed.

Congratulations were offered, and Rachel and Lady Caroline began discussing the glorious task of planning a wedding. Philip, I discovered, had already spoken to my father, who looked very happy as he smiled at me from across the table. My home was only one county away from here, which meant we would be close enough to visit as often as we wished. Cecily would return to London and our cousin Edith, where she could enjoy the diversions of Town life.

A footman appeared at my side with a letter on a silver salver. It was from Grandmother. I opened it and read it over my breakfast.

Dear Marianne,

You little ninny. Of course I sent you to stay at Edenbrooke, and you should be thanking me instead of calling me to repentance. A rich heiress needs a man to protect her, and how else could I be sure of your protection while your father was away? I only kept it a secret because I knew you would not go if you suspected the truth. Silly girl. You were fortunate that Sir Philip was willing to take on the assignment of protecting you while you were living there.

By the way, I have heard from Lady Caroline that Sir Philip is besotted with you. He must not mind the way you run wild like a farmer’s brat. If you manage to make such an advantageous match, I suppose I will leave you my fortune whether or not you ever become an elegant young lady. I look forward to meeting him, and I think I may even come to Edenbrooke to see you married.

Sincerely,

Grandmother

P.S. Mr. Whittles has offered for Amelia, and she has accepted him. I suspect this is your doing?

I breathed a sigh of relief. My meddling had worked. And thinking of what my grandmother had written about Philip’s assignment, an idea suddenly occurred to me. I looked across the table at Philip’s aunt and uncle. Mr. Clumpett had a book propped open in front of his plate, and Mrs. Clumpett was smiling as Lady Caroline talked about the success of the ball.

I turned to Philip. “Did you ask Mr. Clumpett to protect me while you and William were gone?”

“I did. Why?”

I smiled. “He has been miserable here with your disorganized library, you know. And Mrs. Clumpett has missed her birds.”

Philip laughed. “Well, they will be free to go home now to their own library and birds. I will have to look for some books on India to send to him as thanks for protecting you so well while I was gone. I can’t imagine what would have happened if he hadn’t been wandering through the woods that day.”

I glanced at the Clumpetts again, reminding myself to thank them for all they had done for me. Both of them.

I reread my grandmother’s letter and realized with a deep sense of contentment that I had not had to change at all in order to have every hope for happiness in life. I had not had to learn to sing for company or to behave like Cecily or to stop twirling. I could be myself and be loved deeply. I was, in fact, a lot like Meg, who had always been a racehorse. I just hadn’t known it.

After breakfast, I escaped to the orchard. I was so happy to be here that I felt the same way I had upon arriving at Edenbrooke: as if I had come home to paradise. Mixed with the feeling of homecoming was the great surge of joy I felt about my future with Philip.

I closed my eyes and tipped back my head and felt the sun warm my face and head and outstretched arms. And then I did it. I twirled. I twirled and twirled with my eyes closed and my head back and my arms outstretched.