Eden (26 page)

“
What about the groups?” I
asked as I looked up at the faces around me.  “Who is going to
go when?”

Avian didn’t answer right
away as he took all of us in, gauging the abilities of each of
us.  “Obviously you have to go in the first group, just in
case we run into any problems with Fallen.”  I nodded in
agreement.  It was a relief to not have him try and shelter me
unnecessarily again.  “I’m also going with the first
group.”

“
What about the rest of
them?” I immediately protested.  “What if they need
you?”

“
And what if the first
group needs me?” he said as he looked at me sharply.  “I can’t
clone myself, Eve.  I can’t be in both places.  I’ll ask
for a volunteer and train them in every way I can.  There’s no
other choice.  I think it’s clear that the first group will be
in the most danger, will be at the most risk.  That’s where I
feel I need to be.”

I heard the other
implications in his voice from his last words.  He also wanted
to be there to watch me.  Protect me, when it was I who was
more capable of protecting him.

“
If Eve is going with the
first group, it would probably be best if Graye and myself went
with the second group, to even things out more,” Bill said. 
“Gabriel can also go with us, since you’re going with the first
group.”  I was sure the same thing was running through
everyone’s head: if Gabriel would ever be useful again

“
That’s a good idea,”
Avian nodded in agreement.  “I suppose you can pick which
group you want to go with,” he said to West, his jaw suddenly
tightening up.

“
I’m going in the first
group,” he said without any hesitation.  His eyes flicked up
to mine.  My stomach did a strange leap.

“
Fine,” Avian said. 
“We’ll let the rest of Eden decide when they want to go, with some
monitoring to make sure things are even.”

We disbanded with plans to
scout for water containers and a time later that evening to meet
with everyone in Eden to layout the plans.  It was then that
something occurred to me.  If Avian was going with the first
group, Sarah would have to come with us as well.  From what I
had just seen, I didn’t see any way she would be able to
move.  I didn’t think she would even be able to walk out of
her own tent, much less survive the thousand miles or more that
were ahead of us.

It was decided in which
groups people would leave.  Avian and Bill had monitored and
made sure things would be even, that there was no one group that
would be bigger than the other, that one group would not be left
without someone to make sure everyone stayed fed or
protected. 

Something settled over
Eden as our futures were laid out before us.  Things were
becoming more real, solid and tangible.  People were starting
to realize that this was actually going to happen.  We were
going to have to leave the place we had all called home.  This
had been their safe haven, the place they had fled the world
to.  And now we were leaving it behind.

The next morning, birds
chirped annoyingly loud as I padded silently through the
undergrowth.  They were complaining about the heat as
well.  My eyes watched the lay of the land, images flashing
through my mind. 

As I stepped away from the
trees I knew I had been going in the right direction.  I was
back at the cabin.

It felt like I was walking
into a foreign land as I cautiously stepped through the front
doors.  The walls that surrounded me felt like a trap and I
was the animal.  I fought the urge to get back out into the
open air.  I felt half blind being in here.

The groan of floorboards
sounded from one of the back rooms and I quickly crouched behind
the dusty couch, my handgun held firmly in my clammy hands. 
As I heard steps approaching, I poked my head out from behind the
couch.  My eyes met a pair of worn brown boots.

“
What are you doing here?”
I said as I stood.  The barrel of West’s shotgun was
immediately pointed at my chest.

“
Geeze, Eve!” he snapped
as he jumped.  He immediately lowered the gun.  “I could
have shot you!  I don’t think even you could recover from a
blow like that.”

“
Probably not,” I mused,
my eyes scanning my surroundings again.  “How do you know
about this place?”

“
I scouted it out, same as
you,” he said as he headed back to the other room.  “I’m
assuming this is the house you found all the food at?”

“
Um hum,” I mumbled as I
followed him.  The room held two large white boxes that were
hard sided and nearly as large as me.  It also contained a
sink, a few cupboards, and a small counter space.  West opened
the cupboards and my eyes grew wide as I recognized the round white
bottles he started pulling out.

“
Bleach,” I
breathed.  “I didn’t see it when I was here last.  And
look at those, they’ll be perfect for storing water,” I said as I
spotted some empty plastic containers on the top shelf.

“
Here,” West said as he
pulled a length of rope out of his pack.  “Tie them on for
me.”

The containers secured to
West’s pack, we searched the rest of the house for more but didn’t
find anything useful.  We headed outside and started pacing
the perimeter.

“
Look at these,” I said as
four blue barrels that were nearly the same size as me came into
view.

“
Catchment containers,”
West said, his voice hitching up a notch in excitement.  “See
that pipe that leads into the top of this one?” he said as his
finger traced the line that ran along the roof line and dropped
into the first barrel.  “These one’s here connect them, it’s
set up as a big containment unit but they would work
individually.  They’d hold probably 200 gallons between all of
them.”

“
They’re nearly empty,” I
said as I knocked on the side of one.  “We could each take one
back with us tonight, bring the rest tomorrow.  It’s nearly
time to head back anyway.”

We got the catchment
system unhooked and drained the rest of the dank smelling water out
of them.  It was then that I realized just how long it had
been since it had rained.

It wasn’t easy maneuvering
the barrels through the woods as we rolled them but it was worth
every push.  This was exactly what we needed.

The silence hung heavy
over us as we moved, discomfort growing by the minute.  I felt
like I had two pieces of me inside regarding West.  One part
of me was constantly infuriated at the way he reacted to
everything, the things he said, the way he looked at me.  The
other side wanted me to constantly move closer, to let him wake up
the all too human side of me.  Right then I wasn’t sure which
Eve I was.

“
Did you really mean it
when you said that you couldn’t be around me?” West graciously
broke the silence for me.  I instantly knew what he was
talking about and I wished for the silence back.

“
Yes,” I answered simply
as I maneuvered my barrel around a boulder.

“
Then what was the other
night about?  Up on the watchtower?” he pressed as he followed
behind me.

“
A moment of human
weakness,” I responded.  I knew it was too harsh but I also
knew West wasn’t fragile.

We were quiet for a while
as we continued back toward Eden.  “What is it that you want
from me, Eve?  What am I to you?”

I stopped short and turned
my eyes on him.  “Nothing.  I don’t want anything from
you.  You’re my fellow soldier in his impossible war. 
What… what do you mean?” 

“
What went through your
head when you suddenly pulled away that night?” he asked
quietly.

I froze, recalling how I
had seen Avian’s face.  Part of me was human enough to try and
not hurt West with that fact though.  “What did you mean that
night?  You said you hated the way I looked at Avian? 
How do I look at him?”  My insides felt like they were running
in a circle at a stumbling sprint all the sudden.

West looked back at me,
his eyes hard to read.  He stuffed his hands in his pockets,
his eyes dropping to the ground for a moment.  “You have no
idea what you want, do you?”

“
What are you talking
about?” I demanded, feeling frustrated.  “The only thing I
want is to survive, to have Eden survive.”

“
No Eve,” he said as his
eyes hardened as he shook his head once.  “That’s not the only
thing you want and you don’t even know it.  You don’t think
that I don’t see what is happening to you?  I know you feel
something when we’re together, that you crave more of it.  If
you didn’t it wouldn’t keep happening.  But then there’s
Avian.  When you are around him, you’re different. 
You’re… yourself. You can’t stay away from him, unlike me, even
when you’re furious with him.

“
You want us both. 
And you don’t even know it,” he said more quietly.  “But you
also need to realize that you
can’t have
both
.”

“
I know that,” I whispered
as I looked away from West and started pushing my barrel
again.

“
He’s too old for you, you
know that,” West said from behind me as he started pushing his
barrel again.  “It’s not normal.”

“
And I’m a child?” I shot
back.

“
No, but you’re not a
woman either.  Avian should be with someone more like
Victoria.  He should be thinking about a family, of moving on
with his life.  You’re not ready for that are you?”

“
And are you saying you’re
better suited for me?” I said as I kept my eyes fixed before
me.

“
I don’t know.  I’m
not sure I’ll ever know until
you
know what you want.”

And that stuck in my mind
the entire journey home.  For once someone was giving me the
option to think about what I
wanted
.  Not what was needed or
required, but what I wanted.  I wasn’t sure I’d ever really
wanted anything before.  But it was then that I realized that
I did want something.  I just didn’t know what.

TWENTY-TWO

Everyone was ecstatic when
we brought the barrels back and I sensed a small feeling of pride
that I was part of the team that had brought them back.  I
found myself seeking Avian out to report the good news.

I heard his voice floating
out from the open aired medical tent.  Another voice joined
his and they burst into a chorus of laughter.  I slowed my
approach, stepping behind a tent to conceal myself.

Avian stood next to
Victoria, pointing to something in a book.  He looked up at
her and I watched as his eyes trailed over her red curls.  I
saw the light that danced in his eyes.  His shoulder brushed
against hers as he reached across the table for a gauze wrap. 
She held out her hand as he demonstrated his technique for stopping
blood flow.

Victoria had volunteered
to be Avian’s apprentice.  They had been spending a lot of
time together the last few days.

I swallowed hard as I
turned and walked the other way.  Did the light shine in
Avian’s eyes when he looked at me?  I had never noticed. 
Had he ever laughed with me the way he just had with
Victoria?

West’s statement that
Avian was in a different place in his life than I was reverberated
in my brain.  Had he been right?  Was Avian too old for
me?  I didn’t feel young and I had never seen Avian as that
much different than myself but the numbers were there.  Did
they matter?

Maybe he should be with
someone like Victoria.  Maybe he should have a family, have a
son like Brady.

But could I handle seeing
him with someone who wasn’t me?  I’d never had to face that
thought before.  It made my stomach turn in a way I wasn’t
familiar with.

The light burned away with
the blazing heat of the day, a violent colored sky painted above
our heads.  Dinner was quiet as we quickly ate our small
portions and set about our evening activities.  Fires were
built as the last of the day’s light faded away.  I stood on
the edge of the lake against the tree line, just
watching.

Morgan, the woman who took
care of our horse, walked to her husband Eli, placed a kiss on his
forehead as she sat beside him.  Gabriel wandered out of his
tent, joining his wife Leah at the dining table where she talked to
a few other women.  Under the table he rested his hand on her
knee, a brief moment of affection flashing in their eyes as they
looked at each other. 

Was that what love
was?  Brief touches and physical assurances of another’s
presence?  Or was it what that touch made you feel
inside?  Was it the impression that it left inside of you and
stayed with you for as long as you would remember?

Would I ever understand
what that word meant?

My stomach felt tight as I
noticed the lack of Avian’s presence.  He and Victoria had
made a brief appearance at dinner before disappearing back into the
lamp lit medical tent.  Brady scampered around with Wix,
laughing at the jokes his apparent babysitter made.  The two
of them had been spending a lot of time together with Victoria
being so preoccupied with Avian.