Echoes of the Heart (37 page)

Still late at
night when she could not seem to fall asleep, a yearning would creep into the
very fiber of her being, suffocating her resolve to leave Cash behind.
 
It was such a foolhardy notion to think she
could attain her goal and still have him as well, when he did not really want
her.

She joined Diane
for tea in a maroon-colored winter wool dress, uplifted and eager to leave for
St. Louis the following day.
 
Craig would
arrive to escort her since she had misgivings about traveling alone through the
untamed country.
 
With all her belongings
packed and ready for delivery to the train depot, the only remaining duty was
to make her farewells.

A knock on the
front door brought Sadie from the kitchen and the aroma of freshly baked bread
wafted throughout the house.
 
Hoping for
word from Cash before her journey, she rose from her seat hustling to the foyer
and viewed John brushing snow off his duster before stepping over the threshold
and removing his hat.

She peered beyond
for a glimpse of Cash.
 
A sweet smile
disguised her disappointment when the door closed behind him, strings of sudden
loneliness tugged at her heart.

“Hello, ladies.”

Diane reached for
his arm after he removed his coat.
 
“Come
in and have breakfast and I’m certain you could use some coffee.”

“A hot meal sounds
great.
 
It sure smells good in here.”

Diane moved to the
kitchen while Raeden poured a mug of steaming coffee for John then sat beside
him making an attempt at nonchalance.

“You look much
better, Rae.
 
How are you feeling?”

He must be hiding something.
 
His eyes are wandering.
 
“I have made remarkable progress, couldn’t
feel better.”
 
She mustered her
courage.
 
“How long has it been now?
 
Have you heard from Cash?”

John obviously
uncomfortable with the question, fidgeted in his seat.
 
“No, he will be gone for a time, and there’s
always the chance he might get snowbound and held up for days.”
 
He swigged a sip of the strong hot liquid
while refusing to make eye contact with Raeden.

Diane placed a
plate of corned beef hash with fried eggs in front of John and moved the
breadbasket and butter within his reach.

Raeden tried not
to care, but regardless of her efforts her eyes pooled with moisture.
 
She had lost control.
 
After excusing herself, she walked slowly to
her bedroom, plopped on her bed and started to sob.
 
Why did this hurt?
 
Couldn’t he have at least sent a note?
 
She wished she could hate him and deny her
true feelings, but she loved him.
 

It can’t hurt forever.
  
She must be stronger.
 
Pulling herself together, she rationalized
the situation, splashed her face with cold water, stood erect and straightened
the folds of her dress.
 
She vowed no
more self-pity and marched back downstairs.
 
She let pride take over allowing her to act as if she did not care.

Raeden rejoined
the conversation and John casually mentioned Cash’s desire to resign as
marshal.
 
As soon as the words left his
mouth, he tried to backtrack. His cheeks glowed red.
 
He quickly excused himself leaving Raeden and
Diane stunned.

They stared at
each other for a moment while Raeden’s mind raced, grasping at straws to find a
reason why Cash would resign and disappear.
 
Had he gone back to the old life of a hired gunman?
 
That self-destructive path would lead nowhere
but an early grave.
 
Perhaps he desired
escape just as she did to avoid feeling trapped.

Diane laced two
cups of coffee with brandy and handed one to Raeden.
 
The first sip burned a path to her stomach
and the sudden warmth prickled her brain.
 
“Aunt Diane, do you think Cash is all right?
 
John acted so strangely.”
 
She hoped her voice did not sound too
concerned.

“John isn’t much
of a liar but I am sure Cash is fine.
 
He’s just holding something back.”
 
They continued drinking the coffee.
 
“I’ll bet this has something to do with the Cheyenne.
 
He has probably taken off to the hills
again.”

“But why would he
not tell us?”
 
Their cups empty they
poured straight brandy.

“Even John
probably doesn’t know.
 
Cash has always
kept his personal life to himself.”

Raeden’s lips
curved downward and quivered.
 
“He used
to tell me everything, except about his family and he did mention plans to help
the Indians.
 
He had discussed matters
with Senator Wilcox.”
 
A euphoric feeling
rose to her temples as she drank more brandy.

Raeden flashed a
silly grin.
 
“Can you picture Cash in
Washington, bullying his way to the President?”

They laughed at
the thought and drank.
 
“Yes, and he
would do it, too.
 
Once he sets his mind
on something he never gives up.”

The volume of
laughter increased as they chugged the spirits.
 
What did it matter?
 
She had
relaxed and felt happy.
 
“I can attest to
that.
 
Look what happened to me.”
 
Tears rolled down her cheeks.
 
“I know it’s not funny but I can’t stop
laughing.”

“We’re tipsy.
 
I’ll get mad at Cash tomorrow.”

           
The
two women kept filling their cups as they became empty, still talking and chortling
until the entire bottle of brandy had disappeared.

           
Diane
finally stood from the table and looked toward Raeden.
 
“I’m drunk.
  
I think I better go lie down before I fall down!”

They held onto
each other as they stumbled up the stairs then staggered to their rooms still
laughing.
 
Raeden passed out on her bed.

***

A splitting
headache woke Raeden from her stupor early in the evening.
 
Her mouth felt like sandpaper, and she
thought she might die at any moment.
 
After splashing her face with cold water, she crept ever so lightly to
avoid jarring her head searching for the headache powders in the kitchen.
 
She dissolved some in hot water and gulped
the acrid mixture, sat down at the table praying for relief.
 
She laid her head and shoulders over folded
arms.
 
She had heard twenty-four hours
was the cure for a hangover and groaned at the thought of waiting so long.

           
After
seeking out the young blond man who had become her friend, Nick helped her lug
hot water upstairs to the tub.
 
“I’ll
sure miss you, Rae.
 
It won’t be the same
here without you.”
 
The genuine sadness
of his tone caused a sudden ache in her chest.
 
She touched his shoulders and gave his cheek a quick kiss.

           
“I
will miss you too, Nick.
 
So will
Arte.
 
You’ve spoiled him with kindness
and such good care, not to mention those treats you keep in your pockets.”

           
A
shy grin passed while his brawny arms lifted the pails.
 
“I will see you in the morning, thank you
Nick.”
 
Watching Nick leave she knew the
memories of all the good people she had met since her arrival would be with her
to cherish forever.
 
She would definitely
need to purchase a large supply of stationary to keep in touch with all her
friends.

           
Disrobed
for bathing, she caught sight of the band on her ring finger, slipped it off and
placed it in her jewel box.
 
She found no
good reason to mention any of the disasters befallen her while in
Chamberlain.
 
Those would be her secrets
safely stowed in the back of her mind during the day, to come out only as
dreams or nightmares in the long night hours alone in her bed.

After her usual
evening toiletté, she readied her traveling garments, packed the last of her
remaining articles, penned a letter then stared at the ceiling while lying in
bed.
 
The headache had ebbed and she
wondered how Diane felt.
 
She had not
seen her since their binge.
 
An
involuntary smile passed her lips thinking of their unconventional farewell.

           
She
had always admired Diane, her courage and self-will; unyielding generosity
flowed from her being.
 
She would never
forget all the support and love bestowed in abundance.
 
There would be no way to repay the debt for
saving her from a fate worse than death with Christopher and the opportunity
received in Chamberlain to hone her skills while building her resolve to face
the world of business.

           
When
her mind slipped into memories of Cash and her lost child, she buried them in a
crypt of indifference, any other way far too painful.
 
She had enough pain to last a lifetime and
there was no need to add more fuel to the flames so she concentrated on the
travel ahead, anxious to see her family again.

***

The train would
depart early in the evening, allowing Craig the opportunity to bathe and eat a
good meal.
 
Elation stirred riding with
Mike in the buggy to the station in the cold morning hours.
 
It seemed forever since seeing her
family.
 
Anticipation of her brother’s
arrival caused her to shiver under the heavy winter clothes.
 

           
Arriving
in town, she went straight to the marshal’s office determined to get
information about Cash from John.
 
As his
best friend, he must know more than he claimed in his guilt-ridden discourse
the previous day.
 
She opened the door
without knocking, John snapped to attention when she entered and relaxed at
recognition then flashed one of his winning smiles.

           
He
strolled to the stove, reaching for the pot.
 
“Hi, Rae.
 
May I get you some
coffee?”
 
After filling his mug, he
turned to face her, blue eyes shining, his countenance self-assured.

           
“No
thanks, John, I won’t be long.
 
We’re
picking up my brother when the train arrives.”
 
He leaned back on the desktop, confident, his long lean legs
outstretched and crossed at the ankles waiting for her to speak.

           
She
saw no point in wasting time.
 
Her chin
set at an angle of defiance while she stared into his powder blue eyes.
 
“I sense strongly you know more about Cash
and his whereabouts than you’re claiming.
 
I’m leaving for St. Louis this evening and I would like your reassurance
he’s not off risking his life on some foolhardy mission so I can rest easy
before I depart.”

           
He
lowered his chin, avoiding her eyes.
 
“Rae, I guarantee Cash is fine and will be back within the next few
weeks.”
 
His head rose again to gaze into
her face.

           
She
garnered courage to ask the next question.
 
“Is there another woman in Fort Randall?”
 
Why had she asked such a thing?
 
A spark flickered in his eyes under raised
brows, appearing surprised by the question.
 
Before he could answer, she continued.
 
“Never mind, John.
 
I don’t want
to know.”

           
A
smile passed between them as she dropped a perfumed scented envelope onto the
desktop.
 
“Here’s a letter for Cash when
you see him.”
 
He glanced at the note
when it fell.
 
“I’ll miss you, John, and
thanks for all you have done to bring those men to justice.”

           
He
sat the cup down before speaking.
 
“Are
you certain you’ll not stay for a while longer, at least until Cash shows up?”

           
She
exhaled a sound of vexation.
 
“No, I am
leaving today.
 
Please, just give him the
message and thanks again.”
 
She turned
toward the door with an air of indifference she did not feel.

           
“I’ll
come see you off at the station.
 
We will
all miss you, Rae.”
 
His sincerity tugged
at her heartstrings.

           
White
swirls of breath exhaled into the frigid air and passed her face as she marched
to the station to wait with Mike.
 
Miles
across the flat land clouds of gray smoke from the approaching train’s
funnel-shaped stack curled backward over the first few cars then rose to
dissipate in the air stream on the slight breeze blowing in from the north.
 
As the train slowed nearing the station, its
shrill and piercing whistle rebounded followed by escaping vapors billowing
into huge clouds when it chugged to the platform and the engineer clanging the
bell.
 
With a final burst of steam, the
engine screeched to a halt.