Eat the Ones You Love (The Thirteen Book 2) (21 page)

Anna gasped as Sarah thrust, a wet ripping sound filling the room. Grant did sob then, and so did Sarah. She was gnashing her teeth together, her lip raising as she pulled up on the knife, the smell of innards so thick that Robin turned, gagging. Anna let out a shaky breath and smiled sadly.
 

“I knew it would be you,” she said. “Sweet Jenny.”

“I’m Sarah,” she said.
 

Anna closed her eyes. “I never could tell you apart. You were like one person.”

The last words were so quiet Jenny could barely hear her.

Benji was there, then. Standing next to her, looking at Anna.

“I’m so hungry,” he said. “All those days traveling. Please.”

“No, Benji. Not here. Someone else. Not her.”

“I can’t…” he took a step toward Anna. “It’ll be too late in a minute. I can just take one bite…”

“Dead man,” said Sarah, pulling out the bloody knife and raising it, the gore dripping onto the floor. “Stay away from my family.”

“You already killed her. She’s dying,” said Benji. Declan was having trouble too, but Jenny put a hand on his arm. He was shaking from the smell of blood. Trix was staring at Grant, who still huddled in the corner. Robin at least had the sense to back out of the room, her knife out. Benji saw the movement and watched her.

“Three days,” he said. “I can’t take any more.”

“Benji, stop it,” Jenny said. “Leave her alone. We’ll find a Dreg camp. Soon. Okay?”

He changed. Jenny remembered Declan backing out of the tent after killing the Heathen boy. Had he changed too? Had the dead parts of him taken over the way Jenny had killed the Prowler so long ago? But now even Jenny’s stomach was growling.

“Have I told you how much I hate rotters?” said Sarah, glaring at Benji.
 

“I guess you’ve never been one,” said Jenny.

“Have you?”

Jenny shrugged. “For a little while.”

“I can’t fight it anymore,” Declan said. Trix had fallen against the wall, closing her eyes. She was trying to will it away.
 

“Let them have Anna,” said Jenny.

“Fuck no,” said Sarah. “I’m not letting a bunch of rotters desecrate my parents.”

“You just killed her.”

“She’s not dead yet,” said Sarah. “Why are they so important?”

“They’re my friends,” said Jenny. “They helped me. When I died.”

“You’ve died before,” said Sarah. “
I
helped you. You just don’t remember.”

“I’m sorry,” said Jenny. Declan was having trouble controlling himself. Jenny went to him and took his hand. She could smell the rot. His body was constantly trying to make up for the fluids it couldn’t hold anymore. Jenny looked at Anna, at the blood spreading out behind her like angel wings. Declan was going to die. She couldn’t save him. But Sarah was alive. Benji took another step toward Anna, his eyes wild. Jenny could still feel a weak heart beating in her mother.
 

“Benji, don’t,” said Jenny, feeling Declan also starting to strain toward her dying mother. The blood was too much for him. .

“I have to,” he said.

“Benji, please,” said Jenny. “What about Rayanne?”

“She couldn’t help it. She’s weak that way. Outside of a lab, she’s so weak. Like a kitten.”

He took another step.

“Last chance,” said Sarah. “You’re not touching her. She’s family.”

“No one has family anymore,” said Benji. Sarah held up the knife.

“Want to test me?” she said.

Benji’s eyes flickered. He looked toward the door that Robin used. And he smiled. Jenny let go of Declan and in a moment had her arm wrapped around Benji’s throat. He was still smiling. This wasn’t Benji. This was what took over when Benji was all used up and when the hunger took over. This animal who only knew how to hunt and feed.
 

“I’m going to tear her apart,” said Benji.
 

“Leave Robin alone, Benji,” said Jenny. “She helped us. She’s like family.” She didn’t notice that Benji had a knife until she heard it. Like ripping fabric. She felt hot blood running down her leg before she felt the pain. She screamed and let go of him to pull the small knife out of her thigh. Blood poured out of the wound and Jenny ground her teeth together. She saw Sarah rush Benji and then heard him groan as he fell, the knife embedded under his chin. The life faded from his eyes.
 

Jenny realized that Declan wasn’t standing next to her anymore.

Robin began to scream.

TWENTY-SEVEN

Jenny froze when she saw Declan on top of Robin. Declan the wild animal, not the man. She watched as Robin stabbed him over and over again in an abdomen that was no longer there, in the chest, the neck. Her upper arms were pinned and she couldn’t reach far enough to put the blade into his brain. Running toward them, Jenny felt as if she were running through water. She heard screaming behind her and screaming in front of her, as Declan opened his mouth wider than should have been possible. The knife she pulled out of Benji dripped black and red blood.

The world had gone bigger, thicker, slower. Declan was screaming too, but it was a rotter scream. And then his face disappeared and she was the only one screaming. Jenny wasn’t aware of wanting to scream but suddenly her throat was raw and she was screaming his name, she was screaming as everything else fell into silence to match this new horrifying world. The world in which Declan was a monster.
 

Blood spurted on the wall, bright red and shocking. It was warm when she stopped running as it sprayed her face and her neck. It didn’t make her hungry this time, only sick. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t talk, she could only scream. Someone was touching her shoulder, trying to pull her away. Jenny turned her head, finally silent. Sarah was pulling at her, afraid for her to get close, trying to keep her safe. Jenny let out a shaky sigh that should have been a sob and Sarah stopped pulling. Sarah understood and a tear fell down her cheek to match her sister’s.
 

Jenny could feel herself crying as she remembered how Declan found her after she died.

“You’re crying, Jenny.”

“Dead girls don’t cry,” she said aloud.

Declan hesitated and Jenny held the knife. Sarah slipped her hand into Jenny’s.

“You’re not dead, Jenny,” said Sarah. “Not anymore.”

“I know,” Jenny whispered. “But it doesn’t feel like it.”

Declan stood, weaving, holding his head with bloody hands. He half turned, not looking at Jenny, not speaking. A trickle of blood-colored saliva dripped down his chin.

“Declan,” said a voice, full of grief. Full of sadness. Trix stepped up to stand beside Jenny. “What did you do?”

“I don’t…” he trailed off and then let out a sob that came from deep within and for a moment, Jenny thought he would fall to the ground. Fall to his knees. But instead he stepped back and for the first time Jenny saw his face. It was wet with blood. Robin’s blood. Jenny’s eyes fell slowly to the floor, tracing back along a trail of blood. Robin stared at the ceiling. Still, so still. Her throat was gone. Jenny shook her head. She forced her eyes back up to Declan.
 

“Jesus Christ,” he said, pushing a hand through his hair, but pulling it away when he felt how sticky with blood it was. He looked down at his hands and then back up at Jenny.

“Declan,” Jenny said. “You’re crying.”

“No,” he whispered and took another step back. “I’m sorry.”

Sarah took the knife from Jenny's hand and stepped toward him. Declan looked from Trix to Jenny.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. He took another step back, pulling Trix’s knife out of his belt.
 

“Declan, don’t do this,” Trix said.

“I’m sorry,” he said for the third time. He looked into Jenny’s eyes. “I love you, Jen,” he said. He turned and bolted into one of the supply rooms. Sarah hurried over and crouched by Robin’s body. Jenny heard her shove the knife into Robin’s head to ensure that she would never turn, never be like them. She would never breathe or smile or live again. She would never wake up.
 

Jenny realized her feet were moving. She was at the door then, looking in.
 

“Don’t,” she said when she saw him. Sitting on bags of flour, watching her as she came through the door.

“I can’t anymore, Jen,” he said. “Just turn away, okay?”

“My dad can fix you, Deck,” said Jenny, taking a step. “Even if you’re not like me, he can patch you up, make you something to help you move. You can be whole again.”

“Stop. Don’t come closer.”
 

Jenny halted, hand on the doorframe.

“You don’t get it,” he said, and she saw that he really was crying. Large tears streamed down, washing the blood away, making him clean. “I’m never going to be whole. I’m never going to be me again. This isn’t who I am. This isn’t anything that I want to be. This isn’t living, Jen. I’m so tired. So fucking tired. And I don’t want to hurt anyone ever again.”

He put the knife under his chin, holding the handle with both hands wrapped around it.

“No,” said Jenny. “I love you, Declan. Please.”

“I stayed for you,” he said. “It was always you, Jen. Everything I’ve done since I first saw you. Everything I’ve been. Every joy I’ve had since we met. You are everything.”

“Then stop this,” said Jenny. “I don’t want to do this without you.”

“I can’t,” he said. “I can’t be this thing anymore. I would kill for you. I have killed for you. And now I need to die for you. Before I hurt you again.”

“You’ve never hurt me,” said Jenny. “You can’t hurt me, remember?”

“That’s not the kind of hurt I’m talking about,” he said. “I can see it in your eyes. Every time I’m hungry, every time I lose control, I can see it. I can see myself reflected right there in your eyes. It’s not a man there anymore. I used to love the way you saw me and it made me become something that I was proud of.”

“You’re still that man.”

“Your eyes don’t lie,” he said. “I’ll never be a man again. I’ll just stay on the cusp of human and animal. And whenever I’m more animal than man, you’ll know it, and I’ll see it. I can’t live like that.”

“Please, Declan. It will get better.” Jenny could hear the pleading in her voice and she hated it. She couldn’t breathe out the sobs anymore, they were racking her chest and she had to hold onto the door frame to keep from falling over. “I swear it’ll get better.
Just put the knife down
.”

He smiled then. A brilliant smile like the one that he’d given her when they met. It had melted her heart then, but it was shattering her now. She remembered Faron’s face after she killed Angel. A million shattered pieces barely holding together. She felt that way now.

“I love you, Jenny Hawkins,” he said, and his eyes turned sad. “Since the moment I first saw you, I’ve loved you. I wouldn’t have been worth a damn without you.”

“Declan, don’t. Please.”

“I’m sorry, Jen. I’m not strong enough.”

“I’ll be strong enough for both of us,” Jenny said.
 

“I know you will,” he said. “You always have been. Goodbye, Jenny.”

“Don’t leave me,” she whispered. “Please.”

“I have to. You’ll die to save me. Over and over you’ll die. And I can’t let you do it anymore. I love you. Save your family, save Zeke. And then run, Jen. Just fucking run. I don’t think these people are fucking around and I can’t save you. Not like this.”

“Deck…”

“I love you,” he said.

And then he thrust up with his hands and gave a grunt, his eyes widening before they went blank, his smile fading, his hands falling away from his chin, just as his body went slack.
 

She heard screaming again. Jenny found herself on her knees, crying out. She was out of breath again.
 

She tried to call out his name, but found that she already was. She was screaming his name over and over again. She crawled to where he had fallen against the bags of flour and cartons of cigarettes and she pulled him down to her. She clutched at him and screamed for him not to be dead. She screamed for him to blink, to see her, to live again. She pulled out the knife and let it clatter onto the floor. And she willed him to gasp back to life as she had when Faron stabbed her. She sobbed and beat her hands on his chest and shouted for him to breathe. Why wouldn’t he breathe? If he would just breathe, they could live together forever. They could be together…

Hands on her back. Sarah on one side, Trix on the other. One cold as ice, the other hot. One dead heart and two beating.
 

“He’s going to wake up,” she heard herself whisper. “He’s going to wake up and be alive. Just like me.”

“Jenny,” said Sarah.

“No,” Jenny said when she tried to pull her away. “No, he’s going to wake up and I’m going to be here.” She clutched Declan to her, his head on her lap, his eyes staring at the ceiling.

Just like Robin.

“He’s going to wake up,” she said. “He’s going to wake up, Sarah. And then Mother’s going to fix him.”

“Mother’s dead,” said Sarah.

“Everyone’s dead, Jen,” said Trix, so gently. Jenny had never seen her so gentle. And it terrified her.

“No, call me cheerleader,” Jenny said, stroking Declan’s hair.
 

“What?” said Trix.

“If everything’s okay, you’ll call me cheerleader and tell me I’m being stupid and then you’ll call someone a bitch. And everything will be okay.” Jenny closed her eyes and kept stroking Declan’s hair. “Everything will be fine.”

“Jenny,” said Trix.

“NO!” Jenny said, her throat seared from screaming. “Call me cheerleader, Trix.
Call me a fucking cheerleader.
”

“I can’t,” said Trix, her pale lip trembling.

Jenny took her hand from Declan’s hair and covered her mouth. “Why?” she whispered.

“Because,” Trix said, her words sounding like someone else was saying them. Someone un-Trix-like. Someone who was sad and lost and wounded in a way that would never heal. “You’re all I have left.”

Jenny felt something break inside of her.
 

“Sarah?” Jenny said, slowly opening her eyes. Declan was staring, sightless, slack jawed. Gone. He was gone. Really gone this time.