e Squared (46 page)

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Authors: Matt Beaumont

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From:
Lorraine Pallister

To: Bill Geddes

Sent: 26 January 2009, 17.39

Subject: Liam

He just texted me. Says he's at river. Really scared he's going to do something dumb. Like jump. Help!

From:
Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier

To: RÃ³isÃn O'Hooligan

Sent: 26 January 2009, 17.43

Subject:

Go outside immediately and tell idiots to stop singing. There is a life at stake!

From:
Bill Geddes

To: Lorraine Pallister

Sent: 26 January 2009, 17.44

Subject: Re: Liam

Can't believe it. I'm sitting at my desk while outside an idiot (not Liam!) is about to jump off a window ledge. Any idea which bit of the river? Did you have a romantic spot somewhere??

SMS:

Lorraine:
Tell me where you are. Waterloo Bridge?

From:
Lorraine Pallister

To: Bill Geddes

Sent: 26 January 2009, 17.47

Subject: Re: Liam

We once walked over Waterloo Bridge and I made him stop because I liked the view of St. Paul's. It was freezing and he got really pissed off. Hardly romantic, but the only thing I can think of. Just asked him, but he won't reply.

From:
Bill Geddes

To: Lorraine Pallister

Sent: 26 January 2009, 17.48

Subject: Re: Liam

Waterloo is packed at this time of day. If he's on the parapet, someone will have seen him and called the cops. Can you get down there? Where are you?

From:
Lorraine Pallister

To: Bill Geddes

Sent: 26 January 2009, 17.49

Subject: Re: Liam

Shepherds Bush. At least half an hour away.

From:
Bill Geddes

To: Lorraine Pallister

Sent: 26 January 2009, 17.50

Subject: Liam

I'm minutes away. I'll go. Text him and tell him I've gone to look for him. Call me. 07231 054 280

From:
Bill Geddes

To: Lorraine Pallister

Sent: 26 January 2009, 17.53

Subject: Re: Liam

Going now. Please don't worry about him. No one else on the planet gets himself out of the shit quite like Liam.

From:
Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier

To: RÃ³isÃn O'Hooligan

Sent: 26 January 2009, 17.54

Subject: Emergency!!

If he's still on phone, tell Scottish man to call Milton's mobile immediately! Unless he has bad news. In that case, tell him not to call under any circs!!

From:
Dotty Podidra

To: All Staff

Sent: 26 January 2009, 17.55

Subject: We're on TV!

Assuming you manage to get home in time, tune into the 10 o'clock news on BBC1. David is going to be on!!

From:
RÃ³isÃn O'Hooligan

To: All Staff

Sent: 26 January 2009, 18.07

Subject: Latest Milton alert

Fireman Sam is here again. In case you don't already know the form, he says no one should use the front exit unless they want a ten-stone homosexual on their head.

RÃ³isÃn
Reception