Mom is sitting in her white-weathered porch
chair when I turn into the driveway. She is staring vacantly out at
the waves with a distinct grimace on her fragile face. June is
standing beside her, one hand resting on Mom’s shoulder and the
other leaning against the side of the plank-board house. June is
the nurse I hired to take care of my mother. She has her blonde
hair in a bun on her head, and her eyes follow the car as I pull
up. I look away from the scene just as a smirk grows on her pink
lips. I drive the car into the open garage before turning off the
engine and climbing out.
When I round the front of the house, I can
feel June’s gaze roaming over me, but I ignore her and focus on my
mother. “Hey, Mama. Did you miss me?”
Green eyes flicker to me briefly, but they
are void of emotion. I run my fingers through her shoulder-length
brown hair, and I swear it feels like she leans a little closer to
me. I’ve given up dreaming she will ever snap out of this, and I’ve
learned that a lot of what I think she is doing is just in my head,
or a natural reflex. The only emotional connection I can share with
the woman who gave me life is the smile that slips onto her face
when I’m around, and even that might be in my head.
“I’m having dinner with Troy and Kaci
tonight. Kaci’s belly is huge Mom. I’ll bring them by sometime soon
to see you. Kaci’s big belly looks completely out of place on her.”
I lean down and rest my lips against the top of her head. “I’ll
tell them you said hi.”
I stand back up and Mom’s gaze is on me
again. The smile she only gives me is on her face, and I take that
to mean she likes my idea. I shift my gaze to June, and can’t help
but admire the tight fit of her polka-dot scrubs. Too bad she’s my
mother’s nurse because she’s giving off all kinds of
fuck me
signals that I really want to receive, but that can only end badly.
I run a hand through my short hair and rest my hip against the
porch railing behind me.
“How has she been the last couple of days?”
I pull the cigarette out from behind my ear, and finally light it.
I feel a little calmer with the fresh hit of tobacco to my
system.
“She had a little episode last night. I had
to sedate her to get her to sleep. I thought she was going to pull
a chunk of her hair out.” June sighs and steps closer to me. “Other
than that she’s been fine. Seeing you will help.”
I nod, take another puff, and watch her run
her tongue over her lower lip as her gaze roams over me from head
to toe. She has a mouth that is made to be fucked, and it doesn’t
take much to get my imagination going. That’s my queue to leave. I
push off the railing and step around her as I flick my cigarette to
the ground.
“I’ll be back by tomorrow. Make sure you
brush her hair as she falls asleep. That will help her episodes.” I
turn to walk down the steps, but I stop as her hand falls to my
shoulder. June runs her hand up and down my back in what could be a
soothing motion if I didn’t know better.
“You know you can talk to me if you need to.
It can’t be easy seeing your mother like this.” She steps closer,
and I can feel the heat of her body against my back. “I’m always
here.”
I shake her off and continue on my way down
the steps before calling out behind me. “I’ll keep that in
mind.”
I don’t look back again as I walk along the
beach on my way to Rylan’s Pizza. The sun is starting to set, and
splashes of orange and red are cast across the sky. I shove my
hands into the pockets of my cargo shorts and can’t stop my gaze
from traveling over the beautiful bodies of women in bikinis laying
out on the beach. I know there are other people on the beach, but
for some reason I can only see them, and their perfectly sun-kissed
bodies.
I reach the end of the beach, and step onto
the boardwalk to walk the two blocks to the pizza joint. I’m hoping
Troy and Kaci have started without me. I hate the thought of Kaci
not eating because of me, and I know Troy won’t be happy about it
either. Sometimes Kaci’s thoroughly embedded manners get the best
of her, and she refuses to eat until everyone arrives. It’s
ridiculous.
I step into the restaurant and the heavy
scent of garlic and tomatoes immediately assaults me. It’s not hard
to spot Kaci and Troy through the crowd of patrons. Troy is sitting
in a booth with Kaci tucked closely to his side, and a massive
combination pizza on the table in front of them. It’s not the
couple sitting that’s drawing the attention of every man in the
room though, it’s Trisha.
Standing beside the table next to Ethan,
Trisha is leaning over as they talk to Troy and Kaci. The short hem
of her red dress in barely covering her ass, and those fishnet
stockings?
Damn
. I
don’t blame a
single one of those guys for checking out the goods, but seeing
Trisha reminds me of something I want to talk to her about, or more
specifically someone.
I slide into the booth across from Troy, and
immediately shift my attention to Trisha. “Where’s your
cousin?”
She stops talking mid-sentence and stares at
me with curious sapphire eyes. “My cousin? Raven? I don’t know. I
tried to call her this morning, but she didn’t answer.”
I nod and shift, propping my elbows on the
table so I can lean on them. “You going to bring her around
more?”
Her eyes widen, and her mouth pops open.
“Are you serious, D? She is practically anti-social. I had to force
her to that party. She doesn’t like to leave Harper with the
babysitter, but like I told her, she’s almost eighteen. She needs
to get out more.”
I hold up my hands to stop her rambling.
“Hang on, who’s Harper?”
“Raven’s little sister. She’s totally
adorbs.” Trisha twists her lips up in thought, and then her eyes go
wider than I’ve ever seen before, and she squeals loud enough to
draw the attention of everyone in the restaurant. “Oh my God! You
are interested in Raven! Like you want her? Oh my God!”
“Trish, chill out.” Ethan scolds as he pulls
her against his side and rests a hand possessively on her hip.
“I could be interested.” I shrug casually.
“At least for a while. Are you going to bring her around, or what?”
I lean back and grab a slice of pizza. I bite into it, groaning at
the explosion of flavor on my tongue as Trisha nods
enthusiastically.
God, with the way she’s reacting you would
think Raven has never had a guy interested in her before, but I
know that can’t be true. She’s too gorgeous—almost untouchable. She
is the kind of woman most men are intimidated by, and yeah, she’s
not my usual type, but I can’t deny the pull I felt last night.
“I’ll stop by her place and talk her into
going to the fight Friday. I mean, she already said she would go,
but I was drunk and I don’t believe her.”
I acknowledge her with a grin as I shift to
look at Troy and Kaci. “Mom says hi, and she wants you to visit. I
told her about the baby. I think she wants to see your belly. I
told her it’s so big it could have its own zip code, but I don’t
think she believes me. She wants to see it herself.” Kaci erupts
into fits laughter, and I smile around another bite of pizza.
“Oh, Troy. We have to get over there soon.
I’ll show her what a liar her darling boy is.” Kaci says rubbing a
hand playfully over her belly.
“Will you discipline me if I’m lying?” I
wiggle my brows at her, and jump back laughing as Troy lunges
across the table at me.
“Troy. Stop. It.” Kaci sputters over the
table as she pulls him back. Not willing to risk hurting her, he
goes without a fight.
I glance over at Ethan to see he’s already
plastered his lips to Trisha’s so he missed the whole thing.
What is the point in being hilarious if not everyone is paying
attention? Motherfucker
. I grab a peppershaker off the table,
and careful not to hit Trisha, I chuck it at the wall beside his
head. They jump apart, and at this point, Kaci is gasping for
breath through her laughter at this point.
“Dumbass, the fuck you do that for?” Ethan’s
tone is serious, but his face is giving away his amusement. A grin
is tugging the corner of his mouth, and his graphite eyes are
bright.
I shrug on a grin and a shake of my head.
“Sit down and eat, or get the fuck out.” I wink at Trisha and take
another bite of delicious pizza. It practically melts on my tongue.
Best fucking pizza ever.
“Fine, we’re leaving.” Ethan tugs Trisha
back to his lips, but she pulls away from him and plops down on the
bench next to me.
“Actually, I’m pretty hungry. Have a seat,
stud.” Trisha pats the seat next to her, and I grin wrapping an arm
around her. Ethan narrows his eyes directly on where my hand rests
on the bare skin of her shoulder. When he finally sits down, he
lets out an annoyed huff, knocks my arm away, and replaces it with
his own.
This is completely fucking perfect. I glance
around the table and I’m filled with the deepest sense of belonging
that rocks me to the inner most depths of my tortured soul. This is
what life is about. Through all the bullshit, we still have this.
This is the place where all of our troubles are put to rest. This
is my family. It’s not traditional, but it’s mine, and I will do
everything in my power to protect what’s mine. Down to my last
breath.
Chapter Five
Raven
The water burns
the nerve endings along my sensitive skin, but I barely register
the pain through my aggressive scrubbing. I can still feel his
hands on me. It makes me scrub harder, and I relish the feel of my
nails biting at my skin through the thin washcloth as I attempt to
erase the lingering feeling of his touch. I can’t erase what he
just did to me. What I allowed him to do.
My throat is raw from the massive amounts of
vomit that has since been evicted from my shaking body, and I think
I might be crying. It’s hard to know the difference between my
tears and the cascading water falling over my face. Now that the
numbness is wearing off I can feel nothing but pain. The only
solace I can find now is the knowledge that Steven isn’t waiting
for me. He has had his fun, and now he has gone out. It’s what he
usually does, and it allows me a momentary escape from the fear he
instills in me on a daily basis.
When I finally give up on my desperate
attempt to wash away the invisible layer of filth coating my skin,
I shut off the water and step out of the shower. I wrap a towel
around my still shaky body and breathe the scent of ginger and
chamomile that makes up my mother’s cheap perfume.
I jump, startled, as a loud banging
ricochets through the tiny bathroom from the other side of the
door. My heart rate increases with the fear that Steven is still
here and assaults my already terrified brain.
“Raven! Get your ass out here!” My mother’s
twisted howl echoes around my head and allows my body to relax
slightly.
I hate my mother, but she is the demon I
don’t fear. I can handle her verbal abuse, especially in light of
the far more damaging abuse I have already suffered. “I’ll be right
out.”
I hear an annoyed grumble from the other
side of the door, but she says nothing else. I don’t waste any time
slipping into my jeans and pink pullover. I leave my hair down,
brush my teeth, and quickly apply deodorant.
In moments, I’m standing on the other side
of the sticky countertop watching my mother puff on a cigarette as
she hunches over to dig in the refrigerator. I don’t know when the
last time she showered was. I also can’t remember the last time her
long black hair was actually styled in any way other than just
being a ratty nest on top of her head.
When she looks up at me, her brown eyes are
sunken and hollow. They are a far cry from the shiny bright color I
remember from childhood. Cracked lips form into a snarl as she
takes in my freshly showered appearance, and I try to prepare
myself for what I know she is about to say. It’s the only thing
that she does say to me anymore.
“You think you’re so fucking special don’t
you, girl?” I start to shake my head no, but she stands straight,
and stalks around the counter to stand directly in front of me. I’m
instantly assaulted with the putrid smell of cigarettes and other
vile aromas emanating from between her lips and mixing with that
horribly cheap perfume she wears. “You know that he tells me what
you do to him. He tells me all about how you seduce him. He’s just
a man damn it, Raven! What do you expect him to do when you throw
yourself at him?”
She rubs a shaky hand roughly over her nose,
and I can hear the snotty sound of wetness as she does. I feel sick
all over again, and I want to scream at her. I want to tell her
what is really happening, but we have been here before, and I know
she won’t believe me.
“That’s why he runs off you know. He feels
so guilty for betraying me that he has to go get drunk before he
can come back and fuck me. How does that make you feel? Knowing
that he fucks me too?”
I swallow past the bulge clogging my throat,
and start to shake my head. I can’t listen to this anymore. My head
snaps back, and a stinging sensation spreads throughout the side of
my face. I whimper as I clasp a hand to my face and look at my
mother with wide eyes. She has never hit me before, so I’m not even
sure how to react to the fact that she just did.
“If you make him leave me, I swear to God I
will throw you out on the streets! The only thing keeping you here
is Harper’s monthly paycheck from the government you skanky little
bitch!” She’s screaming so harshly in my face that her pale skin is
pulsing red, and her eyes are burning violently.
I quickly nod my head in understanding, and
I flinch slightly as she walks around me and storms back to her
room. The door slams behind her and finally allows me to exhale on
a whimper as I sink to the floor. I don’t realize I’m crying until
wet spots appear on my thighs and soak through my jeans.