Dylan (11 page)

I drop her instantly, step back, and press
answer on the screen of my phone. It’s Ethan. “Hey, man.”

“Where are you?” His voice is full of panic,
and it has me instantly on edge.
Is it news about Sean?

“I’m at Mom’s. What’s going on?”

He ignores me. “Get back to your place, now.
I’m on my way.”

He hangs up as I stare at my phone
unblinking until two arms wrap around me from behind. I shrug out
of June’s embrace. “Look, I have to go, but just so we’re clear,
that was a mistake. It won’t happen again.”

A knowing grin pulls at her delicate lips.
“Nothing happened, Dylan.”

“Right, and nothing will. Call Mom’s doctor
to set up an appointment for tomorrow morning.”

I don’t wait for another response. I walk
out, closing the door behind me. I practically run back to my
apartment. I get there just as Ethan pulls up. I jump into his car,
and the tension on his face causes the dread already weighing on me
to slam into the bottom of my stomach.

“What the hell is going on, Ethan?”

Gray eyes flick to me as he tries to gather
his thoughts. He looks less worried then he sounded, but he seems
nervous. “I probably shouldn’t have called you.”

“You’re not making any fucking sense.”
Irritation is clearly woven through my tone. We just stare at each
other for a few seconds before I ask the one question that’s
running on a loop through my mind. “It’s not Sean, right?”

Ethan’s eyes bulge at the same time his
mouth drops open. “Fuck! God, no, D. I’m sorry man. I wasn’t
thinking.” His fist bunches at his side as his jaw tightens, but I
release a breath of relief. “It’s just that . . . Raven’s mom died
last night.” His granite eyes slant in sympathy as they look over
my expression, waiting for my reaction.

I know how I felt when I heard about Mom’s
accident. I remember to this day exactly ho I felt. I feel it all
over again every time I look at her. My heart rate picks up rapidly
as the pain Raven must be in assaults all my senses. I just need to
get to her. “What are you waiting for? Fucking drive.”

Ethan shakes his head solemnly. “I wasn’t
really thinking when I called you. Trisha called to tell me, and
she was so upset. I was heading over there to be with her, but I
thought of you. I know you’re into her, but I didn’t know if it’s
serious or not.”

“It’s serious enough. Now drive.”

“It better be or Trisha will get all pissed
and ignore me again.” He pulls out of the spot still looking unsure
about his impromptu decision to call me.

My mother may not be dead, but I’ve lost her
all the same. I know the pain that comes with losing someone. It
never goes away. I need to get control of this violent need to
protect Raven that’s raging through me. It’ll probably scare the
hell out of her. Hell, it scares the hell out of me.

As Ethan pulls up to the gate, the guard
that is working barely glances in our direction before he waves us
through. The side of me that wants to protect Raven is kind of
pissed at the guys carelessness, but the side of me that needs to
get to her as fast as possible is thankful as fuck.

Ethan must be feeling the same way, because
he barely gets the car shut off before he is rushing toward the
door. We both start knocking at the same time, and it sounds like
we are trying to slam the door open.

We step back as the door opens to reveal
Trisha. Her blues eyes are red and puffy. As soon as she sees
Ethan, she jumps into his arms and explodes into a new fit of
tears. Ethan coos to her as we walk inside. I leave them in the
foyer as I rush up to Trisha’s room. I’m too impatient to wait for
Trisha to gather herself enough to tell me where Raven is. When I
open the door to Trisha’s bedroom and find it empty, I wish I had
hung around.

I close the door then lean my back against
it while running my fingers through my hair. I glance around the
long, desolate hallway for a minute looking for any sign of her.
I’m just about to push away from the door and head back downstairs
when the door next to Trisha’s opens to reveal a very adorable
looking Raven.

She isn’t crying, her cheeks aren’t even
puffy, but there is a sadness in her expression. Long, black hair
is hanging softly around her naturally gorgeous face. Her silver
eyes are wide with shock as they take in my relaxed position
against Trisha’s door. Neither of us speaks at first. We just stand
there taking each other in, but when she does speak it comes out as
a choked whisper of air that I have to strain to hear.

“What are you doing here?” She fidgets
almost nervously in the doorway as I move toward her until I’m
standing so close I can smell the soft vanilla scent that lingers
around her.

“Ethan told me about your Mom. I just wanted
to make sure you’re okay.”

Her eyes seem to soften for just a second
before some kind of shield comes up. It leaves me completely lost
to what she might be feeling. My chest is tight with the need to
knock down whatever barrier is now in my way. I don’t want anything
between us. I just want her.

“Thanks for stopping by to check on me, but
as you can see I’m fine. You can—” Her words stop as her eyes land
on my bandaged leg. “What happened to your leg?”

I never thought I would thank Fuentes for
this, but when her eyes flash up to mine with worry in them, I do.
I thank him with everything I have. That barrier is gone, and I can
see the sadness in her eyes again.

She doesn’t give me the chance to respond.
She grabs my hand hauling me into the room, pushes me down to sit
on a purple suede couch, and sits right next to me. I breathe her
in as the need to touch her explodes inside of me. I want to feel
her soft skin against my fingertips, again.

“It’s nothing.” I manage to force the word
out through my constricted chest. “Just a little accident with
Ethan. You know, guy stuff.”

Relief lights her eyes. I know I’m not
imagining it this time. “That’s good.”

I nod on a half-smile as I reach out to
clasp a lock of her soft hair between my fingers. Her eyes widen
again, but she doesn’t stop me. “Are you sure you’re okay? I know
what it’s like, to lose a parent.” I clarify. “I’m here if you want
to talk about it.”

A gentle nod accompanied by a sorrowful
pinch of her brow draws my eyes away from the lock of hair I’m
twisting around my fingers, and back to her. “You lost a parent?”
She asks the question so softly it makes me think she was afraid to
ask. I don’t want her to be afraid to ask me anything.

“Yeah, both in a way.” Her bottom lip
trembles slightly, and it makes me wonder if she is sad for me or
for herself.

“What do you mean in a way?”

I keep my eyes on her as I answer. I don’t
talk about this, and I’m not exactly sure what’s making me talk
now. I don’t know if it’s the situation that has me wanting to tell
her things I’ve only ever shared with my family, or if it’s just
this girl specifically.

“My dad was killed when I was too young to
remember him, but after he died Mom got real sick. She started
drinking,
a lot
. Then one day she drank a little too much,
and wrapped her car around a tree.” I release her hair as I run my
hand through my own. “She’s pretty much a vegetable now. My aunt
came to help raise me for a while, but she ignored me most of the
time. Took off as soon as I turned eighteen.” I pause, giving
myself a minute to pull myself together before I continue. “Even if
Mom weren’t in the condition she is, she would hate herself if she
found out that she’d hit a minivan before the tree. She killed a
little girl who hadn’t been fastened into her child seat
properly.”

Raven’s eyes are lined with liquid now. I
can’t stop myself from running my thumb over her cheek to catch a
stray tear as it spills over. “Don’t cry, Raven. It was a long time
ago. Besides, I came here to make sure you’re okay, not to make you
cry.”

I drop my hand away when she nods. “I’m
fine.” She rubs at her eyes. I really want to kiss away every tear
on her face. “I wasn’t very close to my mother.”

This surprises me. By Trisha’s reaction, I
would have thought Raven loved her mom “I can understand that.”
I guess
. Honestly, I’m really confused right now.

Raven’s laugh surprises me even more, but I
don’t comment. I love her laugh. It’s soft and whimsical, and
nothing like the tough exterior I’m used to from her. “No you
can’t, but that’s okay.”

My hand grasps hers while I rub tiny circles
into her skin. “I want to understand.”

She slips her hand from mine before she
stands and crosses the room. Putting way too much space between us.
“Maybe someday.” Her fingers land on her hips and she sighs. “I’m
glad you stopped by, really I am, but I just want to be alone
now.”

Why is she always trying to get rid of
me?
I stand and quickly cross the room to stand in front of
her. I knock her hands away from her hips to replace them with
mine, but as soon as I touch the soft curves that drive me crazy,
she tenses. Her reaction has me jerking my hands back like she
burned me. I search her gaze for anything that will tell me what
she’s thinking, or feeling, but that fucking mask has been
resurrected.

“Will I still see you Friday?” I really want
to see her Friday.
Fuck
, maybe I’m just as pathetic as Ethan
is with Trisha. Will that be me? Waiting around to fetch whatever
bone she might throw me? Possibly. “I’m sorry if I upset you by
coming here, but I still want to see you Friday.”

Her stance softens but just barely. It’s
enough to give me the slightest bit of hope. Maybe, I haven’t
completely fucked this up. “I don’t know.”

Fuck that hurt.
Is this what
disappointment feels like?
I shove my hands into my pockets as
I leave the room. I decide that if she shows up Friday, I will hold
onto this with everything I have inside of me, but if she doesn’t,
I need to walk away. I need to protect myself.

Chapter Eleven

Raven

I watch as he
leaves the room, and when I hear the door click shut, I fall to the
carpet. My hands cradle my face as tears course down my cheeks. I’m
surprised I still have tears to cry. I don’t know if I’m crying
over the mother who never loved me, Dylan’s sad story, or the fact
that I completely panicked at what should have been a normal touch
between two people who are attracted to one another. Maybe I’m
crying for all of those things.

I can’t imagine what growing up must have
been like for a little boy left alone to care for his mother. I
can’t decipher how I’m supposed to feel about my mother, but at
this point I think I just feel numb where she is concerned. Will I
ever be able to handle being touched romantically? I don’t know,
but I know that if I ever can, I want those touches to be with
Dylan.

I know that thought is ridiculous. I’ll
never be able to get close enough to him. I’m too damaged. Dylan
will give up on me, move on, and that’s okay—that’s normal. Guys
like Dylan don’t get involved with girls who are too much work, and
I am the epitome of too much work.

When you grow up living a hard life you
search out the easy things as you get older. That’s where Dylan is.
I can see it. He’s living the easy life. I would add a whole new
level of hard to deal with. I know he doesn’t really want that. He
doesn’t know the truth about me. If he did, he wouldn’t have been
here just now.

I wipe the tears from my face as I stand. I
shouldn’t go Friday. It will only confuse him more, give him hope
that his charm is working. It is, but I know that it shouldn’t be.
He wants something from me that I don’t think I will ever be able
to give anyone. It’s better for both of us not to entertain the
what
could have been
.

I’ll tell Trisha I’m not feeling well. After
last night’s revelations, she won’t question me. Uncle Jim and I
told Trisha
everything
last night. I haven’t seen her cry so
much since her mom left. I knew she wasn’t a mess over my mother’s
death. She was grieving for me. I also know she would never tell
Ethan about what happened to me. Regardless of her feelings for
him, she will let him believe her pain is for the obvious
reason.

Walking slowly into my attached bathroom, I
draw up a bath, letting the warm water slip through my fingers as I
test the temperature. The sense of freedom that has settled over me
after just a single night is indescribable. It’s like I’ve been
living my life carrying an anvil around my neck, and someone has
finally cut it loose. I can
relax
again. I can move freely
without the fear of possible attack.

I strip out of my cotton sleep pants and
tank as the water slowly fills the porcelain tub. I don’t wait
until it’s full before I sink down into the warm water. The jets in
the sides push the water against my back and toes. It’s like having
a personal masseuse and hot tub all in one. It’s the most relaxing
feeling I’ve ever experienced, and it makes me want to linger and
give myself time to think
, undisturbed.

I didn’t have to think long over the choice
that Uncle Jim gave me. He let me decide how I wanted to handle
Harper, and I have. Harper
is
my daughter. I didn’t want
her, I didn’t think I could ever love her, and I had wished her
dead on numerous occasions before her birth. That was three years
ago, and since then, my whole outlook on what love is supposed to
be has changed.

Since then, I’ve learned that she loves
ladybugs and butterflies, her favorite snack is peanut butter and
jelly, and she has the most adorable smile. Most of all, I’ve
learned that I love her with all of my damaged heart. Every broken
and bent piece of it.

Harper is the biggest reason for me to stop
whatever is happening with Dylan. I’ve made my choice. I am
Harper’s mother. I don’t think I’m capable of pretending I’m not
anymore. Harper deserves to have a mother that loves her. She
deserves to know more than the abuse I had let myself become
accustom to.