Dying Wish: A Novel of the Sentinel Wars (33 page)

It was starting to get hard to tell just what the right thing was anymore, but the part of him that had held on to honor reminded him of his course. “I will.”

Joseph nodded. “Be quick about it. I want someone bonded to Serena as soon as possible so we’ll know if she’s planning anything.”

That Iain couldn’t help him with, but he pretended to agree and left the room.

He should have marched straight to the armory for a clean blade, and then headed out to meet his fate tonight. But he couldn’t do it. Not yet. He had to see Jackie again and reassure her that all would be well. He wasn’t going to abandon her for some other woman.

He was simply going to abandon her.

Jackie was a jumbled mess of irrational emotions. She hated Serena for showing up, even as she pitied the poor woman for her two centuries of captivity. Jealousy tore through her, but why should it when she didn’t care what Iain did? He had already made it clear that he wanted her to be with another man. And none of this should have bothered her, because all she wanted was to be left alone to live her life. She didn’t need Iain. Let him have Serena. It shouldn’t have mattered one bit.

But it did, and that pissed her off.

She paced her empty suite, feeling the crackle of magic spilling from her fingers. Her hair stood on end, and the lights over her head flickered.

She needed to calm down. Act rationally.

The door to her suite opened and Iain walked in as if he owned the place.

“How did you get in?”

He held up a key card. “I thought you might not let me in, so I took precautions.”

That made her stop in her tracks and stomp toward him. “You thought I might not let you in, so you went and got a key? Do you people not have any sense of privacy at all? Get the hell out.”

“We have to talk.”

“No. We don’t. I know the score. The woman you love is back. You should go be with her. She needs you.” Saying those words nearly choked her, but she forced them out.

“You don’t understand. It’s not that simple.”

Jackie tugged on the luceria around her throat, trying to pull the damn thing off. “Serena is alive and well. Let this fucking thing fall off already, will you?”

He looked at the floor, his hands fisting at his sides. “If I could make it fall off, I would have done so already. You’re the one who made that foolish promise.”

Anger exploded inside of her and she got right in his face, going up on tiptoe to lessen the distance between him. “That promise saved your life, you ungrateful ass.”

“You should have let me die.” There was no heat in his words, only the even tone of acceptance.

That made no sense, so she instinctively reached through their link to see what was going on inside his head. There was anger, but none of it showed in his features. It was as if it wasn’t even enough for him to notice. Beneath the anger was regret, guilt, and a sense of loss, as if he’d made some irrevocable mistake.

“What is it?” she asked. “What have you done?”

“So many things.” He cupped her cheek, and she couldn’t help but lean into his touch. Her traitorous body didn’t care if she was mad at him, or that her feelings were clawed to pieces. It craved the feel of his skin
on hers, and the bubbling tingles that sank into her, warming her. “I have to leave you. I’m sorry. I wanted you to hear from my own lips how much I wish things were different.”

Jackie knew this was coming, but there was no way to brace herself for the blow. She rocked back, trying to keep the tears pooling in her eyes from falling. “It’s fine. I understand. You love her. Of course you have to go be with her.”

His eyelids lowered in regret. “Go see Cain. Please. I hate leaving you unprotected.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“You will be as long as you have access to Cain’s power. Promise me you’ll go to him.”

“No. I’m not making any promises to you.”

“Please, Jackie. Just speak to him. Spend some time with him. He will keep you safe. He would never allow you to be taken by Synestryn again.”

She was tired of this argument. What harm could there be in doing as he asked? Especially now, while she was already bound to Iain and unable to make any bad decisions. The one she’d already made circled her throat, preventing her from making another. “Okay. I’ll go see him if it will make you feel better about doing what you need to do.”

Jackie wanted him to be happy. She really did. Even as jealous as she was, as hurt as she was, she’d grown to care for him. He deserved a chance to be happy, even if she had nothing to do with making him that way.

He nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. His black gaze roamed her face as if memorizing it, and then he leaned down and placed a soft, quick kiss on her mouth. “Good-bye,” he whispered, then turned and left her standing alone.

It was what she wanted, wasn’t it? What she’d been asking for all along?

Jackie refused to cry, but she was going to end up doing
just that if she didn’t distract herself. She’d told Iain she’d go see Cain, so it was best to get that over with so she was free of her obligation. The sooner she stopped thinking about Iain, the easier it would be to get her shit together and move on.

Iain almost left without saying anything to Serena. He’d already caused her so much pain, and he couldn’t think of a single thing he could say now that would ease any of it. Still, out of respect for what they’d once shared, he felt honor-bound to at least tell her good-bye.

He went to the interrogation room where she was being held. Joseph had had it built since finding out there was a traitor in their midst, and yet building it hadn’t done anything to help root out the culprit. Not even Nicholas, with his electronic eyes and ears planted everywhere, had had any luck finding the traitor.

Iain wasn’t going to have to worry about such things much longer. He’d caused enough damage, clinging to what he thought was honor, when it had really been hubris. He’d stayed alive thinking that he alone could save his brothers.

It was utter and complete bullshit. He realized that now.

Or maybe he’d just realized what he was doing to Jackie, tying her to a man with no soul. He’d nearly raped her. If she’d resisted, he would have. His monster had gone out of control, and he knew it was only a matter of time before it happened again.

He didn’t just have a monster lurking within him—he
was
the monster, wearing a mask of civility, hoping no one would notice his claws and fangs.

The door was locked. Iain looked up at the camera and dialed Joseph. “I want to see Serena,” he said.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Tynan is going to take some blood and check it against family records. I want to be absolutely sure about her before we let her out.”

“I’m not going to let her out. I just want to talk to her.”

“Iain, I—”

“Damn it, Joseph! Just let me talk to her, explain about Jackie. I owe her that much.”

Joseph sighed. “Fine. Give me a minute and I’ll have Nicholas open the lock.”

Iain paced until he heard the click and then went inside. There, on the other side of the glass, Serena sat, her head resting on her folded arms. As soon as he stepped close, she lifted her head. “Iain?”

So. She could still feel him the way she once had.

Iain went through the adjoining door, propping it open with a chair so he didn’t get locked in.

She drew herself up, straightening her shoulders. Her regal beauty was still there, but its power over him had faded. Or perhaps it was his lack of a soul that had diminished his appreciation for her looks. Intellectually, he could see that her features were perfectly symmetrical and delicate, but when he reached inside to see how he felt about her, all he got was air and dust. There was nothing left there but the memory of what he’d once felt.

“How are you?” he asked. “Do you need anything?”

“I’d like some decent clothing. I don’t like showing my limbs to any who walk in.”

He nodded and sent a text to Joseph to see if she could get a change of clothes.

“What is that device?”

“A cell phone. A lot has happened since you were…taken.”

“Taken,” she said, a hint of mocking laughter in her tone. “What a kind way to phrase my imprisonment.”

“I didn’t mean to make light of what happened to you.”

Her gaze moved to his throat, and grief flickered through her canted eyes. “How long am I to stay here?”

“It’s not up to me.”

“So, you’re here to catch up on old times? I can’t
imagine your woman would appreciate you keeping private company with me.”

“I’m here out of respect. For what we shared.”

“You mean you’re here to tell me that you no longer love me. No need. I already determined as much the moment I saw you. You’re different now.”

He lowered his gaze for fear of her seeing right through him. “A lot has happened since you’ve been gone.”

“Nothing has happened. At least not for me.”

“I’m sorry, Serena. I truly am. I wish things could be different.”

“So do I.”

“You’ll be safe here. Cared for.”

“But not by you, you mean?”

“I can’t change that,” he said.

“Do you love her?” asked Serena. “Do you love her the way you did me?”

He wished he did, but the truth was that love was beyond him now. Both for Serena and for Jackie. “Talking about this is only going to hurt you.”

She jolted to her feet, her skirts spinning around her. “Don’t you dare speak to me of pain. I’m not a child for you to coddle. We were in love. I was willing to abandon my family for you. I deserve to know if you love the woman who has replaced me.”

He stood, searching for a way to lessen the pain he saw glittering in her eyes. “Jackie and I have only known each other a short time.”

She shook with anger as she grabbed his hand, holding his luceria in front of his face. “Your ring speaks differently. And your lifemark…” Before he could even realize what she was doing, she grabbed the front of his shirt and tore it open. Buttons clicked on the floor.

She looked down at his chest, and her face went pale, her eyes wide. She pressed her hand against his lifemark, staring in horror. “Why has your tree not been restored?
Where are the leaves? I see only three, and each one of them is a lie.”

Iain gathered her hands in one of his and tried to close the tattered remains of his shirt. “Serena, let me explain.”

“Explain?” she whispered. “You can’t explain away this.” She looked up into his eyes as she backed away. “Now I know what it was I saw—what was different about you. You’re not just colder. You’re…soulless.”

“No,” he hurried to say, struggling to think of something to appease her and wipe away the fear vibrating through her.

As he stepped forward, she moved back, pressing herself into the wall.

The monster inside of Iain began to strain inside its cage, demanding to be set free. It wanted to kill Serena to keep her from spilling his secret. Then Iain could lie and say she was an impostor, that she’d turned on him. No one would ever question his decision to protect the people here.

He didn’t even have the chance to fight the beast before Joseph busted into the room, his sword drawn. “Is what she said true?”

Iain reached for his blade. He could beat Joseph in battle. The man spent more time behind a desk than in the field. He’d gone soft, was out of practice. It wouldn’t even be that hard to cut him down.

The monster cheered him on, clanging against the bars, chanting encouragement.
Kill, kill, kill.

It would be so easy. So fast. He could be out of here in seconds, and no one would ever know his shame.

He felt Jackie’s presence brush his mind, as if something had disturbed her. She was concerned. For him. He’d just dumped her, and yet she was worried what happened to him.

If he killed Joseph, she’d find a way to blame herself for his actions—for not having seen what he really was.

Iain drew his sword. The steel felt good in his hand. Right. The monster let out a hiss of encouragement.

Kill, kill, kill.

Iain couldn’t. The only thing he had left was his honor, and an honorable man would never kill his brother or a defenseless woman.

He opened his fist. The sword fell to the ground in a clang of steel, and Serena scrambled to pick it up, pointing it at his chest.

He raised his hands slowly and looked at Joseph, knowing he no longer had a choice. “I won’t fight, but do what you need to do fast. I don’t know how much longer I can stay in control of myself.”

Joseph stepped forward and slammed the butt of his sword into Iain’s temple hard enough to make his world go black.

J
ackie felt something odd, but when she reached out to Iain to see what was the matter, he shut her out.

Fine. She really didn’t want to know what was going on with him and Serena anyway. It was none of her business. She just wished the damn luceria would hurry up and fall off already, so she wouldn’t keep getting tortured with glimpses of the man she…what? Was fond of? Cared for? Loved?

No. It was simply a matter of attachment—artificial feelings that would go away as soon as the luceria did. For now, however, it was going to be handy having Iain’s luceria on for what she was about to do.

Jackie found Cain in the workout area. As chilly as it was, he was still shirtless, drenched in sweat. Huge amounts of weight were attached to a barbell, which he hoisted as if it were empty.

He was a big man, with gigantic hands, and a thick, heavy build. His eyes were dark green, and they watched her steadily as she approached. It was only when she was standing right next to him, making it obvious that she’d come to see him, that he stopped what he was doing.

“Can I talk to you?” she asked.

“Of course.” His voice was deep, gravelly, and rough.

“Alone?”

His eyes darted to her necklace, then back to her face. “Yes, my lady.”

Jackie had heard that term used before in reference to the other Theronai women, but she wasn’t sure if it was some sort of ceremonial title, or a term of endearment. Either way, she ignored it so that she could have this chore over with as soon as possible.