Dying Wish: A Novel of the Sentinel Wars (30 page)

He knew it wasn’t possible, but the longer he was around her—connected to her—the more hopeful he became. He hadn’t cared about much of anything before. He did what he was supposed to do out of a sense of honor and duty, operating with little thought beyond what was the most efficient way to save his brothers and slay the demons. Like a robot, he did things without caring, moving from one task to the next without judging his actions.

Being linked to Jackie had changed that. He wanted things now—impossible, beautiful things. And while his emotions gave him the ability to be with her like this, in the aftermath of passion, they also made it hard to accept what he knew awaited him.

He could fool her for only so long. She’d learned to tap into his thoughts. She’d nearly seen his monster. It was only a matter of time before he could no longer protect her from what lurked inside of him—from what he truly was. She’d find out about his dead soul and everything they’d shared would forever be tainted with that knowledge.

He didn’t want that. He wanted her to remember him with fondness, not horror. He couldn’t stand the idea that she’d regret what they’d shared, or that, in doing so, she would look at his brothers with skepticism and mistrust. As much as he hated the idea, she needed to move on to find another mate—one who was whole and could give her everything she deserved.

Her fingers slid over his hip in a sleepy caress. Lust began to gather in him again, clouding his thoughts with how easy it would be to roll her back and fuck her. She was still slick from his seed. His cock would slide in easy.
She wouldn’t even realize what he was doing until he had her where he wanted her, spread out beneath him, taking every inch.

It wasn’t right. A man with honor wouldn’t take advantage of a sleeping woman like that. A man with honor would get up and guard her sleep, ensuring that she was safe while she got the rest she needed.

So that’s what he did. He knelt beside the bed with his sword laid out before him, and let himself drift into that meditative state where his throbbing cock no longer mattered. If danger came near, he’d know it. If she rose from the bed, he’d hear. But until those things happened, he would hover here, in this gray place, letting his body dissipate into the fog.

There was no thought here. No grief for what he would soon lose. It was as close to happiness as he was going to get.

While Logan drove into Kansas City, Hope scoured the Internet for signs of the women she’d played with as a child—the ones Brenya had sent through the Sentinel Stone. She knew what it was like to be utterly alone in this world, without a single friend or relative to claim you. Sister Olive had taken Hope in, but had anyone been as kind to these women?

Guilt weighed her down as her search went on. She couldn’t even remember these girls’ names, no matter how hard she tried. She could see their faces, and hear their voices, but that was all she could regain from her murky past.

Logan pulled into a parking lot and stopped the van. His hand curled over her shoulder, massaging the ache from her neck. “You’ve been at this for hours. It’s time to take a break, love.”

“You’d think it wouldn’t be all that hard to find some kind of record of two women showing up in a city with amnesia.”

“Be grateful that it is hard. I’m sure that their lack of attention has served to protect them.”

She let out a long sigh and leaned her cheek against his hand. “We have to find them.”

“We will. You and I will go into the city and find them ourselves.”

“I don’t even know where to start. The only articles I can find about women with amnesia are of people who have families. Most of them are elderly, and none of the pictures were of the girls I remember.”

“Relax,” said Logan, and she could feel a hint of power sliding through his voice, draining her muscles of tension. “We will find them. After I show you something.”

“Show me what?

“I have a gift for you. I thought now would be a good time to give it to you, all things considered.”

He was so sweet. Here she was worried sick, and he was working to find a way to make her feel better.

Hope gave him a smile that felt a bit sloppy. “I’m sorry I’ve been such awful company.”

He stroked her cheek. “You’re worried. I am as well. But we will find your friends. Trust me on that.”

“I do.” She knew he’d move heaven and earth to give her whatever she wanted. If those women were still out there, they would find them.

He grinned and, in an instant, became the most beautiful man that had ever walked the planet. “Look up, love.”

Hope looked out the front window of his van and saw that they’d arrived at the Tyler building—the one that had once housed the Sentinel Stone, the one where she’d come through with no memory of who she was or why she was here.

“What are we doing here?” she asked.

“This is your gift.”

“What? My gift?”

His smile widened. “I bought the building. I’ve already hired a construction crew to rebuild the interior, and a director to oversee the project.”

“You bought me a
building
?” She had no idea why he would do such a thing.

“I bought you a homeless shelter—one to replace the one that burned down. I thought we could name it after Sister Olive.”

The solid brick structure wavered in her vision as tears filled her eyes. She’d spent years working at the old shelter. It was like a home to her. Sister Olive had taken her in and watched over her when no one else had cared. And now she was gone—killed by Synestryn. The old shelter had burned to the ground. Hope had tried to move on, but her thoughts were often of the people left behind, of those who no longer had a safe place to go.

Logan must have known. And he wasn’t the kind of man who could know about a need without working to fill it.

That was one more reason why she loved him so deeply.

“Thank you,” she whispered, unable to speak clearly through gratitude clogging her throat. She unfastened her seat belt and leaned over, kissing him, trying to show him how she felt in the face of words that would not flow.

The kiss ended, and he cupped her face, staring down at her with eyes that pulsed with faint flickers of light. “I should buy you buildings more often.”

She laughed at that. “You’re ridiculous, but I love you anyway.”

“So I didn’t overstep my bounds?” he asked. “I know nothing can ever replace the void that Sister Olive left behind, but I thought this would honor her memory.”

“It does. It’s perfect. And so are you.”

Jackie woke as the sky lightened. Her eyes opened to see Iain kneeling, naked, his eyes closed and his body
relaxed. She stared at him for a long time, watching him breathe. The tree on his chest was mostly empty of leaves, unlike those of her sisters’ husbands. Their trees had budded and sprung new leaves. She didn’t understand the process, but she knew it had something to do with a woman taking a man’s luceria.

Why was Iain’s lifemark still bare?

Maybe it was because he knew they weren’t staying together.

The thought bothered her more than it should have. She couldn’t very well head back into her old life with a giant sword-wielding warrior following her to the office. And he would. She didn’t doubt that for a second. Iain wasn’t the type to leave her unguarded.

Even now, while there was a naked, warm woman lying right here, he chose to get out of bed and stand guard, rather than seeing to his own comfort. Men like that didn’t exist anymore—or if they did, she’d never met one.

Jackie slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom and cleaned herself up. When she came out, Iain was standing in front of her, naked and glorious. His body was wrapped in muscles, covered in smooth skin, and completely delicious. As she watched, he became hugely erect. It made her mouth water and her knees weaken as she remembered just how he could make her feel. She couldn’t help but stare.

Desire swirled around low in her belly, and she felt her nipples bead up, tightening in hopes he’d touch her again, or use his hot mouth to drive her wild.

“You should dress,” he said, his voice rough and low.

“Later.” When she was done with him.

She took a step forward and put her hand over his heart. The steady, strong beat soothed something deep inside of her, allowing a bit of tension she’d carried around for far too long to ease.

She curled her fingers into his flesh, enjoying the steely strength of his pecs. The scent of his skin filled the
space between them, inflaming her senses even as it calmed her.

Outside of this place lurked monsters. Both real and metaphorical. She had big decisions to make that could alter the course of people’s lives. But right now, right here, enclosed in this little house out in the middle of nowhere, she felt safe and happy. She knew they had to leave soon—that the outside world wouldn’t wait forever—but she was in no hurry to make it happen.

Jackie stepped closer, pressing her naked body to his. He flinched and sucked in a breath, and then his eyelids fell shut in pleasure. Tingling bubbles soaked into her wherever his skin met hers. He was so warm, she couldn’t stop herself from trying to get closer.

“We should go,” he said, but she could hear indecision ringing in his tone. He wanted to stay as much as she did.

“We will.” She pulled his head down so she could kiss his mouth, hoping to rid him of any more thoughts about leaving.

He gave in to her kiss with a groan, and then gripped her hips in his big hands. His erection throbbed against her belly, and she felt herself growing wet and slick in response. She needed to feel him inside of her again, but first, she wanted to show him the same kind of pleasure he’d given her last night.

She kissed his chin, and then his neck, lingering at the band of lighter skin where his luceria had once lain. Every time her tongue flickered over that patch, his body clenched and he sucked in a breath. A wave of feminine power swelled within her as she realized one more way she could make him feel good.

Jackie pressed her teeth to his neck, nibbling and sucking hard enough to leave marks. She liked the idea that others would know she’d claimed him—at least for now. It went against everything she was working for, but right now, she simply didn’t care.

His hand snaked between them to cup her breast, his thumb rubbing across her hard nipple. Jolts of sensation arced into her womb, making her sway with the force of her growing need.

Sweat beaded up along her spine as she kissed a path down his chest and abdomen, until she was on her knees at his feet. He looked down at her, his cheeks dark and his mouth tight with lust. She could tell he knew what she wanted to do, and that he wanted it just as much as she did.

Jackie wrapped her fingers around his erection and licked across the wide end. His whole body clenched hard and he actually shook. He grabbed her head and pulled her away, staring down at her with a fierce, black gaze. “Don’t. I won’t be able to control myself.”

She smiled up at him, victory coursing through her veins. She didn’t want his control. She wanted him. All of him. “Good,” she told him, and then she slid her mouth over his cock.

A low, rumbling groan vibrated through his body, into hers, tingling along her nerve endings. Without conscious thought, her mind reached for his, aching for that deeper connection she’d shared with him last night. It was against her principles to invade his privacy, but she couldn’t help herself. She needed it, the way she needed the taste of him on her tongue and the feel of him stretching her as he filled her.

She felt his control—tight bands of it stretching through his mind. The effort was exhausting and painful for him. She tried to tell him to stop, but her mouth was busy, and the words flittering through her thoughts were too jumbled for her to have any hope he’d understand. The only thing she could think to do was reassure him that this was what she wanted.

Jackie showed him her desire, sending it through their link in hot, pulsing waves. The resounding echo that came back was darker and harder, tinted with an
animalistic ferocity. And there was fear. For her. He was afraid of hurting her or scaring her, maybe. She couldn’t be sure, but she was stronger than he thought. She could take whatever he had to give.

That’s what she wanted.

Her message got through. She could feel the knowledge swelling in his mind, glowing like a beacon, lighting up all the dark urges he’d tried to keep hidden. She stared at them, groaning with need.

She pulled her mouth from his erection with a sucking pop, and looked up at him. “That’s what I want—the real man within, not the one you show the world.”

Jackie felt those bands of control tighten as he struggled to fight his urges. And then they snapped. Whatever he’d been trying to hold back was unleashed. She saw his body shift and stretch as if settling into his own skin. He rolled his shoulders in a powerful move and looked down at her. Those were not Iain’s eyes. They looked like his, but she could tell the difference. The man gazing down at her in hunger was no longer Iain.

T
he monster was out. It howled in victory. Jackie had freed it, and there was nothing Iain could do but pray he’d regain control again before she got hurt.

He grabbed the back of her head in one hand and his throbbing cock in the other. “Open,” he growled, rubbing himself against her lips.

She smiled, and did as his monster asked, taking his cock into her sweet mouth once more. The hot suction drove him mad, making him fuck her mouth with short, shallow thrusts. She took him as deep as she could, but it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.

Pressure built in his balls as he watched her cheeks hollow out with every stroke. Her fingernails scraped over his sac, making him suck in a hard breath. It was too much sensation and yet still not enough.

Her hips began to undulate, and he saw she had her hand between her thighs. A moan of pleasure vibrated out of her throat, tickling his cock. He couldn’t control his lust, he couldn’t control his beast, but he could at least make sure that she was right there with him, spinning out of control.