Dusty Britches (64 page)

Dusty paused. She didn
’
t want to ruin his good mood, but the question had been banging around in her head for days.
“
Well, if you wanna talk…
”
He nodded encouragingly.
“
Let
’
s talk about exactly why that paper y
a
got in the post the other day seemed to upset y
a
so much.
”

Immediately
,
his manner changed
;
so did his expression. His playful grin turned to a severe frown.
Yet
he didn
’
t leave or reprimand her. He simply said,
“
Someone died. And…and that
’
s sad most of the time, ain
’
t it?
”

He
’
d answered her question. She had no desire to u
pset him, so she simply nodded—
even though her curiosity and the jealousy in her heart, burning over what she assumed were the reasons the paper had upset him, still ate at her soul.

“
So,
”
he said then,
“
why did you ever hook up with a frog like Cash Richardson in the first place?
”

Though his question upset and rather
vexed her, it was fair enough—
considering hers. There was nothing to do but answer him.

“
Do y
a
really want to know? Do y
a
want to know what really happened?
”
Dusty asked him.
“
I know you
’
ve heard it all already. So why hear it again?
”

“
I want to hear it from you.
”

“
Fine. I
’
ll tell y
a
.
”
Dusty inhaled deeply and crossed her legs beneath her skirt. Unconsciously she began picking blades of grass from the ground one at a time.
“
I
’
ve known Cash for a long time. To be honest…I never gave him a second thought until I was about sixteen.
”
She realized her story would s
ound blunt and lacking emotion. Still, it was the truth—and the o
nly way she
knew how to
tell it.
“
He started courting me then. He was
nice…thoughtful…handsome.
”
Ryder sniffed and coughed in obvious disagreement. Dusty couldn
’
t help but smile.
“
He is fairly handsome, Ryder.
”

“
For a frog, I guess he is.
”

Dusty smiled and shook her head
.
“
He treated me
very, very well…like I was special…l
ike I meant everything to him. Nobody had treated me like that since…
”
S
he glanced at him
,
and he smiled guiltily.
“
For a long time,
”
she finished.
“
And he wasn
’
t a cowboy, so I knew…
”
S
he stopped herself but not soon enough.

“
You knew
he wouldn
’
t leave y
a
,
”
he finished for her.

“
Yes,
”
she admitted, looking down at the grass she was picking.
“
Every other man around seemed so…so…
”

“
They were all cowboys. Like someone else y
a
knew once,
”
he finished again.

“
Yes,
”
she admitted.
“
Cash seemed…I really thought I could be sort of happy with him.
”

“
That
’
s the dumbest thing I ever heard!
”
Ryder growled suddenly.
“
You thought you could be sort of happy with him?
”

“
You asked me abou
t it. I’m telling you the truth,”
Dusty reminded. It had been hard f
or her to start the tale—h
umiliating. And she was suddenly beginning to feel silly for confiding in him.
“
He w
as the only choice I had, Ryder.”

“
Please!
”
Ryder grumbled, sitting up completely and scowling at her.
“
You were seventeen when he asked you, weren
’
t y
a
? Dusty! It ain
’
t like you
were an old, shriveled-up prune.”

“
I
’
m sorry I even told you,
”
she spat, jumping to her feet and stomping away.

“
Come on now. I
’
m sorry.
”
Ryder was at her heels instantly
,
and she stopped as he took hold of her arm.
“
He just gets my dander up, that
’
s all.
”
He turned her to face him.
“
Don
’
t stomp off mad again. Finish it. I really want to know what happened from you.
”

Dusty looked up into
his magnificently handsome face. The
all too familiar pang of heartbreak stabbed at her heart. She felt the need to escape him now
,
as she always did when she knew she was weakening toward him
—
when she dared to think her dream might become reality. Even after their tender, intimate moments yesterday in the barn, she battled fear. She
’
d won so many battles with the emotion, but the war raged on.

“
Yes, seventeen.
”
She paused
,
reflecting on how mature she
’
d thought she
’
d been then.
“
We were engaged to be married
,
and about a month before the wedding, I went over to the
Richardsons
’
to see Cash…t
o surprise him one evening. I’
d just made him a cake for his danged birthday. When I think of all the effort I wasted on him
…”
she mumbled out of context.
“
Well, as I was walking toward the house
,
I heard somethin
’
comin
’
from the
Richardson
s
’
barn. I went over and looked in
,
and there was Cash and one of the saloon girls from town.
”
Ryder let out a breath of exasperation
,
and then she continued.
“
They weren
’
t doin
’
any more than kissin
’—
at least then
—
but…
”

“
And what did y
a
do?
”
Ryder interrupted.

“
What do you think I did? I smashed the cake in his face and went home,
”
she answered.

“
I thought he was such a gentleman
.
So
high and mighty…so much better
than us lowly cow
boys
,
”
Ryder grumbled.

“
He was a gentleman! To me,
”
she continued
.
“
That was the
ridiculous
part of his story. He had too much respect for me, you see. But he had all this…this penned-up desire for me. And he couldn
’
t endure it any longer. Have y
a
ever heard such a cockamamie excuse?
”
she asked him.

Ryder raised his eyebrows for a moment and mumbled,
“
A real gentleman would just ride off one night
…
don
’
t y
a
think?
”

Dusty didn
’
t really
think on
what he said at first
. She simply
went on dramatically venting her old frustration.
“
He told me that to expect any man to resist
…well,
molesting me
…
was
just
too much to ask! How could he be expected not to falter and place his affections on someone else until he could have me…completely
?”

“
Oh, hand me a bucket
’
fore I throw up!
” Ryder exclaimed disgustedly. He sat
down in the grass again. His anger
and
his disgust with Cash
’
s actions were obvious.
“
Can
’
t expect a man to keep control of hisself, huh? That
’
s a real good excuse for bein
’
that kind of a jackass!
”
He shook his head in irritation.

Dusty shrugged.
“
He tried to make excuses, tried to explain, said he loved me…couldn
’
t lose me…that he
’
d die if I walked away from him. So…I walked away.
”

“
Hopin
’
he
’
d die?
”
Ryder chuckled.

Dusty couldn
’
t stop the smile from break
ing across her face. “Probably…
now that I think back on it.
”

“
But he didn
’
t have the gumption to up and die, so…
”
he prodded her.

“
So,
”
Dusty sighed heavily,
“
he destroyed my pride, and I realized I wasn
’
t hurt enough to have really been in love with him. And I hated myself for that. I realized what a shallow person I
’
d let myself become…settlin
’
for less than I lived my life to deserve and
—”

“
Interestin
’
that you should put your pride before your heart,
”
he mumbled.
“
It
’
s also very interestin
’
that it
’
s your pride that keeps you from completely warmin
’
up to people now.
”

“
I
’
m plenty warmed up to people!
”
Dusty defended herself, knowing full well he was right.

“Oh, yeah!” he chuckled with sarcasm
.
“
A right hot apple pie!
”

He winked at her teasingly. Still,
she felt the heat of being provoked rising in her ears. It quickly died, however, the moment she looked down at him sitting in the grass
—
his legs stretched out long in front of him
,
his hat tipped back on his head as he leaned back on his arms looking at her. She was instantly calmed and delighted by the fact he sat so relaxed and attentive to her
—
that she had somehow found herself confiding in him. She wanted
to be like an apple pie to him—
wanted to warm him, share s
weet, delicious kisses with him—wa
nted to satisfy him through good conversation and companionship.

“
I…
”
Dusty began. She was about to tell him
s
he was finding her way up from the darkness of hurt, letting go of pride and hardheartedness
,
when Makenna bounded up
, plopping
herself directly in Ryder
’
s lap.