Dusty Britches (62 page)

“
Daddy?
”
she asked.
“
You all right? I
’
m sorry
.
I shouldn
’
t have told y
a
. I…I just thought it might help y
a
to…to…
”

“
To what, Dusty?
”
he asked. He was very emotional. She hadn
’
t realized fully how much he already cared for Miss Raynetta. The knowledge he
’
d hurt her in the past might now indeed serve to drive him further away from her rather than toward her.
“
To what?
”

“
I don
’
t know, Daddy,
”
Dusty cried suddenly.
“
Don
’
t keep yourself from happiness outta guilt about Mama! I can see you have feelin
’
s for Miss Raynetta, Daddy! Don
’
t
—”

“
You tryin
’
to tell me that it
’
s my fault she never married anybody else? You sayin
’
that?
”
he asked. Since her mother
’
s death
,
Dusty had never seen her father so disturbed and weakened.

“
No, Daddy. I
’
m not sayin
’
that
.”
She swallowed hard. She
’
d come this far
;
she might as well tie her own noose completely.
“
But sometimes, Daddy…sometimes y
a
love someone so much…so real…that it doesn
’
t matter who comes along
. E
ven if y
a
try your hardest to love someone else…it doesn
’
t matter. Sometimes…you can
’
t love somebody else.
”
How well she knew the truth of her own words.

“
Little Raynetta,
”
Hank whispered suddenly. Dusty felt tears streaming down her face at the sight of tears welling in her father
’
s eyes. He scratched his whiskery chin for a moment.
“
I remember that day…the day I left her daddy
’
s farm
’
cause me and your mama were gettin
’
married.
”
All the time he talked
,
his ey
es were on Raynetta McCarthy—o
n Raynetta McCarthy and full of tears.
“
She…she come out to the barn to say good
-
bye…
”

During his pause, Dusty closed her eyes against the pain in her heart. She knew all too perfectly what the young girl must
’
ve been feeling
,
w
hat she
’
d wanted to say. Only hadn
’
t.

“
She cried when she said good
-
bye,
”
Hank continued.
“
Told me she was cryin
’
because she was so happy
for Elly and me. She gave me a…
a scarf she
’
d been knittin
’
. Told me to congratulate Elly and said good
-
bye.
”
Her father coughed, choking back tears. Then he said,
“
I loved your mother so much, Dusty.
”

“
I know, Daddy,
”
Dusty whispered through her own tears.

“
It
’
s only been this past year or so that I
’
ve been findin
’
myself in mind of Miss Raynetta. I tell myself it wouldn
’
t be right…
that it would
be disrespectful to your mama and unfair to Miss Raynetta. I been tellin
’
myself that there ain
’
t nothin
’
left in an old goat like me to offer somethin
’
as young and full of life as her. And yet
sometimes…when she
’
s around…I feel twenty again! All those silly notions that go through your mind when you
’
re younger start up and…
”

They were both silent for a moment as they fought to control their emotions. In fact, they had both been shedding tears and looking down at their feet
,
so when Raynetta McCarthy spoke, it was the first they realized she
’
d approached them.

“
Well, you two seem awful sour tonight!
”
Miss Raynetta announced. Guiltily
,
both Dusty and her father looked up, revealing the obviously serious nature of their conversation.
“
Oh
, pardon me. I-
I
’
ll leave you two alone. I
’
m sorry I interrupted,
”
she apologized, turning to leave.

“
Raynetta,
”
Hank called out. Dusty noticed the way Miss Raynetta paused before turning around. Her father always called her
“
Miss Raynetta
,”
and in being so familiar he
’
d revealed something that had unsettled the darling woman. Slowly she turned around and looked first to Dusty and then to Hank.

“
Yes?
”
she asked. Her almo
st perpetual smile was gone;
her eyes were wide and frightened.

“
I…I…uh,
”
Hank stammered.
“
Could you and I have us a little chat?
”

Immediately, Miss Raynetta
’
s hands began to wring
,
and she looked to Dusty desperately.
“
Dusty?
”
she asked.
“
Dusty, what have you been talkin
’
to your daddy about?
”
Dusty could see the panic and tears rising in the woman
’
s eyes.

“
Ra
ynetta,” her father began. L
ifting her skirts, Miss Raynetta turned and lit out toward the barn.
“
Raynetta!
”
Hank called. He
didn
’
t waste a moment in pursuing her. Dusty knew Miss Raynetta would never be able to outrun her father. He was still one of the fastest runners in the county. No ma
tter how spry Miss Raynetta was,
and she fairly darted away like a spooked fairy, her father would track her down.

Tears fairly gushed f
rom Raynetta’s eyes as she ran—
so many tears that her vision was blurred
,
and she had trouble seeing where she was going. How could she? How could Dusty tell Hank her secret? He knew now! He knew! She
’
d seen it in his eyes as he turned and looked from his daughter to her. She stumbled and fell
,
picked herself up quickly
,
and ran on toward the barn.

“
Raynetta!
”
she heard him call after her.

How s
he wanted to stop and face him—
to tell him what she had never had the courage
to tell him so many years ago—
had never been brave enough to tell him since his sweet wife had passed. But she couldn
’
t. She couldn
’
t face him. She could never face him again!

“
Stop it!
”
he growled, and Raynetta felt a strong arm catch her around the waist
—
hold her still against a strong body. There would be no escaping him. As good to face t
he executioner as run from him,
she squirmed about in his one arm
,
which soon became two until he released her.

F
acing him, she cried,
“
How could she tell you? How could she?
”

“
She shouldn
’
t have had to,
”
Hank mumbled.
“
I should
’
ve
—”

“
I trusted her! I watc
hed her go through a heartbreak…the kind
that feels like it will kill you! I bled inside for her! I trusted her!
”
Burying her face in her hands, she sank to her knees in the straw
covering
the barn floor.

“
Did y
a
ever tell her not to tell me?
”
Hank asked bluntly.

Raynetta looked up to him in pain and disbelief.
“
No! You shouldn
’
t have to tell people not to tell some things!
”

“
Don
’
t be mad at my girl, Raynetta, please,
”
he said, in a soothing voice she
’
d come to know all too well.
“
She was only tryin
’
to help me.
”

“
I loved Elly, Hank. I swear to you! No one
was happier for her than me. I—
I never resented her! I never…
”
she sobbed, desperate to defend herself against any betrayal he might suspect her of.

“
I know,
”
he said, reaching down to put a hand on her shoulder.

She moved away from him. Standing and turning from him, she hugged herself and whispered,
“
Just leave me be, Hank. Please.
”

For the first time in her entire life, Raynetta McCarthy felt ridiculous wearing a red dress. She wished it were brown or straw
-
colored so she could sink away into the corners of the barn and not be noticed.

“
Raynetta,
”
Hank began.

“
I thought she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen. And when she had your babies…I thought,
‘
He
’
s lucky to have her. No one else could
’
ve had babies that pretty for him. I could nev
er have
had babies that pretty for him.
’
 
”
She didn
’
t see Hank wince as he stood behind her. She felt cold
—
as if she were living in a nightmare
—
and she just kept talking.
“
I wished so much that I coulda had babies for you. I wished that those little girls
could
a belonged to me. I tried not to think that way. I tried to love so many men
who
offered me marriage
,
but
—”

“
Raynetta,
”
Hank int
errupted, “I never, never would
a hurt you on purpose. Forgive me.
”

She turned to him suddenly.
“
Forgive you? For what? That
’
s like Ryder Maddox a
-
beggin
’
forgiveness from Dusty when
there weren’t nothin’ he could
a done different than to leave all those years ago. You did nothin
’
wrong. Nothin
’
. And neither did I.
”
Turning from him, she added,
“
And let
’
s leave it at that now, all right?
”

“
I don
’
t want you bein
’
angry with Dusty, Raynetta,
”
commanded Hank.
“
She
’
s lickin
’
her own wounds finally
,
and I know
she had my best interest at heart. She knows I…she
’
s seen me a
-
hankerin
’
after you and…and not reachin
’
out and takin
’
. She wanted to give me a shove forward, I suspect.
”