Dusty Britches (55 page)

“
Oh, yeah!
”
Then Feller chuckled.
“
But you
’
re a mighty brave boy to be corruptin
’
the boss
’
s daughter under his own roof!
”

“
You oughta try it sometime, Feller,
”
Ryder whispered.
“
You
’
d be surprised how much more their kisses confess to you in such circumstances.
”
Ryder winked at his friend, though Feller
’
s smile faded instantly. He walked back to his place on the floor and settled in for the short time of rest
remaining.



Dusty stood at the sink peeling apples for breakfast. The sun was just coming over the eastern horizon, spilling saffron warmth over the fields. Dusty loved mornings! She decided that the morning following a night part of which was spent in Ryder
’
s arms was the loveliest of all. Still, her hands began to tremble nervously at the thought of her own unguarded behavior with Ryder the night before. She
’
d spent most of the remaining hours before dawn rebuilding her resolve to r
esist him—r
eminding herself he wou
ld be leaving at some point,
that she could not endure her heart breaking for him again. Yet even for the hours spent in trying to dredge up resentment and fortitude, her heart fluttered at the thought of his hol
ding her—a
t the memory of their sweet, tender conversation beforehand and at the lingering feel of his kiss. She was dangerously close to the br
ink of losing her self-control,
of opening up the most tender and vulnerable
part of her heart—
dangerously close.

She was startled from her thoughts as two arms slid around her waist
. A
warm kiss savored her neck from behind. Trembling, she dropped the apple and
knife. She knew Ryder’s touch—
the feel of his breath on her
neck. S
truggling in his arms, she turned to face him.

“
What are you doing?
”
she scolded in a whisper.

Ryder released her, smiling down at her
with
amusement as he reached behind her and retrieved the apple.
“
Good mornin
’
to you too,
”
he chuckled, taking a bite out of the apple. Dusty couldn
’
t help but smile. She bit h
er lip and placed her hand over her mouth
as she studied his tousled hair.

“
I
’
ve always wanted to do that, you
know,” he said, leaning forward. He placed
a hand on either side of her, meeting her nose-to-nose
as he chewed the bite of apple in his mouth
.

“
Do what?
”
she asked, still sm
iling at his boyish appearance—
boyish
,
that was
,
except for the fully matured, muscular nature of his bare chest and arms.

“
That,
”
he repeated.
“
What I just did.
”
W
ith a mischievous grin and another bite of the apple
,
he turned and went out the kitchen door
and onto the porch. He paused, standing
next to Hank
as he surveyed
the damage from the fire.

It must be the kitchen
, Dusty thought. Why did she so often find herself at his whim in the kitchen?
Yet
as she watched h
im talking with her father—
as she dreamed of how wonderful it would be to see
them talking like that forever—
the blackness in her heart began to spread ag
ain. She tried to fight it off—
to tell herself and her will she didn
’
t want it there anymore. She tried to force her mind to let go of
the hurt of heartache and loss,
of resentment.
Still—
it
triumphed
. After nurturing it for so long, intentionally seeking it out in her soul, the darkness
and
the fear won out
,
and Dusty felt the door slam shut on her heart. Ryder would hurt her again. He would. Even if he didn
’
t intend to, fate would lead him to do it. And i
f it happened—when it happened—
she would die.
This time her heart would stop, shatter
into pieces. And so there, at the kitchen window, watching him walk away with her father and toward the smoldering pile that was once the bunkhouse,
Dusty
ended her dream. After trying so hard and so long to live it, she decided it must end
—b
efore it
killed her.



Dusty waited until after breakfast, when the other hands were about their work and she had seen Ryder go into the barn to saddle up. Quickly, she rushed out of the house and over to the barn. As she entered and saw him, still wearing his soot-covered pants, having borrowed a shirt from her father, her heart fluttered
,
and she almost changed her mind.
Yet
when he turned around and looked at her, the dazzle of his smile and the twinkle in his eyes threatening to seduce her from her intent, she plunged forward.

“
Don
’
t do this to me anymore, Ryder,
”
she said, turning away from him. If she looked at him, she would be in his arms in the next minute. She knew she would. She wanted to be there now
,
and
it
was why it was so necessary for her to tell him what she must.

“
Don
’
t do what? I
’
m puttin
’
on a bridle,
”
he told her, obviously puzzled.

“Don’t tease me. D-
don
’
t make me think that…don
’
t try to…
”

“
What?
”
he as
ked. He seemed completely naive.
A
s she turned and looked back to him, she saw understanding dawning on his face.
“
You tryin
’
to tell me not to…
”
he began.

“
Yes!
”
she stated emphatically. If she even heard him utter the word
kiss
again, her resolve would be lost! If he said anything clever to her at that moment, she would be undone.

He didn
’
t say anything at first. Then he spoke
,
and the sound of his
voice was like glimpsing heaven—yet
his words were a slice of hell.
“
All right. If that
’
s what you think you want.
”

Then she turned to face him.
“
It has to be that way.
”

“
Why?
”

His question was so simple, but the answer was so complicated!
“
Because…because…
”
she stammered.

“
Why?
”
he
repeated angrily, frowning
as he studied her.

“
Because…because…
”

“
Because you don
’
t trust me.
And ya don
’
t think
you can take heartbreak again. Am I right?
”
he demanded.

She couldn
’
t answer him
—
only stood drenched in heartache, longing, regret
,
and fear.

Suddenly, he was
furious.
“You’re not the only one who’s
had a long road of it, Dusty! But I
’
m here! And I
’
m here for my own reasons. So you either get on with me…or get over me, sugar!
”

Dusty knew he was right, but to admit it would be to fail completely.

“
Who do you think you are?
”
she nearly shouted at him.
“
I am over you! I
’
ve been over you since
—”

“
Don
’
t lie to me either!
”
he growled, his frown deepening. Reaching out, Ryder took hold of her chin firmly.
“
Now, I won
’
t play with you anymore…since you think that
’
s what I
’
m doin
’
. I won
’
t play if that
’
s what you
’
re wantin
’
. But it
’
s up to you to burn the book this time…or open it. It
’
s up to you.
”
He paused
and
then adde
d, “And we’ll leave it at that…
for the time bein
’
.
”
He released her face, turned
,
and checked the cinch on his saddle before mounting. Straddling his horse
’
s back, he looked down at her angrily, shook an index finger
,
and said,
“
Anytime you
’
re ready. Use me, abuse me
,
or whatever you want. You walk right up to me, give me the word
,
and I
’
ll kiss you in a way you never dreamed of!
And that goes for anything else.”
He took the reins in hand and grow
led, “That offer stands…for now.
But it
’
s up to you, girl!
”

He left the barn at a full gallop
,
and she watched him go. What had she done? Her heart screa
med for her to call after him, but she didn’t. S
he clenched her teeth tightly and watched him go. He
’
d be going again and again and again
—p
erpetually riding away from her
.
A
nd one day…one day, he wouldn
’
t come back for supper.

Turning back toward the house, willing her eyes to stay dry, she was mortified to see Feller step out from behind the barn, his arms folded disapprovingly across his chest.

“
What do you think you
’
re doin
’
, girl?
”
he growled at her.

“
Protecting myself,
”
she spat at him.

Feller shook his head, his jaw tight with withheld anger.
“
You know…I almost thought you
’
d given up that selfish way you found a few years back. I was startin
’
to hope in y
a
. But now…now you
’
ve gone
and let the devil win, Dusty. It a
in
’
t God a
-
tellin
’
you to turn that man away!
”

Dusty couldn
’
t stop the tears
,
and they streamed freely down her fa
ce. Still, she remained strong—
strong, indignant
,
and hateful.
“
And who
’
s tellin
’
you, Feller? Who
’
s tellin
’
you to bury your heart from Becca?
”

She saw the fire leap to his eyes
. F
or all the hard feelings she was trying to brandish, she felt guilty and disgusted with herself for hurting him.
Still,
he only shook his head and said,
“
You worry about yourself, little girl…
’
fore you start gettin
’
so big for your britches as to be tellin
’
me what to do!
”
Turning from her, he strode away.