Dust (Of Dust and Darkness) (27 page)

             
“And I’m the awkward circumstance,” I state meekly.

             
He doesn’t answer until he’s satisfied with the amount of darkness under my eye. He sighs as he wipes his thumb clean. “Forgive me. But I never told you something.”

             
“What?” I ask fearfully. My mind races with endless possibilities. Was he really spying for Finley? Have I been scheduled to die? Is he faerie elite and never told me? Whatever it is, I don’t like the way he can’t look me in the eye.

             
“I told my father about you and the other pixies, and how you’re all here without formal charges.”

             
“Oh,” I say with complete surprise.

             
His mossy green eyes look up to mine, but they don’t shine the way they normally do. “He already knew, Rosalie.”

             
“What? Why would he know that? How could anyone know that and be okay with it?”

             
“Because a lot of the upper officials think our species is better than the rest of the fae. In their eyes, they don’t really see anything wrong with pixies making our dust. Even involuntarily.”

             
“WHAT?” I scream, my arms flailing up and down. “How could they think that? They wouldn’t think that if we made a couple of faeries our slaves for the heck of it!”

             
“No, you’re right. They wouldn’t. Which makes me worry that even if I can find something in the law books that proves what they’re doing is wrong, it may not be enough to get them to stop. But I’ll keep looking. I promise. We’ll find a way to get you out of here one way or another.”

             
I nod weakly, and return to my somber thoughts. Jack picks up the tin container with the yellowish powder and begins smearing it above my eyebrows. “What’s that for?”

             
“I figure it’s worth trying. I’m hoping this color on your reddish skin tone will make you
appear
sick
ly
. And if you can keep up that look you’re giving right now, you’re golden.”

             
“I’m sorry.”

             
“Don’t be. I hadn’t told you yet
be
cause I knew it would do this to you. Maybe it was selfish of me not to tell you, but I’ve become accustomed to your smiles and I don’t like seeing you this way.”

             
I force a tiny smile but release it pretty quickly. He smears the powder down the outside edges of my eyes,
along my cheekbones
and a little across my chin.

             
“Am I ugly yet?” I ask.

             
Huffing, he replies, “Hardly. Not even makeup’s going to achieve that.”

             
I try to smile over his praise, but my emotions have temporarily deadened inside.

Something doesn’t feel right. Though I’m stuck living in a dark hole with zero exposure to nature or the outside world, I feel as though I’ve developed an internal clock in terms of my time with Jack. When I’m awake, I can usually pinpoint his arrival time pretty closely, and even when I’m asleep, I still tend to wake in time to catch his arrival. My internal clock woke me up several hours ago, but Jack has yet to bathe these walls with a much needed glow. I have no reason to believe my mind is mistaken, but nonetheless, it feels odd that he’s not here. Has my greatest fear come true, and Jack’s
been
permanently kicked off pixie-sitting me? Maybe Finley figured out he was never going to break me, and told him to beat it – leaving the
breaking and
beating to him from now on.

             
I shiver in the darkness, the thought of Finley weighing heavy on my mind, amplifying my fears with each passing minute that Jack doesn’t show. Though another round of sixty-eight breaks to my traumatized wings completely terrifies me, it doesn’t compare to the horror of losing Jack. Even if the only relationship we can ever have is right here in this hole, with me as his captive, I’d rather have this than nothing at all. I know it’s silly to have a crush on a faerie, I do. But at this point, his friendship means everything to me. Even if that’s all it could ever be. I can’t lose that. Not now.

             
Tears descend out of nowhere, flooding my face with multiple slippery streams. I let them flow freely wherever they lead, my head resting sideways on bent knees. My heart aches – like really aches. It’s a heaviness I’ve never felt before, suffocating almost. My mind drowns me with dreadful thoughts of a love lost that I never had the chance to experience. How cruel a heart can be when it doesn’t get what it wants. Why add physical suffering when the emotional pain is already so severe? Where’s the logic in that?

             
My tears run dry, and horrible thoughts continuously break my heart long before a glow creeps down from above. My heart jumps to my throat with a deep gasp, not sure whether to leap with joy over Jack’s arriva
l
, or in absolute fear of Finley’s approach. The wavy brown hair is unmistakable, and a smile strains to fight off the previous hours of dread. I thought I’d be ecstatic to see Jack, but the unnecessary trauma I put myself through today has completely drained the life right out of me.

             
I feel it. I want to scream unto the heavens, o
h, thank you, Mother Nature
, but I just don’t have it in me.

             
He touches down slowly, his body jerking a bit. Maybe it’s the light reflecting badly off his skin, but he looks like I feel. “Hey,” I say, the single syllable absolutely lifeless.

             
“Hey.” He roughly stumbles to the ground, his body seemingly heavy.

             
“You okay?
‘
Cause you kind of remind me of me a few weeks ago,” I scoff.

             
His smile is so weak it only goes half way. His face droops and he arches his neck so the crown of his head rests against the wall. “Kind of feel that way too. Sorry I’m late. I feel like absolute crap today. I just couldn’t get going until now.”

             
He looks like he went a few rounds with a spriggan, his head so pale and swollen it actually looks a little misshapen. As much as I yearn for him to stay, what I want and what he needs are two completely different things. It pains me to see him this way. “Maybe you should go back to bed. Lying on the rocks and breathing in this stuffy air will only make you feel worse.”

             
“I’m going to stay up top
be
cause I don’t want to get you sick.”

             
“Or, even better,
”
I urge, “going back to bed. I can take care of myself, Jack. Go get some rest.”

             
“I’ll be fine.”

             
“Don’t make me kick your butt
!
” I threaten, giving in to the annoyance rising inside me. “Go home!”
             

             
He chuckles weakly, and it looks like it hurts. He groans and pathetically pushes himself back on his feet. Unzipping his satchel, he tosses a mixed bag of pine nuts and fresh mini strawberries onto my lap. “I’ll get you some water in a bit, once I’m able to rest a little.”

             
Angry, I yell,
“Mother Nature, you stubborn–”

             
Interrupting, he snaps with all his might, “I won’t leave you alone, Rosalie! Not when Finley could show up any minute! I won’t leave you here to face him alone! Now I’m going up top so this doesn’t happen to you. Being sick is the last thing you need right now.”

             
I’m speechless as he rises, completely numb to the bone. He wavers as he ascends, probably dizzy from yelling.

             
No, Jack. The last thing I need
is to spend more time without you.

“Are you completely incapable of staying down in that hole?” a voice bellows above, waking me from a light sleep.
Finley!

             
I gasp, fear ripping the edge of every nerve in my body. I quickly drench my hair with water, doing my best not to saturate the rest of my body, then aimlessly dump the rest of the bucket on the floor. I blow out the lantern Jack left behind, immersing myself in complete darkness.

             
“It’s too hot to stay down there all day long.” I suppose the adrenaline is helping Jack snap back, because we both know he’s been topside for three days now. Though feeling a little better, he’s bound and determined to stay away so long as he’s still feeling sick. “Now if you’d like me to
take
her
some place
where I can actually breathe a little, then fine, I’ll work on her more hours in the day.”

             
“You insolent little pest. I never should have allowed your father to use this prison to shape you up. You’re a hopeless cause.”

             
“My father?” Jack growls. “I thought it was
your
idea to punish me here.”

             
“Like I’d really bother myself with the punishment of a spoiled brat and his stupid pranks. I don’t care if you screw up your life. All I care about is whether you’ve broken sixty-eight yet, or if
I’ll have to do the job myself.
”

             
“She’s close,” Jack spits. “She can’t endure much more.” He’s keeping his cool better than I am, because we both know it’s a complete lie. I have to do something. Unless the makeup on my skin is absolutely flawless after several days of me mindlessly smudging it, there’s no way Finley will be fooled into thinking I’ve had it rough down here. Jack will get into trouble. Finley will for
ce Jack to leave. T
hen I’ll be completely on my own. He might even send another faerie to guard me – one that won’t be as kind and generous.

             
I can’t lose Jack. Not now.

             
Not ever.

             
I bobble the hot lantern between my hands, which tremble with fear for what I’m about to do.

             
Don’t think about it, Rosalie! Just do it and everything will be okay.

             
For Jack…

             
Before I can give my action a second thought, or scare myself out of doing it, I slam the metal top of the lantern into the side of my head. There’s a brief shot of pain and a burning sensation on my skin, then nothing.