DUBIOUS (31 page)

The office was located in the CNN center on the tenth floor. From her window, I could see the entire downtown skyline. I wanted to go over to the window and gawk but I refrained. I wasn’t looking forward to working downtown, but I wouldn’t let that deter me if she offered me the job.

“
That’s quite alright. I am just pleased that you agreed to see me today.” I handed her my résumé and gave her some time to go over it.

Her office was nicely furnished and was perfectly suited for her. On the wall behind her, she had an embroidery plaque that read
Energy Flows Where Attention Goes
. I could not help but to think what a profound statement.

“
Nice,” I mumbled, lost in the magnitude of the statement. I wasn’t even aware that I’d made the comment out loud.

“
Excuse me?” she said.

“
I was referring to your plaque. That’s very nice and so true. It’s funny I never thought about it before.”

She glanced over her shoulder at the plaque. “I had it made after I watched
The Secret
.”

“
You mean that movie everyone is talking about?”

“
The very same. You should check it out if you haven’t already. It changed my life and will do the same for you.”

“
It has been my intention to check it out; now it’s my mission. I will pick up a copy today.” Then I thought about how broke I was.

“
You won’t be sorry.” She turned her attention back to my résumé.

I lapsed into a tranquil state of mind. In my head, I’d already claimed this position. She just needed to let me know when I could start.

“
Mr. Clark, while your test results are very impressive, you don’t have any experience.”

“
I’m a quick learner. Although I don’t have much by way of experience, I did run a successful business up until a couple of months ago. I am sure I could do the job if you would just give me a chance.”

“
Mr. Clark, hold on. I am offering you the job. I was just going to explain why I couldn’t bring you in at the top of the salary range because of your inexperience. I am sure you will be comfortable with the offer. You’ve come highly recommended and our firm believes in training our own raw talent.” She handed me a letter she had previously prepared for me to review.

“
Wow.” It was one thing to claim something in your head; it becomes something entirely different when it actually happens. I fought the urge to run around the desk and kiss her.

“
When can you start?” She chuckled.

“
Tell me the time and the place and I’m there. I could start right now if you want me to.”

“
That won’t be necessary. We have a orientation class that starts on Wednesday morning at nine. It’s a paid three day mandatory class. The details of the class, personnel information, and insurance forms are in this folder. Please have your paperwork completed by Wednesday. You may drop the papers off with my secretary prior to your class and start work on Monday.”

“
Thank you so much for this opportunity.”

* * *

Clearly a celebration was in order. Mentally, I went through my rolodex of friends to decide who I wanted to share this occasion with. To my dismay, I only had two names. All of my friends were Felicia’s friends and they too were lost with the divorce. With the exception of Kelvin and Jamie, I had no other friends. Without allowing myself to become depressed, I dial Kelvin.

“
Hey man. I got a job.”

“
That’s great. I was wondering when you were going to get up off your ass.”

“
You should have kicked me in it.” I was smiling from ear to ear.

“
Trust me my brother, I almost did.”

We shared a laugh.

It was funny now, but while I was in the throws of depression, it was hardly a joking matter. “I want to celebrate tonight. Can you hang?”

“
I’m meeting that girl from the club I introduced you to named Shannan. How ’bout we go there?”

“
Sounds good to me. I’m also going to ask this dude named Jamie to join us. He put in a good word for me about the job, so I think it’s kinda important for him to be there.”

Kelvin was quiet for a few seconds then said, “And why do you feel it’s necessary to explain to me why you are inviting one of your friends to your celebration party? Shit, I don’t give a damn who is coming as long as it means you will be getting your stank ass off my sofa sometime in the near future.”

“
Oh, you’ve got jokes,” I said.

“
I earned the right to tell ’em.”

“
Yeah, you ain’t even lied. Kelvin, I can’t begin to thank you for taking me in and everything.”

“
Nigga, please. I didn’t say this for gratitude. Just get on with your life.”

“
That’s the plan.”

“
Alright then, I’ll see you after work,” he said.

I hung up the phone, still riding the employment high. I dialed Jamie without even allowing myself to think. I shouted as soon as I heard his voice on the other end, “I got the job!”

“
I know. Congratulations.”

“
I can’t thank you enough for putting in a good word.”

“
Yes you can. Just do a good job and make me look good is all I ask.”

“
Count on that. Hey, listen, I asked my roommate to come out tonight and celebrate with me. Do you want to come and have a drink with us?”

“
Uh … I don’t do strangers very well.”

“
Shit, Kelvin is no stranger, and I promise you that you will like him. He’s a very down to earth dude and a great friend. Shit, between the two of you, y’all saved my life.” In a way I was joking and trying to bring some humor into a tensed situation, but Jamie’s hesitation unnerved me. “Jamie?”

“
Oh my bad, someone just handed me a note. Look, I’ve got to go. Where are we meeting?”

“
Seasons, LaVista Road at seven.”

“
Alright, I’ll see y’all there.”

I hung up the phone. Instead of being pleased, I had this nagging feeling that I’d made a colossal mistake by trying to bring my two worlds together. I fought the urge to call one of them back to cancel but realized by doing so, I would bring unnecessary attention to myself.

Get a grip, dude. It ain’t like Jamie is going to walk into the restaurant and kiss me. He has as much to lose in this shit as I do. It’s going to be okay.

CHAPTER 34

“
Are you going to have me sitting here all day or are you going to tell me why you called me in here?” Talisa asked.

I looked up from my desk. I heard her speaking but my mind wasn’t really paying attention. Ever since I’d watched the tapes of my ex-husband, I’d been replaying every moment of our life together. I was looking for some sign I’d missed that would let me know what I was dealing with.

“
Girl, I’m sorry. Hell, I think I need a vacation. I’m not getting shit done here in the office.”

“
And you ain’t going to get shit done at the house, either. It’s obvious we ain’t going to get anymore work done, so let’s blow this Popsicle stand. Let’s go and get pissy drunk, call a cab home, and nurse a hangover on Saturday.” She wasn’t waiting for me to agree with her. She closed up her steno pad, started arranging things on my desk, and even went so far as to log me off my computer.

“
Whoa, hold up, where are we going?”

“
To get drunk … now come on.”

I grabbed my purse out the bottom drawer of my desk and my BlackBerry off its charger. I wasn’t used to being led around on a string but when you can’t do for yourself, sometimes the only thing you can do was follow.

We didn’t talk during the short ride over to Season’s. We arrived early—before the happy-hour crowd even thought about drinking—but the parking lot was semifull.

“
Damn, what’s going on here?” I said.

“
They started this new thing for the grown and sexy. They have a live band coming in and everything. I heard about it on the radio. Trust me, it’s exactly what the doctor ordered.”

I wasn’t sure I was up to the type of partying Talisa had in mind, but since I wasn’t getting anything else done, I decide to go with the program.

* * *

Instead of waiting for a seat, Talisa headed straight for the bar.

“
Hey, aren’t we going to get a seat?” I said, really wanting the comforts of a secluded table.

“
We will right here.” She jumped up on the stool and twirled around. Her head was bopping to the music.

Her energy was catchy, and I was starting to have fun despite myself. We were having tequila shots. After the sixth one, I was ready to dance. Liquor made me bold. I strutted to the middle of the crowded dance floor and began shaking my hips. I closed my eyes and pretended I was dancing with a serious hunk who had found me totally attractive and desirable.

I danced for two songs before my buzz started to wear off. Needing additional fuel, I damn near knocked Sherman down. He was dancing with me without my knowledge. I felt flushed, embarrassed to have been caught lost in a fantasy.

“
Hey you,” I finally said.

“
Hey yourself. I was wondering when you would wake up and realize that I was standing here.”

“
Ouch. You could have pretended that I wasn’t in the middle of the dance floor making a complete fool of myself.”

“
I thought you looked quite sexy. That’s why I followed you onto the floor.”

“
You’ve been here the entire time?” I took his hand.

“
Yep. Waiting for you to get drunk enough so I would have an excuse to throw you over my shoulder and carry you home with me.”

My skin got hotter just thinking about laying in his arms again. I’d all but forgotten about Talisa. I looked over at the bar, but she was no longer sitting on the stool. “Dag, where did my friend go?”

“
Oh, she’s still here. She found someone else to keep her company.”

We walked toward the bar. Our glasses were gone, but Sherman took the liberty of ordering for both of us.

“
So do you want to tell me why you haven’t been returning my calls?” he asked.

“
Sherman, it wasn’t a conscious decision to ignore you. I’ve just been caught up in some major drama, and I didn’t want to burden you with it.”

“
I feel so used.” He held his hand against his chest and pretended to wipe his eyes with a cocktail napkin.

“
You are so silly.” I laughed for what felt like the first time in weeks.

“
So it wasn’t my morning breath or my five o’clock shadow?”

“
No, I really like you.” I rubbed his arm.

“
I’m glad ’cause I like you, too. I would hate to lose you so soon.” He leaned over and kissed me.

It started out as a friendly kiss, but my drunk ass took it further by pushing my tongue into his mouth. I could feel his uncertainty, but after a few seconds, he started to get into it.

“
Get a room,” Talisa said, startling me.

I wiped traces of lipstick from his lips and my own.

“
I like the way Talisa thinks,” Sherman said with a wink.

“
Hey Sherman,” Talisa said then turned to me. “Felicia, I’ve got to get ready to go. My children are blowing up my phone. Do you need me to take you back to the office to get your car?”

“
No, I’ve got her,” Sherman said. “You drive safely.”

They talked like I wasn’t even in the room and didn’t have a voice of my own.

I finished my drink with a loud burp. “Go head you two and plan my life.” I was so drunk I didn’t even bother to say I was sorry. Instead, we all burst out laughing.

Talisa leaned against the bar laughing. She had such an infectious laugh that we all were holding our sides until she sucked in her breath as if she were choking.

“
What’s the matter?” Instantly I became alarmed as her eyes got as big as saucers. I turned around to see who had sucked the life out of her only to see Randy and some other dude come into the bar. My laughter died as well. Bolting back the remainder of Sherman’s drink and swallowing the ice in mine, I marched over to Randy with fire burning in my heart.

“
Oh shit! I think she’s about to go off,” Talisa said loud enough for me to hear her.

I could hear her feet pounding as she took off after me.

“
Hello, Randy. Is this the trick that you left me for?” I stood up in his face like I was about to kick his ass. I could tell by the shocked expression on his face that I was the very last person he wanted to run into tonight.

“
Felicia, are you alright?” Randy said.

“
Hell no I’m not alright. My husband is getting fucked by a dog!”

Before I could utter another word or swing the first punch, Sherman had thrown me over his shoulder and carried me out of the club.

CHAPTER 35

“
Yo, dawg, who the hell was that? That bitch don’t know me,” Jamie said as we watched Felicia being carried away.