Drowning (Tears of Sin Series) (6 page)

“No. Not tonight, please.” The whimper wakes me, and I realize I’ve just given my tormentor a dark piece of my history. Shit. I sit up, scrub away the nap I stole on Seth James’ couch, and make sure I don’t catch his eye right away.

He crouches—level with me—and reaches across, brushing stray curls behind my ear. “That’s an odd response.”
I flinch away from his touch. “You’re odd. One day you drag me into your apartment, and another you don’t want me here?”
“I still don’t. But, you’re here. Sleeping on my couch. I figure if you’re going to become a fixture, I might as well accept it.” He stands, planting the snap on his jeans in my face. “Besides, my brother likes you.”
The way he says that last part makes me think he’s even less happy about that prospect. Warm fuzzies flutter through my chest at the idea of Seth being jealous.
I sit up, straighten my shirt, and glance around the empty room. “Where did everyone go?”
“Break.” He sits down beside me and flicks his fingers at a rip in his jeans. “I sent them down to get some food. Gabe wasn’t very happy with me, but I wanted a moment alone with you.”
I scoot toward the arm on the couch, putting a few much-needed inches between us. Mostly, because I want to wiggle my finger into that hole he was playing with. I can see the hairs on his leg, and my hand itches to make contact. Instead, I ask, “Why?”
“Listen. I get that you have some issues. I think we all do.” He glances at me, and a dark wave of hair slips forward. He brushes it back and takes a deep breath. “I just don’t need any added distractions in my life right now.”
He tells me the same mantra I’d been reciting to myself for months, but I still can’t help taking it personal. Guys like me. I’m the fun girl. I’m the spicy Latina that will make out for hours. I’ll even go to third base on a first date—well, I had once. Having a dude remind me of my promise to myself is like a cold bucket of water doused on me in the winter.
“Hey, look,” I jump up and make my way to the door, “I’m not interested in being anyone’s distraction. I don’t date. I don’t do relationships. And I certainly don’t do moody next-door neighbors.”
Seth stands and follows me. “So you’re not interested?”
“No.” I shake my head for the extra emphasis and cock it to the side. “Why would you think that?”
He glances at the ground like he’s ashamed of something. “You seemed to enjoy being with him. You watched him.”
“I watched Gabe because he was the friendliest face in the room, not because I’m hot for him. Don’t get me wrong, he’s fucking gorgeous, but…not for me.”
Seth’s mouth curves down. “I thought that was awfully fast for someone you just met.”
I twist at the door and lean against it. “You held my hand—no you grabbed my hand when we first met and dragged me to your apartment, yet, I’m still talking to you. As a matter of fact, I definitely see the family resemblance.”
He laughs, and my thighs clench. Oh fuck me. Fuck me worse when he follows me to the doorway. “I’m not sure if I should be in awe of your charm or freaking scared as hell of it.”
Me charming? “I’d go with scared.”
He braces an arm on the door, locking me in on one side, but still leaving me an out. These James brothers have the same MO. “So, no to brother number two.”
“Uh, yeah, no.”
“And what about me?”
I’m having a hard time keeping eye contact. His lips are close, and he just licked them, so now they are all wet and shiny. “What about you?”
“Would you consider me as a prospect?”
Hell yes. In another life. Not this one. In this life, I’m supposed to be a good girl. “I don’t think so.”
He leans closer, and his chest rakes across my breasts. “And why not?”
“Because… I think you are just as fucked up as I am. Two wrongs do not make a right.”
And faster than I’m expecting, I find both my hands captured in one of his above my head. I gasp, and he takes advantage. His head drops, hovers in front of mine, blue eyes seeking something.
I raise my chin a notch and the steel in his gaze hardens. A sinister smile flashes across his perfect lips. “So you want to play with me?”
Do I? If I admitted that having this beautiful man holding me still and looking at me like I was the last precious stone on earth, didn’t appeal to me, would I be lying? Fuck yes.
I nod.
He hisses, the sound whistling through his clenched teeth. “Oh, Alice. Don’t play. I’m not strong enough to resist all your dark.”
The old Alice curves into him. The new Alice wants a chance at happiness. “Then don’t.”
He fits his hips against mine. The growing bulge below his belt hits me in just the right place, but then again, he did have me on my toes. He leans forward; lashes lowered, mouth open, and a soft pant whispering against my face. I did this to him. Made him want me. Even if it was for my secrets.
His tongue flicks over his bottom lip, wetting it again until it shimmered. I glance up at him, snaring his gaze. Oh shit. He wants me in the way a man stranded in a desert wants water. If I wanted, I could reach out and stroke all that heat. I twist against his hold. This is too much. Too strong. Too deep for me.
He lowers his head, intent on capturing my mouth with those wet, shining lips. I tilt my face away, and his lips graze my cheek. His forehead drops against my temple. “What’s wrong?”
“No.”
My hands are instantly released, and he steps away. “I don’t understand. I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“It looks so good. You all brooding and sexy.” My body betrays me and jerks against him. “But I can’t. I have a world full of problems, and you don’t need someone like me. I’m a distraction, remember?” I’ll kill any hope he’s ever had of making it. Something will happen. My toxic plague of a life will fuck him over. “I hear your music. You’re going places, Seth. I’ll only fuck it up for you. And I don’t do sex on the run. Sorry.”
“So, it’s all or nothing. That’s what you’re saying.”
I nod. Could this be any more awkward and embarrassing? “I’m supposed to be working on not doing this. And you. You’re so freaking gorgeous. I forget a bit of my sanity, and I’m pretty sure that’s what you get your kicks from…breaking a woman down. I can’t be that woman. I don’t have enough left to give to someone like you.”
He releases my arms. Saying all that to him this close makes it all very personal. Probably more personal than a kiss would have been.
“You are so honest. What else is going through that head of yours?”
“You don’t want to know.” And I don’t want to tell him how excited his advances have left me. “I used to live a life where this fooling around would have been okay. I would have kissed those gorgeous lips. We would have groped each other…but that’s it. I would have left you standing here with a dick so hard you could slice cheese, and it wouldn’t have bothered me one bit. I would revel in the power from it.” I’m almost heaving as I try to get the warning out. “I’m really trying to not be that person. I want more for me.”
I’m not expecting his smile, but it lights up his face and makes him sparkle. “You are a breath. That’s for damn sure.” He backs away, adjusting the front of his jeans and sucking in a few deep breaths. “I would never make you do something you didn’t want, Alice. I respect that you’re trying to better yourself and your life. You and me, we aren’t much different.”
“I get that.”
Seth leans against the opposite side of the hall. “I feel like I should warn you. My brother will be all kinds of pissed later.”
I straighten my shirt and glance up. “Why’s that?”
His nostrils flare, and his eyes darken again. “Because you’re mine until I tell him otherwise.”
Wait. What? I thought we’d just discussed why this wasn’t a good idea. “Seth…I’m flattered, really. But what do you want with a scrawny, demented girl like me? You can have anybody. I’m scruffy. I have baggage the size of Texas, and I’ll probably never give you the intimacy you need. Ever.”
“How do you know what I need?”
“I see it. It burns in your eyes and blazes through your music. Hell, you even caress your sticks when you think no one’s watching.”
He leaves me standing by the door and crosses to a fridge and takes out two bottles of beer. “Are you old enough?”
He wants me but has no freaking clue about me. “How old do you think I am?”
“I’m hoping like hell you’re eighteen.”
I laugh. “Yeah. I’ll be twenty in two months.” He tips his head. “Still want to date me?”
He pops the top on his bottle and takes a long pull of the ice-cold brew. “No. Alice, I most definitely do not want to date you. I want to own you, desire you, possess you and all your dark secrets, but not date. Date is something normal people do and the two of us are definitely not normal.”
“I’m glad we can agree on something.” Well, that we aren’t normal at least. The rest of it scared the shit out of me. I try to get us on a more friendly path of conversation and away from all this heavy. “So, you’re older than Gabe, right?”
He nods.
“Uh, so by how much?” He’s back to being cryptic and I don’t like it. I thought we were passed this.
“Twenty-four. Why?”
I shrug. Let’s see how he likes it. I have my back to the front door when it begins to open. “Whoa.”
“That’ll be Gabe.” He motioned with the two bottles. “Here, take this one before he snatches it. They’re the last two.”
As soon as I step away, the door bursts open and in walks Gabe with his bigger than life smile, and a towering stack of pizza boxes. “Let’s get our pepperoni on!” He glances at me standing next to Seth and then up at Seth. “Well, shit. Really, bro? It’s like that?”
Seth winks. “Sorry.”
“Fuck you work fast.”
I’m pretty sure they are having a conversation I want no part of right here in front of me. “Uh, listen. I’m going to bail. Thanks for letting me listen and er…sleep.” I drop my sealed beer on top of the pizza boxes and pat Gabe’s shoulder. “It was great meeting you.”
I make it to the door before Seth’s voice catches me. “Alice. Where are you going?”
“I have to go home and check on my sister. She should be home soon.” Rowena had kept Molly overnight. At least she’d texted to let me know this time. “Really, thanks.”
“You’re running.”
“You bet your ass, I am. I have a feeling you James boys are nothing but trouble, and I’m enough of that on my own.”
The guy with the fantastic eyes all lined in coal black hurries inside out of my way. I nod at him. Evan. He’s so different from the other three. The most elaborate in his rocker gear, but also the shiest.
Gabe chuckles, raises his bottle, and winks. “Well said. And you’re probably right.”
I wave at Deacon before I step through the doorway. From their jam session, I learned that Evan is the dreamy one. He’s all metro-man and likes to wear a lot of eyeliner. Deacon is more solid. Quiet. But always smiles when I meet his eyes. I like these guys. They wave, and I salute them.
There was a definite hierarchy in this group, with Seth being on top, of course. Gabe seems almost willing to release his unspoken claim on me without a fight. I’m not sure about normal men, but the ones I’ve dated in the past few years don’t usually relinquish possession without even a feigned show of belligerence. It’s not really how they are made. Yes, Seth James definitely has his own bit of secrets, and I bet Gabe is the key to finding out what they are—if I want to dig. Which I don’t.
I’m at the door and have the overwhelming urge to turn back. I do and meet Seth’s searing gaze. He closes the door to the rehearsal room, closes the distance between us, and pins me against the exit. What is it with him and walls?
“We will be doing this. You and me.”
“You just told me that we wouldn’t.”
“I was wrong.”
The heavy beat of his heart hits me right above mine. “What if I told you no? We’ve already established that we’re not good.” This goes against everything I promised myself. No more men. No more games.
“I’m not down for that. I won’t push you. Take as long as you need, get your sister, bring her over, whatever. Get to know me. I’ll get to know you. We’ll probably fight a lot. But in the end, it will be there. Us. You and me.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” Not the most flattering declaration. “I just feel it. And that’s what I’m working on. Going with what I feel. And you under my hands feels right. I want you there.”
A shudder rakes through me. His nostrils flare and he drops his chin, resting his forehead against mine. “And Alice, when the time is right, I will claim you, and you will want me to.”
“No.” The word escapes on a breathy sigh. “I can’t.” I shove him aside, turn the knob, and rush across the hall.
He doesn’t follow, but when I look back, he’s rested both arms over his head, hands braced against the door frame. “Bring your sister over next week. Our vocalist will be here and you guys can hear the words to that music you think you know so well.”
“I do know you, Seth.” I open my door. “You and I are like looking in reflective glass painted with pain and hate.” And most of that is reflected at ourselves.
A frown wipes away the smile he’s using to try to coerce me back. A shutter falls across his eyes, and they dull with the knowledge that I do indeed get him.
Survivors know each other. We can walk in a room and find someone like us long before we’ll pick out the predators and the prey. And that’s what makes him so damn appealing. Knowing that there is someone else in the world just as fucked up or possibly more so than me, makes me want him far worse. Because the two of us will always know that no matter what, we are worthy of each other. Tainted blood sinks in its own kind. And we were both drowning. He just doesn’t know it yet.
Molly and Rowena walk in as I am throwing a casserole in the oven. Thank goodness it has come together better than the omelet yesterday. I hurry to take Molly’s bags while Rowena sniffs the air, the arch of her neck beautiful and haughty. She isn’t paying my cooking a compliment. A beige Louis Vuitton drapes over her small shoulder. “Perhaps we should have had dinner before coming back, Molly.”
“Oh, Mom, don’t be that way. Alice takes fabulous care of me.” Molly reaches forward until I take her hand, and grins. “Is it enchiladas?”
“How did you know?”
“Sniffer got better, remember?”
Of course. Since the accident, Molly’s other senses have had to become super sensitive to take over for her lack of vision. I drop the bags on the couch and lead her into the kitchen. Rowena follows, but I know she hates to.
“So, is this an old family recipe?” Rowena helps Molly climb onto a stool behind the bar surrounding our island. “Something your mother taught you?”
“Uh, no. My mom didn’t really cook.”
“She didn’t really do much of anything did she?”
I hope that the murder I feel in my heart doesn’t reach my eyes. Giving her a reaction is allowing her to win, and that won’t happen. “She did your husband quite well.”
Molly gasps. “Alice.”
We all knew this was coming. Rowena and I couldn’t be in a room together for longer than five minutes without insults raining down. I’d hated her since my twelfth birthday. That was the year I found out she knew every despicable thing her husband had done to me. And she’d let it happen.