Drowning (Tears of Sin Series) (14 page)

EVEN THOUGH IT’S LATE
, I gather my club clothes and hurry to The Basement. I know that there, I won’t have to deal with judgment, depression, or annoying prisses. The cab drive over does nothing to settle my mangled nerves.

I go to the front of the line, ignoring the faces of all the groaning patrons, and find Hank.
“Alice. Twice in a week. The need must be mad.”
“Yeah. Is it set up?” I grin at the big goof.
Hank stares at me, one eye narrowed. “Yep. Although, it's a pretty damn packed crowd.”
I kiss him on the cheek, hoping to soothe his worries, and squeeze past him into the club. The normal calming effect I get when I walk among the vacant, cold stone doesn't hit me tonight. I enter the glowing lower level and push my way toward the front stage. A crowd is gathered around a guy belting out an old Johnny Cash song in the most tone deaf pitch I've ever heard. I'm smashed when the crowd draws closer, but it’s nothing new. This place has the best karaoke set up in Austin.
I’m jostled again and again, and someone's drink spills over and down my arm, soaking into the side of my blouse. I turn and push the ass that just drenched me. He pushes me back in a prick move, and I raise my knee, intent on rendering him a bunch of dead swimmers.
The guy growls down at me. “Bitch. Don’t even think about it.”
An arm reaches around me and draws me back. “Don't move.” My rescuer points a finger over my shoulder at the guy intent on causing trouble. “Don’t. Turn around and forget her.”
Shit. My heart drops to my stomach, and I have the most overwhelming urge to vomit on the guy in front of me. I don’t know the voice, but I know who sent him. My father's henchmen can fit in anywhere and are shadows among the ghost of society, but when they bark, people listen. It is creepy, between the secret security service he has and his under-the-table thugs, I never know who to expect.
Long furrows break the skin on his arms under my fingernails. The guy in front of me grins and turns around. I won’t get any help from that prick.
I bite the thug behind me until he lowers his arm enough that I can suck in a breath without choking on arm hair. “What do you want?”
“Your father wishes your company.”
Fuck what my father wants. There’s no way in hell I will go to him, and this asshole will have a hard time getting me out of here with so many people watching. Technically, they are watching the stage, but as soon as I scream in C minor, they’ll fucking pay attention to us.
“No. I won't go. And if you try to make me, I'll cause a scene.” I elbow him in the ribs and take a small gram of pleasure at his grunt of surprise.
He pulls my hair to the side and presses his lips against my ear. “You know that he'll make us both miserable. Please. Just come peaceful.” This guy is a thug. Service men don’t care about anything other than the job.
This guy’s been with my dad long enough for the dark powers to find something on him. That’s the only way my dad can force loyalty. If I can find the root of his hold, maybe he’ll give me a chance to squirm my way out of this. “Why do you stay with him?”
“He knows too much about me. I'd lose everything.” My father is a master blackmailer and manipulator. He has something on everyone. The perfect politician. And if he ever makes it into office, God help us all.
This dude obviously has a soft spot for something or someone. “You know what he will do to me, yet you can live with yourself?”
“I—”
My words sink in. He pauses, and I stomp on his toe. While he's hobbling around, I break free and run. I pull off my three-inch heels, mid-run, and really put the speed to it. I squeeze past a pair of lesbians dry humping between two dudes watching, duck under a waitress’s raised drink tray, and narrowly miss bumping head-first into a brown bottle held out at my head level. The stairs leading up to the street-level stub at my toes, but I ignore the chipped nails and keep running.
Hank hollers behind me. “Alice?” But I keep running. If I stop, he’ll either be hurt, or I’ll get caught.
It's raining outside. I run until my sides ache, my feet slapping the sidewalks and sending muddy debris up to cling to my legs. If I don’t get off this street, I’m not going to make it.
I grab a cab. The warm interior takes the shivers of the cool rain away, but doesn't stop the chill in my heart. I'm scared to go back to the apartment, but I have nowhere else. I take the elevator up to our floor and pray that my father is not waiting outside my door. Or worse, in my apartment.
I'm shaking at the handle when the door behind me opens. Three grinning and loud men fall out into the hall. Giggling in high pitch man-voices and slurring their way through some recanting of a story. Gabe falls to the floor, and Evan sits on his back. Deacon is trying to get them both up, and I’m suddenly caught with a hysterical need to cry. I want their lives. I want to not worry about bad men chasing me. I want to be nineteen and use fake IDs and go on dates. I want to have sex with the same person for a length of time and call it a relationship. I want it all.
Gabe shoves Evan from his back and rolls over. He grins up at me and kicks a boot into Deacon’s foot. Their collective, “Oh shit” expressions are almost comical. They’re drunk, and I've surprised them.
Seth staggers close. “What the hell happened to you?” The warm scent of beer caresses my cheek. Unlike some of my past boy toys, it’s not stale and the sweet hint invites me to taste.
“I-I got c-c-caught in the rain.” I can barely keep my teeth from chattering long enough to form the sentence.
“What were you doing in the rain?” He swipes water droplets from my shoulders. His hands are rougher than normal, forceful, and almost gripping. I think I’m half holding him up. And it’s okay because he’s kind of cute worried about me like this. Every expression is freely dancing across his face—anger, delight, concern, lust.
“Um…I went out.”
“Where?”
If I don’t tell him, I worry he’ll just keep after me. “I w-went to the club.”
His fingers wrap around my shoulders and clutch down. The frown marring his beauty makes him look dangerous. “By yourself?”
“Yeah.” Of course I went by myself. I needed time away from him.
His brows draw together. I glance around his shoulder for help from the other guys, but Gabe glances at the ceiling, Deacon the floor, and Evan is picking at a finger nail. “I would have gone with you.”
“I know.” And I would have never been able to clear my head. Although, I can’t really say that it worked out the way I wanted.
I hate the pain that passes across his face. “Oh.”
“Bro, you got this? I gotta a piece of ass waiting for me.” Gabe has an arm draped over Deacon’s shoulder.
“Yes.” Seth’s reply is so short I try to step back, but he doesn’t let me. I’m tired of men manhandling me tonight, but Seth is drunk. If I nut-check him, he’ll probably fall down, and I’ll be stuck trying to get him into his apartment by myself. His goofy sidekicks are in no shape to help.
Evan bows and blows me a kiss. “I’m glad you’re safe.”
It’s an odd and over-the-top gesture, and I giggle. There’s something about Evan that calls to a sweet spot in my heart. It’s like he’s familiar with pain, and we’re both doing our best just to move on. Knowing I’m not alone helps stop the shivers racing over me.
The guys start walking toward the elevators—none too steady. Gabe is doing sideways push-ups all the way down. Deacon ruffles Evan’s blond spikes. Evan shoves Deacon off of him, creating a chain reaction of Deacon bumping into Gabe and both of them rolling to the floor. Deacon hunts around for his glasses, which thankfully have slid away from the two large men’s flattened bodies.
“Are they going to be okay?”
“Yeah. I think they are walking to Evan's. He doesn't live that far from here.”
The elevator door opens, and I see the top of my father's grey head over Evan's. The boys don't move, and he is stuck in the elevator until they get their disorganized thoughts in order. I stiffen and clench my eyes shut like I used to do when I’d hide beneath my covers. If I couldn’t see him, then maybe he wouldn’t notice me. Seth nibbles along the side of my neck and brings me back from the panic. I couldn’t panic. Panic would get me caught.
I launch myself at Seth and push us both back into his apartment. He laughs and wraps his arms around me. I reach back and slam the door.
Seth sways into me, putting most of his weight against me, and I have to brace an arm against the wall to keep my legs upright. He’s breathing heavier and pressing his lips against the side of my face. “If you wanted in my arms, all you had to do was ask.”
If my father wasn’t a threat, I’d definitely let this big bad-boy have a few stolen kisses. Hell, maybe a lot of them. He’s so fucking hot when he’s being all cute like this.
There is hard knock on Seth's door, and I begin to shake. The handle rattles and Seth curses against my ear. I’m lost in the memories of how many times I’ve heard the rattle of my door knobs. How many times he would drag me from my bed and toss me into our basement.
Even drunk, Seth notices my body’s reaction. He rubs his hands up and down my arms, chasing away the shivers wracking my frame. “Hey, what is it?”
I grip his neck with one hand and pull his head to mine. Our eyes lock, and I’m burned by the blaze turning his eyes to the color of blue flames. We connect like no one else I’ve ever known. He takes a bit of my fear away in that penetrating stare. “Please don't let him in.”
My father’s voice shouts through the door. “Alice?”
“P-Please.” I step back to the wall behind the door and mouth, “Please.”
Seth straightens and runs a hand over his face. He stands tall, straightens his shirt, and smooths the wavy locks away from his forehead. I’ve never seen someone force themselves sober before. It is amazing. He opens the door. “Can I help you?”
“I saw my daughter come in here with you, and I need a few words with her.” My dad’s gravelly voice raises the hairs at the back of my neck.
“She's in the shower.” Seth doesn’t glance at me. “What do you need with her?”
“Son, that's none of your business.”
I shrink, wrapping my arms around my waist and hunching lower at his voice. I scratch at a raised scar on my right rib, fingering the memory of this man’s torture. I hate myself for it.
Despite his obvious intoxication, Seth stands even straighter, fists his hands at his side, and speaks in a clear and demanding voice. “Well, I'm making it my business.”
“You don't want to fuck with me, boy.”
Seth laughs and it’s an ugly sound I’ve never heard from him. It’s the man behind the boy. It comforts me. I know he’ll keep me safe. He’s not cruel like my father. “You don't intimidate me. And you're on private property. My private property. So, if you don't leave, I'll have the cops help you out.”
“I'm going. Tell Alice... Let her know that her father still loves her.” The prick steps away from the door as soon as Seth lurches forward.
The soft swish of his dress slacks as he moves fades. If I stay out of his reach, I’ll be fine, but now, with my running and Seth’s refusal to give me up, he’ll be even more cruel if he catches me. I should be scared, but all I really want is to hide and keep Seth with me.
I sink to the floor and wrap my hands around my thighs, dropping my forehead to my knees. “He's never going to stop.”
Seth crouches down. His sway and slur from earlier are gone. “Alice. You have to talk to me. What the hell was that?”
I glance up at him. “That's what brings the crazy on.”
Seth paces, running a hand through his hair and keeping the other planted on his hips. His steps are agitated and loud to my oversensitive ears. I blink up at him with wide eyes. He just saved me from my father, and he’d want answers. After my failed attempts as a child to get someone to listen to me, I stopped telling anyone about what happened to me. I’m not into sharing horror stories about my parents. I don’t let people in.
But I owe him something. My dad wouldn’t take Seth’s standoff lightly. He may have just put his life at risk for me. That can’t have been for nothing.
Seth leans down and helps me stand. He reaches up and cups my cheek. “Did he hurt you?”
I sway closer into him and nod.
He bunches his face up and shouts, “Fuck.” The heat radiating from his anger warms me in a sick way. I want him to be mad on my behalf.
“He wants me again after two years of leaving me alone.” My breath feels like it’s trying to claw its way out of my throat. This should be the easy part. Spilling my guts and letting my sins spill out onto the floor, but it’s not. I want Seth to like me for me and not because I’m broken. What if he doesn’t like me at all after this? It’s a risk I need to take because I can’t do this alone anymore. My mind can’t take it. “I'm not sure why. I've been trying to avoid him.”
“Well, that fucker is not going to get close to you as long as I'm around.” He grasps both of my shoulders and holds me away from him. “Come on. Let's get you cleaned up.”
I grip his shirt, wringing it in my fists and jerk him closer. “Don't leave me. If you leave, I'll slip away. I'll drown in all these memories, and life will cease to exist. Please, don't leave me alone.”
“Shhh.” He wraps me into a hug and kisses the side of my head. “I'm here. I’ll always be here for you.”
I sink into his arms, swimming through his promises, reveling in the scent of hero that’s still cloying to him. It’s that mint/sage smell that’s distinctly his. His arms are strong and flexed around me, creating a haven I’ve never known before, and I don’t want to leave. Ever.
People say things they don’t mean when they try to console others. There was a housekeeper at my father’s who used to promise things would get better, but they never did. I am used to empty promises, but for some reason, I believe that Seth will be here for me always.
We walk together to his bathroom, my small hand cupped inside his larger one. He turns the shower on, and I glance at the steam billowing up from the heat. I wish I could ride that steam right into the cracks and crevices in the wall. Hide from the nerves that have found me. Being alone with him here brings to mind that first kiss. I want to do it again, but it’ll probably lead to more, and I’m not quite there yet. Or am I? My mind’s a mess, and it’s dragging me from one low to another.
He clears his throat. “I'm just going to leave you to it. I'll be right outside the door.”
“No!” I can't be alone. I grab at the hem of his shirt and hang on, refusing to let him out of my sight. If he leaves, I’ll have nothing to keep the terror away.
Seth rubs his jaw, lowering his blue gaze to catch mine. “Alice. I want to make love to you so bad it hurts, but that's not what you need right now. Asking me to stay while you get naked and shower is just evil.”
He wants me. Hearing it and knowing it are two different things, but Seth has a way of making sure that when he spoke, you know he meant each word. I’m sucked into his admission, drowning under the desire behind his eyes. “Please.”