Draw Me In (31 page)

“Shit,” I said without venom as I turned in at the gas station closest to my house. Karl was probably worried out of his mind. He’d always straddled that strange line between father and friend for me. The father mode had probably kicked into high gear at this point. I owed my partner at least a phone call, I reasoned as I finished pumping the gas and returned the handle to its cradle. But it could wait until I got home.

When I rolled the bike into my driveway, it was past the shop’s closing time. I walked slowly through the watery light spilling from the edge of the shed and into my house, ready for the hurt that would slam into me as soon as I hit the door.

I wasn’t yet ready. The pain nearly blew me back, the cold knot in my gut flaring to life at the sight of the home where I’d spent so much time with Hailey. The table where we’d had meals, shared coffee. The counter that I’d set her on, kissing her senseless. The bedroom down the hall where we’d shared so much more.

“Fuck,” I said as I dropped my helmet. “Dammit, Hailey.”

Shaking my head, I crossed to the fridge and yanked it open. Beer in hand, I dropped in the nearest chair at the table, which just happened to be the one Hailey usually sat in. A hissing sound, the sharp scent of hops, and I took a deep draft before pulling my phone from the pouch in my bag.

“Six missed calls?” I took another drink as I unlocked the screen and scrolled through. “All Karl’s cellphone.”

I sighed and drained the can. No use putting off the inevitable. With the quick press of a button, I connected the call.

Karl answered in only half a ring. “Where
the fuck
have you been?”

“Nice to hear your voice, too, man,” I said as I spun the beer’s pop-top. “I’ve been doing a bike tour of the country. Too pretty to stay inside today.”

I could almost hear the big man shaking his head. “I’ll kick your ass for that later, but right now you need to turn the news on.”

“What, you finally strangled Roger?” I stood and pulled open the fridge, hunting for another beer. “I doubt you’ll be convicted, the guy’s a pain in the a—”

“Now, Neill. The TV. Channel Six.”

“All right.” The fridge door fell shut, and I headed into the living room. I grabbed the remote from the coffee table and pressed the power button. “It’s on.”

“Six.”

I fell back onto the couch, legs spread out in front of me as I flipped through the channels. “What is your problem, dude? I’ve got it on, and now it’s on . . . Channel . . . Six . . . ”

The remote clattered to the table as I sat forward and read the headline.
Leesville College Student Victim of Drug Plant, Professor’s Obsession
. The pretty anchor, her bright pink suit setting off her warm brown skin, was in the middle of the story, and the mug shot of the man in the corner was disturbingly familiar.

“ . . . today. Officials took the young woman’s testimony and were able to obtain a search warrant for the home of Dr. Mark Fields, licensed psychiatrist and professor of psychology at Leesville College. Authorities found large amounts of prescription drugs and other paraphernalia, as well as what’s being described as a ‘shrine’ to the student. Pictures, handwriting samples, even a few locks of the student’s hair were all seized from the premises as evidence.”

The station’s logo flashed, and then a recorded interview with the chief of the Leesville Police Department played. “It was really disturbing,” said the bald man, standing in front of an unassuming brick house in what looked like the Bryant neighborhood, a subdivision in the nicer part of Leesville. “It almost looked like he’d built an altar to this young woman. There were even pictures of her sleeping, taken from the window outside her dorm room. He is in custody and will be evaluated by psychiatric staff to see if he’s competent to stand trial.”

The picture changed back to the pink-clad anchorwoman. The man’s photo was in the corner, with “Dr. Mark Fields” beneath it. I stared, willing my stunned brain to process it. Where had I seen that guy before?

“The student found the drugs and called the police this afternoon. They believe that the suspect intended to get the student expelled from school, although his motive isn’t clear at this time. Officials at Leesville College could not be reached for comment.”

As the news cycle continued, I realized I was still clutching the phone to my ear. “Karl?”

“I’m here.”

I rubbed my temples, trying to ease the thumping ache that had started there. Shame had ripped all my words away, so I didn’t say anything.

Fortunately, my mentor filled in the gaps for me yet again. “She’s at school right now, packing up. She’s going to stay with me. After the way you treated her, you’re not going to be welcome at my house until you get your shit straight. So I suggest that you get off your ass and go apologize.”

Holy hell, what she’d been through, and I’d had it all wrong. I nodded, trying to force out a reply. It stayed in my throat, lodged with what was left of my ruined pride.

“Go. Now.”

Karl cut the call, and I stared at the black screen.

I didn’t deserve to be forgiven, not now, not ever. But I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t apologize to her.

The door slammed shut behind me not ten seconds later.

Chapter Twenty-seven

Hailey

I stood on my tiptoes, reaching for the large red duffel I’d carried most of my clothes in when I’d moved into this room with Jackie in the fall. The bag was just out of reach. I fought the urge to cry as the strap dangled there, as if taunting me. “Fuck,” I cursed as tears fell again. It was so stupid to cry over a bag. I dashed the tears away, pretending nothing was wrong. But it was. Everything was.

I stalked across the room, skirting piles of clothes, bedding, and books, then grabbed my desk chair. I dragged it over to the closet, but the tears didn’t stop falling. Fortunately, Jackie had gone off to her friend’s house for the night. I didn’t know if she’d heard what had happened.

Stepping on the chair, I reached the bag easily and pulled it down, nearly avoiding getting clobbered by a stack of canvases I’d propped up there to get them out of the way. Stupid fucking art. I wouldn’t pick up a pen or a paintbrush again. Maybe it wasn’t too late to change my major.

As the thought washed over me, I slowly climbed down from the chair and sat, halfway in the small closet, half in my disastrous room. My major. School. Could I really keep attending classes after what had happened? Graduate? I glanced over at the window, the one where he’d taken pictures of me while I was sleeping. I’d never been bothered by a ground-floor room, but now? No way could I ever sleep here again.

Glancing around, I realized I didn’t want to be alone. I’d asked Karl to wait in the common room down the hall, so I could have some peace and quiet after the chaos of the police station, but now? My spine pricked with warning, almost like Dr. Fields was out there waiting for me. I stood and yanked the chair out of the way, intending to pull open the door and head straight for the comfort of Karl’s company.

But a knock on the door came before I could reach the knob. The sound wrenched a shriek from me, and I clapped a hand across my mouth to stifle it.

“Hailey? Hailey, it’s me.” Neill’s voice. The one I thought I’d never hear again after that awful confrontation. Had it been only this afternoon? I shook my head. Time had been so odd, stretched out and contorted over this hellish day. “Can I come in?”

I crossed my arms and stared at the door, chin in the air and jaw set. “No.”

“Hailey, God, I’m so sorry. I should have— Anyway, please let me in. I want to apologize.”

I didn’t move. “Tough shit. Go away.”

“Hailey . . . ” He sighed, and the sound nearly moved me through the door. It was full of sadness, regret, and pain, full of words that should have been said much, much earlier.
 

Stiffening my resolve, I turned and pressed my back to the door. “You said you never wanted to see me again. So, here you go. This is you not seeing me.”

“Hailey, I was wrong. I was so, so wrong.”

I didn’t waver, but my tears started up again. I fought the urge to sniff, knowing he’d hear it through the door. No more tears for him, at least not ones he’d know about.

“If you won’t let me in, I’ll apologize through the door.” He took a deep breath, and I imagined how he’d look right now. He’d be standing there, raking one hand through his shaggy, too-long hair, his ink standing out brightly against whatever solid-color tee he was probably wearing. Maybe he’d press one hand against the door, as if to connect with me through the wood.

“I’m sorry. I never should have overreacted and assumed you didn’t want me when you asked for space. I should never have assumed those drugs were yours. You told me about your adviser, and I didn’t really listen. So, I’m sorry that you were in danger, and I . . .” He stopped, his voice choked as if holding back tears. “I let you stay there because I’m an ass. I didn’t want to be hurt again, so I kept you at arm’s length. All this is my fault, Hailey, and I’m sorry.”

My hands fell by my sides, and I pressed both palms against the wood. My chin tilted skyward and my tears tracked down my throat. Silent sobs racked me, but I didn’t move.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. I’ve been a total dick to you for a while now, but you never gave up on me. And now I guess it’s too late. But I want you to know, Hailey Elizabeth Jakes, that I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time. And now that it’s too late, well, I couldn’t let you go through the rest of your life without knowing how I feel about you.”

He laughed, a bitter sound that cut my soul in pieces. “But it’s too little, too late, huh?”

A sliding sound then, as if he’d let his hand fall away from the door. “Take care of yourself, Hailey.” One step away, two. He was leaving me. Three steps, and then I flung it open and ran after him.

Pride be damned. He loved me, and I loved him, too.

I wasn’t done fighting after all.

Neill

The running footsteps behind me made me turn, and then Hailey was falling into my arms, sobbing my name and beating my chest with her fists.

I gathered her close, rubbing her back, taking all she had to give me. I didn’t deserve her, hadn’t thought I’d ever get to see her again. So if she wanted to beat the shit out of me? I’d take it and thank her for it.

“I love you,” I whispered against her head as she continued to pound at me. “I love you, Hailey. I’m sorry. I love you.”

At last she relaxed, falling into my arms, her sobs quieting as I held her. But I never, never stopped saying it. “I love you. I love you, Hailey. I love you.”

When she looked up at me, her gorgeous face streaked with tears, her hair all over the place, her skin pale and splotchy from crying, I knew I’d never seen anyone more beautiful in all my life.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered up at me, but I pressed a finger over her lips.

“You didn’t do anything to be sorry for. I’m the idiot here. I was just so afraid of losing you, I let my fear make me crazy.”

Hailey smiled, rubbing at her cheeks. “You were kind of an idiot.”

“I know. Think you can ever forgive me for it?” Her smile disappeared as quickly as it had come, and I worried I might have overstepped myself. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No,” she said, threading her fingers through mine. “I can. I just . . . You really hurt me, Neill.”

“I know.” Shame settled even harder on my shoulders, but I didn’t allow myself the luxury of looking away from her. I’d take whatever she needed to dish out. “I did hurt you. I should have trusted you. I knew better, Hailey. I knew deep down that there was no way that stuff was yours.”

A door slammed somewhere down the hall, and Hailey glanced that way. “Come on. Let’s talk in my room.”

I let her lead me, still holding my hand. She was so soft, so warm and alive. There was hope. I’d made the worst decision of my life when I’d chosen not to trust her. But I’d spend the rest of my life making it up to her if she’d allow me. I loved her so much that I’d hang on forever.

In the privacy of her dorm room, Hailey turned to me. “You should have trusted me.”

“I know.” I took her other hand in mine. “You’re right.”

“And when I told you I needed space, you shouldn’t have assumed I meant I needed to be completely separate from you.”

My nod was emphatic. “Totally right. I was wrong there, too. After Gretchen, my self-esteem went to shit. That’s not an excuse, that’s just why I was an idiot.”

“But I was wrong, too,” Hailey said, looking toward the floor. “When you offered to help, I shouldn’t have shut you down. I was afraid, too, you know. Since Mom and Dad split up, I’ve been wondering if I would ever be able to have a normal relationship. I mean”—she laughed in a self-deprecating way—“I haven’t exactly had the most stellar role models where that’s concerned.”

“Neither have I.” My finger lifted her chin, forcing her to look into my eyes. “But between the two of us, we’re smart. We can figure this out if you want to.”

She bit her lip, brow furrowing in worry. “Can you trust me? I mean it this time. You were hurt really badly, I know, but you have to swear to me that you’ll never take that out on me again.”

The promise was easy, because it came from my heart. “I swear.”

“Then I forgive you,” she whispered, reaching up to twine her arms around my neck. “I love you, Neill.”

“I love you, Hailey.”

I kissed her then, so softly, so gently. With everything I felt, everything I wanted to say, words didn’t exist to show her how much I was feeling for her. So I put it into my kiss. Salty from our tears, desperate from my grief, it was the most perfect kiss we’d ever had. Poignant, sad, but then joyous and passionate. Our mouths met and mated and tongues swirled. I lifted her high against me, holding her so close that our hearts beat against each other, a perfect echo.

With a sigh, I lowered her to the floor, smiling down at her. “Still want to stay at Karl’s house?”

She gave a small laugh and shook her head. “I’d rather stay with you.”

My heart sang as I kissed her lips once more. “I’m glad.”