Drama Is Her Middle Name (15 page)

21

It was an official day out for the girls. Patricia Lakes had
marked it on her calendar the week before after she finished
choir rehearsal, and she was looking forward to it. While
most of the women at the church were reluctant to speak
with Patricia and were even standoffish, Kimberly Atkins
embraced her. She didn't care about Patricia being the
church's first lady. Patricia was a lady first and from what Kim
could see, she needed a good girlfriend to hang out with. Kim
elected herself to be the one.

Kim treated Patricia like a regular person because she
was
a regular person. And Patricia appreciated it. She hated being put up on a pedestal. She hated the distance her position
gave her from everyone else. But Kim was a bridge.

While Kim was definitely a true Christian, she didn't take
any mess and she let people know what was what. “Jesus
didn't bite His tongue,” she would say. “And neither will I.”

Most people were afraid of Kim because while she was gregarious she also had a tongue that could only be described as
a welder's flame—it burned. But it burned with the purpose
of bringing things to together. At a church the size of Faith
Baptist, Kim had a whole lot of work to do.

If choir practice was running long and everyone was
getting frustrated, it would be Kim to speak up. “Um, Choir
Director Jones, it's time to go!” She didn't do it in a disrespectful manner. She actually used humor—the kind of humor where people weren't sure if she was being funny or not.
Patricia loved her bluntness and brutal honesty—even though
sometimes it was a little too much for even Patricia.

Patricia admired Kim. She admired her spunk because it
was very effective.

Kim was there when Edwin's father was the pastor. And
she was there when Edwin took over. She witnessed all of the
fasting and praying that went on among a lot of the women
in the congregation who were praying to God that Edwin
would choose them to be their wife.

Kim was also there when Edwin sifted the wheat from the
chaff and found Patricia. She witnessed the shock and envy
when the pastor introduced Patricia as his fiancée.

And when some started whispering “She's an outsider.
She's not even a member. How could he?”

Kim would shoot back, “I didn't know that there could be
any
outsiders
within the body of Christ. I wonder what Jesus
would think about that?” And the chatter quickly ceased.

Kim had Patricia's back before Patricia even knew that
there was a Kim. So it was natural that they would become
friends. They had a lot in common—handsome, God-fearing
husbands. Both had young children and felt that they had no
time for themselves. After their last choir rehearsal, Kim decided in Kim fashion to make a stand. She decided that she
had enough of the ripping and running and doing for everyone else.

“Patty, girl, we are going to a spa!” Kim announced.

“A what?!” Patricia said.

“A spa,” she said. “You know, facials, massages, green tea,
that music that sounds like running water, the whole nine. I
am getting a babysitter for the kids and we are going for the
entire day to be pampered.”

“But—”

“But nothing!” Kim said. “I'll not hear anything from you
but ‘What time do we leave'!”

Kim called Patricia the day before their spa date to make
sure she hadn't chickened out. Patricia was getting little Edwin ready for preschool.

“Girl, I just wanted to confirm that we are on,” Kim said.
“Not that you have a choice or anything!”

Patricia grinned. “Yes, we're on. Okay!”

Patricia was thinking how she might slowly be able to
build a social life for herself again that included life outside
friends since college, and somehow she had drifted away from
all of them. She had no one but herself to blame because she
loved her family so much. But she was starting to feel empty
and needed to balance her life. Edwin was a great husband
and a good friend, but he had so much weight on him with
the church and he was constantly busy.

“Don't forget, you have to be here by ten-thirty,” Kim said.
“Our treatments begin at eleven. I figured after the spa we
could go shopping and then have a nice meal.”

“I can't wait!”

Dieci in Linnoston, New Jersey, was one of the best full-service spas in the tristate area. It even had a sauna, a gym,
and a swimming pool for those who wanted to exercise. Kim
and Patricia didn't want to do any work. They wanted to be
served during their experience, and they got the works.

It was the most relaxation Patricia had experienced since
her honeymoon in Bermuda. She missed the pampering. She
even got a pedicure—something she hadn't bothered to do in
years.

“Edwin's going to love that shade of pink,” Kim said.

Patricia smiled just thinking about it. She loved the attention Edwin gave her, and she wanted to make him happy.
This would be a nice treat for him, too.

After the spa they headed across the highway to The Mall
at Short Hills. Patricia only went shopping for kids' clothes
and kids' accessories and shirts and ties for Edwin. She loved
shopping for them.

“Girl, you desperately need a pair of jeans,” Kim said. “Just
because you're a pastor's wife doesn't mean you need to look
like it all of the time!”

They shared a chuckle and headed to the Gap. Kim had
just turned thirty. Patricia, who was thirty-two, was dressing
like she was much older.

“A pair of Gap jeans will give you some of your sass back,”
Kim said. “But let's stay out of the low-rider section, okay? I
don't think Edwin would appreciate that! And neither would
God!”

After shopping, the two headed over to Café Arugula's, an
upscale Italian restaurant on South Orange Avenue in South
Orange. On the drive there, Kim turned on the radio. She
normally played a gospel CD, a compilation featuring her favorite, Vanessa Bell Armstrong. But the radio came on. It
was preset to 99.9, WHOT.

Every now and then Kim liked to listen to Ritz Harper,
even though she would usually have to pray about it later and
repent.

“Okay, everybody, we have in the studio with us today
Ivan Richardson,” Ritz cooed. “He's a very handsome man
about six foot even. Chocolately skin that is as smooth . . .
Ooh, let me feel that . . . yep, as smooth as a baby's ass. What
kind of products do you use?”

“Kiehls,” Ivan said.

“Okay. Welcome, Ivan, to the show,” Ritz said. “Okay,
so . . . do you consider yourself a gay man? Or are you like
J. L. King, ‘on the down low'? Whatever that means.”

“I hate labels,” Ivan said. “I don't label myself. I just prefer
an attractive man's company. And it's not all physical for me;
there has to be something more.”

“Uh-huh,” Ritz said, nodding in agreement. “So, Ivan, I
understand that a while back you had something more and
that something more left you in a lurch—without so much as
a good-bye.”

“Well, Ritz, it's deeper than that. I met him by chance and
it was love at first sight, at least it was for me. He was so gentle and kind. I had never met a person like him. He had a
strength about him, a power that was intoxicating. He told
me that I was his first—his very first.

“It was whirlwind. We shared a lot over the period of time
we spent together, and during that time we spent every waking moment together. Ritz, it was the best time I have ever
had in my life. I thought that even if we didn't continue our
relationship, we would be friends for life. I mean, he shared
things with me that I know he never shared with anyone
else.”

“So what happened?” Ritz said, leaning forward as if to
grab the words right from his mouth. Then she shot a look at
Aaron to let him know to get ready with the appropriate
sound effects. She always had her show working like a well-directed Broadway play.

“That's a good question. I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'd gone out for a meeting with some clients for most of the
afternoon. We had plans that evening to check out a new
restaurant that had just opened downtown. We were going to
celebrate our eighth-month anniversary—yes, I know it was
corny, but we were getting down like that. I had even bought
us a two-seater scooter to tool around on as a surprise for our
anniversary. We had rented one that we'd had a blast on.

“I got home around four in the afternoon and the place
was empty. His clothes were gone, all of his toiletries, all
traces of him. Gone. Not a note, nothing. And what was so
hurtful, Ritz, was that I had no way of tracking him down. It
was strange. You can share so much with someone, get so
deep with them, fall so hard, and not really know much about
them. I knew he was from New York, but I never thought
about getting a number for him there. Why would I? I never
imagined he would just pick up and leave.”

“So why not call information?” Ritz said. “Why not go on
the Internet and track him down? You had a name, right?”

“Yes, I had a name,” Ivan said, getting a little choked up
just thinking about it. It was an old wound that was cracking
open, feeling like it all just happened yesterday even though
it had been nearly seven years. “I am a proud man, Ritz. My
mama and grandmama raised me to bow to no man, to not
show weakness. I wasn't running after anyone like some
lovesick puppy. He disrespected me and he ripped my heart
from my chest. I was not giving him the satisfaction of having me stalk him. That just isn't me.”

“But you had a name,” Ritz said. “You could have called
just to tell him off and let him know how you felt.”

“I was not going to give him the satisfaction. Besides,
there was a part of me that absolutely loved him and didn't
want to disrupt his world. I mean, he
is
a minister.”

Kim and Patricia were talking while the radio was on.
But when the man spoke the word “minister,” they both
perked up.

“A minister?!” Ritz pretended to act surprised.

“Yes.”

Kim couldn't believe it. “I am so tired of these false prophets infiltrating our churches,” she exclaimed. “Folks are showing up to church and they have no idea who's really standing
in their pulpit. ‘Devil's henchmen' is what I call them.”

“Girl!” was all Patricia could muster.

Ritz Harper was reeling Ivan in for the final round.

“Is this minister someone we would all know?” Ritz said,
baiting Ivan.

“Yes. Now, I'm not here to out him. But I feel that people
should know the kind of man who is leading a tremendous
amount of people. I believe he is a good man, but he is a liar.
He's lying to his family and I believe that he is lying to himself. And what is it that they say, Ritz? The truth will . . .
what?”

“Set you free!” Ritz said, finishing the statement. “So who
is this mystery minister?

“What prompted me to come here today was seeing how
happy he looked. But underneath the smile I saw on his face,
I know that he was happier with me. I want to rescue him
from this lie of a life that he's leading. I want him to come
face-to-face with what I know, and that is that he's really a
gay man. I want Pastor Edwin Lakes to be set free.”

Kim almost ran off the road. She immediately looked at
Patricia, who looked like she had been hit in the face with a
ten-pound bag of flour. The color had completely drained
from her face and she looked beaten.

“Wha-at?” Patricia screeched.

Ritz let the silence linger, milking the moment for all she
could. The studio was wild with shocked awe and gasps.
Then Aaron hit a button and played the “I'm gay, I'm a homo,
I like guys!” sound effect.

“Pastor Edwin Lakes,” Ritz repeated the name. “That's the
minister who recently was featured on the cover of
Ebony
. He
has one of the largest churches in Harlem.
That
Pastor Edwin
Lakes?”

“Yes, that Pastor Edwin Lakes!”

Patricia was instantly nauseous.

“Kim, take me home, please,” Patricia said in almost a
whisper.

“Of course” was all Kim said for the rest of the ride. It was
one of the few times in her entire life that Kimberly Atkins
was at a loss for words.

22

Ivan left the studio and walked down Park Avenue in hopes
of catching a cab back to his hotel. But before he realized it,
he had walked fifteen blocks and decided to just keep walking. He had to clear his head, which was full of so much conflict and confusion.

He thought he would feel better releasing seven years of
bitterness and anger. He thought he would feel free letting
Edwin have it for making him feel so cheap and so small. Revenge wasn't sweet for Ivan; it churned in his stomach like
broken glass.

“What am I doing?” he thought to himself. It was a question he wished he had asked
before
he'd gone on the radio
and completely ruined Edwin's life. “What have I done?”

That answer was clear. Ivan did something he thought he
wasn't capable of doing—he had acted out of cowardice. Instead of being a man and facing Edwin, asking him what happened or, even better, moving on with his life, Ivan took the
coward's way out: He broadsided him.

“I knew how to reach him,” Ivan started muttering to himself. “I could have just called him. I'm sure he had a good reason for what he did.

“Yeah, but he should have called me or written me. He
didn't have to leave me out there hanging like that. Who did
he think he was?”

This battle went back and forth inside of Ivan's head as he
aimlessly walked the streets of New York.