Dragonfly (21 page)

“Hey, Rach! I’m
so
glad you guys are here,” Renee said. “We can go through the maze together. It’s supposed to be really scary.”

“Chicken?” Rachel laughed. “Who set it all up?”

“Mr. Hawkins donated the land, and he got some of the guys from the ranch to help.”

Rain Hawkins was one of the few farmers left in South County, and one of Renee’s relatives owned a horse ranch in Midlind.

“Is that one of Julian’s sculptures?” I asked pointing to the small runner.

“Yeah, I put that together to help out,” Julian said, handing a bag of popcorn to Renee.

“Oh, hey,” I said, trying to be casual. “I like it.”

“Make a bid,” he grinned. “I know I’ve spoiled you, but it’s for a good cause.”

“Spoiled me?” I frowned. “What…”

“You like something, I make it for you.” He smiled, and I looked down again quickly.

“Oh, right,” I said.

“What did Julian make for you?” Renee asked.

I noticed Jack and Brad walking toward us. “Looks like we’re ready to start,” I said, ignoring her.

“One of those Helen Freed pieces.” Julian said taking Renee’s hand and pulling her toward the entrance. “Who’s ready to get lost?

“Didn’t somebody see the Catman sneaking around this field?” Brad teased.

“Shut up, Brad.” Renee put a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

“Somebody’s about to be screaming,” Brad sang out.

We handed over our tickets and started into the maze. Renee and Rachel were giggling nervously as we walked, waiting for something to happen. Jack held out his arm to me, and I took it, not minding a little temporary protection, regardless of the source.

It was cooler inside the maze, and the height of the walls made it darker as well. Huge spotlights lit certain portions of the grid, but some corners were almost completely dark. Those were the tense spots, where you could feel the actors lurking, waiting to scare you. It was all in good fun, but I was glad we were going through it as a group.

We rounded the first corner, and from the shadows, I felt the swish of air as something ran toward us from behind. Rachel screamed as a fur-clad figure snarled at her. We scattered in six different directions, screaming and laughing. It was terrifying, and I couldn’t stop giggling. I ran as hard as I could from our grisly pursuer, thinking someone was with me, but after several turns, I stopped running and looked around. I was alone.
Great
.

I walked slowly through the dim-lit stacks, straining my ears for familiar voices. I thought I heard Rachel off to my right, and I followed the sound. But as I rounded the corner, it was a shadowy dead end. I doubled back and listened again. It sounded like they were just on the other side of the hay wall, and I started running straight ahead. My heart was thudding when the passage opened. I could go right or left. I waited and listened, and once again, I felt the swish of air as a figure came up behind me. I spun around ready to scream, but it was only Julian.

“Hey,” he said low in my hair, as his hands found my sides.

“Julian!” I laughed, hugging him in relief. He smiled and pulled me into a shadowy corner. “I hate being alone in these things, and I thought you were—”

He leaned in and cut me off with a kiss. My heart had been racing from the fright and the running, but now it was flying for a different reason. Instinctively, I pulled him closer, not wanting to let him go, and he held me tighter in response.

This time his kiss was not a question, it was a demand, and the part of me I’d been pushing down for weeks came rushing up to meet him. My arms were around his neck, and I slipped my fingers into his hair. I felt his lips curve into a smile against mine, and our mouths opened, tongues touched, and electricity raced to my toes. It was hot and breathtaking, and everything I’d expected returning Julian’s kiss to be like. His uncasted arm circled my waist, holding me strong against his body, then he lifted his head to look into my eyes.

We were both breathing fast. Neither of us spoke, we only smiled, a little amazed and unable to look away. He leaned forward to kiss me again, and once more I kissed him back, open-mouthed and eager. Hungry. I felt confident and strong, and I didn’t want to stop ever. He held me back against the scratchy hay wall, and my hands moved from his shirt to his shoulders and then his neck. I wanted to touch his skin. I wanted to pull him closer. I wanted to feel his skin against mine.

His lips moved to my jaw then my chin, and without thinking, I murmured his name. I dropped my face against his neck, inhaling deeply the faint scent of his cologne mixed with the straw all around us. We were swirling in a dizzying wave of adrenaline until I heard voices coming toward us.

As if waking from the most amazing dream, I opened my eyes and reluctantly stepped away, out of Julian’s arms.

“I think I heard them over here!” Renee ran up and stopped short, the laughing others close behind her.

I turned away and tried to pick the hay fragments out of my hair. There was no denying what we’d just done, and I didn’t know what to say. Going after another person’s date wasn’t cool, and it wasn’t the reputation I was after, even if it was for Julian.

“Hey, Renee.” Julian said, clearing his throat.

“What’s up, Date? You know, you really should try a different shade of lipstick with your complexion.” Her tone was sarcastic.

“I was considering a Goth phase. You say no?” Julian wiped his mouth. Jack appeared with Rachel and Brad close behind.

“Do what you want, Julian. You always do.” Renee walked back toward Rachel, who was staring at me.

“Anna, you okay?” Jack came over and took my arm, turning me around. I looked up at him, trying to smile, but I only succeeded in looking sheepish. He hadn’t given me any reason to guard his feelings, but still. This wasn’t who I wanted to be.

“I… I guess I ran the wrong way,” I said quietly. “Julian found me.”

Jack frowned. “Your lipstick’s smudged.”

I couldn’t speak.

His lips formed that line again. “C’mon. I know the way out.”

He took my hand and led me away from the group. I could hear our friends’ low voices as we made our way through the remainder of the maze and away from them. Jack stayed ahead of me, walking with controlled determination. I could tell he was angry, which made me angry, but I followed him past group after group of screaming teenagers being chased by costumed adults. When we reached the exit, he kept walking in the direction of the parking lot.

“Are we leaving?” I asked.

He didn’t answer as I followed him to the Jeep.

“I’m headed back,” he said. “It’s your choice—you can catch a ride with those guys if you want to stay.”

“I’m ready to go,” I said. Hanging out with a pissed-off Renee was the only thing I could imagine worse than riding home with Jack right now.

Much like the drive over, we rode the whole way back in silence with only the radio playing. Jack looked straight ahead at the road, and I looked out the window at the passing trees. When we got to my house, he stopped and walked around to help me out.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said, but he held my arm. My eyes went to his, and I saw a hint of anger simmering there.

“So what was that? Payback?”

“No!” I hated the defensive sound in my voice. “As if you have any right to be mad.”

He surprised me with a laugh. “You’re right. I have no right. Other than you were there with me tonight.”

“As friends,” I said. “Which was your decision.”

His lips tightened. “Friends. That’s right. No matter what happened two days ago.”

“Two days ago you reminded me how little you care. I guess I learned sensitivity from watching you.” I jerked my arm away as I said it.

“Wrong. Two days ago you didn’t give me a chance to explain. And I never went after someone else when I was with you.”

“So I’m the bad guy?” I could feel my eyes flashing. I hadn’t wanted to fight with him, but I was so happy to clear the air. “Explain please. Tell me how you can go from one hundred percent into me to zero in the space of two words.”

“It wasn’t that. I was into it, but if I’d gone there, been your first… I won’t do that to you. It’s exactly why I’m holding back now.”

“You’re holding back now?” I repeated, disbelief clear in my voice.

He made a move like he might pull me into his arms, but I quickly took a step back.

“No. That’s over,” I said. “I can’t do the casual hook up anymore.” But even as I said it, my trembling insides told me I’d have to work overtime to make those words true. I was ashamed to admit how weak I still was when it came to him, how much my body still wanted him to finish what he kept starting in me.

“Thanks for taking me tonight,” I continued, not meeting his eyes. “But I need a break.”

I could see a response forming on his lips, but he didn’t answer me. Instead he climbed back into the Jeep and drove away.

I stood several minutes staring after him into the darkness, still trembling with the adrenaline pulsing through my body. I couldn’t tell if I was happy or miserable. I’d just sent Jack away. And it was very possible I’d never see him again. A scary sense of loss clutched at my chest, and I turned slowly to my empty house.

Pain forced my shoulders to bend as I exhaled, but I had to be okay with this. Sure, I had chased after the excitement and the sexiness of him. But I had to believe I could mean more to someone than stolen kisses and casual hook ups, always stopping short of anything that required commitment or something more. I had to believe I had value apart from that.

I went upstairs and curled into a ball on my bed, closing my eyes and sliding my thumb back and forth across the band of my dragonfly ring. I didn’t cry. I didn’t want to cry. I simply lay there trying to understand what I was feeling and what I really wanted.

Chapter 21

Short weeks were all that stood between me and the end of the semester, when I knew Jack would be gone for good. I decided I didn’t care. After the Halloween incident, I’d resolved to focus only on my work and on college and not my inability to manage any sort of successful love life. I’d sent Jack away, I’d told Julian I needed time. Now I was going to give myself that time.

That was the plan anyway, but of course, I could never plan for Julian.

He was waiting for me, leaning against Mom’s car in the student lot. “Hey, Anna,” he said, pushing his dark bangs back.

“Your cast is off,” I said, hugging my books to my chest.

He held out his hand, flexing his fingers. “Yeah. Just got it off. I’m working on getting the strength back.”

I remembered the night of the birthday party when he’d carried me to the T-bird after I’d fallen—how worried he’d been, how protective. His little dragonfly tattoo was uncovered now, and it was the first time I could see it exactly matched my ring.

“Did you need something from me?” I asked, hating this tension I felt when I was around him now. I wanted things to be easy between us again.

“I should’ve done this before now.” He exhaled, looking down.

“Done what?”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I mean… I’m not sorry it happened. But I’m sorry if you’re mad. Or if I hurt you.”

“Are you talking about at the maze?”

Blue eyes rose to mine, and my heart did its usual Julian-pull. “Yeah, I guess I went too far that night.”

“It wasn’t completely your fault. I mean, I didn’t exactly fight you.”

“I remember.” The little grin teasing at the corners of his mouth made me hug my books tighter. Focus.

“I’ve got to get to the paper office,” I said.

He straightened up, moving away from the car. “Sure. I just wanted to tell you that.”

I nodded and dug my keys out of my bag. But I stopped before opening the door. “I’m not mad or hurt,” I said. “We were all excited, and it was dark. And confusing.”

“Were you confused?” He studied my face, and I could feel it turning red.

“No,” I said quietly. “But I am now. What I really want is a break. School, going to work, that’s all.”

“Okay,” he nodded. “I’m not pushing you. And I’m not going anywhere. You know, when you feel less confused.”

I started to get in the car, but I stopped. “Why?”

His brow creased, but the tiny smile still teased at his lips. “Did you just ask me why?” Then he caught one of my curls. “Are you kidding? Have you seen how cute you are?”

“C’mon, Julian.” I shoved the curl behind my ear. “I’m being serious.”

He shrugged. “Because you’re my angel. You put me on the map. You always believe in me.”

“I didn’t do anything. You’ve done it all, and it was just a matter of time before everybody saw it.”

He laughed. “See? That’s what I’m talking about. Oh, and you’re great at math.”

I exhaled a laugh then, too. “Yes. So great, you failed the course.”

“I might’ve passed.”

My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe it. “Are you saying… Did you fail on purpose? Julian, why?”

He touched my nose. “Why do you think? And then you went and quit on me.”