Dragonfly (14 page)

I coughed, still crying, still fighting tears. I wanted to die. I was so stupid. I wanted to scream and cry. But I had to stop. The smallest note of self-preservation rang in my chest, and I forced myself to get control. It took all my strength, but I pulled myself up and slowly rubbed the sand from my hands and cheeks, taking a careful step on my injured leg. I couldn’t go back there, but I couldn’t stay here.

My phone was in my purse in Julian’s car. Oh god! Julian’s car. He’d tucked the keys in the visor, so I could leave when I wanted. I slowly limped up the beach in the direction of the T-bird. I hadn’t gone far when I heard a car pull up on the roadside and a door slam.

“Anna? Is that you?” It was Julian.

“Julian? Oh, god.” My knees were weak, and I lowered myself again to the sand, tears back in my eyes.

“Jesus, Anna.” He jogged to me and knelt at my side. “You totally disappeared back there. I went for drinks and next thing I knew, you were gone. If I hadn’t found your shoes… Did you fall?”

“I’m sorry. I… I just—”

“I know. I saw Jack with that Casey chick, and I figured you must be wigging out.”

“Casey. That was Casey Simpson?” I asked.

“You know her?”

“No.” I whispered, but Lucy’s words flooded my brain. She’d broken Jack’s heart. Seemed she’d returned to collect the pieces.

“Are you okay?” Julian asked. “Can I do something?”

I looked up at his concerned face. That little voice I kept silencing bleated
yes
with all its might, but I could only cry.

“I’m so stupid, Julian,” I sobbed, looking down. “I’m just so stupid. It was all so beautiful, and I wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to be with him…”

“Anna.” Julian pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back. My face was cradled warm against his shoulder, but I couldn’t stop the sobs jerking me. “Those guys are so messed up. You don’t want that.”

My voice was muffled against him. “I did. You don’t know how much, what I was willing to do.”

He took my arms and held me back, looking into my eyes. “You want that life?”

I nodded.

His brow lined. “Then earn it. You’re smart enough to have whatever you want. Go out and get it for yourself.”

I shook my head and looked down. He didn’t understand. I would never be like that.

We sat in silence a few seconds, Julian holding both of my hands. Then finally he gave me a gentle pull. “C’mon,” he said, helping me stand. “Let’s blow off this party and catch a movie or go to Scoops. This isn’t our scene. Over the top, glitzy stupidness for what? A birthday? Acting like nothing even happened two days ago.”

“Lucy. What about Lucy? The ring?” I was standing in front of him, our hands still joined.

“I’ll give it to you,” he smiled, reaching up to move a strand of hair from my eyes. “You liked it, didn’t you?”

“You can’t give me Lucy’s ring.” I shook my head, the tears trying to start again. “I just want to go home. Can I just go home now?”

“Sure,” he said, holding my cheek. I took a limping step, and he stopped me. “Does it hurt to walk?”

My leg throbbed. I nodded, looking down, and before I realized what was happening, he lifted me in his arms.

“Julian, wait,” I held his shoulders. “I’m too heavy!”

He smiled and hugged me close. “Are you kidding? You’ve seen my sculptures. All that scrap. You’re way lighter. And softer.”

“Still,” I tried to protest.

“It’s okay,” he said, continuing to walk. I sighed and leaned my cheek against his shoulder. I didn’t feel like fighting. Gentle pressure against my temple, and he’d kissed my head. “You’ll get over this,” I heard him say quietly, under his breath.

We were at the car, and he helped me inside. “Now wait here. I’m gonna go pop that guy in the mouth.”

My eyes lifted to his, and I tried to smile back. But my usual return-banter wasn’t working tonight. “Please don’t.”

He pressed his lips together. “Whatever you say.”

We drove the whole way back with nothing but the radio playing. My head rested on the seat back, and I studied my savior. His bottom lip moved slightly as he chewed it, and his dark hair was pushed around his face by the open window. He wasn’t crowding or questioning me. He was simply taking me home. As I watched him, that little voice inside me whispered, “I love you.”

I shook my head and squeezed my eyes closed, trying to remember how many glasses of champagne I’d drunk before finding Jack with his hand down another girl’s dress. I would love anyone who helped me right now.

I leaned forward and cranked up the volume, rolling down the windows to let the salty, humid air blow my curls back in.

Chapter 14

By the time I reached home, I was numb, nauseated, and weak. I couldn’t stop seeing Jack’s hand on Casey’s breast or her red lips kissing his mouth. And every time I did, I felt the gut-kicking ache of betrayal all over again.

It made sense now. If I were there, he couldn’t be with her, and she’d supposedly run off and left him wanting more. Casey Simpson. She was beautiful and sophisticated and smart. She was in college, and her parents lived on Hammond Island. I was sure his dad had no objections to that match.

I doctored my leg in the bathroom, cleaning off the blood and examining what was already turning into a bruise. Very attractive. I went to my room and crawled under my covers. I didn’t think I’d ever get to sleep, but when I opened my eyes again, it was morning. I jumped up and started throwing clothes into my duffel bag. I was getting out of here, and Nana’s was the perfect escape.

I was on the beach by afternoon, under an umbrella and nursing my pulverized heart. Nana was working on a project for her Master Gardeners class, so she let me have the day to myself, which was fine with me. I wanted to be alone to suffer.

By sunset, I’d read every article on my tablet, and I’d worked hard to think only about the news and my new job at the paper and not how for a brief time I’d felt like the princess of East End Beach.

And it still hurt.

The sun was setting, and as much as I wanted, I couldn’t stay out here forever. I pulled my cover-up around me in the cooling October air, turning just in time to catch sight of him walking up the shoreline in my direction. My breath caught. Jack.

His eyebrows were pulled together, and he was moving quickly toward me. In the space of one second, I went from wanting to scream at him to wanting to cry, to wanting to run to him and kiss him, to wanting to run away or better yet, hit him. He stopped in front of me, looking down as the wind tossed his hair. My throat was so tight it ached.

“I’ve been calling you all day,” he said, seeming angry. “Your phone goes straight to voicemail. So I called your house, and your mom told me you were here.”

Adrenaline vibrated just under my skin, but I managed to say, “Why?”

He let out a deep exhale, dropping to the sand. “I didn’t know you’d be there last night.”

“I could tell. Your hands were very full.”

His blue eyes flashed. “You and I are not together, Anna. And Casey’s an old friend.”

“An old friend you felt up.”

The muscle in his jaw flinched, and he looked out at the water.

“Why are you here, Jack?” I snapped.

He looked back. “I don’t know. I was worried about you.”

Anger clutched my chest, stronger than the pain in my stomach. It pushed me to my feet. “You don’t have to worry about me, Jack Kyser, I’m fine. We’re through, and you can do what you want.”

He reached for my hand, but I pulled it away, walking furiously down the beach. He ran to catch up and caught my arm, but I jerked it back and kept walking.

“Sure. That’s great. Just walk away.” His voice was sharp, which only angered me more. “I only came to say I wouldn’t have done that to you.”

I stopped walking and spun around to face him. “No? You wouldn’t? Then what would you do? Kiss me and touch me and leave me wanting more? Then throw me away without any explanation—just in time for your ex to roll into town for a hookup?”

“It wasn’t like that.” His lips tightened. “And I did try to explain. You have no idea the shit I’m dealing with, Anna. At least she knows what to expect.”

The wind was blowing my curls all in my face. He stepped forward and caught a lock in his hand, studying me. “My life. My family. The pressure. It almost killed Lucy… you’ll thank me one day.”

“I’m thanking you now,” I snapped back, pushing his hand away. “And feel free to leave at any time.”

“Fine,” he said backing up. “I didn’t come here to confuse the situation. I just came to apologize. I’m really sorry.”

“Yes, you are,” I growled. “Apology accepted. Have a nice life.”

He paused for a second. Then he stepped forward and caught my cheeks, frustration lining his brow. I wanted to struggle, to push him back hard, but it was too late. He leaned in fast and kissed me, and it was like a flame to gasoline. Heat roared through me and I kissed him back. I was mad and my whole body was tense, but I shoved my fingers into his hair and opened my mouth, pulling him closer, wanting more. His tongue found mine, and I didn’t care what happened last night. My legs trembled, and I just wanted him. All of him. I didn’t care if it was a huge mistake. I didn’t care if it made me weak and pathetic. I hated myself, but my need to have him was stronger than my need to hurt him.

He kissed me two more times, holding my face in his hands then looked into my eyes. “Don’t do that.”

I was breathing hard. “Do what?”

“I have a reason for ending this.” He lowered his hands. “My plans won’t change, and us spending time together… You’ll just get hurt.”

“Why can’t you let me worry about that?”

He shook his head. “I won’t do that. I like you. You’re pretty and smart, and if things were different, well, they would be different. But that’s all I can do.”

My jaw clenched. I looked down at the sand, and he looked out at the water. He’d pushed me away, and yet here he was apologizing. I was furious, but when he kissed me, none of it mattered. All I wanted was more. He stood here, telling me I didn’t understand—and I didn’t. All of this was messed up and wrong, and I still wanted him.

“Okay,” I said, catching my breath, grasping for anything to make sense. “Explain it to me, then. It’s been two weeks since you told me anything. What’s going to happen?”

He glanced back at me, and I met his gaze. Then he sighed and looked down.

“I only need two credits to graduate,” he said as we slowly started walking back to my stuff. “I don’t even have to go every day. I’ll take the exams and leave at Christmas. But I’m probably sticking closer. Going to Tulane with Lucy.”

I nodded. “That’s good.”

“I was never into the Ivy League. I’d rather stay near the water, my boat.”

His boat. I thought back to the day he’d visited me here, that happy weekend. “I never got my sailing lesson,” I said quietly.

He breathed a laugh. “Oh, man.”

Even though my chest was still tight, we were both softening. We stood there for a moment, side by side, listening to the water.

Finally he spoke. “I guess I did promise. Name the date, and I’ll take you out.”

I shrugged. “What about Saturday? I’ve got to work at the paper all week.”

“Right. Good luck with the new job.”

I turned and lightly touched his arm. “Thank you. For coming here and apologizing. You could’ve let it go, but you didn’t.”

He caught me by the waist and pulled me to him. My hands were on his shoulders, and I was very aware of every place our bodies touched. Then he kissed me, soft lips covering mine. My hands slid behind his neck, his hands slid to my lower back, and the last of my resistance dissolved.

His lips moved to my ear. “You’re welcome,” he whispered.

He released me and started back across the sand, and as I watched him go, I didn’t know what to think. I couldn’t figure out any of it—him telling me no and then showing up here today, kissing me like that.

He insisted we couldn’t be together, that I’d get hurt. But maybe I could prove him wrong, show him I was strong enough for his family. My lips tightened at the truth. I was no match for Jack’s family. I wasn’t even strong around him. I wasn’t able to fight how my body responded to him, that heat low in my stomach when he kissed me.

But he’d come here because he was worried about me. That had to mean something. Maybe if we kept spending time like this, he would change his mind on his own. Did I want that? I was afraid to commit to an answer with everything in me still humming from his kiss.

Instead, I thought about good journalism schools near the water. I’d never considered Tulane, but maybe I’d do a little research, maybe send them an application. Just to see what would happen—not committing to anything. After all, Lucy and I were friends. She’d probably like it if we were together, and I’d be closer to Mom and Dad.

He was at the top of the dunes when he looked back and waved one last time. I waved, considering my alternate plan.

Chapter 15