Dr. Frank Einstein (27 page)

  
  To convince the world that he was the second coming of Christ, he felt very excited to inform us, that he had established the newspaper, Washington Times. It was the goal of the newspaper to get the America to follow him. Thirty years and billions of dollars later I believe he has achieved this goal.

     
After this Washington Times event, he left to serve one year in jail for Federal Income Tax evasion.

      I remembered being at an outside rally in DC led by Jerry Farwell and Tim LaHaye.  It campaigned to free "Rev" Moon. On this stage, they complained to thousands, that his conviction was the trampling of the Federal Government on religious freedom.

      
Hey guess what, the government was justified in this conviction. Once again, Farewell and LaHaye were wrong.

      
One time, I went to Moon’s mansion in Barrytown, New York.  At this mansion, Church members would commit their church mission to be a Moon family’s servant. Also at this mansion He had a couple of Mercedes Limousines in a garage. All this was owned by the church.  Yet only he, his wife and twelve kids could use this house.

     
There was his penthouse at the New Yorker.  He had servants at other houses around world.  He owns nothing/ he owns the whole church.  His personal use of church property is what he did not declare on his income tax. Though he was flagrant with using church property for personal use, all the Internal Revenue Service charged him with was personally using cash and not paying the one thousand eight hundred United States Dollars tax on it.  Maybe it was a blend of using these sources of cash both together.  After all he is the church, and Christ and True Father, and whatever else he wanted to make up.  Why he went to prison was not because of religious prosecution!  It is because he was a tax cheat!

     
Hey maybe Jerry and Tim did the same:  mixing of the churches' and personal use of church funds; and then did not report it to the Internal Revenue Service. That’s why they led those rallies to free Moon.

       About a month after these rallies, Mrs. EU, the regional leader and a close associate to Moon, told me that she had talked to Moon.  She told me this:

      
“Father {that’s what Moonies called Moon} said you’re too handicapped for God. Go home to your parents and let them take care of you.”

      
Unfortunately my parents also were sick and tired of the fact that i talked like a retard and walked like a drunk. So I could not go home to them.

      
That’s how I ended up in that skid row hotel in Los Angeles:  getting mugged by those guys, one who had lived in the building, was a witness at their trial for mugging me.  They were declared not guilty.  However, they went to jail to serve out their parole because their mugging of me was a parole violation.

       “Come follow Me.” Jesus said to me the next day. We went to a Christian bookstore.

      
Tim LaHaye was signing his new book from the Left Behind series.  Jesus went right up to LaHaye's table.

      
“I'm Jesus Christ!" He declared to LaHaye.

   
   “No you’re not!” replied LaHaye, “if You are then we’d see You in the sky."

     “I came a day ago.” Continued Jesus, “I Left you behind because you couldn’t hear my apocalyptic call as a result of your relationship with the Anti-Christ Sun Myung Moon."

      “He is not the anti-Christ,” refuted LaHaye to Christ,” he is a moral man. He says he’s the second coming of Christ, well, he is wrong there.  But except for that delusion, he does wonders for Christ.”

     
“You have accepted over a million dollars from Moon!”

    
  “And I use that money to further the cause for Christ” Jesus reacted with disdain at that statement.

   
   “You led his campaign to protest his income tax evasion conviction.”

  
    “The government was trampling on our freedom of religion. Besides, that was almost thirty years ago.”

      
“You daily read his paper, The Washington Times.”

      
“What are you some private detective?”

      
“No, just omniscient.”

      
LaHaye gave a double take, “anyway, The Washington Times professes family values. It advocates for a Christian American government.”

      
“I taught that Christians should be in the world not of it. That means Christians must be totally separate from society. A Christian American Nation! Ridiculous! Countries can't be Christian; only people can.

      
“Your right winged politics has made you’re a Moonie not a Christian.”   Jesus went out of the book store and turned back. "Hey Tim. Do you want to see the rapture now?”

        Jesus started floating up into the sky.  He continued to speak as everyone began to leave the book store, including LaHaye,
to witness this sight. Jesus travelled over the top of the Washington Monument.

       
Hey, Tim!” Jesus said. His voice was the same volume as when He was in the store, “No planes are falling out of the sky! No cars are crashing! Or maybe it's because most pilots are from the military. As I said we fight with spiritual weapons not carnal ones.  That means Christians cannot serve in the military.   So the planes won’t fall out the sky because none of the pilots are Christians.

         All of a sudden, I floated up to Jesus. I saw the peak of the Washington Monument right under my feet.

         “I’m doing the rapture Tim.” Jesus taunted.  "Why are you still down there?”

         Jesus and I were the only who were in the rapture.

         “You are the blind leading the blind" quoted Jesus.

         We saw a CNN news cameraman at the edge of mall. 
The camera pointing to us.

         “I've got to find more followers. “ Jesus commented as we hovered back down to Earth, “This rapture’s not over!”

         Me and the Anti-Christ were walking down the avenue, 5th Avenue. Actually, it was his specter.

         “What do you want?” I asked
; irritated at Moon .

         “I told you, you motherfucker, you’re too handicapped for God. So why don’t you stop this Illusion that you’re some fucking emiss
ary of Christ. He did appoint me.  I didn't ask for it. I'm the second coming of Christ.”

         “No you’re not.  Hey, get behind me Satan.”

         “If I had my body.   I’d fuck you in the ass!  Then I’d kill you! "

         With that I ran in a Subway Station.

         “Come back. I’m not through with you. You insane piece of shit' Hey! “See I told you he could speak English.

                                             Chapter Thirty Nine

        In the hotel room, Jesus and I watched the coverage of our event. All the networks covered it except Fox News.

         CNN has played Jesus' rapture footage.  After it finished, they went to LaHaye for comment.

         “I said
, nobody was floating above Washington. The truth is a person claiming to be Christ interrupted my book signing.  He started carrying on and started yelling some nonsense.  He left the bookstore and he went around the corner of the block. I didn't see him again. The footage that is being shown on this network is a fabrication.  Some camera trick.  I was there.  It didn’t happen. Let me assure everyone that if the rapture did come: cars would be crashing and planes will be falling over the sky.” 

         Jesus said then to me “we’ve got to move to a more receptive place. Can you drive Me to Lancaster, Pennsylvania?”

         The next day I rented a car.  We drove to Lancaster.   As we neared the City limits, sirens blared behind us. I stopped for the county sheriff.

         “Ok Darren Luttrell,” said the deputy as he approached Jesus’s side of the car. “Out of car.  I have a fifty one fifty medical order. You are endangering yourself or others.”

         “Who’s Darren Luttrell?”  Jesus and I said in unison.

         “You are, Sweetheart.” The deputy replied to Jesus.

         “But I’m Jesus Christ.”

        “That’s what they all say.”  She led Jesus away in handcuffs.  I looked back in the rear view mirror.  Jesus smirked as he took off His handcuffs and then put them back on.

  
       I drove to Lancaster Community Hospital.   But, I missed visiting hours.  I sat in the car at the side of the hospital, wondering what to do, when Jesus walked through the walls of the building. He jumped in to the car.

        "Let’s go! We've got a rapture to attend tonight.” when we got the field, there were hundreds maybe thousands of people. 
There were Amish, Mennonites, Quakers, American and fundamentalist Baptists. They were all waiting for Jesus to walk through the middle of the masses.   Jesus ran and jumped in the middle.  A bright light radiated from Him that beamed up into the night.  It lit the whole area as if it was day.        

         He said. “Let’s take off y’all!”

         All of us poofed up in the air in a flash.  We were transformed to another place.  Others were taken in other places. Those with significant disabilities also went in the rapture. This included those with mental illness. Thus it pretty much cleaned out all of the skid rows.  Except for this, the world went on with life. The next year LaHaye came out with another Left Behind book. Franklin Graham said on Fox News that music took all the handicapped people in the middle of the night.

         Soon I was sent as an emissary to Hell.  I had a meeting there Jerry Farwell, Tim LaHaye, Pat Robertson and Bob Grant and other Fundamentalists.

         “Why are we here? We don’t understand?”  They complained to me.

         I replied, “Moon’s not being the second coming should’ve giving you a hint.  He was the anti-Christ. You shouldn’t have had anything to do with him." 

         "I followed the Bible.” related Robertson to me.

         “Not as CEO of CBN, you didn’t.” Commented I to them,” Didn’t Jesus tell in the Bible that it is easier for camel to go through an eye of a needle than for rich man to get into heaven?"

 
     "He was referring to a gate in Jerusalem"

        "No, He wasn’t.”

        "Why?”

        "You should have not been like the rich young ruler when you sold CBN, you shouldn't have kept the
twenty million for yourself”.

        The spiritual weapons of Christ wiped them out in on swoop.

         A light come on in hell. It was Jesus.

         "Oh, god" said Robertson,” who would of thought the Muslims were right!'

         “No.” i instructed them. "That's Jesus. He’s just swayve."

         “It’s the guy from the Washington Monument.” announced LaHaye. "That was a hoax. We’ve been kidnapped.  This isn’t Hell. He
was there too. It’s that Eric Berg. A very nefarious character.  He probably hired CNN to fabricate that phony rapture. He’s has been diagnosed with Schizophrenia, y’know.”

     
  “I came here to give you guys a second chance.”  Said Jesus, “Give up your bible proof texting.  Believe in what I really said and I’ll take y’all to Heaven right now.”

         “You lie.  Hell is eternal.” scolded Farwell.

         “Where does it say that?

         
“In Revelations twelve.”

         “That’s the Lake of Fire. This is outer darkness where there's gashing of teeth. Remember Matthew.

         “I don’t see any Lake of Fire.  At least not yet. Besides 1 peter 3 says For Christ also suffered once for sins, the just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive by the Spirit, by whom also He went and preached to the spirits in prison, who formerly were disobedient, and again it says in Ephesians Now this, “He ascended”—what does it mean but that He also first descended into the lower parts of the earth? He who descended is also the One who ascended far above all the heavens, that He might fill all things."