Downsizing (39 page)

“
Yes, I’m aware of that. That’s
part of the problem. I have a right to know what’s going on but
nobody will tell me a bloody thing. I’m the only one whose feelings
for Cassie have stood the test of time.” Graham’s expression was a
mixture of spite and unmitigated dislike as he met Maxine’s eye.
“It’s all right for you to shag her husband, but it’s not okay for
me to know what she’s done that justifies having her
committed.”

“
She went to that clinic
voluntarily, Graham.”

“
Bullshit!”

“
I really can’t talk about it,”
she said softly, her anger replaced by true compassion for his
fragile condition. His father’s death and Cassie’s breakdown
coinciding so closely had almost pushed him over the edge. “It’s
not up to me, Graham. All I can do is tell Noah about this
conversation, and perhaps he’ll explain things to you
himself.”

“
Yeah, Noah.” Graham staggered
unsteadily to his feet. “Everything in this world revolves around
sodding Noah, and do you know what, I’m sick of the sound of his
fucking name.”

* * * *

Noah told Maxine everything Doctor Ashe had
said about Cassie’s condition when he arrived at her flat that
evening.

“
It makes sense, I suppose,” she
said thoughtfully. “And also explains a lot.”

“
Perhaps, but that doesn’t make
what she did to me any easier to take. All that time we lost. It
makes me so fucking angry to think about it.”

“
It wasn’t entirely her
fault.”

His somber expression gave way to a soft
smile. “You’re in a very forgiving mood.”

“
It’s easy to be forgiving when
you’re as happy as I am now. Besides, I’m a gracious winner. And
don’t forget you’ve got Josh, Billy, and Amy as a result of her
conniving, so at least something good came out of it
all.”

“
Yeah, I could never regret them,
which is more than can be said for their mother. It seems that
Cassie’s forgotten all about them. According to Doctor Ashe she
hasn’t once asked after their welfare. The only time she’s referred
to them at all, in fact, has been to complain about the
restrictions they’ve placed on her social life.”

“
Doctor Ashe told you
that?”

“
He didn’t want to, but I pushed
him on the issue.”

“
Try and bear in mind that she’s
ill, Noah. You have to make allowances for that.”

“
Yeah, I suppose, but it’s all a
bit convenient, don’t you think?”

“
Why?” When his expression turned
skeptical, Maxine understood what he was thinking.

“
If a medical doctor told you
that, say, she had a tumor on the brain that was making her behave
strangely, would you feel for her then?”

He shrugged. “I guess so.”

“
Because it’s something tangible
that would show on an X-ray, so it has to be there?”

“
What are you getting at,
Max?”

“
What I’m saying is that this is
no different. She’s mentally ill, and the disease is there, inside
her head, just like the hypothetical tumor would be. It just can’t
be seen, and psychiatric medicine has such a dubious press that you
think it’s all contrived.”

Maxine reached up and traced the outline of
his jaw, anxious to eradicate the deep vertical lines in his
forehead that she so hated to see there. Her fingers came to rest
on the cleft in his chin, which she then leaned forward to kiss.
“We ought to feel sorry for her, Noah, especially since we’re so
happy.”

He pulled her close and treated her to a
searing kiss. “I don’t deserve you.”

“
Probably not, but I’m afraid
you’re stuck with me for the duration.”

“
Damn!”

“
Get used to the idea, ’cause I’m
too good a lawyer to leave you with any escape clauses.” She
slanted him a flirtatious glance. “Don’t say you haven’t been
warned.”

“
I hope you know what you’re
getting yourself in to.” He dropped a kiss on the top of her head.
“Now, since you have an answer for everything perhaps you can
explain why Cassie would want to see Graham and not Charles or
me.”

“
It’s funny you should mention
that.”

“
What’s wrong, Max? Why are you
frowning?”

“
Well, it’s just that something
happened with Graham today. I’ve told you that he’s been acting
strangely since his father died.” When he nodded, Maxine went on to
tell him about Graham’s extraordinary outburst that
afternoon.

“
How dare he talk to you like
that!” Noah balled his fists, and Maxine was frightened by the
anger she could see in his expression. “It’s none of his fucking
business. I’ll kill the bastard!”

“
Calm down, Noah. He obviously
loves her and thinks you’ve done something awful to get rid of her
so that you can be with me. If the situation was reversed, you’d be
thinking along the same lines.”

“
When did you get to be so wise?”
She could sense the tension draining out of him as he nuzzled her
neck and nipped gently on a particularly sensitive erogenous
zone.

“
I don’t have your quick temper,”
she said, almost purring with pleasure as his tongue continued to
work its magic. “Besides, I don’t think Graham’s as keen to spend
the rest of his working days toiling away as a solicitor as he’s
led everyone to suppose. He did it for his father’s sake, but now
that he’s got no one to please but himself, he’s having second
thoughts.”

She tilted her head to one side as she
articulated her thoughts, unconsciously giving Noah easier access
to the column of her throat. “Perhaps that’s why he’s put his house
on the market. Besides, since Cassie wants to see him and not you,
we ought to be optimistic.”

“
What do you mean?” His voice was
muffled as he continued to ravish her neck.

“
Well, would you ever have thought
she’d want to see anyone other than you?”

“
No, I suppose not.”

“
So, it’s a good sign. Perhaps
she’s starting to look at the world a tad more
realistically.”

Noah lifted his head long enough to smile at
her. “That would be too good to be true,” he said wistfully.
“Anyway, what are we going to do about Graham? Doctor Ashe left me
to tell him Cassie wants to see him.”

“
Then why don’t we invite him
round here tomorrow evening, and tell him together? But if we do
that you’ll have to tell him everything, including the possibility
that Josh might be his son.” Maxine watched his face closely. “Are
you ready to do that?”

“
I don’t see that we have any
choice.” He sighed. “If Cassie really is starting to take off the
blinkers, then she might decide to tell him herself.”

* * * *

Graham arrived at Maxine’s flat, sullen and
subdued. Matters didn’t improve when Noah went straight on the
offensive.

“
Let’s get a few things straight
before we start,” he said, glowering at his nemesis. “If you’ve got
anything to say about my wife, or my treatment of her, then you say
it to me. It’s got nothing to do with Maxine or her reasons for
being back in Colebrook.”

“
You’re right.” Graham sat down,
sounding and looking utterly defeated. “I shouldn’t have said what
I did, and I apologize, Maxine. I was having a bad day.”

Noah, surprised by his easy capitulation,
immediately calmed down too. “Right, now that we’ve got that out of
the way, there’re a few things you should know about
Cassie.”

Noah filled Graham in on all that had
happened, being brutally honest and leaving nothing out. He started
with the episode in the swimming pool that led to their marriage,
dwelt upon the problems they’d have once they’d tied the knot, and
continued right up to Josh’s accident, the subsequent revelation
about blood groups, and Cassie’s suicide attempt. Graham was too
shocked to speak a word for several minutes and simply looked at
Noah with his mouth hanging open.

“
I had no idea. Not a clue,” he
eventually said. “Sorry, Noah, and you too, Maxine. I jumped to
conclusions based on what I wanted to believe. I thought badly of
you both to avoid placing any blame on Cassie, I suppose. I knew
her moods could be quixotic but had no idea things were quite so
bad.”

“
She fooled everyone,” Maxine
said. “But it’s important to remember that she’s been ill for a
long time and probably couldn’t help it.”

“
What blood group are you,
Graham?” Noah asked bleakly.

“
A rhesus negative.
Why?”

Noah nodded, unsurprised. “Congratulations,”
he said, “It seems that you have a son.”

“
Yes, it does look that way,
doesn’t it?” Graham appeared understandably dazed.

“
I’d prefer it if Josh didn’t have
to know right now. He’s been through a lot, and I’d rather not tell
him that I’m not his father just at the moment, if you don’t
mind.”

“
No, I don’t mind. I need to get
used to the idea myself first.” Graham scratched his head, drained
his glass, and looked at Maxine as though he desperately needed a
refill. She reached for the bottle and did the honors. “Why didn’t
she tell me?”

“
Cassie’s much improved and can
have an outside visitor of her choosing now,” Noah said.

“
Send her my love when you see
her.”

“
Do it yourself.” Noah paused.
“It’s you she’s asked to see, not me.”

* * * *

Cassie stayed in the clinic for another month,
and Graham visited her every week, staying for increasingly longer
periods. Noah, desperate to know what was now going through his
wife’s head regarding her future plans, finally received a call
from Doctor Ashe saying that Cassie was well enough to be released
in a day or two’s time and had asked to see him. The waiting and
wondering were over at last.

All his optimism of the previous weeks
evaporated as he made his way to the clinic. After a short
conversation with the doctor, in which he impressed upon Noah the
need to remain calm with Cassie, he found himself in the same room
as her. It was a feminine room, he noticed distractedly, painted in
soft pastel colors and with a small private terrace overlooking
well-manicured grounds. HCassie stood to greet him.

“
Hi,” he said. “How do you
feel?”

“
Hello, Noah.”

Noah observed his wife closely. She was
wearing a skirt that finished well above her knees and a
tight-fitting top. Her hair was freshly washed, and she’d
rediscovered makeup. But there was a serenity about her that he’d
never known before. Her eyes were crystal clear, her complexion
flawless, and there was something in her manner that spoke of fresh
resolve.

“
Don’t look so scared,” she
chided, indicating the seat opposite hers. “I haven’t changed that
much.”

“
I was thinking that you look much
better, that’s all.”

“
I feel better.” She paused. Noah
felt awkward with the silence, but waited it out anyway, leaving
her to choose the topic of conversation. “Noah, I’m only just
beginning to understand what I did to you, and why, and I want to
say how sorry I am.”

“
Cassie, you can’t
just—”

“
Don’t tell me it doesn’t matter.”
Noah hadn’t intended to, but let that pass. “I know what harm I did
to you and Maxine by being so selfish.” She paused again, giving
the impression that she couldn’t marshal her thoughts as quickly as
she would like. Doctor Ashe had warned him she was on medication,
and although it didn’t prevent her from knowing her own mind, it
did slow her thought process. Once again he waited her out, but
this time the silence didn’t feel quite so strained. “I loved you
so much that I thought I could make you feel the same way about
me,” she said, tears welling in her eyes. “I know now that I was on
a fool’s errand. Doctor Ashe has helped me to realize
that.”

“
So what do you want to do
now?”

“
In the real world, or the one
inside my head?” She waved a hand at him. “No, don’t answer that.
Noah, I’d love to promise you that things would be different, that
I’d be a better wife and mother. I’d mean it at the time, too, but
I know now that it wouldn’t last.” She flashed a brief smile. “You
see how pragmatic I’m being. I’ll bet you never realized I had it
in me.”

He cautiously returned her smile. “It does
come as a bit of a surprise. I’ll admit that.”

“
Not half as much as it does to
me. I can’t go back to all those responsibilities. It would be the
end of me. When I think of what I almost did to Josh, I still have
nightmares.” Her eyes radiated a fresh sort of honesty. “I’m a
selfish and delicate person, by all accounts, although I dare say
you could have told me that and saved Daddy a fortune for my stay
here.”

“
It’s not your fault.”

“
No, evidently not, but that
probably doesn’t make things any easier for you.”

“
It’s not me we’re talking
about.”

“
It is, in a way.” She re-crossed
her legs and avoided looking at him. “But I’ve come to a decision.
Don’t look so apprehensive, you’ll like what I’m going to say.” She
smiled. “I’m going away with Graham.”