Downsizing (33 page)

Chapter
Twenty-Two

Never had Maxine felt her exclusion from
Noah’s life more acutely, but her presence would be resented.
Cassie must be devastated by Josh’s near escape, and the greatest
favor she could do for her right now was to keep well
away.

She’s been in a state of torment since Noah’s
hasty abandonment of their tennis game, wondering all the time what
was happening at the hospital, fearing the worst. She’d almost
given up on hearing from him when the phone finally rang. He set
the worst of her fears aside by telling her that Josh was conscious
and likely to make a full recovery. Her relief had been palpable,
but he’d sounded distracted, reluctant to go into
details.

Her working day on Monday had been less than
productive. She was still on tenterhooks, anxious to know if Josh
had been released. Noah hadn’t called again, and she was unable to
decide if that was good or bad. She gave up trying to concentrate
on the complexities of a libel case she’d taken from Graham’s
pending tray, so left the office early. She was guiltily aware that
she’d barely spared a thought for her partner’s plight following
the unexpected death of his father that morning.

Disciplining herself not to think about Noah,
she tidied up her already tidy apartment and made herself a supper
she didn’t eat. After a long soak in the bath, she slipped into
comfortable lounging clothes and poured herself a glass a wine.
Where was he, she asked herself for the thousandth time, and why
hadn’t he called to let her know what was happening?

The doorbell sounded at that precise moment.
She answered it, and there he was, leaning against the door frame,
looking tired and drawn. Maxine’s heart plummeted. Josh must have
taken a turn for the worse. She stepped backward and opened the
door wider, inviting him inside without any need for
words.

“
I couldn’t think where else to
go,” he said, following her into the lounge. “Anyway, there was
nowhere else I wanted to be.”

“
How is he?” Maxine asked,
dreading his response.

He seemed confused by the question. “Who,
Josh?”

“
Well, of course Josh.”

“
Oh, he’s all right. Back at
Charles’s and enjoying all the attention.”

“
That’s excellent news, Noah, so
why the glum face?

Bemused by his dejection, Maxine watched in
horror as he crumpled into a chair, covering his face with his
hands as his body convulsed with sobs. Attributing his reaction to
relief, she acted on impulse, sat on the arm of his chair, stroked
his shaking shoulders, and said nothing as she waited for him to
regain control.

“
Sorry, sweetheart.” He raised his
ravaged face and managed a wry grin. “That wasn’t a very manly
display, but it’s been a tough couple of days.”

“
It’s all right, Noah. I expect
you’ve had to put a brave face on it for everyone else, so I’m glad
you felt you could come here and be yourself.”

“
Myself?” A kaleidoscope of
emotions crossed his face. “I don’t even know who that is
anymore.”

Maxine stood and poured him a healthy measure
of single malt. She handed him the glass, their fingers colliding
as he reached out to take it. Maxine felt her reaction all the way
to her toes, ashamed of her acute awareness of him, of her
inability to put her feelings aside even at a time like
this.

“
Talk to me,” she said, sensing
there was something he needed to get off his chest. “Tell me what’s
happened.”

He took a long taste of his drink, draining
half of it in one swallow. “What’s happened? What’s happened, my
darling,” he said, his eyes burning into her face, “is that I’ve
just discovered what a prize idiot I’ve been. All the sacrifices
I’ve made and the hurt I caused you was unnecessary. How does that
grab you irony?”

“
I can’t say yet,” she said, more
confused than ever, “because I don’t have a clue what you’re
talking about.”

“
What I’m talking about, my
lovely, is that I discovered at the hospital that Josh isn’t my
biological son.”

“
What?” Maxine thought she must
have misheard him, and was tempted to laugh. “You can’t be
serious.”

“
You think I’d joke about
something like that?”

She looked into eyes that were now as hard as
flint, narrowed with bitterness at the cruel trick that had been
played on him.

“
What? How?” Maxine took a deep,
calming breath and tried again. “Tell me what happened, from the
beginning.”

“
Josh has a rare blood group.
Neither Cassie nor I have it, so it’s impossible for us to have
jointly produced him.”

Maxine gasped. “Oh, Noah, I don’t know what to
say.” She reached up and gently traced the outline of his cheek. “I
always knew Cassie was manipulative, but I’d never have believed
her capable of something this underhanded.”

“
Well, it looks like we both
underestimated her.” He caught the hand that was still caressing
his face and savagely kissed each finger in turn.

“
Have you spoken to her about
it?”

“
Have
you
ever tried
speaking to Cassie about something she doesn’t want to discuss?”
Maxine nodded in understanding. “She still insists that Josh is
mine and that the hospital must have made a mistake. As usual,
she’s incapable of facing up to her own actions and refuses to tell
me who the real father is.”

“
By now she’s probably managed to
convince even herself that it’s you.”

Noah quirked a brow. “Yeah, that
fits.”

“
Who else knows?”

“
Charles. He’s tried to talk to me
about it a couple of times today, but I’m not ready to have that
conversation with him. I suspect Madeleine knows too, judging by
the way her entire attitude toward me has changed over the last
couple of days.”

“
That probably explains why Cassie
went to so much trouble to set you up and did it all in such a
hurry. If she knew she was already pregnant and, for some reason,
couldn’t or didn’t want to marry the father, then she had to find
someone else to bail her out of trouble.”

“
Yes, and it would also explain
why, on the one occasion that I broke my own rule and had
unprotected sex, she ended up pregnant. I’ve spent hours bemoaning
that piece of ill-fortune.” He snorted. “Might as well have saved
myself the soul-searching, because it was never going to turn out
any other way.”

“
Yes, I suppose so.”

“
She knew her mother wouldn’t have
any difficulty believing that I’d seduced her precious daughter,
neatly absolved her from all blame.” He snorted his disdain. “It
also explains why she never wanted me to go to the hospital with
her for her prenatal appointments. Her assurance that she could
manage on her own duped me into believing she was being thoughtful.
It didn’t occur to me to wonder why she didn’t take her mother with
her, either.” He scowled. “You know how Cassie usually hates doing
anything for herself.”

“
But if either of you had been
there you’d have known that she was further along than she’d
pretended to be, and you’d have had doubts.”

“
Got it in one.” Noah flashed a
wry smile. “When Josh was born, we all thought he was a few weeks
premature.”

“
Poor, poor, Noah.” Maxine brushed
the hair back from his face, something she’d resisted the urge to
do ever since her return to Colebrook, and kissed the top of his
head “What will you do now?”

“
God alone knows! At the moment,
we’re camping out at Charles’s. I don’t trust myself to be alone
with her, or for Cassie to be left with the kids.” He briefly
outlined details of the accident. “To make matters worse, Cassie
has bamboozled Billy into changing his account of the events
leading up to it.”

Maxine was horrified. “I didn’t know her
drinking was so far out of control.”

“
Well, I probably should have, but
I chose to ignore it rather than confront her, so I’m partly to
blame.”

“
Noah, it’s not your
fault!”

“
It is.” He shook his head. “I
knew Cassie had problems and didn’t do enough to get her help. I
was too busy. Always too busy. I’m as guilty of neglect in many
ways as she is.”

“
You can’t be all things to all
people.”

“
Nah, but I tried to be once,
didn’t I?” He let out a mirthless laugh. “Righteously decreeing
that no child of mine would grow up without a father. Determined to
do the noble thing, no matter who I hurt in the process. What an
arrogant prick I was! No wonder you wouldn’t speak to me for so
many years. And, as it turns out, it was all for nothing anyway,
and it looks like it’s gonna be even worse for the kids now that
this is out in the open. I just don’t know what to do, Max.” He
grabbed her hand and clung to it like a lifesaver. “Tell me what to
do. I can’t live with her, but I can’t leave the kids with her
either. I’d never have a moment’s peace if I did that.”

“
Can’t you apply for
custody?”

“
The father almost never gets it,
especially when he works the sort of hours I do. Madeleine would
use her influence to make sure I didn’t get a look in.”

“
You could get a
nanny.”

“
She’d still probably win. She
knows what they mean to me and wouldn’t hesitate to use them to get
me to stay. Her behavior confuses them enough as it is, so I can’t
knowingly make it worse.”

“
Perhaps Cassie could go into
rehab? If she got off the drink things would be better.”

“
I doubt that she’d even consider
it, because she doesn’t think she has a problem.”

“
Addicts never do,” Maxine said,
thinking of some of the stories she’d heard at the women’s refuge.
“Can’t you get Charles to exert pressure on her?”

“
Perhaps, but, Max, for the first
time in my life I’m not just thinking about the kids. It’s time to
think about what I want, and to see if you and I can salvage
something out of this mess.” He addressed his comments to the
wooden floor, not once looking at her. “Hell, I shouldn’t be saying
this. Just ignore me, I’m not being fair.”

“
Noah, don’t!”

Maxine stood, her head spinning as he almost
said the words she given up all hope of hearing pass his lips.
She’d do anything. Take on his children, whom she loved anyway,
help him through this mess, and support him every step of the way.
But she didn’t think she could bear it if he was only saying these
things now because he was in a state of shock. If he came to her in
a week’s time and said it had all been a big mistake, and that he
was staying with Cassie after all for the sake of the children,
she’d probably go out of her mind.

“
I’m sorry, Max.” He stood
directly in front of her and placed his hands on her shoulders,
still not meeting her gaze. “I’m being selfish and
insensitive.”

“
No, you’re not.” She slipped her
arms round his neck and gently kissed his lips. “It was the nicest
thing that’s ever been said to me, but until—” The sound of the
doorbell couldn’t have come at a worse time. “Damn, excuse me for a
moment.”

It was after ten o’clock, but Maxine wasn’t
surprised to find Charles standing on the step.

“
I hope I’m not intruding,” he
said, “but I’m looking for Noah and I saw his car
outside—”

“
Come in, Charles.”

Noah, standing where Maxine had left him,
looked at Charles with a resigned expression.

“
What’s happened now?” he
asked.

“
Everything’s fine. There’s no
cause for alarm, and I’m sorry to barge in, but I think it’s
important that we talk.”

Maxine handed Charles a glass of single malt
and turned toward the stairs. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“
No!” both men said
together.

“
No,” Charles repeated. “I want
you to hear what I have to say as well, Maxine, because I suspect
that it will affect your future, too.”

She looked toward Noah, and he nodded. “All
right, if you’re sure I’m not intruding.” She freshened her glass
of wine and sat on the sofa next to Noah. He reached for her
hand.

“
I don’t really know where to
begin, now that I’m here,” Charles said with a wan
smile.

“
Did you know from the beginning
that Josh wasn’t mine?” Noah asked.

“
I suspected it for lots of
reasons, but chose not to say anything, hoping I was wrong.”
Charles put his glass down and looked directly at Noah. “Feel free
to castigate me for cowardice.”

“
Why did you keep your suspicions
to yourself?”

“
Because, in spite of everything,
I really do love my daughter and didn’t want to think that badly of
her.” When Noah said nothing, Charles spoke again. “I’ll do my best
to make you both understand the conundrum that faced me. You asked
me a while ago, Noah, why I encouraged Maxine to come back to
Colebrook, and the answer I gave you wasn’t exactly
honest.”

He let out a mirthless chuckle. “I didn’t
suppose that it was.”