Down the Rabbit Hole (27 page)

“You know, Kendra,” he said out of the blue, “it looks like you are putting on some weight.” He then went on to talk about how she should watch what she eats at the buffets.

Oh my God! Did he really just say that?
Kendra was athletic and never, ever did she need to lose weight. Bridget and I pretended not to hear his cruel remark, hoping that ignoring it would make it less satisfying an insult for Hef and less embarrassing for Kendra. In retrospect, I know I should have said something to stick up for her, but I was way too scared to stand up to Hef in any way. He frightened me.

Kendra and I might have had our differences, but the show had turned out to be a really positive thing for our relationship, and in that moment, my heart broke for her. I stared out the window, wishing I was anyplace but the back of that limo. To her credit, she didn't yell or cry; she took it on the chin. When we arrived at the party, Kendra was uncharacteristically reserved for the remainder of the evening, the wind quite visibly taken out of her sails.

In many ways, the playing field had been leveled since she joined the group three years earlier. The show gave us all a common ground and Kendra was now no stranger to the insults, tantrums, and guilt trips (complete with fake tears) that Bridget and I had been dealing with for a number of years. It was now the three of us girls against the world, instead of us against each other.

C
HAPTER
10

“I can't help it,” said Alice very meekly: “I'm growing.”

“You have no right to grow
here
,” said the Dormouse.

—Lewis Carroll,
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

I
think a jewelry line would be really cute,” I suggested to Darlene, one of the
Playboy
licensing department associates. The show's ratings were high and growing, so it dawned on
Playboy
to begin merchandising it—and the girlfriends—to increase profits and capitalize on its popularity before it was too late. They asked Darlene and some other licensing execs to come speak with the three of us.

“They should be specific to our lifestyle shown on TV,” I continued. “Charm bracelets are really popular, so how about one with cute charms like a tiny dog, a champagne bottle, a jet . . .” I began doodling the design on one of the HMH (for Hugh Marston Hefner) monogrammed notepads placed around the dining room table.

“That's a really great idea,” she exclaimed, watching me draw the little trinkets on a large link bracelet. “Wow, you can actually draw.”

At the time, the licensing department was one of the star moneymaking divisions of Playboy Enterprises. Playboy clothing and accessories had been popular ever since Sarah Jessica Parker wore a gold rabbit head necklace on an episode of
Sex and the City
.

And, for the first time ever, the show was single-handedly guiding
Playboy
into, dare I say,
almost
family-friendly, mainstream status. Our show was packaged in such a way that, believe it or not, many adults were watching it with their kids. The series, though loaded with sexual innuendo, was so colorful and cartoony that it almost felt more
Scooby-Doo
than sexy.
GND
merchandise was a natural integration. However,
Playboy
licensing was extremely cautious not to directly associate any one product with
The Girls Next Door
in order to avoid owing any sales percentages to the network (save for the
GND
book, calendar, and the bobblehead dolls, all of which were things I pushed to make happen).

Playboy
accessories were already big sellers online, through the catalogue and in boutiques, so I figured jewelry was the smartest fit for our first collaboration. Together with
Playboy
's jewelry manufacturer, I created my capsule collection consisting of earrings, necklaces, and bracelets.

When the show was at the height of its popularity, so was the Vegas renaissance—and it quickly became a popular destination for us on the series. If we were married to the mansion, then Las Vegas was our mistress. The Playboy Club inside the Palms Casino Resort opened in October 2006, and shortly after,
Playboy
licensing had the brilliant idea (no sarcasm, it actually was pretty good) to create
Girls Next Door
slot machines. We were made aware of the project and expected to be thrilled at the honor alone. No one mentioned any sort of compensation for use of our likeness or any percentage on the back end. We were really excited about the idea, nonetheless. Who wouldn't get a kick out of seeing their faces on a slot machine? We simply didn't realize that we should be getting a fee for such a thing.

By this time, Bridget, Kendra, and I had signed on with a management company. Hef had worked closely with this company in the past and had made friends with the owner, so I suppose he didn't feel too threatned by us “branching out” in this way.

Hef kept us aggressively sheltered and any press we were allowed to do was preapproved by
Playboy
public relations and only done if it promoted the brand, the show, or Hef specifically. Nothing spotlighting us as individuals was ever given the green light. For example, Hef refused to let me try to compete in the first season of
Celebrity Apprentice,
because he didn't want me to go to New York for a few weeks, but “coincidentally” a Playmate of the Year he was eager to promote landed the spot instead.

For the most part, we chose our battles and did as Hef requested when it came to our careers, but the slot machine idea struck a chord. “No way,” an acquaintance of mine told me over the phone one afternoon. “I'm going to look into this. Slot machines are
big
money, Holly. They're planning on using your names and likenesses. They have to pay you for that.”

Shortly after the licensing department was approached about compensating us, the slot machine plans came to a grinding halt. It seemed insane to abandon it altogether, but it was never brought up again. Either there were too many hands in the pot to make it profitable or no one wanted to concede that we should be paid for the use of our names and likenesses. God forbid they open up a can of worms by making us feel important or put enough money in our pockets to feel independent!

My last attempt at foraying into the world of
Playboy
licensing was a pitch for Bridget, Kendra, and me to create swimwear lines—an idea they were initially enthusiastic about. They immediately green-lit the project and I began designing my collection. It went far enough into development that samples of all of my designs were manufactured. But one day, without any explanation, the project was shut down. Bridget, Kendra, and I were so used to defeat by this point, we didn't even question the decision. It was never mentioned again until one day I noticed the
Playboy
catalog on Mary's desk. I spun it around to face me and gasped.

There she was: a sultry Sara Underwood lying across the cover in a sleek, sophisticated black monokini with a tiny gold Playboy logo beneath the belly button.

“What the fuck?” I whispered under my breath. That was my design! Did
Playboy
licensing actually go ahead and manufacture and sell my design without even letting me know? Sure, it could have been a mistake, since the same manufacturers that made the
Playboy
line made the
GND
samples, and maybe Playboy even had the legal right to use my ideas this way, but it still made me feel like dirt. It wasn't about the lack of compensation. It was about feeling owned, like I was Playboy's personal property and could be walked all over like a doormat. I didn't even bother confronting anyone about it, because I knew it would be a losing battle. It definitely made me question my loyalty to the brand, though.

As
GND
went into its fourth season, I finally had the opportunity to take Bridget and Kendra to my hometown. We visited Bridget's and Kendra's respective hometowns in the first two seasons and I had been lobbying to take the girls to Alaska for quite some time. Needless to say, it was a little more expensive to get to Alaska than to Lodi or San Diego, so it took a little time for production to come around. Hef even tried to throw a wrench in the plans when he made it clear that of all the places he had never wanted to go, Alaska topped the list.

We were finally able to make the trip, along with my mom and dad (Hef stayed home, of course). I loved taking the girls to Craig, the tiny town I grew up in, and to Ketchikan, the nearest city, where my family and I used to go when we needed to buy something that Craig couldn't offer (there were only a handful of stores in Craig). Bouncing back and forth between islands on the tiny Otter plane was an adventure in itself. Our plane broke down midair and the pilot had to make an emergency landing. This was one time Kendra was
really
afraid of flying. She had to have a few drinks before getting on our return flight.

Alaska is rugged and not for everyone, so I appreciated that the girls were enthusiastic about the trip and made the effort to have a good time. The episode turned out to be my favorite of the entire series. One shot in particular stands out in my mind. The three of us took a moment to quietly swing on a swing set while the camera shot us from the ground, three dandelions of varying height echoing our three figures in the foreground. It seemed like such an innocent moment, and the whole episode captured us as ordinary, real people, not as the “Mansion Mistress” cartoon characters we usually played on TV.

Later that season, the cameras returned to Studio West with me for an episode titled “Go West Young Girl.” In the process of finding a Playmate for the upcoming September issue, I invited four candidates out to test for the slot. There was a brunette named Melanie from San Diego, raven-haired Valerie Mason from Louisiana, platinum blond Kayla Collins from Pennsylvania, and a quirky 18-year-old from Las Vegas named Angel Porrino.

Not only was I thrilled to have an episode focus so much on the job I had grown to love, I made new friends and even found a few Playmates in the process. Valerie Mason, with her classically cute face, would end up being chosen as Miss September. Kayla, surprisingly, was turned down by Hef for “looking too much like too many other Playmates.” Hey, at least he was starting to appreciate variety! Kayla ended up becoming Miss August 2008 after Hef's friends made a fuss over her when he screened the
GND
episode for them.

My favorite candidate was Angel Porrino. She had an electric personality and the most fun sense of humor. People couldn't stop laughing when they hung out with her, especially me. I'd never had a friend I'd laughed so hard with. Along with German Playmate Giuliana Marino, we became an inseparable trio, hanging out and goofing off whenever I had free time. Hef didn't end up selecting Angel as a Playmate and I was very sad to see her go when it was time for her to return home.

My sister's wedding made up two episodes of season four: “Jamaican Me Crazy” and “Wedding Belles.” I was surprised when my sister said yes to the idea of
The Girls Next Door
covering her wedding, but since she had planned a very small destination wedding in Jamaica, it turned out that she thought it would be a great way to share the celebration with all of her friends that couldn't be there.

Bridget, Kendra, and I couldn't have had a better time. For whatever reason, Hef wasn't interested in attending, but I can't imagine his cranky, high-maintenance personality in laid-back Jamaica anyway. The three of us girls had an amazing few days at Sandals Negril, relaxing, zip-lining, and exploring with my family. There was no drama, just a truly memorable trip and a beautiful beach wedding. I was the maid of honor, my sister looked stunning, and my family and two closest girlfriends were as happy as could be. Who could ask for anything more?

Playboy
could. Just before filming was set to begin on season five, there was a mad rush to get Bridget, Kendra, and me under contract. Prior to the first episode of the series, we had each signed the most basic of television releases—and nothing more.

Realizing that the stars of this hit show were theoretically free to walk away and pursue other television opportunities at any time, someone must have panicked. Unbeknownst to us, Hef arranged to have us contracted under Alta Loma (
Playboy
's production company), which basically meant that we would have a talent agreement binding us to Hugh Hefner. Letting us negotiate directly with the network was never going to be an option, probably because it meant he would have had to relinquish too much control over his girlfriends. After all, what if E! offered us something greater than being one of Hugh Hefner's blond bimbos? As I understood it, the network was willing to work with us in this fashion as long as Alta Loma could show they had us under contract, and fast.