Doubting Thomas (Tarnished Saints Series) (23 page)

“You could have solved all your problems with that money.”

“No. That’s where you’re wrong. Money, or the lack of it, is the center of most problems and the break-up of most marriages. I don’t care about the damn money. Loyalty and being able to trust someone is worth more to me than all the money in the world.”

Angel bit the inside of her cheek in order not to cry. Here was a very special man indeed. He wanted someone he could trust, and to prove he meant every word he said, he’d burned a hundred grand in the blink of an eye. It was money he needed more than anyone. A solution to the problems plaguing his life. But a man’s pride could not be bought. She could see now that morals in a relationship and especially in a marriage were more important to Thomas than money. Now she regretted betraying his trust.

“I’m sorry, Thomas. I never should have gone into your desk without asking.”

“I’m sorry, too, Angie. Really sorry it had to end this way.”

He left before she could question him as to what he meant. She heard the sound of his truck engine starting, and then the sound of screeching tires slipping over the gravel as he took off like a bat out of hell.

“What have I done?” she asked, slipping down into his chair and hiding her face in her hands. She heard a noise and looked up, hoping Thomas had come back to talk things over. But when she looked to the door, it was little Eli standing there quietly, watching her with his big, sad eyes.

“Eli,” she said, wiping a tear with the back of her hand and closing the drawer. “How long have you been standing there?”

No answer, like usual.

“Did you run off from the Ainsleys? You know they’re going to be worried about you once they find you’re missing.” She got up and headed over to the boy, holding out her hand.

“Come on. We’ll go tell them you’re all right.”

He shied away from her and wouldn’t touch her. Almost like he was afraid of her for some odd reason.

“Eli? What’s the matter?” She hunkered down next to the boy. “You don’t have to fear me.”

She followed his gaze over to the desk drawer.

“Oh. You know I broke into your father’s drawer, don’t you?”

He nodded slightly.

“That was a very bad thing for me to do, wasn’t it?”

He nodded again.

“I wish I hadn’t done it now. I’m afraid your father is very mad at me, but I can’t say I don’t deserve it. I love him, Eli, I really do. But now I’m not so sure he wants me around anymore. I’ve broken his trust, and that’s not an easy thing to fix at all.”

* * *

Thomas arrived home late that night, having taken matters into his hands. After spending the day making funeral plans, spending another part of the day talking with the lawyer who would read the will, he’d then spent most of his time trying by phone to contact his eleven brothers spread out around the country, but to no avail. Then, not wanting to go home, he had stayed the evening over at Gus’s, trying to avoid Angel. He felt tired and defeated, and wanted nothing more than to go to bed since it was already well past midnight. But how could he sleep in his bed with a wife he could no longer trust?

He arrived home and plopped down on the rocker on the front porch, staring up to the sky. Millions of tiny twinkling stars stared down at him in the velvet night sky, and he wondered if there really was anyone up there listening to his prayers.

He had prayed for an angel to help him, and he’d gotten Angie. But things weren’t going well with their marriage and now he was wondering if he should have gone through with it after all.

His financial worries were just getting worse, too. After adding up the bills from outstanding dues to the nursing home, and adding simple funeral arrangements atop that, it was going to cost him well over ten grand.

“Dear God,” he said aloud. “How am I ever going to pay for this funeral?”

“I can help.” Angie stood in the doorway, clutching her bathrobe around her. She closed the door and padded out across the wooden deck with bare feet and sat on the porch swing. He didn’t want to talk to her. And he didn’t want to look at her wrapped up in that bathrobe with most likely little or nothing underneath it.

“Are the kids all sleeping?” He looked up at the sky as he spoke.

“Yes. They wanted to wait up for you but I told them they needed to go to sleep.”

“I feel like a heel for not telling them about their grandmother’s death myself.”

“I told them you were busy with the funeral arrangements. They understood.”

His boys were tough. He knew she was telling the truth. They were probably saddened immensely by her death though they didn’t know her well, but he was sure not a one of them cried. He’d taught them to be strong.

“How did they take it?”

“They were fine with it. They didn’t even cry.”

“They’re my boys. I’ve raised them to be strong. Now I only wish I could be an example for them.” He ran his hands over his weary face. “Life just keeps on getting harder, doesn’t it?”

“Not if you’ll let me help you with paying for the funeral. I have money, Thomas. I’ll have more once I sell my house.”

“I don’t want your money, Angie. I don’t want anything from you.”

“But I’m your wife.”

“For now.”

It cut him to the bone to say it, but he knew it had to be done. He wanted a wife he could trust with not only his children but with his heart. He’d made a horrible mistake in marrying Fawn, and didn’t want to ever be in that position again.

“Are you saying you no longer want to be married to me? Because if that’s the case, you could always file for divorce.”

His eyes met hers, and his heart ached. He wished they could go back in time and relive over and over again the wonderful night they’d spent together. The thought of divorcing Angel frightened him more than anything ever had. Not just for the sake of his kids, but for himself.

He’d grown fond of her in the short time they’d been married. He realized she was the best thing that had happened in his life in a long time. She wasn’t Brianne, but she was a wonderful woman and mother in her own way. One he could get used to having around - for a lifetime. But he had to know she wouldn’t deceive him like Fawn. He had to know he could trust her in the matters that really counted.

“I won’t divorce you, and you know it. We married for a reason, and I won’t jeopardize losing my kids over it.”

“If you don’t want me, then I don’t want to stay.”

“I want you. Too damned much, that’s the problem. I care for you and never want to lose you. But I need a wife I can trust. I don’t want to constantly be looking over my shoulder wondering if I’m going to get caught doing something that proves I’m less than a good father to my children.”

“I told you, I no longer work for CPS I’m not judging you. You are a wonderful father. You just live differently than the norm. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. You’ve got to believe me. I’m your wife now and mother to your children. I want this to work more than anyone.”

“I want to believe that, but I find it hard. You betrayed my trust by breaking into my desk drawer. How can I know you won’t betray me again?”

“You never told me not to go in that drawer.”

“I didn’t think I had to. When a drawer’s locked and only I have the key, it’s kind of an unspoken rule.”

“I’ll try to remember that next time.” She got up briskly and made her way to the door, and Thomas could see by the expression on her face she was going to cry. He jumped up and headed her off before she could go inside. He didn’t want it to end this way. If she walked away from him now, their marriage would just as well be over.

“I’m sorry, Angie, for acting this way. But you’ve got to understand, I’m guarded since Fawn did me wrong. I can’t help but be this way.”

She looked at him and just shook her head. “You’re living in the past, and you need to change before your future passes you by. Just because one woman burned you, it doesn’t mean every other one is out to get you. You need to listen to your heart and you’ll know I never meant to do you wrong. You never even let me explain my actions. If you are so set in condemning me before I’ve been tried, than I guess you’ll never know the truth.”

A wall came crashing down around them, and he knew he could no longer hide from the truth. What Angel said made sense. He had judged her before letting her explain. He hadn’t been any better than the townspeople and the sheriff who hated him and accused him of things of which they had no proof. If only someone had given him a chance, things might be different.

“You’re right. I’ve been unfair to you and I apologize. I’ve been jumpy ever since the murder, and I’ve found it hard to trust anyone. Please, go ahead with what you want to say.”

She nodded slightly, and continued.

“I only went in that drawer to hide the card you gave me with the roses from the children. I thought for some absurd reason you’d gotten tickets for a honeymoon or some sort of surprise, and being a woman I just had to know for myself.”

“That’s why you broke into the drawer? Looking for a surprise?”

“Yes. That’s all. And to hide the card and surprise you when you someday found it. I wasn’t trying to find evidence against you about anything. If you really knew me you’d have known I wasn’t betraying you. Yes, I did something I shouldn’t have, but don’t we all make silly mistakes once or twice in our lives? I apologize for snooping and I swear I won’t do it again, but you’ve got to start trusting in me, because like it or not we’re married. If our marriage doesn’t work, then neither will anything else. Dysfunctional marriages lead to dysfunctional families.”

“And I top the list, don’t I?”

“Yes, Thomas. Being honest, I’d have to agree with that.”

“Well, thanks for being honest. I’ll try not to be so dysfunctional from now on.” He knew it was risky, but he took the chance and leaned forward and kissed her. She hesitated in returning his kiss.

“I’m sorry we never got to really finish our time together,” he told her.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I had planned on scrubbing your back in the shower and making love under the jet spray.”

“Really?” She leaned into him and he kissed her again. “And then what?”

“I can’t give away all my secrets,” he said with a laugh. “I guess I’ll have to save some of my wooing surprises for if we ever have another night alone.”

“Well then,” she said with a smile, “I guess I’ll just have to wait to find out. And this time, I promise I won’t snoop.”

“This time . . . I believe you.”

He took her over to the porch swing and put his arm around her as they swung and looked at the stars.

“Why don’t you let me help you out with the money for the funeral?” she asked.

“I have about four hundred stashed under the mattress for Sam’s operation,” he told her. “But the funeral parlor wants all the money in the next few days. They don’t trust me since all the gossip about me being responsible for Fawn’s death. I’ve already talked to Gus, and he plans on buying a chunk of my land. I figure I’ll sell him the lakefront piece and still be able to keep the back acres, the cabin and the swamp.”

“Oh, Thomas. This is your land. It’s been in your family for years, you can’t sell it.”

“I’m not taking money from you, Angie. This is something I’ve got to do on my own.”

“I know you won’t. It’s that obnoxious pride standing in your way. You are so stubborn, Thomas Taylor. I don’t know how any wife could have put up with you.”

“Fawn didn’t,” he said sullenly. “But since Brianne was a saint, she never complained. She was easy going. I appreciated it, but everyone needs to be challenged once in a while. I almost wish she’d been more like you and had set me straight years ago. Then maybe I wouldn’t be such a cantankerous ornery man. I don’t deserve you, the angel God sent me.”

She snuggled into his chest, and he knew she was pleased by his words. He meant them, and only hoped his sincerity showed. Without her in his life, he didn’t know where he’d be right now.

“Can’t some of your eleven brothers help pay for the funeral? Surely between all of you, you can come up with sufficient funds?”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to contact them in time. I spent the day on the phone trying to find them, but once Pa died we all went our separate ways. We haven’t stayed in touch, and I don’t know if I’ll even be able to reach them all to get them here for the funeral in two day’s time.”

“But surely there’s something you can do to find them?”

“I tried, Angie. I haven’t talked to them in years. They’ve all moved and left no forwarding addresses or numbers. You don’t understand. When our father died and our mother no longer remembered anyone, they all decided Sweet Water held nothing for them anymore. We all promised to stay in touch, and we did for awhile, but over time we all got caught up in our own busy lives. The only one of my brothers I knew I could find was Levi - in jail. But today I found out he was released from prison two days ago. That’s just like Levi not to bother telling anyone.”

“Where do you think he went?”

“Well, if he didn’t shack up with some girl, then he’s probably hitching a ride out here. He’ll show up eventually. He always does when he has nowhere else to go. Kind of like a homing pigeon. He always knows that whatever he does his big brother will take him in and forgive him.”