Don't Tell the Teacher (6 page)

The teacher wrote a little note:

Start a paragraph!

My story on Thursday began:

The trembling child, eyes dark and wild,

Frozen midst the fighting…

The teacher wrote a little note:

Take care, untidy writing!

My story on Friday began:

The boxer bruised and bloody lay,

His eyes half-closed and swollen…

The teacher wrote a little note:

Use a semicolon!

Next Monday my story will begin:

Once upon a time…

When we had PE,

The new boy changed in the toilets,

Out of sight of all the others.

‘Shy, are we?' asked the teacher impatiently,

When the boy emerged in grubby shirt and shorts.

‘Come along, son, let's have that top off.

You cannot do PE wrapped up like that.'

‘Please, sir,' pleaded the boy, ‘can I keep it on?'

‘You heard me!' snapped the teacher.

With downcast eyes, the new boy

Pulled the shirt slowly over his head

And we all saw the dark blue bruises on his thin white arms.

Dear Martin,

I saw your name in the paper
The other day,
And thought I'd write.
You probably won't remember me
But I remember you.

I remember your cold blue eyes
And nasty smile,
And how you mouthed, ‘You're dead!'
Across the classroom
When the teacher looked the other way.

I remember my cut lip
And bloody nose,
And how I rubbed by bruised shins
On the way home,
When you had run off laughing.

I remember the ache and hurt
And fear inside,
And how I dreaded end of school,
With you in wait outside
To push me up against the wall.

Yes, I saw your name in the paper
The other day,
And thought I'd write.
As I said, you probably won't remember me,
But, oh, how I remember you.

The chief defect of Henry Smails

Was chewing at his fingernails.

Nibble, nibble all the day,

He nibbled all his nails away.

Then foolish Henry licked his lips

And started on his fingertips.

His worried parents were bereft,

For Henry had no fingers left.

Then, to his parents' deep dismay,

His hands and arms were gnawed away.

Then his body, legs and toes,

Yes, Henry nibbled all of those.

Until at last, as we had feared,

Poor Henry, he just disappeared.

Remember, children, Henry Smails

And do not bite your fingernails.

The boy
Outside the head teacher's room,
Eyes red with crying,
Grubby smears on his cheeks
Where he's wiped away the tears,
Waits to be seen.

He sighs
And plucks his hair nervously,
Then springs upright,
Like a puppet on pulled strings,
At the sound of the barking order:
‘Come in!'

‘Twas Monday and the quembling staff
Did scyre and skrimble in their shoes.
All cractious were the pupils
And the caretaker – not amused.

Beware the inspector man, my dear,
The eyes that shine, the crockatrice grin.
Beware the soft and sugary voice –
Do not be taken in.

Miss Mimsy triwered in her room.
Long time she stood, long time she thought
Then, hearing a smuffling from the hall,
She snatched up a snick of chalk.

She heard the shuckling, wheebling cry,
Then through the door the creature came.
She saw the smile and fangling teeth
And brackling eyes aflame.

But Dean had left his sports-bag out,
It sterched before him by the door,
And as the creature clumbered in,
It tripped and trumbled to the floor.

‘Oh, thou hast done a worthible deed,'
Miss Mimsy told her beamish boy,
‘For thou hast foiled the inspector man.'
She griggled in her joy.

‘Twas Monday and the quembling staff
Did scyre and skrimble in their shoes.
All cractious were the pupils
And Miss Mimsy – most amused.

There was an old teacher called Blewitt,
Who was clever, and oh how he knew it.
‘Pay attention!' he roared.
‘The work's on the board.
Take a look and then I'll go through it!'

On Monday Miss Morrison
Said we could paint a picture
And all use our imaginations.
I drew a dragon
In a dark and dripping cave,
With yellow scaly skin
And slithery, snake-like tail,
Blue fins and bone-white horns,
Red-eyed and breathing purple flames.
But Miss Cawthorne, when she saw it, sighed and said,
‘David, dear, dragons are not yellow.
They are green!'

Our English teacher, Mr Smart,
Says writing English is an art,
That we should always take great care
When spelling words like wear and where
Witch
and
which
and
fair
and
fare
,
Key
and
quay
and
air
and
heir
,
Whet
and
wet
and
flair
and
flare
,
Wring
and
ring
and
stair
and
stare
,
Him
and
hymn
and
their
and
there
,
Whine
and
wine
and
pear
and
pare
,
Check
and
cheque
and
tare
and
tear
,
Crews
and
cruise
and
hare
and
hair
,
Meet
and
meat
and
bear
and
bare
,
Knot
and
not
and
layer
and
lair
,
Loot
and
lute
and
mayor
and
mare
.