Don't Read in the Closet: Volume Four (149 page)

of his willpower to resist running after him, an apology stuck in his

throat. He’d already started to care about Nick, and that part of him

screamed at his loss, but his logical side assured Tad he was better off

this way. He couldn’t fall for a man who lived his sexuality on his

sleeve. Nick would eventually get sick of hiding. It’d happened

before. Yet, long after Nick disappeared from sight, Tad yearned to

scream, surrender, and accept anything thrown his way in order to

hold him again.

****

a word. The food tasted great the first day, but today, even with extra

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cheese and double the pepperoni, he had no interest in the freshly

baked pie.

“Go talk to him Nicky,” Maggie said around a mouthful of cheese.

“I can’t. It won’t make a difference.”

“You assume.”

“Mags, I can’t date these guys that hide in the closet. Even if he

didn’t flip out on me today, he would’ve eventually. I have a hard

time keeping my feelings to myself.”

Maggie grunted and took another slice of his pizza. “And your

hands.”

“Exactly. I’m swearing off them. No more. I need to find a man

who’s okay with loving me.”

“Love, Nicky?”

He shrugged. Stupid, he knew. He couldn’t possibly love Tad

after only one dinner and some great sex, and yet he felt like he’d just

lost a lover he’d cherished for years.

“That’s the point,” Nick said. “To find love, right? I need

someone who’s not afraid of that.”

“You do what you gotta do.” Maggie patted his hand.

“You think I’m wrong,” he said.

“It’s not my life. You have to do what will make you happy, no

matter what.”

“And that is?” He knew she couldn’t answer that, and he couldn’t

answer it himself. He sighed and said, “I want him, Mags, but…”

He shook his head. He didn’t have the rest of the words. He’d

tried to keep it in the closet before, and had always messed that up. He

thought of waking up with Tad’s arms and legs wrapped around him,

and his nose pressed against Tad’s throat, full of the man’s scent. He

thought of dessert and their walk around the ship talking about

anything that came to mind as easily as old friends. He wanted that,

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but he also wanted to be himself. It was better this way, a clean break

before he did fall in love, giving Tad the right to break his heart.

Nick stood and pushed the plate with the rest of his mini pizza

toward Maggie. She had claimed she wasn’t hungry, but he suspected

she knew by now he wouldn’t eat while his mind and heart troubled

him.

“Thanks,” he said. He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

“Are you off to get some great make up sex?” she asked.

“I don’t know yet,” he said, but he suspected it was a possibility.

He could argue with himself all afternoon, but in the end, he could

taste Tad’s mouth like ghost kisses wafting across his skin.

****

and his feet dragging. He’d left to give housekeeping time to change

the sheets and clean up the room. He’d briefly considered telling the

woman to go away, but he didn’t want to smell Nick or sex in his bed.

It was tough enough that he felt like he’d made a stupid mistake and

spent the entire afternoon thinking about what might happen if his

office found out and how he could fight against any discrimination.

He had the law on his side, after all, and that was the worst part. He’d

been considering it, all for Nick. The law would protect his job, but it

was the suffering and embarrassment he’d have to bear to truly do

justice for the man he wanted. There were no laws against disgusted

looks, and snide comments.

He’d nearly walked into Nick before he realized the man was

knocking on his stateroom door.

“Tad,” Nick said in a hushed whisper. He stepped to the side of

the door, giving Tad a way out. Or in, as the case might be.

He didn’t know what to say. He stared into Nick’s dark eyes,

searching for an answer. Nick didn’t give any clues to his thoughts as

he met Tad’s gaze. After several moments of silence, during which

Tad thought of several questions and comments, but failed to pick one

Don’t Read in the Closet – volume four 917

to lead off the conversation, Nick cleared his throat and waved at the

door. “Could we, ah, talk a bit?”

Tad heard an undercurrent of something he didn’t like. He wanted

to throw Nick down on the bed, fuck him happy again, and then talk,

bargain, convince Nick to not only give him a chance to make things

work, but make him promise to force Tad to face a life living as the

man he was instead of who he worked so hard pretending to be.

“Yeah,” Tad said. “I have something to say too.”

A frown flickered over Nick’s face. His gaze darkened, and his

brows veed. He glanced away, over his shoulder, but then, when he

met Tad’s eyes again, the neutral blank expression covered the

glimpse into his mind.

Tad squared his shoulders and stepped closer. Nick backed up a

step, making room by the door, but Tad closed that distance. He

grabbed Nick’s biceps and pushed the man against the wall. He

crushed him there with his body, all of his nerves singing at the

contact with Nick’s hard muscles. He paused for a full second,

searching Nick’s face for some reaction to his proximity, but Nick

said nothing. His jaw twitched, clenched, but he didn’t resist.

Without giving himself a chance to change his mind, Tad kissed

Nick. Their lips met, gentle yet firm. A soft whimper forced Tad to

pull away. He kept his body pressed against Nick’s as he tried to catch

his breath. Another needy sound rose in his throat, but he suppressed

it. He shook his head, and Nick looked away.

With a frown, Tad followed Nick’s gaze. He tensed, calling on all

of his strength to remain perfectly still. A young couple strolled arm

in arm down the hall. They talked together quietly, and hadn’t seemed

to notice the two men leaning against the wall. As they neared, they

met Tad’s stare and the woman smiled. “Hello,” she said, and then

they were gone, walking on without a strange look, crude word, or

anything to indicate they thought it odd that Tad pinned Nick against

the wall in a manner that could only be considered sexual.

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Tad took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. His heart raced,

pounding strong vibrations through his rib cage. “Not so bad,” he said

quietly.

Nick’s fingers on his cheek startled him. Tad looked up, but Nick

said nothing.

“I want to try,” Tad said.

“Here?”

“Yes.” Nick looked away. Tad sucked in a breath and then added,

“And back home.”

He could read the confusion and doubt on Nick’s face, and wished

for the blank expression again. He could fool himself into thinking he

had a chance with unreadable eyes.

“Something about you, Nick. I want to be with you. I crave your

bravery. Will you be my strength while I make the transition to out

and proud?”

Nick rolled his head to one side, his eyes darting around as he

seemed to consider the proposal.

Tad pressed, drawing on his experience arguing in court. “I

confess. I’ve grown comfortable in my closet, but there’s no need for

it anymore. There are laws against discrimination, and we even live in

a state that permits marriage.” He caught his breath at Nick’s renewed

frown. Tad said, “If we get to that point some time down the road, that

is.” He smiled sheepishly.

“Don’t fuck with me,” Nick said. “Do you mean it?”

Tad nodded. “I mean it. I like you – not just your sexy ass, or the

way you moan and react to my touch.” He dragged his fingers up

Nick’s sides as he spoke, catching on his shirt as he went. “We

connected, and when you walked away, I missed that immediately. I

want to get to know you, and I want the freedom you have to be who I

am without wondering who’s going to notice or care.”

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Nick grinned. “Some people will care for the wrong reasons, but

mostly, people either ignore me, or support me.”

“You’ll probably have to talk me down from doing something

stupid the first time I meet someone who doesn’t fall in those two

categories.”

“Like what stupid?”

“I don’t know. Punching someone. Crying like a girl. Getting rip-

roaring drunk and fucking you until you beg for rest.”

With a laugh, Nick wrapped his arms around Tad and squeezed

his ass. “I think I can work with that.”

“Great!” Tad stole a long, deep kiss, only stopping when Nick

started tilting his hips to grind against him. “Okay, hold on.” Tad

gasped for a fresh breath. “Before we start that, did you have

something you wanted to say when you came down here?”

Nick nodded. He fished in his pocket and held up a small plastic

bottle with a purple cap. “Yep. I wanted to let you know I rescued this

from my room.”

“So I didn’t need to break all of my rules to get your ass in the

air?”

“It helped,” Nick said with a shrug.

“I’m sticking with it. I want this, Nick. I want you and the entire

state of New Hampshire can know it.”

Nick pressed the bottle into Tad’s hand and then kissed him. He

said, “They’re going to. I’m a noisy bottom.”

“Oh man.” Tad’s breathing quickened, and his pulse sped up at the

implications. “I really want to hear that,” he said.

“Then get this damn door open before I embarrass us both here in

the hall.”

In a whirlwind of movement, Tad fumbled the door open, shoved

Nick through, and threw the safety latch. Nick had his shoes and shirt

Don’t Read in the Closet – volume four 920

off by the time Tad turned around. “You still have my condoms,

right?”

Tad glanced around. “I put them away when I thought I wouldn’t

get to use them…”

Nick paused with his fingers hooked in his waistband, his pants

pushed half way down his hips. “Don’t tell me that.”

“Here!” Tad knocked several things out of his suitcase and pulled

the box free.

Shucking his pants and tossing them in a corner, Nick grinned and

strode toward Tad. “You’re overdressed, baby.”

Tad tossed the lube and rubbers on the bed and then lifted his

arms so Nick could push his shirt over his head. He stripped out of his

shoes and pants, stumbling when his toe caught in his boxers. Nick

caught him and pulled him onto the bed. Falling together, Tad landed

on top of Nick, but Nick didn’t give him time to recover. Their lips

crashed together, tongues collided and then twisted together, and

sounds of hunger and lust mingled until neither knew which moans,

gasps, and groans came from whom.

When Nick pushed him off, Tad scooted up the bed. Nick threw

the condoms at him and then popped open the bottle of lube.

“In a hurry?” Tad asked. He ripped open the box and tore into a

sealed square.

“Yes.” Nick threw himself down on his back and lifted his legs,

knees spread wide, giving Tad a show as he spread lube between his

cheeks, and then pressed two fingers into his ass.

Tad squeezed his own cock, watching intently. “Give me some of

that,” Tad whispered.

“Come and get it,” Nick said.

“Shit…” Tad rolled and crawled over Nick. He pushed Nick’s

hand away and took his place, circling Nick’s hole with one teasing

finger.

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Nick squirmed. “Do it,” he said. “That tickles. Give me your cock

instead.”

“Ready?” Tad tried not to sound doubtful, but he was too turned

on to be gentle and slow.

“Very ready.”

Tad slid in slowly, but once he was halfway, Nick lifted his hips,

eagerly taking more. Nick hooked his feet around Tad’s waist and