Don't Let Go (22 page)

Regardless of my dad’s personality shift, my mom has remained on his arm, always smiling and laughing at his jokes while following his directives as though she was his employee. They would go on vacations, leaving Theo and me with our grandma on holidays, always buying us anything we wanted to make up for abandoning us. So I’m curious to why now she is so concerned about me.

I try to push that aside; I can deal with it this weekend. I have an errand to run. Jessa and I went to the thrift store today and I bought Vince a gift. It’s gotten cold and I honestly can’t stand the thought of him sleeping outside without a jacket. Walking up the hill, I spot him on his usual bench overlooking the field. When I get closer, I see Grant next to him, talking.

Going back and forth in my head if I should stay or go, I decide to stop. Grant gave me no reason to feel uncomfortable talking to him. “Hi, Vince. Hi, Grant,” I say, giving a wave of my hand.

“Hiya, Sadie,” Vince says in return.

“Oh…hey, Sadie,” Grant states.

“I just wanted to drop this off for you, Vince.” I hand him the parka I bought, along with gloves, a scarf, and a hat.

“Thank you, Sadie.” Vince voice sounds grateful, making me relieved. I didn’t want to offend him.

“That was nice of you,” Grant adds, not looking straight at me.

“Take a seat.” Vince shrugs the jacket on and pats the seat next to him.

“I didn’t know you knew one another?” Grant questions and I nod my head.

“This is on my way to and from the dorm so…” I trail off.

“Oh. Brady’s okay with it?” he whispers in my ear so Vince doesn’t hear and I briefly wonder why he cares.

“Probably not, but that isn’t going to stop me,” I reply.

“Brady’s really private, Sadie. I think you should tell him,” he says and I quirk an eyebrow in confusion.

“So, Vince. I should probably get going, but I’ll be on my way back in a couple hours. Can I bring you a coffee or anything?” I ask, ignoring Grant. Since when does he care about what Brady thinks? The whole dynamic between him, Brady, and Kara is increasingly getting on my nerves.

“I’m fine, Sadie. This jacket is more than enough.” He pats my knee in a fatherly manner and I get up to walk away.

I make it a few steps away when I hear Grant’s voice, “Hold up a second, Sadie.”

I turn around, finding Grant lightly jogging my way. “What’s up, Grant?”

“I didn’t mean anything back there. It’s just…I know you and Brady are a couple, and I know the way he feels about Vince.”

“How do you know that, Grant? I thought you didn’t like each other. Remember telling me to stay away from him?” I hammer question after question, mostly because I’m baffled by the whole situation.

“Like I said, Brady’s private. It’s his thing to tell you. I don’t want to interfere but believe it or not, even with our differences, I do care about him,” he admits with concern in his voice.

“Okay,” I draw out, clearly annoyed.

“Sadie, I wish I could tell you more, but,” he looks back at Vince, who takes a sip of alcohol from a small flask, “I can’t.” His face looks truly pained and for the first time since I met Brady, I’m mad at him. I have been letting all the secrets go, believing that when he is ready he will tell me. Now, I feel like I’m the only one in the dark, and the fact that Kara knows more about him than me makes this unbearable.

“Thanks, Grant. I will talk with Brady,” I respond and start to walk away.

“I should have never told you to stay away from him. He really is a good guy, just needs to be reassured of it occasionally” he calls out to my back.

I go to my class and instead of meeting Brady at the Student Center, I text him, telling him I have a meeting at the bank for a loan. I can’t see him right now, afraid of what would come out of my mouth. I walk to a coffee house off campus. I just need to get away from everything. I have been shunned by my family, my boyfriend is keeping something from me, and I have no idea how I’m going to pay for next semester. I came to Western for a trouble-free life and now I have anything but that.

I order a passion tea and take a seat next to the window. Watching all the college students stroll by, I wonder if they have as many problems as I do. Then I shake my head, knowing they do. These problems aren’t new or different than anyone else’s; the problem is, I miss Theo. He would have sat with me, brainstorming on what to do. He would have told me to stop wallowing in self-pity and do something about it. He would have told me to confront Brady and make him tell me what is going on. The longer I sit here thinking of Theo, the more emotional I become and the madder I get at Brady.

Just as I’m about to get up from my seat, I spot Brady walking on the other side of the street with a woman. I squint my eyes to get a better look and realize it’s the same middle-aged woman I saw having lunch with Vince that day. She laughs at something he says and gently touches his arm and he turns back to her, smiling.

Rage starts to flow through my whole body and I can’t help but follow them. I try to remain calm but the more I see them laugh, the worse the feeling gets in my stomach. Is this what Grant was talking about? They end up outside Shubert Hall, the music building. They embrace in a hug and she kisses him on the cheek before they part. It’s all I can do not to run over there, screaming like some crazed psycho to stay away from my man.

I turn around, starting to make my way back to the dorm. Then I change my mind. I’m sick of being pushed around; Brady will answer my questions now. Turning back the way I just came, I stomp around the building and stop abruptly, speechless to see who Brady’s with.

Sitting on the same bench I just occupied a few hours prior, Brady talks with Vince. Not wanting to make a scene in front of Vince, I sit down on the bench behind them across the parking lot. Their mannerisms toward one another appear comfortable, yet standoffish at the same time. Brady sits on the far opposite side of the bench, with his forearms resting on his legs. Even from this distance, you can feel the tension between them. Suddenly, I figure out something I should have a long time ago. I may not have all the answers but I know one for sure. How did I never notice those same deep-set caramel eyes or long eyelashes? Vince is Brady’s father.

Almost as soon I come to the realization, Brady stands up and turns around in my direction. I stand still, as though if I move it will give me away. His eyes find mine and he instantly realizes that I know his secret. He closes his eyes slowly, no doubt wishing I would have found out differently and I wish I would have, too. I’m not sure if he mumbles something or not, but Vince turns around and smiles my way. He touches Vince’s shoulder before he heads in my direction. My heart races and my breathing is erratic until he touches me. The minute Brady’s hand touches my arm, I instantly calm. How does he have this effect on me?

“I’m sorry I haven’t told you, Sadie,” he whispers.

“Why didn’t you?” I ask, unsure of the question coming out.

“I was embarrassed. I don’t want you to think I will end up like that.” He glances back over to Vince.

“I shared everything with you, Brady. Why didn’t you give me the same courtesy?”

“I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how.”

“You just say it, Brady. You just spit it out,” I say, my voice escalating.

“Are you going to break up with me?” he asks and my heart breaks.

“Of course not,” I assure him, placing my hands on either side of his face. “But you need to start explaining some things.”

Chapter 24

Brady grabs my hand and leads me away from Vince, who surprisingly has turned around to resume staring out at the field. The apprehension rolls off of Brady and I can tell he’s worried. I remember my own insecurities when I told him about my past. I know I need to reassure him like he did me. That no matter what he tells me, it won’t change my feelings for him.

“Brady, let’s go somewhere private, just us,” I request, remembering how he held me the whole time I told him my secrets.

He stares down at me for what seems like minutes and then says, “I want to show you something first.” Then he turns us in another direction and goes right into Shubert Hall.

I tense when we walk through the doors that I just saw the mystery woman walk through. He walks me down the hallway, passing auditoriums filled with different instruments and classes being conducted. He stops us in front of a wall, filled with pictures of professors and deans, current and past. A picture of a cleaner, more well-kept version of Vince is positioned high on the wall with the label ‘Dean Vince Carsen’ under it.

“Obviously, you already figured it out. Vodka Vince is my dad,” he says and I see him wince, referring to his father by that name. “He chooses to live on the streets instead of staying with me or Maura. He worked here until last year, but when the drinking got too bad, they forced him to retire. They tried to work with him, but he left them no choice.” His voice is quiet. Staring at the wall, I notice the picture of the woman that just walked in. She looks a couple years younger in her picture, which identifies her as Professor Jeanine Billings.

“Who’s that?” I point to her picture on the wall. I pray he tells me the truth.

“It’s Kara’s mom,” he informs me.

“Oh.” I don’t know what else to say. I hope the mother doesn’t feel the same way about Brady as her daughter.

“Yeah, I’ll get to all that in a second,” he assures me. “So, my dad has always enjoyed his cocktails but became a full-fledged alcoholic after my mom left us. I was sixteen when it happened and Maura was completing her doctorate. Although she lived at the house, she was rarely home. She and Brandan, her husband, had just met so she spent most of her time with him, leaving me with my dad. I kept his secret the best I could, taking care of him and getting him to bed. At first he could function during the day, only getting smashed at night. Like the movie “Groundhog Day”, he would wake up and do the same thing the next day. But then it got out of control. He stopped coming home at night and then a year and a half ago, he left all together, living in shelters and on the streets. The only time I see him now is when I come to visit him here or get a call from the police. Maura and I run interference the best we can, but he refuses our help in any way and won’t go to rehab.” He walks me out of the building and I see his car parked in the lot. “Will you come with me?” he asks.

“Always,” I try to reassure him, squeezing his hand in mine.

We get in his car, unsure of where we’re going. “I’m sorry, Brady, for what you have to go through.” I don’t want to try to solve his problems, I just want to listen.

“Thank you. I handle it better now. When I saw you leave money for him that day, I wanted to run over there and rip the money from him. I knew what he would use it for. That’s why I told you to stay away. I didn’t want you wasting your money or your time on him.” Anger fills his voice. We sit in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes until Brady starts talking again. “He told me about you,” he says, his voice a little calmer.

“He did?” I ask, shocked.

“Yeah, I guess after he saw you with Grant, he asked him and Grant told him we were together. He really likes you.” He looks my way, giving me a half smile.

“I like him, too,” I say.

“Thanks for getting him the coat and stuff. I try to get him to stay in shelters during the winter, but he’s stubborn and you have to be sober and usually…he isn’t.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Where does Grant come into this?” I ask.

“Oh…well, that brings up a whole other problem.” He turns his face to me and then starts. “Grant and I were friends since childhood. Up until my mom left, we were inseparable,” he confesses, and I notice we’re pulling up to his house.

“What happened then?”

“His dad was a professor of music as well. Long story short, my mom left with his dad. They were having an affair. Grant’s mom died a few years before, so my mom and dad would go over and help Grant and his dad out. I guess somewhere during that time, they fell in love or some shit.” The anger in his voice appears again. “They decided to move to Florida and Grant didn’t want to go down there so he stayed up here. My dad let him live with us, but I was so pissed at him for what his dad did that he eventually moved in with Kara’s parents. That’s where she comes in. All of our parents were professors of music and we’ve known each other our whole lives.” Finally, I have some answers.

“I saw you earlier, with Kara’s mom,” I admit.

“Why didn’t you say something?” He looks curious but then understanding dawns on him.

“Oh shit, Sadie. I was just telling her about Kara calling me all the time. She said she would talk to her. I swear to you, nothing is going on there.” He shakes his head, exiting the car and walking to my side to escort me out.

“I have one more thing to show you,” he says and takes my hand, leading me into the house.

“What is it?” I ask.

“You’ll see.” I’m happy that none of the guys’ cars are in the driveway. “Good, I think we are alone,” he says, as though he read my mind.

He pulls me up the stairs until we are outside of the door that leads to the third floor. “I lied to you about this.” He stares down at me, but I nod my head in understanding. Then he puts the key in the lock and turns the knob. He moves so slow and hesitant, I’m not quite sure he’s ready to show me this. Walking up the stairs, a musty smell fills my nostrils. Once we get to the top, I find a master suite that covers the whole top level of the house.

There is a king size bed, dressers, and an armchair and ottoman. There are built-in bookcases in a small corner, filled with books from top to bottom. It’s an amazing room and I automatically envision what it would be like to live in this house with Brady.

“This was my parents’ room. I locked it up after my dad left because I didn’t want anyone else going in there. I don’t want any more lies or secrets between us, so I wanted to show you so you knew the whole truth.”

“It’s beautiful, Brady.” I walk around the room, admiring the space.