Domesticated (25 page)

“For real? I fought it was pressure.”

“No, and it’s not fought either. It’s thought,” he corrected again, tickling her. “Go find Alissa. Let’s get this boat on the road.”

“I don’t think you should teach her. I like pressure and fought better.” I smiled at Sam.

“I’m a school teacher, I can’t help it. I really want to kiss your frog,” he joked.

I looked down at my shirt and laughed. “I really want you to kiss my frog,” I agreed.

Not in a million years would I have guessed the night I was about to have. Sam’s family was nothing like I had could have ever imagined. They were so much fun. I loved the way his sisters badgered him, picking on him, and the way all the adults were with the kids. The kids were a big part of the family and little Savannah was nothing like the little girls I was used to.

Savannah was a little monkey, and either Sam or someone else constantly had to make her get down from climbing. Once, she was halfway up a flagpole. I laughed at that silly kid so much, and the more beer was consumed, the more I lightened up. Olivia was a kid magnet; they all went to her. I loved hearing the way she talked to them. She would be a great mother. I was sure of that.

I was standing alone, smiling at little Savannah when she beat her Grandpa Mike at arm wrestling. She stood and did some little victory dance, making up words as she sang about being stronger than him. It made me happy, seeing them all so close and happy. Sam was right. Money couldn’t buy this.

“She’s one of a kind,” Sam’s mom said from my side. I hadn’t even seen her walk up to me. Shit! I didn’t want to be alone with Rita.

“She sure is a cutie,” I agreed. What the hell was I supposed to say to this woman?

I didn’t have to worry about saying anything. Rita was just like Sam. She was so easy to talk to. She pointed around the boat, telling me stories of each and every one of her family members. Rita was in love with all of them. I laughed with her as much as I did with Sam, right up until she walked away to lift Savannah down from trying to open an umbrella, standing in the center of the table.

“I better go keep her from breaking a bone,” she teased.

I smiled after her, feeling a motherly bond of nostalgia that I had no right to feel. I never had that with my mother. How can you be homesick for something you’ve never had?

“This isn’t so bad, now is it?” Sam asked, handing me a plate with a hotdog with onions, chili, and mustard and a side of chips.

“I hate onions.”

“These are sweet onions. Eat it.”

Snarling my nose, I picked up the messy hotdog and took a bite, sending the sauce right down my shirt.

Sam looked right at the spilling sauce and quietly said, “Now I want to lick your frog.”

“You can lick my frog,” I agreed in the same quiet tone away from earshot of his family.

“We better stop before I bend you over the sink in the bathroom,” Sam decided.

“You idiot. Did you have to say that?” Jesus, he knew how sensitive I was to things like that. I wasn’t like the normal girl he was used to picking up in the town bar. I took things like that literal and couldn’t stop thinking about it.

“I’ll just walk away and get us another beer,” Sam said, leaving me to my hotdog.

Savannah joined me with a hotdog of her own. “Hey, you can lift me up there?” she asked, wanting to sit on the ledge where I was standing. I smiled and set my plate to the table. It would be okay as long as I kept my arm around her.

This kid was nothing like the kids I was used to being around. I freaking loved her. She told me about having the same shirt as me, but only it was too big, so she used it to as a nightshirt.

“My daddy bought it at that place with all the food,” she explained. I told her I got mine there, too.

“Yeah, and trying to tell the little turd it’s too big is like pulling teeth. Hop down from there before you fall,” Sam said, taking Savannah.

“Where’s her mom?” I asked.

“Back home. I get Savannah four weeks every summer. I normally break it up into two.”

“Where’s home?” I asked, curious for the first time.

“Baylortown, North Carolina. It’s barely on the map, one of those small towns that if you blink while going through it, you’ll miss it.”

“Does Savannah live there, too?”

“She lives pretty close, half hour north of there. Her mom’s a pharmacist. After the divorce, she moved closer to the hospital where she works.”

“So you get her like every other weekend?”

“That’s the way it’s written up, but we don’t really go by it. Sierra lets me get her whenever I want. I can’t go more than a couple days without her in my life. I’ll go pick her up a couple times a week and either take her out to supper or bring her home, then drive her back in the morning. It works for us. Being here away from her this much is tough, but I needed the summer job.”

I didn’t quite know what to say. Listening to Sam talk about how much he loved his daughter was foreign to me. I couldn’t imagine my dad being as infatuated with me as Sam was with Savannah. You could see the fascination in his eyes when he looked at her. I smiled, looking at her, too. She just giggled the loudest giggle in the world when Uncle Fat did the same thing I did, and soaked his shirt with chili. He scooped her up and pretended to throw her overboard, feeding her to the fish.

The ice I was treading on was thinner than I had ever walked on before. Watching the way this family interacted showed me something I had never seen before. There was no doubt in my mind that this family would die for one another. Olivia surprised me, too. She was a social butterfly around these people, unlike me, the awkward one who had been taught from birth that you speak when spoken to. Olivia was a natural. I was the outsider, looking in. For the first time in my life, I didn’t want to be the outsider.

“What are you thinking about?” Sam asked, coming to my side again.

I took a drink of beer and smiled over at him. I’m not sure if he saw or not. Darkness fell and just as he asked it, someone dimmed the lights on the yacht. The family gathered around the front of the boat, excited for the light show about to start.

“I was thinking about how well Olivia fits in with your family. She seems happy.”

“What about you? Are you happy, Kendra?” Sam asked in a serious, quiet tone.

I smiled a sad smile over to him. I couldn’t answer that question. I didn’t know how.

“Come here, munchkin,” Sam called to Savannah. Savannah ran to him and he lifted her to the edge of the boat again. We faced the ocean, waiting for the show to start. Something was happening. Something big. The way Sam and I stood side by side with Savannah between us did something to me. I was in love. I was in love with Sam, I was in love with this family, and I was in love with this little girl. How could that be? I hated kids with everything in me, except one, this one.

“I’m going to the restroom before it starts,” I announced, needing to not only get rid of some the beer I consumed, but also get away from what was going on, what I was feeling.

That’s when I fell in love with the second child. Sam’s sister Jessica had the same idea, only she was carrying Sam’s niece, his one-month-old niece.

“Oh, can you hold her for a second?” Jessica asked me. She didn’t really give me a choice, she just placed the infant in my arms. She was so tiny, her little hands were the size of my thumbs. My eyes never left her tiny little features. I fell in love, and for the first time in my entire life, I wanted a baby. Her little fingers curled over my finger and I smiled when she sort of grinned a little crooked grin. She was the most adorable little person in the world. Her scent was something I’d never smelled. I wanted to bottle it and keep it forever.

“She’s amazing. What’s her name?” I asked Jessica when she emerged from the bathroom.

“Janie Lynn.” She smiled, taking the little bundle of joy from my arms. “She’s been a blessing. We’ve tried for seven years to get pregnant. She finally decided to come when we were on our seventh anniversary and decided we were done trying. It was causing a lot of grief and a substantial amount of money. As soon as we accepted the fact that we weren’t meant to be parents, she decided to make her presence,” Jessica explained, kissing her little head.

I was so far out of my realm that I was in a fog the rest of the evening. Sam was right about the fireworks. Words couldn’t describe the magnificent display of lights raining down above our heads. The loud booms diversified with Savannah’s laughter was contagious. I freaking loved that kid.

Looking over to Sam, I stared with I don’t know what it was. He wasn’t watching the show above us. He was watching me. Reaching around Savannah’s back, he took my hand and I let him. I let Sam pull me in even more. I was so screwed. I was beyond screwed.

By the time we finally departed the yacht, it was after midnight. Sam carried sleeping Savannah and his step dad took her from the beach.

“You walk Kendra and Olivia home. We’ll take her,” he offered. Sam handed her over and the three of us walked quietly.

“I had a really good time. Thanks for inviting me,” Olivia said.

“You’re more than welcome. I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Sam replied.

Olivia left us alone once we got to the house and Sam and I sat on the steps. “You’re too quiet. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” I said, leaning into him. He put his arm around me and lifted my chin. That didn’t help a damn thing. I hated Sam’s kisses, especially these kisses. They made me weak in the knees and replayed the fireworks show we’d just watched. The loud booms were even there. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

“I’ve got to get back to Savannah so my parents can go to bed,” Sam whispered to my lips. I held my hand over his resting on my cheek and leaned into it, eyes closed, I didn’t want to let him go.

“Goodnight,” I finally said back. Sam stood, taking my hand with him. Our fingers lingered together, until space broke contact and he left. I watched his dark silhouette until I couldn’t see him anymore.

“Do you want to talk?” Olivia asked, sitting beside me with a glass of wine. My first instinct was to yell at her, put her in her place. I stopped that notion right quick. I took it, deciding at that moment, I didn’t really like Challis-North as much as I thought I did.

“Shit, Olivia. I’m so fucked up right now, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going,” I confessed, using language I would never in a million years have used pre-Sam, not around people anyway.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

“Is that what it is? I honest to god don’t know. I’ve never felt this way before.”

“I’m afraid it is.”

“How do you know?” I asked, confiding in the only person on earth available for me to talk to.

“Does he consume you? I mean like, do you think about him in everyday life? Like everything you see, smell, hear, do, it all makes you think of him?”

I snorted and sipped the bitter wine. I didn’t even have to think about it. Sam consumed me, and now I was consumed with another knowing. I wanted a baby, a baby girl just like Janie Lynn and Savannah, one that I could love and give the kind of life I didn’t have.

“Tell me about your fiancé, what was his name?” I asked, needing to hear something. Maybe I wanted to hear her talk about him to see if I felt the way she did.

“Jackson. He’s awesome. I love him so much.”

“Where did you meet him?”

“He worked for my dad his senior year in high school. We snuck around for over a year, seeing each other before my dad found out.”

“Your dad didn’t like him?”

“Not at first. Jackson’s black. He didn’t think it was right, but he’s okay with him now. He knows he loves me, and he’s in the service, trying to make something of himself for us, for the family we’re planning on having. Oh my god, did you see Jessica’s little girl? I couldn’t get enough of that little baby.”

“Yeah, I held her while she went to the bathroom. She’s amazing. What would you say if I told you she made me want to have a baby now?”

“I don’t know how I feel about that.”

My head snapped to the right, glaring at her. “Why? What do you mean? I could be a good mom.”

“There’s no doubt in my mind about that. I just don’t think the world needs any more kids like Angelica’s. I never in my life wanted to hurt a child before.”

I laughed. “I agree, but I wouldn’t want that. I would want her to be like Savannah, full of life and inquisitive.”

“I don’t think Garrison would allow a child like that in his house.”

“I wouldn’t want Garrison’s baby. I would never bring a baby into that house, plus, I can’t have any. I’ll never have my own baby.”

“Why?” Olivia asked.

I studied her concerned face and almost told her, but then changed my mind. I didn’t want anyone to know that side of me. “Mother nature’s way of telling me I don’t need one, I guess.” I shrugged. “Do you want to go up to The Strip and eat breakfast with me in the morning?” I asked, wanting to get off the subject of me and my baby-making dilemma.

“Really? You want me to go with you?”

“Yes, I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t.”

“Okay, sure.” She smiled. I smiled, too. I sort of liked having Olivia as a friend, treating her the way she deserved to be treated, and having someone to talk to. Maybe I was starting to consider her as a friend.

I lay in bed that night until wee hours of the morning. Maybe Olivia and I would be doing lunch rather than breakfast. I thought about Olivia and the way her eyes lit up when she talked about Jackson, how she hid her love for him from her parents because of skin color. I knew without a doubt had it been an issue, she would have chosen Jackson. I hated it that he was gone for an entire year. That sucked for her, and I made myself a promise to keep her on the entire year until he returned. It felt good to want to help her cope with his absence rather than being a bitch to her just because I could.

Sam was right. I had been domesticated my entire life, and for the first time ever, I wanted to live, be wild, and say fuck the kept woman persona. Angelica, Penelope, and Porsha could have it. I didn’t want it anymore. What I was supposed to do about it was the problem.

I was right about missing breakfast. Still sleeping at almost noon, I woke to kisses being placed all over my face.

“Wake up, sleepy head. I missed you.”

I smiled the biggest smile in the universe. I wanted to be woken that way every day for the rest of my life. “I have to pee,” I said, pushing Sam’s face away with my hand. He picked up my stuffed mouse and moved him to the side, internally making fun of me for sleeping with the silly little thing. I couldn’t help it. He made me feel close to Sam and he was softer than baby powder.

He came to his knees and slid me out of my panties. I helped, of course, by raising my hips. My legs spread wide on their own accord. “Don’t pee yet,” he advised, running his fingers through my suddenly awakened pussy. Okay. No problem. Sam moved between my legs and kissed the inside of my leg, and then my clit. My eyes closed, waiting for the sensations of his mouth, but they didn’t come.

Sam slid up beside me and pulled my leg over his hip. “Is this how you masturbate in bed?” he asked, kissing my shoulder.

“No. I do it on my stomach normally.”

“Rollover,” Sam whispered, kissing my lips. I did. Of course, I did. I was about to get off.

“Like this?” he questioned.

“MmmHmm,” I moaned, feeling his fingers continue massaging my juices gently through my throbbing pussy. Oh my…

“How old were you the first time?” I opened my eyes and looked at him. That might scare him away.

“The first time I had sex or had an orgasm?”

“An orgasm, and don’t lie,” he warned, kissing the corner of my mouth.

“Eight,” I truthfully told him.

His fingers slowed but didn’t quite stop. “Geesh. You’ve always been a horny little thing. Was it on your belly like this?”

“Yes, only I was looking away. I wasn’t allowed to look. Like this,” I said, turning away from him to look at the wall.

Now they stopped. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

“Look at who, Kendra?”

Rolling to my back, I begged him not to stop. “Keep going, Sam. Please,” I pleaded, moving his hand back to the aching between my legs.

“Who hurt you? Tell me,”

“Nobody. I don’t know why I said that. Please don’t stop.”

“Kendra, who hurt you?”

“Sam, please don’t do this.”

“I want to know.”

Breathing a long, deep breath, I got up, knowing I had just ruined any chance of getting laid. Sam pulled me back to him.

“Sam, I have to pee,” I said, moving his hand. He let me go, but followed me to the bathroom. What the hell?

“I’m going to drop my pants and piss right in front of you,” I warned.

“Go, and you’re not wearing pants,” he waved with his hand in a circle and leaned against the counter. “Who hurt you? At least tell me the son of a bitch is behind bars, so I don’t go hunt him down and kill him.”

Shaking my head, I couldn’t believe I let that slip. How could I be so stupid? I sat on the toilet and let it go. I would have never peed in front of Garrison, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have let that slip around him. “Sam, please stop. It was a long time ago.”

“Is he in prison?”

“No, Sam. He wasn’t a he. He was as she and she’s dead.”

“Who?”

“My stepmother,” I said, closing my eyes and dropping my head in defeat. He wasn’t leaving me a choice. Sam wasn’t going to give it up until I told him. I could have lied and blamed it on an uncle or something, and the thought did cross my mind. For whatever reason, I didn’t do that. I told him the truth. Sam waited for me to wipe and took my hands. I pulled away and walked around him to brush my teeth.