Documentary (22 page)

As Dylan
moved to the sleeping area, she realized rather reluctantly that she was better off in Kai’s coach. Without thinking about it any farther, she grabbed all her belongings and dashed off the bus. Kai’s bus was parked up front and the driver had already shut the door. She banged on it and he allowed her on after eyeing her pass. The whole bus was dark. She could just make out the frames of the two guys in their respective bunks and saw the slip of light beneath the door of Kai’s bedroom. The door opened just as she was tiptoeing to the upper deck. She was looking for the privacy she was accustomed to, and there hardly seemed to be any on the tour buses.

She and Kai were both
startled when they locked eyes as he poked his head out from his bedroom. “Good show,” she blurted out in a whisper.

His slight smile could not have flashed for more than a blink.
“Uh, thanks. Goodnight,” he said flatly before he shut the door. The moment wasn’t any more or less awkward than their recent interactions had been, but her heart was racing from seeing him. After a sigh, she continued up and selected a bunk. Soon in her PJs, Dylan found herself wide-awake once she was supine. Now her mind wouldn’t shut off, drifting into fantasies of letting Kai peel the covers off her and crawl into the space above her. Heat flared up from her pelvis, filling her bones, and it made her fidget. She jumped when one of the guys snored loudly in his sleep, and she stifled her guilty laugh. But not too guilty. If she couldn’t have Kai in real life, she would definitely indulge having him in her mind.

Dylan sniffed quietly as she drafted the article to accompany the first video, both of which she needed to turn in soon, but she couldn’t stop tearing up as she wrote about Kai’s charity. She was thinking about the things he’d said about his mom and reflecting on Mac’s life too. Missing her friends and not having people to talk to suddenly added to all of it. She was sitting in the front lounge on the lower deck in the chair closest to the driver, but it was so quiet, she was sure that she would wake the guys up, and then have to explain why she was crying. She turned to the cityscape beyond the large window behind her as they trudged through early morning traffic.

As footsteps drew near, she quickly wiped the tears off her face. She lifted her gaze inconspicuously and discovered that it was Kai. He was shirtless, only wearing pajama bottoms. His hair was a mess, but he still managed to look sexy enough to stare at. He walked up to the driver without acknowledging her, but she caught the confused expression he wore while she pretended the snub didn’t hurt. Dylan tried her best to calm her sniffles when he walked back through, and he almost made it to the separation curtain before he spun and came back to stand in front of her. This was exactly what she was trying
to avoid, and she suppressed her tears even harder so that he would walk away.

“I’m
really trying right now to respect your wishes, but you’re crying, and I can’t deal with it,” he said, leaning down and squeezing her shoulders.

“I’m sorry my crying bothers you, and it’s not your problem,” she said tersely when she tipped her head up.

Kai dropped down to the seat next to her and slung his arm around her, and it was comforting, which made her want to cry more. “You know that’s not what I meant.” Dylan fell against him, pressing her face against his chest.

             
“And I didn’t mean for you to ignore me either. That’s not respecting my wishes,” she whispered. “I don’t like this awkwardness.”

             
“I didn’t exactly like the way things went at the studio. I guess I’ve been a little irritated that you’re right about who is really making the sacrifices here. I don’t want to mess things up for you. Tell me what’s going on.”

             
“Thinking about Mac. I just feel so guilty…” She pulled away from Kai and pressed her palms against her eye sockets.

             
“For what?”

             
“For living… I know it sounds weird, but I just think he deserved better, and I don’t understand why him. My brother was so amazing. When we were kids even, there was something special about him. If there was one Oreo cookie left, he’d twist it apart and
always
give me the side with the cream, even if I offered it to him. Our rooms had to be clean by Saturday morning or we couldn’t go out and play. He was the good one, so his room would be clean; mine wouldn’t be, of course. He would actually stall my parents from finding out by putting on magic shows while I was rushing to stuff things under my bed and in my closet.” She laughed a little at the memories. “When we got older, I asked him why he did those things. And he said, ‘It’s just what big brothers do.’”

             
Kai put his hand on her back. “Sounds like he was a great guy and he really loved you. I didn’t know him, obviously, but it doesn’t sound like he’d want you to beat yourself up over his death…”

“I have to do what he c
an’t. Have to make it up to him,” Dylan explained. “He fought so hard…he had so much left to do. He was the smart one with a plan for a secure, stable future. Not this crazy film thing. He never cared about the trivial things. He wanted to change the world and do good.” She didn’t want to fall apart in front of Kai anymore, but she didn’t fight him off when he pulled her against him again. Her brain was warning her to move away, but Kai felt safe. So much for that emotional wall building.

             
“It sucks,” Kai whispered, running his fingers through her hair. “Believe it or not, you’re doing much better than I was. I used to take out my anger on mailboxes and side view mirrors using baseball bats, and also other guys’ faces with my fists. My principal told Becky, my mom’s friend I was living with after she died, that if she didn’t put me in therapy immediately, I was going to get expelled from school.”

             
“Did it help?” she asked. Her family had tried a few sessions before the effort fell behind a line of excuses very quickly.

Kai nodded and pressed his cheek to her forehead.
“The main thing is not letting yourself be destroyed in the process, no matter how you choose to get through it. But hey, finish up your work, and if you’re feeling up to it, we should film. Meet me in the lounge upstairs.” He smiled warmly after he stood. “So…friends?”

             
Dylan nodded and watched him walk away. Well, it was nice to know that she wasn’t completely repulsive when stuff was pouring out of her face. After cleaning herself up, she completed her article and went to the upper level. The day was coming alive around them as they continued to slog along the roads, and the noises and sights of the city were more prominent now. Kai was sitting at a small table with his arrangement of slips of paper in front of him. Dylan switched on the camera. “So, what is this?”

             
“How I write my songs,” he said with a goofy grin. “Lyrics come to me in bits and pieces, just lines here and here, so I usually just write them on whatever I have available, and then I go back and kind of piece it all together some other time. I add where I need to until I get a complete song.” Kai changed the order of the receipts. “I wrote ‘Earthquake’
like this. It was the first. It started with ‘I feel our world rumble through your chest,’ and that was all I had, but after digging through my pockets, I found ‘Save ourselves,’ which I had written ages before and didn’t know when I would use it. I kept thinking about the ‘rumbling’ and what kinds of things cause rumbling. I wrote down ‘Gotta let you go to save me’ next, and it just kind of goes that way until I get a full song. A combination of random phrases from scraps in my pockets and deliberate songwriting. Zave doubted the whole thing until we wrote ‘Tennessee’ together and he was completely amazed. Now he just hands me receipts whenever he buys something. Keep filming throughout the day, you’ll see it. Weird, right?”

             
“We all have our quirks.  What song are you working on now? And how long will it take you to put the entire song together?”

             
Kai shrugged. “No more than a few days per song.”

             
“So you’re writing a lot again,” she said and Kai jerked his head up, a question in his look. Maybe she wasn’t supposed to share that she knew this. There was a yanking feeling in her chest. If Nina was correct, how could she give up on a guy who was writing songs because of her? It was hard enough to get one to choose placing an actual phone call over sending a text message.

             
“Feeling creative lately. I did have writer’s block before, but I guess you never know when inspiration will come…” He flashed his teeth briefly. “This was top-secret stuff, and I’ve just shared it with the whole world.”

             
Dylan’s right hip was resting against Kai’s left arm as she hovered over him with the camera to get a better shot of how the lyrics were currently arranged on the table. The bus made a wide, bumpy turn all of a sudden and she fell into his lap.
Of course,
she thought.

             
“I had nothing to do with that,” Kai said, laughing, but immediately his arms latched across her torso. She adjusted her position so that her legs were under the table too. She tapped the power button and set the camcorder down on the table.

             
Kai lowered his chin to her shoulder, and her nerve endings were quick to betray her, sending shots of electricity straight down into her loins. She prayed that his lips stayed away from her neck; that would detonate the nuclear bomb of lust inside of her.

“I’m gla
d I gave you the pass that gets you on this bus—we have a privacy policy after shows regarding who can be on here without our immediate permission—and I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

             
“Me too, and thanks for earlier…” she said. She was surprised by the ease with which Kai relinquished his hold on her as soon as she pried his arms off. Maybe he was serious about the two of them moving on as friends. If only there wasn’t this divide between her mind and body. Dylan stood even as her knees went wobbly. Kai stood up too, and before he turned to leave, he tapped a kiss on her cheek.

             
Dylan shivered as he pulled away, wanting him to kiss her everywhere. “What was that for?”

             
“‘Cause I didn’t punch that guy you were with last night,” Kai admitted, looking mildly sulky. “So, you guys meeting up in Philly or something?”

             
“No.” Dylan laughed and shook her head. “And I’m glad you didn’t punch him because his boyfriend is your biggest fan.”

             
The realization hit Kai and his eyes widened. “The guy whose chest I signed and who made me take, like, fifteen pictures with him?”

             
“Yes! He bought a $40 shirt too. Why are you selling $40 shirts?” Dylan put her hands on her hips. “And what is this ‘not punching’ to ‘kissing’ conversion system? I thought you weren’t punching anyone, period?”

             
“I’m not! And I figure not punching is worth four… or ten kisses, at the least.” Kai’s hands fell to the small of her back, dragging her against him. She was just incapable of resisting him as she looked up into his blue eyes. Damn, he was hot in the morning with the mussed up hair and thin layer of facial hair. Maybe things would be different, easier, if she hadn’t gone to L.A. that night because she never would’ve known what it was like to kiss him and touch him. She was missing what she’d had.

“It just sucks that I can’t actually cash in…
since we’re
friends
and all,” he said with faux scorn. “But here’s to friendship!”

“To friendship!” Laughing, she threw her arms around his neck and they hugged in silence. Kai stepped back and pivoted toward the separation curtain. She wanted to call him back but didn’t. When she heard the curtain rings pull across the rod, she let out a disappointed but relieved exhale.
At least, it had gone much better than their talk at the nightclub and the recording studio.

“Dylan…” Kai’s lips were right at her ear, and she held her breath when his arms folded around her waist. Her heart hammered with a wrath in her chest, and she felt the beating down in her feet. “I still want to kiss you. I wanted to kiss you last night. And earlier. And it’s all I’ve wanted to do for the past week.” He was pressed right up against her, and she could
feel
that
kissing
wasn’t
all
he wanted to do. And she wasn’t sure she’d only be able to just kiss him, either.

When she spun around, he cupped her face, and she gripped his forearms. “I don’t want to ruin this for you.
Which is why what I’m about to say is really selfish, but
two minutes
is all I’m asking, if that’s what
you
want, too. If you don’t want to kiss me, just say so, and that’s absolutely fine. But if you don’t say…” Kai leaned toward her lips and they tingled in anticipation; red flags and risks, be damned. It was only two minutes, a goodbye really, she told herself.

“I
say, ‘kiss me,’” she whispered before a smile. Not taking his prescribed time for granted, his lips melted against hers before his tongue glided into her mouth. It was like kissing him for the first time all over again. His tongue plunged deeper, tousling with hers and unleashing matching passion in them both. Heat surged out from the core of her body and her fingers folded around clumps of his hair. His fingers slipping beneath her t-shirt induced a tremor of excitement down her chest. The feel of his hands on her stomach easily smothered the internal warning that they should stop, and soon his hands climbed higher and higher until her shirt was bunched around her breasts. He clutched both of them, not hard, but enough to let her know that he was interested in her shirt coming off. Kai lifted her and placed her on the small table. Her back was against the curtain of a window, and he was standing between her legs with his hands on her thighs. It was well past two minutes.