Divine and Dateless (16 page)

The wrinkles on his face fell like fleshy dominoes when he looked down at that thing that had been scraping my hipbone. I had thought it was a belt buckle, but then OMIGOD!!!

“Pardon me,” he said, “I just took four Viagras, and it won’t go down.”

“That’s okay.” I nearly tripped over my own feet as I backed away. “I’ve got errands to run with Uncle Mikey.” I thumbed toward the exit. “I’ll leave you two.”

“I’m sorry, dear.” Grandma clasped her hands in front of her, smiling sweetly as if she was about to offer me a tray of cookies. “I wanted you to stay and visit.”

Grandpa scratched the back of his head as he and Grandma shared a look of understanding. “Why don’t you come back in four hours?”

“Sure,” I said, almost pulling my arm out of its socket as I yanked hard on the door handle.

Grandma coughed into her hand and made a face as she stared at the bulge between his legs. “You’d better make that six.”

Shopping with Uncle Mikey on level thirteen was so much fun. As it turned out, the pastry he’d brought over was indeed an entire heavenly cheesecake, and yes it did have gluten, but it worked as a great bartering tool just about anywhere in Purgatory.

Who knew one slice of Penthouse cheesecake could buy an entire week’s worth of groceries? Three slices paid for a thirty-six inch flat-screen television and DVR. A few more slices got me Egyptian cotton sheets, toiletries, and several pairs of brand new, unsoiled underwear.

Uncle suggested I keep two slices for emergencies, as he said he might not be able to smuggle another cake out for a while. After we’d dropped all of my goods off at my apartment, we descended for one more visit with my grandpa.

Thankfully, he was fully clothed this time, though we’d only visited for about ten minutes before he was fast asleep in his reclining chair. I didn’t want to dwell on what had made him so tired. As we tiptoed out of his trailer, I nearly lost my lunch when I spied an empty jar of cinnamon body butter sitting on the kitchen table, along with a half-eaten pair of edible underwear.

Old people were so gross!

After the long trek back to my apartment, I tried not to cry when I exchanged goodbyes with my uncle and Grandma. Even though they promised to come back next weekend, I couldn’t help myself. I was sure going to miss them. Tomorrow I had to start a new job in a whole new dimension. I hardly had any friends, and I really missed my mom. I wondered if she’d found my body yet, and if so, how she was holding up.

I was so depressed, I devoured almost an entire jar of Nutella while watching a sad chick flick by myself. I sure hoped I made some more friends in Purgatory. I didn’t think I could survive twenty more years of this.

I sat up with a jolt, sending my jar of Nutella rolling to the floor as a loud, impatient banging woke me from my slumber.

I knew of only one person with such an obnoxious, annoying knock. Ugh! What did he want at this ungodly hour? My gaze shot to the blinking clock on my DVR: 9:30. Okay, maybe the hour wasn’t so ungodly, but after the weekend I’d had, I was entitled to a little early beauty rest.

I tried to heave myself off the sofa but somehow ended up rolling off the side and landing on my knees.

“Oof!” I cried as pain shot up my left leg. And still the knocking continued. “Hold your horses!” I yelled before storming across my small living room and throwing open the door.

What I saw threw me completely off-guard, and maybe melted my heart just a little. Okay, a lot. Grim was there, wearing black dress pants, a stiff shirt, jacket and tie. His hair was gelled back, and he reeked of cologne overload. He had this strange look on his face, like either he was constipated or else really uncomfortable dressed like a gentleman. Somehow, I suspected the latter. I also suspected Inés had something to do with his choice of attire.

But it was kind of hard to focus on that pained look in his eyes when my gaze was drawn to a bouquet of red roses in his hand.

“What’s up, Grim?” I asked as I leaned against the doorframe.

He cleared his throat as his cheeks flushed adorably pink. “I thought I’d check on you.”

“What’s with the flowers?” I nodded toward the stalks he was crushing in his white-knuckled grip.

“These are for you.” He thrust them in my face, leaving me no choice but to take them.

“Thanks.” I inhaled their sweet fragrance. “They’re lovely.” I set the flowers down on a narrow side-table beside the door.

“I got you this, too.”

I gasped when he pulled a large bar of dark chocolate from inside his coat.

Either this man was really
that
good, or else he’d seen the file my grandma had been talking about. This particular brand of chocolate was just about my favorite in all of eternity.

I practically snatched it out of his hands. “I can’t believe they sell these in Purgatory.”

“They don’t.” His voice trailed off as he shuffled his feet and averted his gaze. “But I grabbed it while I was out collecting souls today.”

“Thank you so much.” I pressed the bar to my nose and inhaled. I loved the way the tinfoil smelled, nearly as divine as the candy tasted. “How did you know I liked them?”

He briefly met my gaze. “The night I picked you up, I saw an empty wrapper at your apartment.”

Bam! That melting heart of mine was splattered by a steamroller. What kind of a guy would do something so thoughtful? Certainly nobody I’d ever dated.

“You did?” I couldn’t help but smile as I batted my lashes. “And you remembered? Thanks, Grim.”

What happened next was purely done by instinct.

A guy gives a girl presents, the girl is supposed to give him a kiss, right?

It was just an innocent peck on the cheek, nothing meant to invoke a physical reaction, but even the simple act of my hand on his shoulder, my lips on his smoothly shaven face, turned my insides to molten lava.

I backed away quickly, afraid to glance anywhere beneath his waistline, because if I saw a bulge, I might have gotten the urge to stroke it.

Clutching the chocolate to my chest, I leaned against the doorframe, needing something to anchor my liquefied legs. I stared into his eyes, once a bright blue, now a dark shade of cobalt.

“I still have that movie,” he mumbled as his gaze wavered. “I’ve got a flat screen if you want to come watch it.”

“I’ve got a flat screen now, too. My uncle got it for me.”

He backed up a step as a shadow crossed his features. “Oh, all right then.”

I stepped back, too, but instead of doing the smart thing and closing the door, I pushed it wide open. Sure, it was only a door, but at the rate things were progressing, I’d be spreading my legs wide open soon enough, too.

“Do you want to come inside?” I asked, but not in the same defiant tone I’d come to use with Grim. No, this time I was channeling my sultry voice, my inner temptress, and it took all my willpower not to grab him by the base of that tie, pull him onto my sofa, and climb on top of that hard body.

“Sure.” He followed me inside.

Ashley MacLeod, the sex-depraved spinster, was gone by the time we settled on the sofa. In her place was Ash the temptress, aka Ash the horny slut bag, who really needed to get laid. And at the moment, I couldn’t think of a single reason why screwing Grim’s brains out would be a bad idea. Sure, maybe I’d have regrets tomorrow, but at least I’d have a chocolate bar to console me.

I watched him like a hawk watches a mouse as he settled on the far end of my sofa. Those black slacks of his hitched up way too high in his crotch. He looked far too adorably sexy as he shifted around, trying to get comfortable.

I crossed my legs beneath me, pulling up the hem of my dress so it “accidentally” revealed my bare calves. Then I peeled back the tinfoil on the chocolate bar. “Want a bite?” I asked, waving the candy at him.

“No, thanks.” He had this deer-in-the-headlights expression as he scooted back.

Okay, either the guy was terrified or just not into me. If he wasn’t into me, he wouldn’t have shown up with flowers and chocolate, right? But he was the freaking Grim Reaper. How could he possibly be terrified of one little horny legal secretary?

These mixed signals had me all confused, not to mention, my libido was deflating faster than Kim K’s boobs in a head-on collision.

Luckily, I had a ready remedy to soothe the sting of his rejection. I bit into the candy bar, moaning in delight as the rich flavors swirled around my tongue. Chocolate: the sexually starved woman’s answer to an absence of orgasms. “Mmm. This is better than sex.”

His eyes widened. “Is that so?”

Oops. I hadn’t meant to think that out loud. I needed a quick recovery. “I used to think so,” I blurted, “but not after….” I gasped and slapped my hand over my mouth, but it was too late. The damage had already been done.

One thick brow arched. “After you had sex with my double?” His mouth hitched up in that annoying, yet sexy, smug grin. So much for his terror moments earlier. Guess he finally remembered how to channel his inner asshole.

I rolled my eyes and set the chocolate on the coffee table. “You’re never going to let me live that one down, are you?”

"I’m sorry." He actually had the nerve to look embarrassed. I wasn't buying it.

"No, you’re not." I scooted toward him, sat up on my knees, and poked him in the chest. "Admit it, you’re flattered."

He looked down at my finger, which was somehow still poking, or maybe stroking, his chest. "I thought you didn’t like me."

"I don’t," I said as I flattened my hand. Even through his thick coat and stiff shirt, I could feel his heart beating. It was pounding pretty fast for a dead guy.

Frowning, Grim grasped my hand in his. "I can’t blame you. Not after what I did to you."

Wow. Was Grim apologizing for leaving me high and dry after that grope fest? Actually, though I appreciated his sudden remorse, it was killing my mood. Horny and awkward didn't go so well together.

"What do you mean?" Feigning innocence, I batted my lashes and licked my lower lip.

His mouth set in a hard line as he squeezed my hand tighter. "I promised you your afterlife would be better than the life you left behind."

It took me a moment to process what he was saying, but then I vaguely recalled the promise he'd made to me on the night I died. Really? Was that what the guy was hung up about?

I shook my head, laughing, trying to infuse some humor into the situation. "You didn’t know I’d get kicked out of Heaven."

The shadows in his eyes darkened. "I don’t like breaking my promises, Ash."

"Well, you don’t have to worry, because I’m not going to hold you to it."

He let go of my hand. "That's not the point." Just great. Mr. Love 'Em and Leave 'Em had picked a hell of a time to have a conscience.

Then it hit me. The chocolate and flowers wasn't a romantic gesture. It was an apology. Duh. Well, didn't I feel like eternity's biggest fool? I scooted away, needing to put distance between us. "Is that why you’re bringing me presents? Because of a promise? This attention you’re giving me is all out of pity?"

He moved toward me. "No."

Pouting, I crossed my arms, which was kind of hard with torpedo tits in the way. "Then why are you here?"

Grim didn't give me time to react as he pulled me against his hard chest and his lips came crashing down on mine. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I should have protested, but my traitorous body melted into that kiss. He tasted like warm spice and cool mint, his own personal blend of Heaven.

"That’s why," he breathed into my mouth before capturing my lips again.

I had no idea how long that kiss lasted. Five minutes. Ten. It could have lasted an eternity, and it wouldn't have been long enough. He stroked down my back before cupping my ass in his strong hands. I moaned as he squeezed and then massaged my globes. He lifted me until I straddled his leg, and then he began grinding a knee into my sweet spot. Oh, heavenly Father, I could have come right then and there.

My hands feverishly roamed his chest as I pulled his jacket over those broad shoulders.

Before I could loosen the knot of his tie, he pulled back. "I need to go," he panted against my cheek.