Divided (Unguarded #2) (21 page)

I ease on the brakes, pulling up at yet another red light. The day couldn’t move any slower and it’s still morning. Mason sits beside me in the passenger seat of my truck, brooding in silence because we just spent three days on a lead that led to a dead end. A lead we had high hopes would give us some new information on Lucio Marino’s whereabouts. We had no such luck. The only good thing to come from today is the phone call Mason just received from Elias, who within a month or so, believes he should be back at work. The dude spent a few weeks in hospital after having emergency surgery to retrieve the bullet lodged in his back where Lucio had shot him. He’d been put off duty until he makes a full recovery and his determined ass is smashing through physiotherapy.

“Hey, can we go past the loft? Lindsey wanted me to check on Ali. She said she’s been a bit sick the past week. I told her I’d go later, but seeing as we’re only a block away,” Mase chimes in.

My chest jabs at the mention of Ali. “Yeah. Sure,” I murmur because what else can I say? No, we can’t check on her and I don’t want to see her because if I do, I don’t know if I’ll yell at her or kiss her? Both of which—I don’t want to happen.

We turn the corner, coming into Ali’s street and as we pull up out the front of the exposed brick building she lives in my heart smacks against my chest. My hands tighten around the steering wheel as I watch her head tilt back. She laughs, her shoulders bouncing. She smiles like I haven’t seen since the night we spent together. Except today she’s not smiling at me, she’s beaming up at another guy. A fucking biker—a Misery’s Angels club member.

“Breathe, Roamyn.” Mason sits unmoving as we both take in Ali and the biker talking and laughing like they’re best fuckin’ friends.

I grit my teeth so hard my molars hurt. “Oh, I’m breathing. But he won’t be in about thirty seconds.”

I reach for my belt undoing it. Mason’s hand lands on my forearm. “Don’t do it, Roam.”

My chest puffs out with each heavy breath. “Why not?”

Mason rolls his eyes at me and pulls his hand away. “Well, first off, you can’t kill a guy for talking to someone. And secondly, all it will do is piss Ali off and push her further away from you, which I’m thinking is not what you want to achieve here? And thirdly…” his voice raises a notch, “…you can’t fucking kill a guy for talking to someone. Biker or not.”

I run a hand through my hair. He’s got no clue what went on with us. No clue why it hurts so much to see her so relaxed with a man who isn’t me. She’s out there, happy and laughing while I’ve been fucking miserable.

Anger replaces the hurt. “You go check on her. I’ll wait in the car.”

Mase pushes open the door and her voice travels through before he shuts it again. Two minutes later he’s back in the car and Ali and I pretend we didn’t just see each other.

Mase sighs. “You wanna talk about it?”

I concentrate on the road. “Nope.”

Saturday

Yellow fur squishes under my fingers. Hot puppy breath blows on my face.

“Isn’t he just the cutest puppy ever?” Charlotte’s excited voice livens up the gorgeous modern living room of Lindsey’s new home with Mason and Char in Greenwich Village. It’s Mason’s little girl’s tenth birthday and he and Lindsey bought her a yellow Labrador puppy as a present and a new addition to their family. Little do they know of the
other
new addition due to arrive in six months’ time.

I scratch the pup behind the ears and kiss his nose. “Yeah, Char. He’s the cutest all right.” I smile at him and he jumps all over me. His tongue tickles my cheek as he sneaks in a lick. “Okay, little dude. That’s enough.”

My fingers plunge into the plush navy carpet as I get up from the floor. I excuse myself from Charlotte and her grandparents and head into the kitchen. After washing my hands, I move over to the window near the kitchen counter. Mason has a floor to ceiling window stretching from the kitchen into the living room and the view is breathtaking. I’d choose this apartment for the view alone. Thoughts of sharing an apartment like this with Roamyn cross my mind until Olly’s laugh filters around the room and he comes to stand beside me taking in the beautiful view. I wring my hands together to calm the nerves jittering inside me. Roamyn should be here soon and today I’m breaking the pregnancy news to him.

Everyone’s in high spirits for Charlotte’s birthday. Cassidy and her new partner Trey are mucking around in the kitchen. He’s taunting her like he always seems to do and she bites back in frustration. Mason and Lindsey are loved up, as usual, sharing a few longing glances and sneaky kisses. There are only two people missing—Roamyn and Elias. Eli couldn’t make it and as I glance at the large round clock on the wall behind me, my tummy flutters with butterflies because Roam should be here any time now. The doorbell rings no more than a minute later. While a part of me becomes more excited than nervous to see him, my smile falters the second Lindsey walks back in, sparing me a sad glance laced with pity. My heart flops. Roamyn comes up behind her, chest out, shoulders tall, gorgeous as ever in jeans that hug his ass and a button down shirt, cuffed at his thick forearms and bunching around his biceps. Linked around his arm is a leggy brunette with beauty to outshine me any day. My confidence drops to an all-time low and I stand awkwardly, crossing my arms over my chest.

The room becomes quiet. All eyes shoot between Roamyn, his mystery woman, and me. Tension grows thick and fast. My heart cracks when our gazes connect. His eyes are hard and angry. Angry at me. I just have no idea why. Hurt builds in the form of tears but I refuse to cry. Angry for whatever reason, Roamyn’s not doing anything wrong. My heart doesn’t want to accept it but I have to. He’s single. Free to see whomever he pleases. I take a step back. Maybe I was naïve to believe he was waiting for me. I swallow hard and force a smile at the woman on Roamyn’s arm because I can do this. I can bear the hurt of seeing him with someone else. I can bear it, handle it, and have my cry later because things are different now.
I’m
different now. And what better way to prove it to Roam. I asked him to give me time to become the best version of me I could possibly be so I could give him the love, happiness, and relationship he deserves. Well, now I can. I can set him free so he can have it all, even if it isn’t with me.

I take a few steps toward Roamyn, never breaking eye contact with him until I turn to the woman beside him and jut out my hand. “I’m Ali. It’s nice to meet you.”

Her eyes widen and after a moment of shock crosses her face, she puts her hand in mine and smiles back at me. “It’s lovely to meet you, Ali. My name’s Sarah.”

After introductions and a few drinks later, the tension surrounding us loosens. At least, it did for everyone except Roamyn and me who are on opposite sides of the room avoiding one another. Every now and again I catch him staring at me with confusion and sadness. He’s mad, he’s hurt, and I’ve got no idea why. I’ve just about had enough whiplash from his emotions for one day and I haven’t even got to the pregnancy bomb yet. An abundance of food litters the kitchen counter. Small pieces of ripped up wrapping paper from Charlotte’s presents are still scattered throughout the kitchen and living room. Everyone is chatting, enjoying too much cake and the Labrador who now has the name Rocky is sitting in Cassidy’s lap on the floor. The dog has no sense of personal space but damn he’s adorable.

My stomach churns as Mason puts food under my nose. “You hungry?”

Gripping pains twist inside of me. I put my hand on my belly and feign indifference. “No, but thanks.”

Without waiting for him to reply I head down the hall to the bathroom where I expel the little amount of food I’ve eaten not to raise any questions, because if Lindsey were to notice my lack of appetite she’d be on me straight away with questions. The woman can smell a lie before I’ve even thought one up.

I wash my hands in the sink in the bathroom when Charlotte’s loud voice ricochets through the walls.

“Rocky, no!”

Glass shatters and I head out to see what’s happened despite still feeling ill. I hold my stomach the whole way out, worried I might be sick again. I stop before stepping on broken glass and find Cassidy on the floor in the kitchen cleaning up the glass and water spilled everywhere. I look up and my legs tremble when I notice Sarah across the room whispering something in Roamyn’s ear. Something that makes Roamyn respond with his signature grin. I force my eyes away and Lindsey catches me, sad, shoulders curled over my chest and hand resting on top of my traitorous stomach.

Shit.

She walks over and puts both hands on my shoulders.

“Hey, are you okay? I didn’t realize you were still sick.”

Voices soften as everyone hears Lindsey.

She grows more concerned with each second I don’t answer. “Ali, what’s going on?”

I glance over her shoulder and Roamyn’s face ticks as he stares at me with his brows knotted together. My bravado shatters.

I clear my throat and turn back to Lindsey, already feeling lighter. “I’m not sick. I’m pregnant.”

Her mouth drops open and her eyebrows rise all the way up her forehead. Someone murmurs, “Shit,” and a squeal from Cassidy nearly bursts an eardrum. She knew I was going tell Roam today, but I guess she wasn’t expecting this.

Lindsey breaks into a smile, her perfect white teeth shining through. “Seriously? You’re pregnant?”

I nod, brightening with excitement. I lay both hands protectively over my flat stomach and there’s not a damn thing in this world capable of wiping the smile from my face.

“Yep, I’m going to be a mother.”

Her delicate skin feels like silk beneath my hands, so soft and familiar. A contrast to the steel-blue hues ripping into my soul with the pain pouring from them. It’s torture in its purest form.

My heart smacks against my ribs, thump after thump. It’s so loud I can hear it in my ears but it’s not loud enough to block out Alison’s words echoing in my mind.

I’m having our baby.

Excitement, nervousness, the fear of the unknown—of something I never saw coming, spikes an unfamiliar feeling in me I don’t know what to do with. Will I be a good father? The questions surface hard and fast, it’s overwhelming, panicking. I try to shake them off.

My chest caves in and I lean my forehead to hers, my hands still cupping her face. I squeeze my eyes closed to try and erase the ache. Erase the past and get rid of all hurt. How many cracks can our hearts take before they break completely? We should be happy, overjoyed. We’ve been given a blessing. Yet we’re standing here on her rooftop, both as confused as each other because we’re back here again. In the place of blurred lines and feelings, neither of us know how to acknowledge. Except this time, it’s life altering. This time, one of us can’t screw everything up because we’re too afraid to admit the truth, to face reality, because this moment is the beginning of many, the start of our lives taking a different path. One we never expected to walk but one we can’t change. The only thing we can change is if we walk it together, hand in hand, or miles apart.

I breathe in deep and vanilla invades my senses and all reasonable thought. My cock stirs. No matter the circumstance, I always want her. I run my nose the length of hers. Her full lips part and her tongue slips out to lick them. Desire courses through, all the way to my semi hard cock. Her lips tease.
Fuck.
I want to kiss her. But I can’t.

It’s not what she wants.

Not now. She made that clear three months ago on the night we couldn’t deny ourselves any longer, but also one which would tie us together forever whether we like it or not. My hands slide from her cheeks to her long blonde hair and I grip probably a little too tight, but it takes every ounce of restraint I’ve got to stop myself from smashing my lips to hers. To stop myself from caressing her, worshipping her. Loving every inch of the body I’ve had committed to memory since the night I very first had her in my bed.

The cool night air rips through me, along with my past. Our past. How did we get here? How did we get to this point after all of these years?

“When did everything become so complicated?” I whisper, her forehead still warm against mine.

She sighs. Her shoulders drop and her words crush me. “We’ve always been complicated, Roamyn.” She pulls out of my embrace as the truth leaves her lips and slices me with reality.

We have always been complicated.
Right from the fucking start.

Anger resonates, I want to blame the world, I want to blame the Marino’s and every-fucking-thing for tearing us down before we ever had a real chance to rise together. But I can’t. For the most part, no one is to blame. Life happened. Fate brought us together too early. We were on two separate paths with different goals. Our lives entwined but we weren’t done growing. We weren’t done finding ourselves and our places in this crazy world. But I hang my head low with regret because I played my role in our heartbreak. Whatever we’d grown into, everything I was afraid of but craved at the same time. I just wish I realized what it was sooner. By the time my head caught up with my heart, it was too late.