Divided Souls (Captured Miracle #3) (16 page)

“I know you’re unhappy, love. I can sense it.” He pulled in a deep breath. “It’s killing me to know that I’m not able to give you everything you need to find the happiness you crave. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do, nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice, for your happiness - I hope you know that. I’m trying,”

I couldn’t listen anymore. The desperation in his voice was killing me. “Calix, stop.” I pushed away from his chest. “I know you’re trying, and I’m not unhappy. I would choose to be nowhere in this world that you didn’t remain with me. And I know, I understand that we need to bide our time. I understand.”

I bent to press my lips against his and his large hand caught the nape of my neck, holding me against him firmly. “I can’t lose you again, Nova. I won’t lose you.”

“You won’t.” I vowed.

“I need you, love. I don’t know how it happened - but I can’t survive without you. I don’t want to.”

I shook my head and tears blurred my vision once again. My words caught in my throat, but I struggled through them. “You’ve changed - so much - in the time I’ve known - you.”

“You’ve changed me.” He whispered hoarsely. “You’ve made me better.”

“Have I?” A tear escaped to slide down my cheek and I slammed my eyes closed tightly against the others that tried to follow.

“Yes.” There was no hesitation in his voice. “Before you, I knew nothing of happiness. I didn’t smile. I didn’t play. I gave orders and I worked. I was consumed with revenge - addicted to the thought of repaying pain to the man who’d taken so much from me. I did nothing simply for the pleasure of it, Nova. Now, with you, I know what it means to feel the happiness behind an unforced smile. I know the joy one finds in something as simple as play. I still give orders and I still work, but I’m working toward a better life now, love. For us both. Finally, I’m working for something I’m proud of.”

Another tear squeezed through the barricade I’d tried to place against the proof of my weakness and his hands caught my face between their large expanses. It was shocking, the violence I knew these hands were capable of, but with me, they had never been anything but gentle. Even in his moments of horror, Calix had shown me nothing but beautiful tenderness.

“You calm me, love.” He spoke again and I tasted his breath against my lips. “Until you, I knew nothing of peace. I’ve been a storm of rage and hate determined to sink the rest of the world in the ocean I’ve felt suffocating me my entire life. But I’ve calmed since you, Nova. When I took you, I never expected to find happiness. I never expected you to capture my heart the way I’d hoped to manipulate yours. I know I was wrong,” he laughed a broken sound. “And I know, that if anyone set out with the intentions to hurt you and manipulate you, the way I’d first set out to do - I’d kill them without hesitation. I know I don’t deserve your love, Nova, but now that I know it and have tasted its purity, I can’t ever let you go.”

“Will this always be our life, Calix?” I whispered. “Will we always be running from something - will we always be fighting?”

“I don’t know.” His reply was sad. “But I do know that we’ll always be together, love. I can’t promise you I won’t continue to fuck up. And I can’t promise you that I’ll always take the road of nobility, because when it comes to you, love, inhibition isn’t my strongest trait. I will always do what is necessary to keep you at my side. I will always take the road that keeps us together - no matter how underhanded that road may be.”

“I don’t want that.” I shook my head. “I want you to be good, Calix.”

His smile was sad. “Without you, there would be no good, love. Dying would be a worthy sacrifice to ensure you are always with me. And love, if you can’t be with me, if no road proves successful in keeping you beside me, then dying is a welcome reprieve.”

“Then we have to find a road, Calix.” I announced desperately. “Because it’s not just you and me anymore. We have a baby we need to think about - a baby we need to live for.”

He pressed his lips to mine. “I promise we will, love.”

Chapter 17

A manila file is sitting, closed, against the granite of the kitchen countertop. Beside it, is a tall glass of bubbling cream soda - untouched. I’ve been sitting here for - minutes - hours - I honestly don’t know. My heart has been pounding in my ears as my eyes move from the still manila folder to the bubbles floating upward in an endless stream in my pop.

Calix told me he had news for me this morning, but I’d not been prepared for this. The folder was thick and intimidating. I knew that once I opened it, it would be an action I couldn’t undo. Without a doubt, I knew I would open the folder. I was like a cat - curious. The only problem was that, unlike the cat, I didn’t have the luxury of nine lives.

“Are you going to open it, Nova?” Calix asked quietly. My eyes lifted from the folder to land on Calix where he sat on the stool next to mine.

“Tell me again what’s inside?”

“Proof that we were together prior to my taking you.”

“How?” I shook my head. “That doesn’t make sense - we weren’t together.”

He didn’t even blink. “Open the file and see, love.”

I looked down at the file once again, and with shaking hands, I opened it. The first image was of our wedding. I was walking down the aisle toward Calix, and I looked entirely happy. Anyone who looked at this photo would know just how deeply my feelings for Calix ran.

Flipping the photo, I felt my heart thump in my chest as I stared down at a photo of me walking into the café across the street from the animal rescue I’d volunteered at. But that wasn’t what made my breath catch in my throat. I lowered my face to the photo as though that would shed some light onto the confusion I suddenly felt flooding me. In the photo - holding the door open for me as I walked into the café - was Calix. He was watching me with his intense blue eyes, his lips curled upward gently at the corners. I couldn’t see my face from the angle the photo was taken, but Calix looked - happy.

My blood was rushing violently in my ears as I flipped to the next photo. This was a snapshot of us in the café. We were sitting at the bar that stretched along the length of the window. I tried to remember that day - but I couldn’t.

Holding the photo up to Calix, I asked. “How?”

“I told you I watched you for two years, Nova.”

“But,” I sputtered - my mind trying desperately to play catch-up to his newest revelation. I swear, every time he admitted something new to me, I felt a little like the footing beneath my world was disintegrating. Soon, I’d be left without solid ground beneath my feet. “But you’re - you’re with me. You’re not just watching me, Calix. You’re sitting here - with me - you’re beside me. It looks like we’re,”

“Meeting.” He interrupted, nodding. “That’s the point, love.”

“But we weren’t.” I shook my head. “I don’t remember this.” I waved the photo at him. “I’m smiling - and, I’m blushing. Why am I smiling at you?”

He looked down. “That was the very first time I made contact with you. I’d been watching you for a year. I had to meet you to know,” he paused and I sensed his next words would horrify me. “I had to know,”

“You had to know what?” I whispered.

“If I could break you.”

My blood turned cold as I looked down into the photo once again. Calix’s head was cocked to the side and he was looking down at me. Even through the glass of the café the camera had caught the pink of my cheeks. I wasn’t looking at him, but rather into my cup of coffee.

“And you determined from this meeting that I was - breakable?”

“Yes.”

Pulling a shaky breath into my lungs, I straightened my shoulders. “How? I don’t remember this - you.”

“You barely even looked up at me.” His eyes were trained on my face and a small smile touched his lips. “I sat next to you with the excuse that there were no other seats. You were reading a book and sipping your coffee, clearly uninterested. Clearly inexperienced. This picture was taken just after you’d placed your book back into your purse. I’d asked you if it was a good one and you blushed.”

I looked down into the photo again. “That’s it?”

“That’s it.” He confirmed.

“And you knew I was breakable how?”

“Your inexperience. You were so soft and innocent - so breakable.”

I closed my eyes, marveling at the story a single picture held. Really, a photo - one photo was worth a thousand words. Because even though nothing had happened and I didn’t even remember being with him in this café, I knew that we could craft some marvelous affair. It was proof, however untrue, that we had been together prior to him taking me.

I said nothing as I flipped through more photos. Calix’s car sitting outside the park I’d so often visited - vacant. Assumptions could easily be made that we were walking through the park together. A place we so often rendezvoused. Beside the photos, there were dates, and I knew, if it were investigated, we would find I’d been walking within the park at those exact times.

There were images of us on our honeymoon in crowded places with numerous people I could easily attract to help me. In every photo, I was smiling, leaning into him, kissing him - I looked happy. There wasn’t one photo that would contradict that we had been together prior to his taking me. It truly was the perfect lie.

When I had come to the end of the photos, I took a moment to gather my thoughts as I stared at the cream color of the folders back. And then, I looked up at Calix. “This is everything?”

“No.” He shook his head and I felt a small piece of me tense inside at the thought that there be more. I honestly didn’t know if I could handle anything more. I didn’t know if I could handle any other revelation.

But I didn’t let on that I was a mess inside. Instead, I straightened my spine and nodded. “Go on.”

“You’ll need to call Jaylah with a message to give verbally to your father upon giving him the file.”

“Wait.” I interrupted him. “We’re sending the file to Jaylah?”

“Yes.” He nodded. “Jaylah will receive the file that she will deliver to your father with a message that will, undoubtedly force him to stand down.”

I raised a brow, trying desperately to still the shaking of my hands. “What is the message?”

***

“You want me to give Dad the folder - with a message?” Jaylah shrieked into the phone. “He’s losing his mind, Nova. Don’t you think you should just call him and try and talk to him?”

“I can’t, Jay.” I could feel Calix’s eyes on me as I spoke to my sister. “Please, just do this one last thing. If it doesn’t work I’ll,” I sighed. “I’ll try something else. Please, just this last thing.”

“Alright, what’s the message?” She conceded, but I could already sense her regret.

“I need you to tell Dad that if he chooses to continue fighting my relationship with Calix, that his position with the Navy as well as his involvement in the take down of one of the largest shipments from the Columbian Drug Cartels will become public knowledge.” I sniffled through the emotion gathering in my throat. “Tell him the press release has been created and at the click of a mouse it will be viral.”

“Nova!” Jaylah gasped. “Releasing that information could - it could,”

“Releasing that information would be a death sentence.” I replied factually, clinically, coldly.

“To our whole family.” Jaylah gasped.

“You would be safe.” I whispered. “Calix would protect you. Your identities would be - changed.”

“Nova,” Jaylah’s voice was shaking with desperation. “You can’t be serious, right now.”

“It’s Dads choice now, Jay.” I said harshly, before a tear slid from my eye. “It’s his choice - it’s all in his hands now.”

“Nova, please think about this.”

“I have. We have been thinking of this for months, Jaylah. This is all we have now. This is all we have to use against him.”

“Do you,” she sniffled. “Do you think he’ll back down?”

“I don’t know.” A tear slid from my eye. “But I pray he does.”

“I’ll do it.” Jaylah promised. “But promise me we’ll be safe, Nova.”

“I promise.” I nodded even though I knew she couldn’t see me. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

As the line went dead, I stared at Calix through determined eyes. “There is no press release and there will be no press release, Calix. This is an empty threat and nothing more, do you understand me?”

“Nova,”

“Do you understand me?” I screamed through the fear building up in my chest for my family. “I won’t put them in danger, Calix! I won’t!”

He stood, moving quickly across the room to gather me against his chest. “I know. It’s not real, love. We simply had to ensure Jaylah believed we were willing to act on our threat. If she believes there is a threat, your father will be more apt to believe we aren’t bluffing.”

“This hurts.” I sobbed into his chest. “It hurts so badly to know that I’m the one causing my family pain.”

“No, love.” He shook his head. “Not you - me. I am causing them pain. This is all because of me.”

“No!” I pushed away from him. “You don’t get to take the blame for this, Calix. You don’t get to take the blame for
everything
.”

“Nova,”

“Stop!” I sobbed. “Please, just stop. I need for you to stop putting everything on your shoulders, Calix. I need for you to see yourself as the man I love - not the man who is forever hurting me and my family. This time it isn’t you - it’s me - and it’s my father.”

“This is about me and your father, love.”

I shook my head. “It’s about him wanting to keep me safe from you, Calix.”

“We will get through this safely.” He promised words I knew he couldn’t possibly keep. “We will get through this - all of us.”

I nodded, falling against his chest as I always did when I needed comfort from the very rough world I lived within. “I love you.”

He kissed the top of my head, lifting me into his arms. “I love you, Nova.”

***

The bathroom was still filled with steam from my long hot shower, when I opened the bedroom door. I was surprised to find Calix sitting on the corner of the bed, waiting for me. He’d been working more and more throughout the night, and I’d gotten used to sleeping without him, but obviously tonight he was making an exception. I was grateful for his presence, because tonight I was feeling as though the weight of the world was resting on my chest. And honestly, it was just too much.