Divided Souls (Captured Miracle #3) (13 page)
And that was all I needed to explode around him.
The living room floor is coated with Sitka Spruce needles as I watch Calix and Neil struggling with one of the smallest of the conifer trees. As they stand it in the corner and look over their shoulders at me, silently asking me once again if it needs to be moved to the right side of the fireplace rather than the left, before I ask them to move it back once again, I shake my head and giggle.
Taking pity on them, I announced. “It’s lovely where it is.”
“Thank God.” Calix huffed breathlessly. “Those aren’t light trees.”
Neil teased. “You need to work out, sir.”
Calix raised a brow, and Neil blushed. He was a moment from apologizing when Calix chuckled. “I’m almost a father, do dads go to the gym?”
I laughed and soon the sound of Neil’s uncertain chuckle joined mine. “Yes, dads go to the gym.”
“Damn, thought I was getting out of that.”
“Sorry to disappoint.” I moved into the circle of his open arms and he hugged me tight. The moment was interrupted by the sound of Neil’s phone ringing.
Both Calix and I stared as Neil answered his phone. “Yes. Be there soon.” He hung up the phone before settling his eyes on Calix. “I’ll be in touch, sir.” He nodded at me. “Nova.”
I smiled, but my heart was racing. “Is everything okay?”
Calix tensed against my body and I knew Neil didn’t miss it. “Everything is fine.”
I wasn’t certain if I believed him, but when he moved quickly from the house and Calix turned to shine a stunning smile down on me, I couldn’t allow my thoughts to linger on anything negative. It was Christmas time and I was with my husband and we had a tree to decorate.
Standing up on my tiptoes, I whispered. “Are you ready to decorate our first tree together?”
He moaned in the back of this throat. “I’ve never been more ready in my life, love.”
I beamed, loving the double meaning in his words. First, I would tend to our naked tree, and then I would be tending to my husband.
“Will you open the decoration boxes?” I was already walking to the kitchen where I poured Calix a glass of unsweetened iced tea and myself a tall glass of cream soda. Calix enjoyed wine, but he insisted on drinking nothing alcoholic until we returned home safe and sound. I didn’t mind that insistence, either, because I had been worried when I’d first came here with Calix and he’d been drinking beer.
Walking back into the living room, I placed the glasses on the coffee table and lowered myself to the couch as Calix draped the tree with lights and then glimmering red garland. I’d never really had my father home for Christmas before, but I couldn’t disagree now that I had a man draping the lights and garland, it was most definitely a mans job. Little did Calix know, but tonight we were making tradition for the many Christmas’s we had to come. Tucking my feet beneath me on the couch, I smiled contentedly as I sipped my pink pop.
Watching my husband doing husbandly duties, I couldn’t deny that I really was falling more and more in love with him every day that passed. When he spent time in the confines of his office with his door closed, I found that I craved him. I don’t exactly know how, or when it happened, but over the course of my time with Calix, I had grown so dependent upon him, that I was certain, not just fearful - but certain, that if I were forced to be without him, my soul would die. My body may live long and healthy, but there would be nothing inside. I knew this because somehow, over time, my soul had woven itself to Calix’s so terribly tight, that now there was no hope for life if I ever lost him. Because I knew, deep in my heart of hearts, that wherever Calix went, my soul would follow - body or no body.
“Nova, are you alright?” Calix’s deep voice broke into my thoughts and I startled, blinking up at him.
Forcing a smile to my face, I nodded. “I’m better than alright.” I stood to loop my finger through the string dangling from a glittery gold snowflake ornament.
As I walked toward the tree, Calix caught my body in his arms. “Not so fast, love.” He nuzzled my neck and I giggled. “What were you thinking about just now?”
I stiffened in his arms as I contemplated the truth. The truth was difficult, especially in this case, to explain. But Calix sensed my lies as though I wore a flashing light on my head reading
she’s lying!
So, I decided on the truth. “I was thinking that I love you.” I spoke slowly and he listened patiently. “I was thinking that I love you so much, I couldn’t live without you. I mean, I’m certain my body would live - but there would be nothing inside - no light or beauty. If I lost you, I’d lose me too.”
The breathless silence that thrummed around us was heavy as Calix contemplated my words. And then I felt his head dip low, his lips moving over the smooth skin of my neck. “Love, you’ll never be empty.” He vowed. “You’ll never be without me.”
I smiled, feeling confident in his statement as he moved me gently closer to the tree. Then, with his hand over mine, we hung our very first ornament on our very first tree.
***
Christmas morning was exciting. I woke later than usual, probably because I’d stayed up late into the night with Calix as we watched the tree glimmering in the light of the warm fireplace. I’d sat in his arms as we drank unsweetened iced tea together and dreamed of our future. I admitted to him, that although I loved this house and wanted to spend time here every year for the rest of our lives, I wanted to have our baby back at the house in Alberta. I missed the Rocky Mountains and I missed my crystal blue lake. Calix seemed to understand, because he agreed and he promised that he and Neil were working on finding a way to smooth the waves between my husband and my father, so that we could return home.
I believed him. So, rather than moping about the house, I made every moment here count. This was my first pregnancy and I was experiencing it for all that it was - with the man I loved more than my own life. I knew that this child would spark a new kind of love within me than I had for Calix, because I was already so terribly, completely, and wholesomely in love with my baby. I knew that when push came, even before shove, I would shove first and harder to protect the innocent life growing inside of me. I knew Calix felt the same way, and it was that understanding that solidified my belief that he would find a way to get us home before our child entered this world.
Pushing away the covers that weighted down on my flushed body, I sighed as a gentle burst of cool air kissed my skin. I was just over four months pregnant now, and the skin over my belly was beginning to feel tight with the growth of our child. Every morning, for nearly a week, I’d woken hot and itchy. I wasn’t large by any means, but I’d been tiny before becoming pregnant and having the extra weight was a definite change that would take a lot more than nine months to get used to.
Pushing myself from the bed, I padded to the bathroom to relieve myself of my overfull bladder before I washed my hands and face. After applying my morning routine of cream onto my body, taking particular care of my belly, buttock, and breasts, I meandered into the closet. Deciding on a comfortable pair of gray leggings and a soft mint knit sweater over a white tank, I slipped my feet into bulky gray knit socks before eyeing the vicinity of the bedroom for Calix’s prying eyes. And then I lowered myself to all fours beside the bed to retrieve the small box I’d pleaded with Neil to buy for Calix for Christmas.
He’d been adamant about no Christmas presents, but that was simply ridiculous - and I wanted to get him something special. As I’d had no money and I’d asked Neil to loan it to me, I’d needed a gift that was both meaningful and inexpensive.
As I pulled the lightweight box, wrapped in shimmering red wrapping paper from beneath the bed, I couldn’t help but grin in pride at the gift I’d ended up choosing for my first Christmas with my husband.
Holding tight to the gift, I made my way downstairs to meet Calix. As I walked, the sweet aroma of cinnamon hit me and I felt my belly clench with sudden and demanding hunger. Pushing a little extra oomph into my steps, I rounded the base of the stairs into the kitchen where I spotted Calix standing at the stove. He was shirtless with his black pants hanging deliciously low on his hips. The hunger in my belly travelled lower, and I rolled my eyes at my body’s indecision.
“Merry Christmas.” I announced more breathily than I’d anticipated.
Calix looked over his shoulder at me, before grinning knowingly. “Good morning, love.”
“Whatcha making?” I asked as I moved into the living room with my little gift.
A smile ignited full force on my face as I spotted the little gifts waiting for me beneath the tree. There were three. I knew we’d said no gifts, but when a woman says no gifts is okay - she really means she wants, desperately, for it to be okay - but it isn’t okay. When the special, traditional moment comes and a man neglects to find the importance of making that moment special with something as silly and inconvenient as a gift, it freaking hurts - even if a woman tries with everything inside of her to defeat that hurt - it hurts. It must be something in our wiring, because there isn’t one woman I know who is truly okay with downplaying the significance of a special moment.
“French toast.” Calix replied. “I thought we said no gifts.”
“Did you get me a gift?” I asked as I placed his beneath the tree.
“That’s different. You’re my wife.” He sighed. “I should spoil you, Nova.”
“And you’re my husband. I should spoil you.”
“Come and eat your breakfast.” He growled his command. “My baby is probably starving.”
Placing a hand on my belly, I padded to the kitchen. Plopping myself down on a stool against the countertop, I waited for him to hand me a piece of French toast on a plate. When he did, I drizzled it in Maple syrup and enjoyed the sugary cinnamon deliciousness.
By the time we were finished our breakfast, Calix carried his coffee and my tea into the living room. Try as I might to convince him that cream soda in the morning was a good thing, he put his foot down against allowing the pop to touch my lips any time before noon.
He’d already started the fireplace, an old fashioned fireplace where real wood burned and crackled and filtered the house with the warm scent of flame. The day outside was dreary and chilly, but inside the little house, it was pure heaven and loving warmth. If I had to choose any place in the world to be in this moment - it would be right where I was with the man I loved.
Calix moved to the tree where he retrieved our gifts, all four of them, before bringing them to the coffee table before the couch where I sat. His eyes were glimmering with the light reminiscent of childlike joy, and I felt my heart squeeze in my chest at the simple beauty within their cobalt depths.
“Merry Christmas, love.” He smiled, almost sheepishly. “I thought a lot about your gifts.” He handed me the first box - a small box wrapped in gold paper with a red bow. “Open this one first.”
I smiled at him as I took the box into my hands. Unable to unwrap it slowly with my budding curiosity, I tore quickly through the paper to expose a box with the local bakery’s logo on the top. Lifting the lid, I gasped as I saw my very favorite treat - macaroons. My eyes misted at the very simple and yet thoughtful gift. My husband really did know me - down to my guilty pleasures.
“Thank you, Calix.” I fingered a treat before peaking up at him. He had a thing about no sweets before noon and I tried to respect his wishes because although it was my body, it was our baby inside and we both had a right to making decisions. “Can I have just one?”
“It’s Christmas, love.” He reminded me, grinning. “Indulge.”
He didn’t have to tell me twice. I popped a macaroon into my mouth and let its decadency melt. Almost warily, I offered him one. Thankfully, he shook his head with an amused grin. Honestly, I was afraid he’d try them and then fall in love with my favorite treat. Where I savored the foods I liked, Calix plowed through them as though they were disappearing from the very face of the earth. Macaroons were one thing I was not willing to watch him plow through. Their divineness deserved attentive savoring.
Placing the box on the coffee table, I announced on a moan. “Those are amazing.”
“I’m glad you like them.” He replied gravelly before handing me another box. “Now this one.”
I smiled as I took the second gift with the green wrapping. This one was a lightweight, long rectangular box. By the time I tore through the green wrapping to reveal the long white box with gold script, I honestly had no idea what was inside. Lifting the lid, I gasped as I pulled out a beautifully crafted, softer than heaven’s clouds baby blanket.
“Oh Calix,” I breathed his name and tears stung my eyes. “This is - beautiful.”
“I chose green because you’re so confident we’re having a boy.” He paused. “I didn’t think blue would be all that flattering for a girl and green would still be okay,” he stuttered. “I hope it’s alright.”
“It’s beautiful.” I whispered, hugging the blanket to my chest. “So perfect, Calix.”
He smiled, almost bashfully as he reached out a hand to touch my belly where the blanket rested. “I wanted to get our baby a present.” He admitted. “This was the only thing I could find that didn’t either confuse the hell out of me, or was geared toward a particular sex.”
I giggled. “The baby will need lots of blankets. You chose well.”
He smiled a relieved smile and I reached over to hand him his one gift. “Now yours.”
He took the box with slightly trembling hands, and I watched, holding my breath, as he opened the wrapping. When he pulled a small red Christmas bulb from the box, his eyes instantly taking in the gold script, his large hand swallowed the bulb. Then, I watched as his cerulean eyes glazed with a sheen of moisture from the building emotion within him. I’d thought long and hard about his gift. Scripted on the bulb in shimmering gold was both of our names, and the date of our first Christmas.
I breathed. “I’ll be buying one every year from now on. When we’ve been together for sixty years, we’ll have sixty beautiful ornaments to represent all our Christmas’s together.”
