Divided: Brides of the Kindred 10 (28 page)

“I don’t think so,” Truth muttered, his
tongue finally unfreezing. “Surely this is just a memory the Mindscape is
showing us. I don’t see how Far could alter it.”

But even as he spoke, Feels Pain swung angrily.
Stepping forward, the light twin blocked the blow meant for the boy Truth,
taking the punch to his own chest and shielding the slight, trembling figure
with his much larger body.

“Hey? What…?” Feels Pain was clearly
confused. He had meant to punch his son in the face and instead, his fist had
connected with…what? He looked around wildly, his bloodshot eyes wide in the
gloom. “Who’s there?”

“I
am,” Far growled. “Now let him go!” He gripped the arm Feels Pain was holding
the young Truth with in a punishing grip. Truth saw his twin’s fingers pierce
inward, digging like claws into the nerve center of the older male’s elbow.

With a confused cry, Feels Pain abruptly
released his son’s hair and stumbled back a step. He was still looking wildly
all around, clearly unable to see his attacker.

Far pressed his advantage, pushing the
older male hard in the chest.

“Leave him alone from now on,” he snarled.
“If you don’t I swear I’ll come back and kill you! He’s not responsible for
your pain—he’s your
son.
And you’re his father—
act
like one!”

“Who…what…? What in the Seven Hells?”
Shaking his head, Feels Pain turned heavily and ran out the door, the long
strands of wooden beads clicking wildly in his wake. Heavy tromping was heard
on the stairs and then the front door slammed hard.

“He’s gone.” The high, soft voice came
from the last person Truth had expected to speak—his younger self. “He’s gone,”
young Truth said again, looking up at Far. “You made him go away. Who are you?”

“I don’t understand,” Becca murmured to Truth.
“Why can you—young you, I mean—see Far when your father obviously couldn’t?”

Truth shrugged. “I don’t know. But it’s
clear he
can
see him. Look.”

“Who
are
you?” his younger self
asked again, looking up in awe at Far.

“I’m your…I’m someone who cares.” Far
dropped to one knee and put an arm around the boy’s thin shoulders. “Are you
all right? That was quite a blow he gave you. I’m sorry I wasn’t in time to
stop it.”

“It’s all right.” Young Truth raised his
chin.
“Apa was right to strike me. I was…out of
line. I did not…behave as a Rai’ku male should.”

“Oh, Truth…” Far shook his head. Now that
the violence was ended, the glowing light above them had turned to a more
neutral blue-green. Truth thought that his twin’s dark eyes looked filled with
sorrow in the shifting shadows. “No one deserves to be struck like that,” he
murmured to the boy. “And no matter what your father says, you are not the
cause of his pain.”

“Yes, I am. He…he says it all the time.
Everything that ha-happened t-to him…
everything.
It’s all m-my fault!”
Young Truth’s lower lip trembled. He took a deep breath which turned into a
hitching sob. Though he was clearly trying to keep from crying, a single,
traitorous tear escaped his wide gray eyes. He dashed it away with a swift,
jerky motion of the back of his hand.

Truth felt his own chest tighten. The
shame and guilt, the years of blame and beatings—everything he’d worked so hard
to forget, to stuff down inside himself and never think of—his younger self’s
wavering voice brought it all back.
All my fault,
he thought.
I
deserved it—everything he did to me. Because it was all my fault.

“It’s
not
your fault,” Far said
softly. He was speaking to Truth’s younger self but the dark twin felt almost
as though his brother was speaking directly to him.

“But Apa said…he always says—” the boy
started.

“It’s a lie,” Far said firmly. He pulled
the young Truth close. “A lie that hurts—a lot. And don’t worry, young one.
It’s all right to cry if you need to.”

“Rai’ku…do not…do not c-cry,” the boy
whispered. But tears were coming anyway, rolling down his thin cheeks and
wetting his ragged sleeping tunic.

“They may not,” Far murmured, gathering
the boy into his arms. “But Kindred do. And there is no shame in it.”

As Truth watched his brother comfort his
younger self, he felt something welling up inside him. It was as though a knot
inside his chest was loosening. As though a door he had locked and lost the key
to was suddenly standing at least partially open. He felt his younger self’s
terrible grief—his need to fit in, to make his father proud. His fear that he
would never be able to do this—the burden of his father’s hatred and blame. It
was so heavy—too heavy a burden for the thin, slight shoulders of the small boy
in front of him to bear.

And yet, somehow, Far was helping him bear
it.

“I know you’re scared right now,” the
light twin was murmuring as he held the sobbing boy. “I know you feel lonely
and all alone—like no one loves you. Like no one cares.”

“Yes,” Truth whispered, unaware he was
speaking aloud. “Yes,
exactly.”

“Truth?” Becca whispered, and he felt her
take his hand. “Truth, honey, are you okay?”

“Fine.” Truth couldn’t take his eyes from
what was happening.

“But I promise you that someone
does
love
you,”
Far said softly, wiping the boy’s streaming eyes gently. “There’s
someone on the other side of the galaxy—someone who misses you every bit as
much as you miss him. And someday you’ll find each other and then you won’t be
alone anymore. You’ll be whole. I promise. I
promise.”

“H-how do you kn-know?” Young Truth looked
up at him, his eyes still red from weeping.

“I just do.” Far smiled at him sadly.
“It’s going to take you a few years to find him but when you do—the two of you
will be like two halves of a whole.”

“Is it my twin?” the boy asked eagerly.
“Please say it is. Apa says he died with my mother and my other father but I
always have the feeling that he’s still out there somehow.”

“He is. And he’s wishing for you every bit
as much as you’re wishing for him.” Far helped the boy back into the swaying
hammock bed. Then he unbuttoned his heavy green satin uniform shirt and laid it
across the scrawny, shivering form. “I wish I had something warmer to give
you,” he murmured. “But I’m afraid this will have to do for now.”

“Thank you.” Young Truth’s eyes were
already growing sleepy as he snuggled under the thick, silky fabric. Clearly
the emotional scene he’d just gone through had worn him out. “It’s nice,” he
murmured.

“Sleep well.” Far bent over and kissed the
child’s forehead gently.

Reflexively, Truth raised his hand and
pressed his fingertips to his own forehead. Had that really just happened? Had
Far actually comforted and protected his younger self despite all their angry
words and disagreements?

“Truth, honey? Are you okay?” Becca
murmured and he somehow dragged his eyes from the scene in front of him to look
at her.

“I’m fine,” he said huskily. “Why…why do
you ask?”

“Because you’re crying.” Reaching up, she
brushed her fingertips over his cheek. They came away wet in the dim light.

“It’s nothing.” Truth quickly rubbed his
face with his sleeve. “I…must have gotten something in my eyes.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Becca didn’t sound convinced.
“All right then, baby. As long as you’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” he repeated. Just then Far
came over to join them.

“He’s almost asleep,” he murmured softly.
“I think we should go now.”

“Can we?” Becca asked.

Far nodded. “I think our work here is
done.”

“I am…sorry I couldn’t help you,” Truth
said, speaking up at last. “I found myself…frozen. Unable to say or do anything
as everything…unfolded.”

“I had the same sensation,” Becca
exclaimed. “It was awful! All I wanted to do was go
slap
that drunk
bastard—sorry guys, I know he’s your father but—”

“No apology needed,” Far said. “He was, as
you say, a drunk bastard.” He looked at Truth. “But maybe you feel
differently?”

“I…used to,” Truth said slowly. “I really
believed everything he told me. That I was the reason he was stuck on Pax. That
everything bad that happened to him was my fault.”

“But that’s crazy!” Becca exclaimed
indignantly.

“I see that now,” Truth said. He turned to
Far. “So I guess you’ve uncovered my secret,” he said harshly. “I
did
long
for a twin when I was young. For a brother.”

“That is no secret to me,” Far said
softly. “We are Twin Kindred and we were separated. Of
course
we yearned
to be together. It’s only natural.”

“Why did you do it?” Truth demanded. “Why
did you defend me—my younger self—after all the harsh words I’ve said to you?
All the anger between us?”

“How could I not?” Far said gently.
“You’re my
brother.
Though we may quarrel, I still care for you. I could
not stand by and see you harmed or watch you mourn without comforting you. That
is part of what being a brother is. Remember when I said I wanted to share your
pain as well as your pleasure?”

“I remember,” Truth said in a low voice.
“I…did not believe you at the time.”

“And now?” Far asked.

Truth thought of the small boy crying in
his brother’s arms, thought of the pain and fear and shame and the soothing way
Far had comforted him.
Me…he was comforting me.
For didn’t that same,
small child still live inside him? Wasn’t there a piece of his soul that would
forever be eight cycles old, a little boy dealing with the fear of failure, the
belief that his father would never love him?

“Yes,” he said, his voice husky with
emotion. “I believe you, Brother.” He held out an arm to his twin. “Thank you,
Far. For defending me when I could not defend myself.”

“I only wish I could have done it for
real…instead of just in the shadow of a dream.” Far took his arm in a hard
clasp and looked into Truth’s eyes. Truth met his gaze unflinchingly.

“You did,” he said. “This…this was real. I
do not know the Mindscape’s reason for showing it to us but I know that much,
at least.”

They might have stood there, holding each
other’s arms indefinitely if they hadn’t heard Becca’s muffled exclamation.

“What is it, Rebecca?” Truth asked and at
the same time, Far said,

“Are you well,
mi’now
?”

“No.” Her voice wavered uncertainly. “Not
if that’s what I think it is.”

“What?” Truth turned to look behind
himself, in the direction Becca was staring. “What is it?”

“I believe,” Far said in a low voice “It’s
another door.”

Chapter
Twenty-seven

Though it had been over five years since she’d
seen it, Becca recognized the door to her college dorm room at once. It was the
poster that did it—the olive green USF background with the gold Bulls logo in
the center. Becca wasn’t the one who had placed it there—her roommate, Cynthia
was. Cynthia was a cheerleader who was so stuffed full of team spirit she was
downright annoying. Luckily, her perky presence was mostly absent from their
dorm room—she was always too busy partying to do anything boring like sleep or
study.

“Becca?” Truth asked. “Is there a
problem?”

“I…I don’t want to go in there. Don’t want
to go through that door,” Becca whispered, twisting her fingers together behind
her back. “I…I can’t.”

“Why,
mi’now?
What’s wrong? Are you
afraid we’ll see something you don’t want us to see?” Far asked.

“No. I’m afraid
I’ll
see something
I
don’t want to see.”

Having watched as the Mindscape made Truth
relive what had to be one of his worst memories, Becca knew what was bound to
be in store for her.

That night,
she thought frantically.
That awful night…I can’t…I
don’t want to…

“We have to go through,” Truth said
firmly. “I’m sorry, Rebecca, but if we don’t, we’ll all be terminated.
Dissolved in the tanks—remember?”

Biting her lip, Becca nodded.
The slime
tanks. Remember that’s where you really are—none of this is real. None of it!
You just have to pass this test, whatever it is, so you can get out of there.
Otherwise you’ll be dissolved into sludge.

The thought made her shiver and though she
didn’t want to in the worst way, she knew what she had to do.

Reaching out a hand, she twisted the
simple metal knob and pushed open the door to her dorm.

Cynthia wasn’t there, as usual, but
College age Becca was. She was lying on her stomach in the middle of the narrow
twin bed on her side of the room wearing nothing but a man’s oversized green
t-shirt and a pair of polka dot bikini panties. Becca saw Truth and Far’s eyes
flick over her in the skimpy outfit but she didn’t care. In fact, she barely
noticed them at all. She was too busy watching her younger self.

Becca knew what was about to happen, knew
that her life was about to be changed forever. But her younger self was
blissfully ignorant—she was too caught up in her own little world to have any
idea that it was about to come crashing down around her ears.

College age Becca smiled and hummed a
happy little tune to herself. She held her left hand up, clearly admiring the
tiny chip-diamond ring which graced her slender finger.

“What is that? What is that she’s looking
at?” Truth asked in a low voice.

“An engagement ring,” Becca heard herself
murmur tonelessly. “Kenneth gave it to me right before he…” She stopped, unable
to go on.

“Before he what?” Far asked softly.

“I can’t.” Becca shook her head. “You’ll
see. The Mindscape will make us
all
see,” she added bitterly.

College age Becca rolled lazily onto her
back, holding her hand over her head to admire the ring from another angle. The
bed she lay on was messy and only half made up.
As though someone had been
having sex on it,
Becca thought, remembering her first and only time which
had happened just an hour before this little scene they’d walked in on. Though
she didn’t want to think about it, she couldn’t help remembering.

It had hurt a little and even when the
pain stopped, there hadn’t been much pleasure. But it was nice just being held
in Kenneth’s arms—feeling connected to him in such an intimate way. They had
talked about the wedding afterwards—Becca would never have consented to give
herself to him if they hadn’t already planned to be married. She hadn’t told
her parents yet and she wasn’t sure how they would react—Kenneth wasn’t
Catholic so that was going to be a problem right there. But Becca was in love
and she just
knew
this was right. She and Kenneth were going to get
married and have at least three kids—maybe four—and live in a big house on the
beach and…

“What an idiot I was,” Becca whispered
fiercely, glaring at the happy, humming, recently engaged girl on the bed.
“Wake up!” she yelled at her younger self. “It’s never going to happen. You
have all these plans and dreams and none of them is going to come true!
None
of them!”

She expected to scare her younger self to
death but college age Becca just kept humming and admiring her ring like an
idiot, making Becca want to choke her.

“I don’t think she can hear you,” Far said
softly. He spoke louder. “Or any of us, actually.”

“Why not?” Truth asked in a normal tone of
voice when the younger Becca made no sign of either hearing or seeing them. “My
younger self could hear us—well, you, anyway,” he said to Far.

“Maybe because he was a child,” Far said
thoughtfully. “Or maybe because he needed so badly to see and hear me. He never
saw the two of you,” he pointed out.

“I don’t think the younger version is
capable of seeing the older version,” Truth said. “It is like…a blind spot.
Perhaps you can’t directly influence or interact with the younger you because
it might cause a paradox.”

“But that would make this actual time
travel—not just memories shown to us by the Mindscape,” Far objected. “And
how—”

“Shut up—both of you,” Becca said tensely.

They looked at her in surprise.

“Mi’now?
Are you well?” asked Far and Truth simply said,

“Rebecca?”

“It’s about to happen.” Becca squeezed her
hands into fists at her sides. “It’s close—I can feel it!”

“Feel what?” Truth asked but just then,
College age Becca’s cell phone rang.

“About time,” she muttered, rolling over
on the messy bed to snag the small, slim phone off her night table. “How long
does it take to pick up take-out anyway?” Without looking at the number, she
put the phone to her ear. “Hi, babe, I was just getting worried. Where are
y—Oh…”

Watching the scene unfold, Becca felt like
someone had dipped her heart in ice water. She saw the uncertainty on her
younger self’s face turn to disbelief and then horror.

“I…I understand,” College age Becca
whispered numbly into the phone. “My number…emergency contact. Of course. But
I…but he…he was just
here.
Here with
me.
” She put a hand to her
head and rubbed her right temple fiercely. “I…identify th-the body?” she
whispered.

“Identify
whose
body?” Truth asked
in a low growl.

“Kenneth,” Becca whispered through numb
lips. “I mean, Kenneth—my fiancé.”

She watched as her younger self slowly
hung up the phone. She shook her head. “No…no, no, no, no,
no.”
College
age Becca stood abruptly and began pacing around the room. The cell phone lay
forgotten on the bed, both hands were buried in her long, curly hair. They
tightened into fists until Becca could almost feel the pain her younger self
was inflicting on herself.

College age Becca stopped in front of the
large mirror hanging on Cynthia’s side of the room. She stared into it, her
eyes wide with disbelief.

“Wake up,” she ordered her reflection
harshly. “This has to be a dream—
wake up!”

“But I couldn’t,” Becca whispered, watching
her younger self pace. “I couldn’t wake up. It felt like a nightmare but it
wasn’t. He was really gone. Really dead.”

Across the room, her younger self grabbed
one of her roommate’s cheerleading trophies and hurled it at the mirror. The
impact shattered the glass, breaking it into a thousand, thousand pieces.

“Wake up!”
she screamed.
“Now! Wake UP!”

Suddenly the door slammed open and
Cynthia, her roommate, appeared.

“What the hell, Becca?” she demanded,
putting one perfectly manicured hand on her slim hip. “I could hear you all the
way down the hall! Are you crazy? Why did you break my mirror? Why—”

The words seemed to die on her lips when
College age Becca turned and looked at her with wide, shocked eyes.

“The police called,” she whispered.
“Kenneth…he’s dead.”

“Oh, no!” Cynthia, who wasn’t
all
bad, took her by the arms at once. “No, honey—that can’t be right. It
can’t.”

“I have to go…go identify his…his body.”
College age Becca was beginning to lose it. “I…I have to go now.”

She headed for the door, shambling like a
zombie, but Cynthia grabbed her arm.

“Wait! You can’t go like that. Put on some
sweatpants—I’ll drive you. It has to be some kind of mistake. You’ll get down
there and it’ll be someone else. Everything’s going to be okay—you’ll see.”

Watching her roommate babbling as she
helped her younger self get dressed, Becca felt everything all over again. The
unreality of the situation…the horrible realization that this wasn’t some kind
of a nightmare that she could wake up from…the knowledge that the man she loved
was gone forever…

“No,” she heard herself whispering as she
watched Cynthia support College age Becca as she stumbled out the door. “No,
please. Please, don’t be dead…please just…don’t be dead.”

She hid her face in her hands as every
awful emotion she’d felt at that moment came rushing through her like a
hurricane.
Dead. He’s dead and it’s all my fault. If I hadn’t let him…if we
hadn’t given in, he’s still be alive right now. My fault, my fault…all my
fault.
She knew the thoughts and feelings weren’t rational but she couldn’t
stop them. Couldn’t shake the feeling that her fiancé’s death was a punishment
for what they had done.
All my fault…

“What’s your fault, Rebecca?” Truth asked
in a low, rough voice. He put and arm around her shaking shoulders and Becca
realized she must have spoken her words aloud.

“What happened,
mi’now?”
Far asked,
also encircling her with an arm around her waist.

Becca had to fight to get the words out.

“He…we…we made love. It was my first time.
But Kenneth wasn’t Catholic—and we weren’t married. Not yet. We were going to
get
married so I thought it was all right. But it wasn’t. It…it…”

“Mi’now?”
Far looked at her with obvious concern.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you
don’t want to,” Truth rumbled.

But somehow Becca found she couldn’t
stop
talking about it. It was like a festering poison that had to come out.

“After we made love, Kenneth went out to
get Chinese food. He went to this little hole in the wall—kind of in a bad part
of town but it was cheap and good and the owner was this sweet old man who knew
us. He…he had our favorite order memorized. We went there a lot.” She took a
deep breath and forced herself to go on. “It was late and as Kenneth was
leaving there was a…a hold up.”

“A hold up?” Truth sounded confused.

“A robbery,” Far clarified for his
brother. “Go on, Becca.”

“Kenneth tried to stop the guy from
hurting the…the old man behind the counter. He was always like that—standing up
for other people. It…it was one of the reasons I loved him.”

Becca stopped to press the back of her
hand to her eyes. It came away wet. She was shaking now but still she couldn’t
seem to help it. She’d been repressing this memory for years, ordering herself
not to think about it. Now she couldn’t
stop
thinking about it.

“The guy shot him—right through the
heart,” she whispered. “They…they said he probably died instantly. They rushed
him to Tampa General, tried to revive him. But it was no good. It…he…” She
shook her head, unable to go on.

“And they made
you
come and identify
him?” Truth sounded angry. “Was there no one else that could have done such a
task?”

“His parents lived out of state and I was
listed as his emergency contact,” Becca said dully. “It all happened so
fast
.
We thought we had our whole lives to be together. Kenneth got down on his knee
and proposed to me—gave me that ring you saw. We were going to have a house by
the beach and three or four kids.”

“You loved him very much, didn’t you?” Far
said softly.

Becca nodded and swallowed convulsively,
trying not to cry. “We were so
sure
about our future. So I thought it
was okay to…to…We wanted each other so much. I felt
safe
with him—I
thought he would always be there.” She shook her head. “It was my fault. If I
hadn’t given in, he would still be alive.”

“That’s not true,” Far said gently. “How
could it be?”

“It
is
true,” Becca insisted. “I
killed him.” She shook off the encircling arms of both men and stood on shaky
legs. She began pacing, just as her younger self had done. “My fault,” she
muttered. “Mother of God…”

“Rebecca, no.” Truth came to her and took
her by the shoulders. He shook her once, a quick, firm shake that made her
teeth click together.