Divided (81 page)

The statement, however, seemed to confuse Taeru more than
anything else.  He flinched a little, and exhaustion flickered through his
eyes.  Without waiting for Taeru to speak, Calis did, moving forward to kiss
the top of Taeru’s head again.  “You need to rest, Taeru.  Your injuries will
take some time to heal.”

This frustrated the Cathalari, and he squirmed at the
words.  Calis said nothing, hoping that this conversation didn’t lead to what
had happened to Juliet and Aitken.  “I can’t rest,” Taeru said.  “There are too
many things I’m supposed to do.  I already almost failed before—don’t you
understand?  I have to stop this war.  I can’t rest…”

Steeled resolve entered into Calis’s face, then.  Taeru
would not care for himself, and so Calis would have to do so in all things. 
“You have to rest.  You are in pain.  You bore a beating that could kill a
lesser man—and if you don’t rest, then I will make you.”  This seemed to startle
Taeru into silence.  “You have earned rest,” Calis said.

“I haven’t,” Taeru disagreed vehemently.  “I have done
nothing.  I got captured and nearly killed—I only didn’t die—didn’t die because
of you.  If I had died, then I would have completely failed to stop this war.”

“You have brought hope to a land where there was none,” Katt
interjected.  Her eyes were burning with emotion as she stared at Taeru.  This
was the first time Calis had taken true notice of another person since he’d
seen Taeru.  Everyone else seemed dim, as though they were without color, when
Taeru was in the room.  “You have saved my life many times over.”

This didn’t seem to reach Taeru, and he just stared away in
contempt—contempt that was surely directed at himself.  Calis wanted to grab
the boy’s hands and look at him, but as they were injured, Calis just tilted
Taeru’s chin up with his fingers.  “Stop ignoring the good you’ve done.  You
are braver than anyone I’ve ever met,” he whispered.

“I’m not.  I just—I have to do this, and I’m afraid that if
I wait…”  Taeru’s eyes widened, as if recalling something else.  “The
messenger?  Did your father send a messenger to Cathalar—has it arrived?  Was
there a response?”  His words were heartbreaking to Calis.  There was no way
Taeru would be truly happy with the response, for even Taeru would feel pain of
being ignored by his family, and yet—a response to help him would mean to
initiate the war. 

Still, Calis felt a swell of pride as he spoke.  “Yes, the
message was received.”  He fidgeted for a moment.  This was the easier bit of
news.  Telling Taeru of Juliet’s fate was what Calis feared the most.  “A
Cathalari messenger was here a few suns ago.”

For a moment, Taeru looked genuinely shocked, as though he
didn’t understand the words that Calis was saying.  Then, his eyes widened, and
he leaned forward.  “Do you know what the message said, then?” he asked.

Rather than allowing Calis to answer, Lee answered in his
stead.  “Yes, we know.”  Calis was torn between grateful and annoyed.  Grateful
at the fact that Lee could relieve him of his burden, and annoyed that Lee had
taken a priceless moment of speaking with Taeru.  Those moments had become more
and more valuable to Calis recently.  “The message was from your father.  He
informed… ah, he was angry.  He informed Lavus that he had his war.  That he
would regret any harm that came to you.”

Oddly enough, Taeru’s face turned an interesting shade of
red.  Calis tried to keep his face from smiling at the appeal of it.  Blushing
seemed to suit Taeru—in some ways, anyway.  “M-my father said that?”  Taeru was
glad, for a single instant, he was happy.  Then, he lowered his head in anger. 
“No!  Why would he?  I renounced the Lassau name so that I couldn’t cause
this.  I never expected him to…”  Taeru squeezed his eyes shut.  “I’ve more
than failed.  I’ve sabotaged my own goal.”  His words were pained.

“You haven’t,” Calis interrupted.  “They aren’t here yet,
and Lavus is dead.  From what I can tell, your family cares much for you.  We
just have to wait for them to arrive, then we can explain… after all, I’m sure
the situation in Telandus will have been resolved by then.  I will ensure that
there is no war.”

There was the tiniest spark of hope in those tired, blue
eyes.  Calis offered a reassuring smile, and Taeru returned a tentative one. 
“Thank you so much, Calis,” Taeru breathed.

“No matter what happens, please know that Lavus did
this—that Tareth did this, Taeru… not you.”  Alyx’s voice was hesitant, like a
child doing their best not to cry in front of an adult.  Calis’s eyes moved to
her warily, and he wished that she hadn’t spoken.  Not that she hadn’t a right
to speak, but because she would bring forth forbidden questions into Taeru’s
mind. 

The subject was unavoidable, though, and Calis knew that. 
He’d only wanted to have the conversation when Taeru was healthier.  Taeru’s
eyes widened when they saw Alyx.  “Y-you’re… Alyx!  You’re okay!”  Calis could
see the questions flashing across Taeru’s mind as he stared at the blonde
girl.  “And Katt,” he murmured, as if reminding himself.  “Where is everyone
else?”  Then, a twisting panic.  “Where are Aela and Leif?  Aela—ah…”  Taeru
flushed. 

The words made no sense.  Calis wasn’t sure who either of
those people were, and when he stared at Taeru with a blank expression, the
younger male stuttered.  “Oh—you don’t… ah…”  His fear had returned.  “The boy…
Aelic—that was… my sister… in disguise.  She… she came to Telandus, I think
to…”  Taeru’s voice floundered.  So they had come to spy—well, that was fair. 
Aelic hadn’t been very boyish to begin with.

Still, a rather disturbing thought occurred to Calis as he
thought back on the events with Aelic, or Aela, rather.  A sour look took hold
of his face.  Certainly, Aela’s deceit had been a more severe one than Taeru’s,
but that seemed alright.  For some reason, Calis found himself entirely on the
side of Cathalar.  After all, Veyron held back for as long as he could—and he
had leapt to his son’s defense so quickly.  Calis couldn’t help but like the
neighboring ruler. 

Therefore, any spy attempts felt justified.  Still—there was
that thought.  That horrifying thought that continued into Calis’s mind and
nested there.  His mouth twitched into a frown that deepened further and
further with the passage of time. 

Taeru looked horrified, and to Calis’s dismay, there were
tears beginning to spring into his eyes again.  “I… Calis—I’m really sorry. 
She was… Aela is… really important to me, I just…”  His voice was anguished. 

At once, Calis’s eye twitched, and he realized he ought to
explain Taeru’s worry away.  “I was… jealous,” Calis murmured flatly, “I was
jealous of your sister, then.  Because… you showed her… around.”  The thought
was entirely humiliating.  Taeru’s eyes widened, and there was an awkward pause
between the two of them.

“Oh,” Taeru pursed his lips in thought, “don’t be
embarrassed—I didn’t know it was her at that point, either.”

“You said that she reminded you of someone you knew,
remember?” Calis asked.  The conversation was perfectly vivid in his mind, just
like everyone that he’d ever had with Taeru.  Calis couldn’t forget a single
detail about his interactions with Taeru, and he found that he liked it that
way.  Though, he was sure he’d want to forget these injuries—but perhaps he
ought to remember as an incentive to keep Taeru safe.

Taeru blinked.  “Yes, but I was being honest.  I just
thought there was a resemblance.  You aren’t angry that…?”

“No,” Calis answered.  He gestured to the amulet around his
neck, and Taeru nodded. 

“Your sister and Leif are fine.  They have been avoiding the
guards for some time, and Leif seemed to be quite skilled at it.  I wouldn’t
worry.”  There was something about the way Lee spoke that made Calis believe
him.  That tended to happen when Lee believed himself.

Taeru offered a quick nod and sigh of relief towards Lee.

Calis attempted to get Taeru to return to sleep, wanting any
other questions to wait until he was in a better state to manage their
answers.  “Taeru…” Calis whispered.

Abruptly, Taeru turned back to Alyx with worried eyes.  “Are
you alright, Alyx?  You don’t look well.  Where are Juliet and Aitken?”  His
words tried to sound confident, but the fear was there—already anticipating the
inevitable.  Calis could feel his heart constrict and snap. 

The silence in the room seemed to become louder.  Where
people had only been listening before, they were now not speaking.  There was
nothing to listen to but the sounds of the darkness outside.  Alyx’s eyes
welled with tears, Katt closed her eyes, and Lee exchanged a worried glance
with Calis.

Taeru was not a fool, and he knew from the change in
atmosphere that something was amiss.  His body twitched, and a slight tremor
began to run through him as the silence continued.  No one could speak, and he
knew why they couldn’t.  “Please,” he whispered.  “Please… say something…
Alyx…”  So much pain.

“I-it wasn’t… there was nothing we could do…”  Alyx tried to
offer her support, but she had to know that it would do no good.  Not to
mention, she was in no condition to be consoling anyone over the loss of her
own family.  “I-it wasn’t your fault!  Please!”  Tears spilled from her eyes,
and she dropped to the floor without any further attempts. 

Taeru stared blankly at her for a few moments.  “Dead?” he
asked, and the word seemed to reverberate off the walls.  Alyx didn’t respond,
but she didn’t need to.  The way Taeru’s body convulsed, Calis could do nothing
but respond to his urge to lurch forward and take Taeru against his chest.

All at once, Taeru let out a scream between his gritted
teeth.  The sound was oddly muted, but the pain in it cut to a place so deep
within Calis’s heart that he had been scarcely aware of it.  No, Taeru should
never be in this much pain.  Then, Taeru began to struggle against Calis’s grip,
and Calis tried to manage his body so that his injuries remained undisturbed. 

Naturally, Taeru fought harder than he ever had before.  His
hands flew up, trying desperately to pry himself away from Calis.  “No, no,”
Taeru growled.  He screamed, and as tears ran down his face, agonized cries
escaped him.  “No!  Don’t—don’t!  I don’t…”  He fought, and as Calis wrestled
with the fighting boy in his arms, he became aware of the pain he was causing. 
“Let me go!”

Taeru was crying, screaming, and despite everyone’s efforts
to calm him—save Alyx’s, as she seemed to have lost herself—he would hear none
of it.  “Taeru!” Calis shouted.  Still, no response, just more wailing, more
desperate cries.  More guilt.  “Taeru, stop!”

Taeru just pushed against Calis’s chest all the more
forcefully.  His teeth were gritted together, and his eyes were unfocused.  The
fight continued, seeming to stretch on forever, until Taeru’s exhaustion
finally seemed to be getting the better of him.  Calis continued to bring the
form to his chest, only to see it tear away again.  “You should—you should have
let them hang me!  Why didn’t you just…?”  Then, Taeru’s shoulders squared as
he seemed to realize something.  “No—I should have… I should have just… let
him…”  Taeru quivered.

The only one who seemed to understand the statement was Lee,
and Calis’s advisor sucked in air immediately.  Calis glanced back at him, but
rather than dwelling on it, Calis took Taeru’s face in his hands, forcing their
eyes to meet.  “Stop, please…”  Calis realized he was crying again, or perhaps
he’d never stopped crying.  “Please, don’t say those things.  You have no idea
how badly that hurts.  The thought of anything happening to you… and I feel as
though my soul is being ripped apart.”

One last scream tore from Taeru’s lungs, and he shook his
head.  “I don’t deserve you, I don’t,” he choked.  Nevertheless, he seemed to
give in, slumping against Calis’s shoulder like a marionette cut from its
strings.  “But, I don’t want to hurt you.  I’m… I don’t… I’m sorry.” 

“Then, please, stop blaming yourself.  Please…”

Taeru’s body shook against Calis’s shoulder.  His forehead
was pressed against the front of it, and Calis wrapped his arms around the
tangled body.  “She took care of me, and because of me… she died…”  He sucked
in a breath, a sort of hiccup that split with pain.  Calis’s face twisted into
a grimace as his arms held Taeru a little tighter.  “I’m… so sorry… Alyx,”
Taeru managed to say.

“No,” Alyx pleaded.  “No, no, no…”  Still, she couldn’t seem
to force any other words from her mouth.  Her eyes burned with her desire to
ease Taeru’s pain, just as he burned to ease hers, but neither of them was in
the condition to go through with that wish.  Calis held Taeru a little tighter
as Katt knelt to console Alyx.

Taeru’s voice was distant, as though he were in a
dream—speaking to someone that wasn’t in the room.  “My mother… took care of
me, and she died… Juliet… took care of me… and she… died.  And now… you… you
are… taking care of me,” he whispered.  Was that why Taeru fought so hard
against the observance of his own well-being?  That was why he was so
self-sufficient?  Fool.  Stupid, little fool.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Calis whispered, kissing Taeru
gently on the temple another time.  “You took care of Juliet too,” Calis said. 
“You know you did, somewhere deep within that thick head of yours.”

Then, a response choked—riddled with cracks of pain.  “Not
you…”  Taeru whimpered.  Perhaps not physically, but Calis could think of a
number of ways that Taeru had saved him.  In almost every way a person could be
saved.  “Please, don’t… don’t leave me.  I can’t… do this… anymore.”

With that, Taeru’s entire body slumped again, and this time,
he didn’t move.  He didn’t speak, and all that Calis could feel was his
weakened, shallow breathing.  Calis held him still, though.  “I won’t,
Taeru—just don’t leave me, either.”

And yet, despite the apparent sleep, Taeru answered.  “I
won’t…”