Distrust (Smirnov Bratva Book 1) (13 page)

When I pull the door open, all four stand on the other side. Viktor, Anton, Death and even Freya. They look to me, then to my clothes. I look down to see I have her blood all over me—my blue shirt now has splotches of red covering it, my jeans now crimson with blood. Freya looks shocked, Death looks excited. They’re all still dressed in the same clothes from earlier, so that means that they haven’t gone home. Freya looks in, past me, trying to see what’s causing the blood. She should know, she isn’t dumb.

“Where is she, Kazier?” she asks stepping through the door. I hold it open and they all step inside. They can’t see her, the couch has its back to us, but they can see her hands and hair. Freya’s eyes hone in on them as she walks past me and heads straight to the couch. Shock radiates from her face, then disgust. She leans down, and I take a few steps closer so I can hear her.

“You got my men killed.” Her words are full of venom.

“Obviously, they were stupid enough to get killed,” Elina spits back at her.

The guys stay where they are, not moving any closer, just watching. Freya shakes her head as she looks her over then looks up to me.

“You won’t kill me?” she asks, looking back down to Elina. I shake my head no, then Freya’s tiny hand lifts up and slams down, the apartment echoes when she makes contact. Then she does it again, another punch. Then she stands tall, leans down and whispers to her, “You’re lucky this dress doesn’t hold my knife,” she says walking away. I’m slightly impressed, but slightly mad I just let her do that. My feelings are everywhere.

“How long should we cover?” Anton asks trying to look at the couch. They don’t need to see her, especially when she’s naked.

“When I call.”

They all nod and turn to walk away.

Death steps over to my couch, reaches it and looks down at her, the others notice and stop when they reach the door.

“Boss, acid works nicely,” he says and smiles to Elina then walks away like what he just said was natural. Maybe it is for him. Who the fuck knows?

I shut the door and lock the bolts, I hear her whimpering from where I stand. I want to say it doesn’t affect me. I want to say that her pain gives me great pleasure, but it doesn’t. Even though I want to inflict a shit load of pain on her.

She has her legs curled up, her face is now bleeding, her eyes closed. I can see a tear leave her eye, she tries to cover it by using her arm to wipe it away the best she can being tied up, but I notice it. I pick up the remote, turning on the alarm system for the house, then I bend down and unlock her hands. She pulls them straight to her face, wiping away her tears. All the emotions leave her, then her eyes are hard as she looks up at me.

“You plan to keep me don’t you?” she asks.

I nod my head and offer my hand. She looks at it like it’s poison, and it probably is where she’s concerned. She doesn’t take it so I reach down and lift her, and she cradles into herself, not letting her emotion show toward me. Then I carry her to the bathroom, place her on the bench as I strip and turn on the shower.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

I don’t answer, once I have the water the right temperature, I reach for her, removing the strip of dress hanging from her back and lift her into the shower. “They expect me to kill you,” I tell her.

She shivers in my arms as I place us under the warm water, then hisses when it hits her open wounds.

“But I haven’t decided if I am okay with that yet,” I tell her.

She doesn’t move. Instead, she stands there letting the water wash over her, squeezing her eyes closed. The make-up that she always wears washes away leaving her flawless skin in place. Why she wears so much baffles me, she doesn’t need any of it. Her eye is starting to go red, possibly from Freya’s hits. I couldn’t deny her, I haven’t shown her any of the respect that she deserves. So the least I could do was let her have some revenge, even if it hurt me in the process.

I wrap a towel around her and don’t bother with one for myself, as we make our way to my room. She stops when she sees the bed, then I give her a slight push, indicating for her to move.

“I want to go,” she says, pulling the towel tighter around her body.

“I didn’t want to be lied to, or deceived. I guess we all can’t get what we want,” I reply. “Now get on the bed.”

She shakes her head no. “You can’t rape me,” she says, pulling the towel tighter like it will protect her.

I laugh. “I wouldn’t have to. You are as much of my weakness as I am yours. Now get on the damn bed, and don’t think for a second about escaping. You don’t know what’s behind the front door,” I tease her.

She climbs in, pulling the covers up close to her face. She stays as far away from me as possible.

“Why did you do it,” I ask after a minute of silence.

“Why do we do things we hate to do, Kazier? You tell me,” she replies turning away, her back now to me.

“I would never have hurt you. Not in a way you didn’t enjoy.”

I hear her deep breath before she answers me. “One way or another, someone was going to hurt me, I just hoped it would be you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re the lesser of two evils when it comes to me.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, Elina.” I sit up and turn her to face me, a tear leaves her eye. She doesn’t bother wiping it away when she looks at me.

“Your wrath is from love.”

“You think I love you?” I ask her.

“I know you do,” is all she replies.

“How so?”

“Because if you didn’t, I’d be dead.” And that’s it, that’s the most truthful thing she’s ever said to me. She would be dead. If it was Freya, I would have put a bullet straight between her eyes and walked away like I didn’t know her nor care. Elina—I have trouble pulling that trigger, even though I want to. I get up from the bed and walk away because I have to. I have to separate myself from her. I can’t be near her, and not want her. I can’t be near her and not touch her. She’s carved in me now, and there’s no escaping it.

I walk to the kitchen, opening up the cabinet and smash everything. Glasses fall to my feet, shattering where I stand. Plates break around me. I keep doing it, opening up every cabinet, smashing it all till nothing’s left, so it’s as exposed and bare as I am. And as I feel.

When I get back to the room with a first aid kit in hand, she’s sitting up naked, her eyes on me. She looks to my hand, then back to my eyes. I walk to her, then drop down in front of her removing the bandages from the kit and placing one on her leg. Then I repeat it with the other. Placing another where I scarred her. She sits up straighter, knowing her stomach is next, blood is dried up all around the wound. I knew it would bleed longer, it was deeper. I wanted her to feel the pain she inflicted on me, the hurt that she caused by lying to me. Even thinking about it now makes me want to cut her again, just to watch her bleed. When she bled, I knew she was real, that she wasn’t my ghost.

She is real.

No, she is it.

Chapter 22

Elina

He’s on his knees in front of me, and as much as I want to push him away and run for it, I know I can’t. I know it would be no use, he’d catch me every time. And being here with him, even if he does hurt me, is better than being at the alternative. He tends to the cuts, the wounds he placed on my body, and he tends to them with so much kindness I think it scares him. He isn’t used to it, he isn’t used to being soft, especially not with me. I make him bleed every time I kiss him, so for him to fix my bleeding is something new to both of us. He sits back when it’s time to check the cut on my stomach, it hurts the most. The towel that’s under me on his bed still has the blood drying on it.

His hands touch my stomach, soft yet hard calloused fingers linger when he covers the cut. He sits there staring before he stands. Then he looks down at me, a look I haven’t seen before crosses over his face.

“Go,” he says while walking back to his side of the bed.

I sit there, having no idea what he’s talking about. Surely he can’t mean for me to leave, can he? I eventually turn to look at him, that remote he had earlier clicks, and he lays his head on the pillow staring up at the ceiling.

“Go Elina, before I change my mind,” he says it this time with more of a struggle in his voice.

I don’t hesitate as I stand, taking the towel with me, and running to the door. It unlocks. At first I think it’s a trick, like a cat and mouse game. But as I stand there, I notice he hasn’t come for me, and no one is at the door ready to push me back in. So I run, in bare feet, with only a towel wrapped around me.

****

My brother grips the steering wheel tight, his hands clench then unclench. He looks to me then shakes his head as he turns back to the road. I managed to find a phone, a phone box wasn’t too far, and reverse charge called the house hoping it would be him who answered.

He wasn’t happy, then he was even unhappier when he saw me, in a towel, with bandages covering my thighs. He keeps on looking, like the answer will magically appear for him, but it won’t.

“Just tell me.”

I shake my head, I won’t tell him. I don’t want to protect him, a part of me does, but I don’t want him to know everything. Because if he did, he wouldn’t treat me the way he does, he wouldn’t show me respect, not like father.

“Did Padre set this up?” I look at him, shock written all over my face. He shouldn’t know any of this. He shakes his head, taking it as the answer. “Stop letting him use you. He does it because you let him. He may say you don’t hold value, but you do Elina.”

“He told me all I was good for was my body. I was best to serve the family now while I had it,” I tell him straight. Those words have echoed in my head for two years, ever since the day he told me what I had to do.

I basically had to make Kazier love me, then I was to destroy him. I never could, I pushed it for as long as I could, always lying, saying it wasn’t time, he didn’t trust me yet. But it’s all a lie because Kazier would have gone anywhere I told him too. I’m glad he knows as it was getting harder and harder as time went on. I couldn’t continue to lie to both, sooner or later one of them would have cracked, or I would have slipped.

“Why do you let him treat you like that? Stop it, Elina. Just stop letting him push you.” He shakes his head at me. “Next time, come to me.”

“You can’t fix everything, Maso,” I say turning away from him, looking out the window.

“I’ll kill him you know… Kazier. I will bury him ten feet under the ground.”

My body turns fast. He’s watching me, he knew he’d get a reaction.

“I didn’t think you could love him. I guess I was wrong,” he says as we pull up to the house. My father is standing on the doorsteps. Maso looks to him and climbs out of the car, he waits for me, and we walk up together.

“He found you,” is all he says, shaking his head at me in disappointment. “We had a lot riding on this, Elina. I told you to not leave the house. Yet you sneak out knowing he was looking for you.” He’s right, I knew he’d find me. I also knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant, but I couldn’t stay in that house a second longer with my father always looking over my shoulder.

“Stephon got shot,” I tell him. He should know the man who’s paying him to off his own cousin, will more than likely not pay now.

“I don’t care about that Russian scum. He was just a backup with a hefty wallet.” My father steps down the steps till he’s in my face. “You fuck him again?” I try to step backward and his hand comes up around my head. “He beat you, too? Your eye is turning black.” My free hand comes up to my eye. He didn’t do that, and I’m glad he can’t see the extent of the other damage to my body.

“No, he didn’t.” He pushes me back like he doesn’t have a care in the world for me. I should have been born a man he tells me often.

“Leave her,” Maso says, standing quietly to the side, watching. Our father turns to look at him, his lips turn down in disgust as well.

“She’s a whore, nothing but that. She will go back to him, beg him for forgiveness, and you
will
make him love you, Elina,” he says with a flick to my chest.

“No, she won’t.” Maso steps up to him, but my father laughs at him.

“You’re not the head of this family! You both do as I say. Do you understand me?” His finger pushes Maso. I can see Maso is about to crack, his temper is slower, but he isn’t good at concealing it.

“Inside,” Poppa’s voice booms from behind. Our father turns to him and doesn’t argue, he doesn’t look back as he walks into the house. Poppa looks down to us, his eyes lingering on my legs, noticing the bandages. His eyes soften. “Princess,” he says staring at my eyes. He opens his arms and I walk straight into them, his hands wrap around me pulling me into his chest. My father was never one to coddle me, my poppa did that enough for everyone else. He protected me, even Maso did. They treated and respected me as the woman of the house, just never the man I wanted the respect from.

“Don’t go back to him,” Poppa says. He knows who we were talking about, he knows everything. I don’t answer him because there’s no way to respond to that.

We walk inside the house and I make my way to my room. After I enter I lock it, like I do every time. I don’t want anyone in here, especially my father. I walk into my bathroom, adjoining my room. Looking in the mirror I notice a split lip, and my eye is almost black. But what hurts the most, can’t be seen, it’s inside. I throw on an old shirt,
his shirt
. I took it one night when he slept and never gave it back. Now I sleep in it every night.