Distractions (4 page)

After putting on my coat, I turned

around and hugged Shepard close to me.

I knew that I had certain thoughts about

him, but at this moment, I could not be

more thankful he was here. Perhaps Doc

knew something about him that I failed to

recognize. Shepard is a good person; I

don’t blame Doc for taking a shine to

him too.

“Thank you for being here,” I

whispered in his ear.

“I will always be here for you,

Violet.”

With that, he innocently laced his

fingers in mine, and led me to his car.

Opening the door for me, he paused.

“You will get through this; you’re

not alone.” Then he shut the door.

Arriving at the auditorium, the

Dean and the President sat at a long row

of tables on the stage. Assistants,

adjuncts, and other professors were

milling about, waiting for instructions.

Jack

was

already

waiting

and

immediately made a beeline towards

Shepard and me. His hug knocked me off

balance by force of impact.

“Vy, I am so glad to see you. I am

sorry I left. I shouldn’t have.”

His eyes misted up and his face

grew pained. His partner Adam was

behind him, rubbing his shoulders and

murmuring words of comfort.

“It’s okay, Jack. Shepard has been

helping me.” I tried to sound strong so

Jack wouldn’t feel guilty. I heard Adam

behind Jack whisper, “I bet he has…”

We both turned around and laughed,

which made Shepard blush. Apparently,

Adam was not quiet enough. A playful

moment came over me where I turned to

Shepard

and

wrapped

my

body

seductively around him, holding his chin

while facing Jack and Adam.

“Really, boys, who would turn this

down?” I then kissed his cheek before

stepping back.

My actions caused every person in

the vicinity to stop what they were doing

and look at me as if I had officially lost

my mind, except for Shepard who smiled

from ear to ear. I ignored the glances and

relished the opportunity to make

everyone laugh in such a dark moment.

The joyous feeling we stole quickly

dissipated as one of the faculty members

with a clipboard approached Jack and

me.

“We need to see you two

immediately; you are being summoned to

speak and you need to prepare your

speech.”

Her tone was clipped and overtly

authoritative for such an occasion. I

understood the importance of being

organized, but this was really too much.

I looked over to Jack who was just as

displeased. This wasn’t us – who we

were in this place. We all appreciated

the anonymity of working in a lab and

not with the public, and here we were

about to be placed under the bright lights

like some curious specimen.

“Can we just say no?” I asked the

woman.

Flustered, she stared at us from

above the frames of her glasses as she

looked down.

“You are free to do anything you

wish, but you both knew him best. Why

would you want someone else to speak

on his behalf?”

She walked away as soon as the

statement was made. She was right. Doc

would be pissed at us to know we

copped out. This is what people needed

to make sense of the tragedy. They

needed some formal way of making

peace with the questionable. He was a

vital part of the university; his work

brought in a great deal of funding and

changed so many lives. He changed our

lives. The least he deserved was a few

words of pre-written kindness.

I tilted my head towards the table

and linked arms with Jack. Adam

walked next to Shepard and joked, “I

will take care of him.”

Shepard immediately sidestepped

and looked at me fearfully, causing Jack

and me to roar up with laughter again. I

broke my link to Jack and stood in front

of Shepard. Placing my arms around his

neck, I whispered into his ear.

“He’s harmless – I promise. He

knows you’re on my team.”

I winked at Shepard and scrunched

my face at Adam.

“Play nice, boys. We will be back

soon.”

Jack and I shared one more smile

before heading down the long aisle to

the stage. People were starting to filter

in for the ceremony, although it was still

an hour away. A flurry of activity began

as soon as we approached the

President’s

table. Assistants

were

already asking us questions to write into

a short summary on our behalf. It quickly

became too much and I raised my hands

while closing my eyes.

I shouted, “Stop!”, and then opened

my eyes to a few quiet faces.

“I can do this on my own. I do not

need coaching. Please let me just speak

from my heart – not some piece of

paper.” I glanced over at the President

and Dean who were watching me

carefully.

They

both

nodded

in

agreement and I replied with a mouthed

“thank you.”

The woman who first approached

Jack and me earlier headed towards us

and simply said, “You will be the fifth

and sixth speakers, so stay here on the

stage when it begins. You will need to

be here the whole time.”

I looked out into the auditorium

towards Shepard and Adam who looked

comfortable together. Shepard leaned in

towards him as he spoke. Noticing me

looking in his direction, he smiled

brilliantly, offering me what assurance

he could. Before I could stop myself, I

kissed my fingertips. My heart started to

race at what I just did. I turned to Jack

who looked just as shocked.

“You have some explaining to do,

missy. What was that?”

Looking back to Shepard, he

seemed not bothered at all – almost as if

he failed to notice. I seriously hoped he

did. I really was losing my mind.

The entire room crowded with

bodies,

including

people

standing

against the walls. So many arrived, they

had to create an overflow room with a

screen set up. It was overwhelming to

see how many people cared about the

man who seemed so hermetic. I wonder

if he knew or even cared. He must have;

there was no way he didn’t. He was so

concerned about me being alone the last

time we talked.

Everything started to grow hazy

with vertigo setting in. I could feel

myself struggling to catch air. Jack was

grabbing my arm, shaking me gently.

“Violet, Violet, what’s wrong? Are

you sick? Talk to me!” His tone was

growing frantic.

I shook my head and put it between

my knees for a moment. He handed me a

bottle of water that I sipped slowly

while he rubbed my shoulders. I turned

to see Shepard about to bolt out of his

seat towards me. Jack must have seen

him, too, because his hand went up to

stop him and gave him a thumbs up.

No

sooner

had

I

regained

composure than, my turn was next. I

walked slowly towards the podium,

looking around at the massive yet

subdued crowd. Leaning close to the

microphone, I took a chance of being too

quiet rather than too loud and backed up

a bit. Clearing my throat, I heard the

noise echo. I held my breath deep in my

lungs before slowly exhaling. It’s hard

trying to think of the right thing to say –

what people need to hear.

Chapter 3 - The

Open Door

I felt so small in the sea of people.

Feeling their focus on me as I scanned

the flickering lights, I closed my eyes

and imagined what Doc would have

wanted.

“My name is Violet Phillips and I

am Dr. David Robertson’s lead research

assistant. Dr. Robertson was the most

intelligent man I have ever known. His

mind operated with laser precision with

no detail left unnoticed. Some may have

seen a bit of a brute as he was no

nonsense, yet no one could deny his

kindness and generosity. For the past

fifteen years, he had worked diligently to

build the genetics program here at the

University of Cincinnati into the state of

the art laboratory it had become.

Groundbreaking discoveries have taken

place on this campus, thanks to the man

we are celebrating tonight. Several of

you have personally been impacted by

his life’s work, which is why you are

here now. I know he would be humbled

by your presence. Thank you.”

I slowly turned and walked back

towards Jack who had met me halfway

to give me a hug. Shepard proudly

smiled at me and then redirected his

attention to Jack. I must have been

staring for a while because fingers

snapped behind my head, followed by

snickering.

“What?”

“Don’t what me, Vy!”

I spun around to give Jack a stern

look but couldn’t hold it with his bright

grin. I hadn’t even noticed he finished

his speech.

“I want you and Shepard to come

over for dinner after we leave here. I

want to get to know who makes you act

like this.”

I rolled my eyes, trying to play it

off. Was I really being that obvious? I

was supposed to be grieving, not

growing a crush on my neighbor’s kid.

“Something is seriously wrong with

me, Jack…” My shoulders started to

shake as I wept.

Pulling a tissue from his jacket

pocket and handing it to me, he started to

laugh quietly. “If someone has the ability

to make you glow in the darkness, they

must be remarkable. That does not mean

there is something wrong with you. It

means there is something right. Only you

would believe the worst.”

I smiled at him and then looked

back to Shepard, but he was gone.

Frantically, I looked around the aisles by

where he was sitting, but it was vacant.

“Looking for someone?” his voice

said behind me. I turned around in my

seat to see Shepard’s beautiful blue eyes

taking me in.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” I

whispered, giving a mischievous smile

when I caught the sour woman giving her

look of disapproval.

Leaning in closer to me, Shepard

replied, “Do you really want me to

leave?”

Reflexively, I grabbed his arm.

“No, stay, please.” He looked down at

my hand and then back at me, which

caused me to quickly snap it back. “I’m

sorry; I don’t know what’s wrong with

me lately.” Nervous, I pulled my lip in

between my teeth and bit down to focus,

but it didn’t work.

Shepard laced his warm fingers

through mine and pulled them into his

lap, absentmindedly stroking with his

thumb, back and forth. A rush of calm

poured over me as I concentrated on the

feeling. He was paying attention to the

next speaker as if his actions were

normal, which they were. This is what

people did to comfort one another; they

offered their presence.

We headed back to Jack’s house for

dinner after the ceremony ended.

Shepard was more than happy to accept

the invitation. Being ever the gentleman,

he stood behind me to remove my coat

and asked Jack and Adam if they needed

any help. It was nice to hear laughter

coming from the kitchen as the men got

to know each other. I closed my eyes for

a bit, feeling the warmth of the fireplace

on my skin. I lay there, slipping in and

out of an empty dream, trying to forget

my last night here.

I didn’t know how long I was out,

but a small fleece blanket was draped

over my shoulders in the now darkened

room. Quiet murmurings came from the

dining area, too low to be discerned

through the down tempo music playing.