Distant Dreams (35 page)

“Yes, Mrs. Winstead, I am quite certain I have never seen a lovelier set of gilded mirrors.”

“No, Mrs. Barclay, I haven’t any tablecloths as lovely as this.”

She raved on and on about the gifts and the wonder of becoming an adult and even allowed her mother and friends to anticipate which of her male guests might make a perfect match for her. When finally the clock struck one and the party guests were ushered to their rooms or carriages, Carolina hurried to the solace of her room and slammed the door behind her.

Hot tears of misery coursed down her cheeks as she grabbed at her hair, pulling out pins and ribbon with a vengeance. “He didn’t even come back!” she declared to the silence of her room and threw herself across the bed in order to have a long and proper cry. Coming of age was a grief she could have lived without.

37

The Morning After

It seemed to Carolina that scarcely had her head touched the pillow when light was suddenly flooding her room to announce the day. Miriam was humming a lively tune and seemed undisturbed by the fact Carolina was hesitant to stir.

“I’ve laid out yor gown, Miz Carolina. Yo best be up and around so’s I can arrange yor hair a’fore breakfast.”

Carolina opened her eyes a bit wider. With the thought of a full table of overnight guests, she moaned. “I don’t want any breakfast.” There was absolutely no way she could endure the stares and questions of those who’d stayed on at Oakbridge. They’d all been properly polite and void of questions the night before, but today would be quite another story.

“Ah, Missy, yo oughtn’t worry bout dat party none. Folks know wasn’t none of yor doin’,” Miriam comforted, hands on hips. “I is gwanna help Miz Virginia with her hair whilst yo get yorself up and around.”

Carolina sighed and resigned herself to the fact that the day would go no further until she acknowledged it in full. Scooting up against the wooden headboard, she stretched. This was a good enough sign for Miriam, and the slave took herself from the room in short order.

Thoughts of the party came immediately to Carolina’s mind, causing her cheeks to grow hot. Mother had been right about one thing, she thought. Politics were a surefire way to ruin a social gathering. Still, upon reflection, it wasn’t the ball’s more subdued ending that caused Carolina to moan in misery. That right belonged clearly to her behavior toward James Baldwin.

“What a fool I was,” she said aloud with a groan. “My head was full of moonlight, and my heart was full of stupid little-girl ideals.”

She remembered the way James had looked positively grief stricken when she’d pushed him for an answer about missing her. “Of course, I couldn’t recognize his attempts at polite conversation. It was only his desire to take my mind off of the fight and my own sorry state.”

How could she face her family this morning? She couldn’t bear the idea of sitting through breakfast with everyone discussing the events of her party. Nothing was working out the way she’d hoped. Nothing at all. To most, the party would go down in county history as the night a woman dared to interfere in a gentlemen’s discussion. But to James it would always be the night that Carolina overstepped the bounds of propriety. She could well imagine appearing at church to find the genteel folk of society whispering her name with cold disdain, but that didn’t bother her nearly as much as thoughts of James’ disapproval.

He hadn’t even bothered to return for the cake, she thought and fought to keep the tears from welling in her eyes. Neither he nor Virginia had reappeared in the ballroom, and even though the party had concluded amiably, their absence had signaled a kind of comeuppance in Carolina’s mind.

Pulling the cover over her head, Carolina uttered another dejected moan. Surely she could just stay in her room until the gossip died down. But while Carolina realized that avoiding the public could be quite easily attained by hiding within the walls of Oakbridge, there was clearly no way she could hide from James Baldwin.

“He must know how I feel,” she said and drew the covers around her tight. “I can’t bear to face him. I just can’t. Not after I put my heart on my sleeve like that.”

“Miz Carolina! Am I gwanna have to git Hannah to help me?”

“I’m coming, Miriam.” She threw back the cover and dragged out of bed as though headed for her execution. “Couldn’t I just take my breakfast here in my room?”

“No, ma’am,” Miriam said, shaking her head adamantly. “Not with a houseful of folks. ’Sides, there’s sumptin ’portant yo Papa wants to be discussin’.”

Carolina rolled her eyes, and her shoulders dropped dejectedly.

“No doubt,” was all she could manage to whisper.

Twenty minutes later, dressed and made socially presentable, Carolina purposefully had Miriam leave her hair in a simple gathering of curls at the back of her neck. She didn’t desire to appear the grand lady today. There was no need to draw attention to herself in a manner that would only remind everyone of her immaturity and her inability to keep her mouth shut.

Gingerly, she peered into the dining room before entering. They were all gathered, apparently awaiting her appearance. Julia Cooper and her husband were engaged in conversation with James and Virginia, while Margaret was giving last-minute instructions to one of the servants. There were over half a dozen other families represented at the table. The Wilmingtons, Swans, Baldwins, Sinclairs, and Barrymores took up one side of the table, with Carolina’s family, the Coopers—senior and junior—the Winsteads, and Barclays taking up the opposite side. With a determined breath, she stepped into the room.

“Ah, Carolina,” Joseph said with a spirited smile, and all heads turned en masse to welcome her. “Come sit so we can have our devotions and prayer.”

The despair and disapproval Carolina had anticipated meeting with at this gathering was nowhere to be found. Even her mother was smiling as though in on a wonderful secret. Virginia giggled into Julia’s ear, while James seemed to stare, preoccupied, at the plate in front of him. Thankful his eyes were on the table and not on her, Carolina took her seat and waited in confused dread for what was to come. Only York appeared to be less than joyous with his black eye and swollen nose.

Joseph picked up the large worn Bible that had accompanied him to breakfast for as long as Carolina could remember. “Psalm sixty-seven is the place of our Bible reading. ‘God be merciful unto us, and bless us; and cause his face to shine upon us; that thy way may be known upon earth, thy saving health among all nations. Let the people praise thee, O God; let all the people praise thee. O let the nations be glad and sing for joy: for thou shalt judge the people righteously, and govern the nations upon earth. Let the people praise thee, O God; let all the people praise thee. Then shall the earth yield her increase; and God, even our own God, shall bless us. God shall bless us; and all the ends of the earth shall fear him.’ So ends the psalmist.” Joseph closed the Bible and smiled upon his family. “We should always remember to praise God for His blessings. The earth is ripe to bear new crops, and our hearts should also bear witness of growth in His wisdom.”

Carolina barely heard the words. She looked up to find James’ gaze upon her, but when he quickly looked away, Carolina was more mortified than before. He hates me, she thought. He hates me for my childishness last night at the party and for my unladylike manners in the garden.

“God provides goodness in the wake of bad,” Joseph was saying, and Carolina found herself wondering if he would mention the party. Surely he wouldn’t be so heartless as to make her an example before her family and friends.

“Let us bless the food and this day.” They all bowed in prayer while Joseph continued. “Heavenly Father, we thank you for the bounty you have provided. We thank you for the food upon our table and that which grows now in our fields. Your mercy has blessed us without measure, and we are humbled before you for the love you have bestowed upon us. In the name of our Savior, Jesus, amen.”

“Amen,” the table chorused in unison.

Carolina looked up, expecting her father to take his seat as usual, but instead he directed his attention to Virginia. “I believe there is an announcement that needs to be made.”

York and Carolina seemed the only ones surprised by these words. Questioning her brother with her eyes, Carolina received a shrug and could only wait for her father to speak again.

“I am very pleased to announce that James Baldwin has asked for Virginia’s hand in marriage. I have given my consent, as has Mrs. Adams. James, I want to be the first to welcome you into the family.” James stood and received a hearty handshake from Joseph, as well as a congratulatory slap on the back while Edith and Leland exchanged looks of conspiratorial satisfaction.

Carolina felt her mouth go dry. She couldn’t look at James, and so she managed a weak smile at her sister. Virginia nodded with an air of smug satisfaction, while Georgia and Margaret, unable to contain their joy, hugged her simultaneously as the table erupted in hearty approval.

“Has a date been agreed upon?” York questioned.

“No, not yet. We’ve only just agreed to wed,” Virginia answered before anyone else could.

“Well, no doubt you will want to do it before summer is out. No sense in letting a whole year pass by in planning and engagement parties,” Margaret said authoritatively. If this declaration shocked her guests, no one said so.

Virginia nodded. “I think a summer wedding will be just what we both desire. Why, we might even use the gardens, where James proposed to me. But, of course, James and I should discuss this privately before making it a public issue.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Joseph remarked, taking his seat. James followed suit. “Now we should partake of this wonderful breakfast before it gets too cold.”

“I, for one, am positively ravenous,” James announced with a grin. It seemed to Carolina he’d broken out of his mold of shocked silence. He dug into the platter of sausages before another word was spoken.

Margaret regarded Carolina with an all-consuming look. “You are quite pale this morning, Carolina. Were you unable to sleep last night?”

“I slept quite well, thank you. It just seemed morning came a bit earlier than usual.”

York laughed at this. “I’ll say. It seemed to come a bit more painfully as well.”

Joseph dismissed the remark with a disapproving look before turning to Carolina. “Daughter, I know I speak for all of us when I say we are deeply sorry for the disruption of your party. The Milfords had no right to say such things in your presence, and while I believe York to be a bit too quick to the fight, I suppose such a thing was taken completely out of his control. A coming-of-age party should be an occasion for joy and happiness, and I fully blame Burgess Milford for last night’s conclusion. That aside, however”—he smiled warmly at Carolina—“I believe the party came off quite well.” Approving murmurs came from around the table. “You were quite a vision, and you did your family proud.”

Carolina almost felt the breath taken from her. No one seemed to think the party ruined after all.

“Oh, and the gifts were simply divine,” her mother was saying. “So many priceless treasures. What a fine collection to add to your hope chest.” Again murmurs of approval sounded, this time mostly by the women.

“Still, you look completely spent,” her father said, picking up his fork. “If you wish to remain home from church, your mother and I will allow it this once.”

“Thank you, Father, Mother,” Carolina answered. “I would very much appreciate that.” She had nearly forgotten it was Sunday.

“Maybe I should stay home as well,” York announced. “I’ve no doubt Burgess Milford will be doing likewise.”

At this several of the men laughed aloud, but Carolina noted

James was not among their numbers. Instead, James was staring directly at her. What did he mean to convey with his stern expression? she wondered.

The words of a favorite poem suddenly came to mind and haunted her like nothing else could have:

Oh, not to me, oh, not to me!
That look of cold disdain—
From others I could calmly brook
The careless word—the chilling look
But oh! from thee—’tis pain.

And surely it was more pain than she’d ever known in her young life. It was all she could do to keep from bursting into tears and begging his forgiveness. And still, he stared at her with an unyielding look that seemed to question her without words. His eyes were searching hers as though looking for something he’d lost. The intensity was too much, and Carolina quickly looked away. She’d nearly made a fool of herself with her emotions bubbling over like a caldron aboil. There was no chance she would make that mistake again. Not if she had anything to say about it.

38

The Ship

Eating leftover cake that afternoon, Carolina was finally beginning to laugh again. She listened to her father speak of the multiple blackened eyes in church that morning, including a most swollen-faced Burgess Milford, who eyed York throughout the service as if he would start the altercation all over again.

Margaret overlooked the sport her menfolk were making of the serious breach of protocol and instead focused on her eldest daughter.

“Well, Virginia, you are going to have a great deal to do in order to get ready for your wedding, especially if you and James still plan to have a summer wedding. There are many tasks ahead of you that will need your utmost attention. I, of course, will allow you freedom from helping me with the house. Carolina will take over your duties.”

At this Carolina started and nearly dropped her fork. Margaret looked hesitantly to Joseph and then turned a stern gaze upon Carolina. “Your tutoring, of course, will no longer be a consideration. James will need time to seek employment as well as time to escort Virginia to the proper social events and so forth. Your new duties assisting me will keep you more than busy and will not allow you time to linger over books.”

“But, Mother—” Carolina cast a desperate look at her father, who was conveniently looking in the other direction.

Margaret waved away any further protest. “It’s already settled.