Distant Dreams (51 page)

And they would always remind her of James and the dreams that would always remain far from her reach. So very distant.

Her father’s Bible, an institution all its own, lay unopened on his desk. Carolina knew it never to be far from his side these days and wondered silently what solace he found there. She reached out and traced the leather cover with her forefinger. Maybe she would read it. This was the Word of God—His message to the children He’d put upon the earth. Her father said it was a message of hope and love.

But how could there be hope and love?

Knowing that the emptiness was destroying her inside, Carolina took up the Bible and held it tightly. “I know of God and this book,” she murmured to the silent shelves of books. “On my father’s knee I remember hearing stories of the coming of our Savior Jesus Christ and learning that He gave His life for my sins. There is hope in that and love. But my sister is dead, and there is no comfort to be found.”

“You are wrong, Carolina. There is comfort.” She turned to find her father, exhaustion clearly etched in the lines of his face. He smiled sadly. “He is our comfort.”

Carolina looked down at the book in her hand. “I want very much to know that is true.”

Joseph crossed the room and opened the window to let in some fresh air. “As do I. Sometimes I feel as though I’m smothering under a load of sorrow. Everything seems closed up and hidden away.” He looked at Carolina as though seeing her for the first time. “You have nearly wasted away, daughter. Look at you. You’re thin as a rail. Even your cheeks are hollow.”

Carolina gripped the Bible even tighter. “There seems little reason to what has happened, Papa. There is no comfort in knowing I’ll never again hear Mary’s laugh. There is no comfort in a broken heart.” She said the words before considering them. Hopefully her father would perceive her reference to a broken heart because of Mary’s passing.

Joseph came to her and embraced her for the first time since Mary’s funeral. It broke her will as nothing else could. She slumped against her father’s chest and wept softly.

“It will pass,” he said softly. “You will see. There is comfort and I will prove it,” Joseph said, leading her to the settee. “Here, hand me the Bible.”

Carolina did as she was instructed, wishing she could remain as a little girl in her father’s arms. She watched her father leaf through the pages and finally settle on a passage of Scripture.

“ ‘I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.’ ” Joseph hardly looked at the book as he read the passage from the book of John. He knew it from memory. “And further on in the chapter, Christ tells us, ‘But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. Peace I leave with you,’ ” Joseph quoted the words as his voice cracked and tears came to his eyes. “ ‘My peace I give unto you.’ ”

Carolina reached up to take hold of her father’s hand. Gently she gave a tug and he willingly sat down beside her. Lovingly she took the Bible in hand and found the place where he’d left off and started to read. “ ‘ . . . not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.’ ” She looked up at her father. “I want these to be more than words. I want to know they are true and to take courage in them for the future.”

Joseph put his hand over hers. “You can put your hope in these words,” he said.

“How do you know this? How can you be so confident?”

Joseph pointed again to the Scripture. “There, back before those latter verses. See here.”

She read where he indicated: “ ‘At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you. He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.’ ” She paused, feeling the first real spark of understanding. “I have but to love Him?”

“And,” Joseph said, taking up the Word, “ ‘If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.’ ” Joseph closed the Bible and drew Carolina into his arms. “You have always heard me say that to believe in God is not enough. To know He exists is not to know His salvation and love. To know Him is to love and obey Him. It is to trust Him even when the way is unclear and all hope is gone.”

“To trust Him even when your heart is broken?” Carolina asked, lifting up her eyes. James was gone, probably having done the only honorable thing he could. It might be the right thing, but it still hurt.

“Especially when it is broken.” Joseph placed a kiss on her forehead. “For where else may you take your broken heart, if not to Him who made it in the first place?”

The way seemed much clearer to Carolina, and peace—something she’d not known in weeks, maybe months if the truth be told— settled upon her. “God does love me,” she whispered.

“Of course He does,” Joseph replied.

“And I love Him. Oh, Papa, I do love God, and I will seek to be an obedient daughter,” she said, as though a sudden revelation had taken place. She hugged her father tightly and smiled. “I will trust Him and I will find my comfort in Him. I will see Mary again in heaven, and my heart will mend.”

They sat quietly for several minutes, then Joseph said, “Come here, Carolina. I want to show you something. It arrived yesterday. I had no heart for it then. But now, perhaps it was sent by God himself to give you and me a new purpose to ease our grief.”

He took her hand and together they rose and went to the desk. He picked up a thick envelope. It had been lying next to the Bible, but Carolina had not noticed it before.

“This a preliminary survey of a proposed route for the Potomac and Great Falls Railroad.”

“Papa! I had forgotten all about that. Is it really going to happen?”

“It’s but a step, Carolina. But the only way we can ever reach our dreams is to take that first step.”

Carolina stared with wonder at the papers as her father withdrew them from the envelope. And she saw not a sheaf of maps and charts, but rather a promise for the future and hope amidst the dreams.

Carolina nodded. “Yes, Papa. I think you are right.” She hugged him close. Perhaps the dreams were not so distant after all.

With special thanks to:

Anne Calhoun

Assistant Archivist, Baltimore and Ohio Railroad Library,

and the Museum staff of the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad

Herbert Harwood, Jr.

Author of Impossible Challenge II

Mike Hawkins

Topeka Railroad Days

John Goodnough

Susquehanna Valley Railroad Historical Society

Susan Tolbert and Roger White

Smithsonian Institute, Railroad Transportation

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