Dissent (18 page)

“Now
what?”

I
smiled slowly, taking a step closer, then carefully lowering myself
onto my knees, watching as the realization dawned on him and his eyes
got hungry. The sandy dirt pressed into my wet knees, scrubbing hard
at the skin as I scooted closer, reaching out to grab his cock and
slowly lower my face toward him, my eyes on his as I traced my tongue
over the sensitive head and his hand slammed down hard on my
shoulder.

So
I couldn't have him. Not inside me. Not how I really wanted, driving
us both crazy, satisfying the need we had both been dealing with for
weeks. But I could have this. This ability to drive him wild. The
chance to make him feel how he had made me feel.

I
could have the power.

I
lowered my eyes, quickly taking him deep in my mouth. “Fuck,”
he growled, his hand digging into my shoulder. I paused, keeping him
fully in my mouth, starting to hum as I slowly moved back upward. I
swear he must have been drawing blood he was grabbing me so hard.
Once at the tip, I ran my tongue over the head once, looking up at
him, his eyes small and clouded. Then I was moving fast: up and down,
twisting around in a circle as my hand moved beneath me to gently
stroke his balls, enjoying the sound of his breath coming our hard
and fast, knowing he was losing control, lavishing in knowing I was
taking it.

His
other hand moved to the back of my neck, grabbing my hair as I worked
his cock faster and faster until his breath caught, “Fuck...
Darcy,” he ground out, his body tensing as his hand twisted in
my hair and he came hard and hot down my throat.

I
kept him deep for a second, wanting every last bit of his desire,
then slowly letting him slide out of my mouth, looking up at him with
a smile.

“Jesus
Christ,” he said, shaking his head. His hand reached out,
stroking my cheek. “You're fucking phenomenal at that.”

I
smiled, getting on my feet. “I know,” I said, reaching
for my clothes and slipping them back on. “Come on,” I
said, throwing his shirt at him. “We have a show. You need to
get there and set up. If your legs are strong enough to hold you that
is,” I said with a sense of victory.

Fifteen

The
walk back had been silent, me enjoying my new found upper hand, him
just introspective. By the time we got back to the bus, my hair was
mostly dry, the food was mostly eaten, and Burt was getting antsy to
get to the venue.

I
took a quick shower, going through the usual motions of putting
myself together, and slipping into a simple black tank top, mini
skirt, and combat boots. It was too fucking hot to be worrying about
tying myself into a corset or walking around with five pounds of
heavy skirt material covering my legs.

By
the time I emerged from the bathroom, we were long settled behind the
new venue, the crew already setting up the stage. I walked out toward
the galley where Jay and Todd were sitting quietly, staring at the
wall, both trying to slip into show mode.

“What's
this?” I asked, noticing a folded piece of paper on top of the
counter in the mini kitchen area.

Jay
shrugged and Todd shook his head.

Darcy-

I
saw you. Today. On your knees in front of that loser. What is wrong
with you, always fucking such scum? Stop being such a slut. I'll show
you what a real man is like.

Soon.

“What
is it?” Jay asked, taking in my lowered brows.

I
ripped it up quickly into small pieces so no one else could read it.
It wasn't the insult or the threats that bothered me, it was the
damning information. If Jay saw it, he wouldn't stop pestering me
until he knew who I had gone down on. And I just... really didn't
want that getting around. We didn't need the awkwardness on the bus.

Unless
he told them.

Shit.
I never stopped to consider that as a possibility. Isaiah had gotten
really close with the other guys. Well, as close as he could get with
being so closed off. But sharing intimate secrets about your past
wasn't the foundation of male friendships like it was for women. So
the guys had just accepted his coolness and masochistic undertones
without question. Besides, his advice was getting them laid a helluva
lot easier. Jay always got ass, but Mike and Joey didn't have the
advantage of being a rich musician to help them get women. Apparently
Isaiah was some kind of pick-up expert.

They
sat around almost every morning discussing their conquests, which I
generally pretended to ignore because if I didn't, I felt like I
would have to step up and defend womankind which would only lead to a
full-on argument that was going to leave me feeling drained. It was
easier to just let them have their guy talk.

So
what was stopping Isaiah from discussing me tomorrow morning? Nothing
really. He had no reason not to. It wasn't like he was bound by the
ties of a relationship to keep our personal shit personal. I should
have thought to tell him to keep my name out of his mouth. He was
probably going to tell him he got head, but hopefully he had the good
sense to say he didn't bother to get the girl's name. He would
probably get patted on the back for that.

“Nothing,”
I told Jay, giving him a small smile. “Someone must have missed
it when they were cleaning up the fan mail.”

But
I knew that wasn't the case. Don't ask me how I knew, but I knew. And
it was just something I was choosing not to focus on because we had a
show to put on and I would be no good going on stage all paranoid.

“Ready?”
Todd asked, getting up first. Always punctual. We would forever be
late if it wasn't for him and his somewhat O.C.D tendencies.

“Yup,”
I said, grabbing Poe and carrying him back to the bathroom to lock
him up so he didn't sneak off the bus while we tried to leave.

“No
stage diving here, Darce,” Jay said, sounding
uncharacteristically serious.

“Why?”
I asked, following him out of the bus and shutting the door.

“Because
this is probably going to be a rough crowd. And I don't need five
years to be taken off my life again.”

“You
do remember that that other show was in a little nowhere town in
Ohio, right?”

“Regardless,”
he said, turning. “Just keep your fucking ass on the stage.”

Well,
he was in a mood.

I
took a deep breath and made my way backstage, pacing around anxiously
as Jay strummed his guitar and Todd spun his drumsticks around in
between his fingers.

“All
ready,” Mike said, coming in the back and sitting down for a
minute.

“Shouldn't
you be working on the sound?” I asked.

“Joey
is showing Isaiah the ropes so I can sit it out until you guys go
on.”

“Which
is in three minutes,” Todd told him, standing, ready to make
his way to the stage.

The
show had been crazy. They were all wild, but the crowd had been
violent, the moshpits more violent than usual. All I saw was blood
pouring down people's faces, spitting out of their mouths. As much as
I hated to admit it, Jay had been right. It would have been dangerous
to jump into a crowd like that.

The
after show had been long and tedious and it was another hour before I
could finally make my way back toward the bus. Burt unlocked the door
and left me to go wait for everyone else.

The
bus was oddly quiet to my throbbing ears. I walked into the galley,
rolling my neck and pulling my hair up into a tie to get some cool
air on my hot neck. “What the hell...” I started, seeing
a note in the same exact spot as the one I had torn up earlier.

I
knew for absolute certainty that there hadn't been a second one. I
felt a sinking in my belly as I walked over to it, unfolding it and
finding the same handwriting.

I
wanted you to jump into the crowd. I wanted to watch them tear you to
shreds while I fucked you, screaming in fucking agony – real
music to my ears. I'll get you sooner or later.

Jesus
fucking Christ. I crumbled the note in my hand, feeling fear rise
like bile in my throat as I slowly turned, looking around, half
expecting to see someone right behind me. But no one was there. There
was a slamming sound coming from the back of the bus. And I knew I
should probably just run and find Burt or one of the guys, but
instead I was sneaking quietly down the bus, looking into the empty
bunks. Not even Todd was inside. I reached for the door of the
bathroom with a buzzing in my ears to find Poe throwing himself at
the door.

I
took a deep breath, pushing him back inward and closing the door. Of
course. Of course it was him. What did I think it was some
rapist/murderer making his presence known? I was being paranoid.

There
was a shuffling behind me and I screamed, turning, my fists flying
out and landing hard... into Isaiah's chest.

“Whoa,”
he said, his eyes big and worried. “It's alright. It's just me,
baby,” he said, grabbing my hands and holding them. “You
look freaked. What's the matter?”

I
could have lied, brushed it off like I had earlier. But I didn't want
to. I wanted someone to share in my discomfort. I wanted someone to
be aware. I swallowed hard, uncurling my fist and pressing the note
into his hand.

“What's
this...” he started, opening up the page and reading. His brows
drew together, then looked up at me with big eyes. “What the
fuck?”

“It
was in the galley when I got back on the bus.”

“Maybe
you guys missed it when you...”

I
shook my head. “No. I know it wasn't that. Because this is the
second one today. The one earlier said he saw me go down on you this
morning and that he was coming for me.”

“Why
didn't you tell me?”

“I
just thought it was some stupid fan. It didn't seem like a big deal.
But when I came back and saw this, in the same spot...”

“Party's
here!” Jay yelled, coming onto the bus, people following
eagerly behind him.

“Wait,”
Isaiah called out to him. “We need to talk to you for a minute
first.”

Jay
looked at us with drawn-in brows, pushing the people back out, and
shutting the door. “What's up?”

Isaiah
handed Jay the note and he read it quickly, looking up. “Where
was this?”

“In
the same spot that note was earlier,” I told him, feeling
better at having shared the information.

“Why
the fuck do you always keep shit to yourself?” Jay asked,
throwing the note away. “Someone was on the bus. This was
something we all needed to know.”

“People
are on the bus all the time,” I reasoned, and for the first
time, that fact made me so anxious I was nauseated.

“Well
not anymore,” Jay said, shaking his head. “Not until this
shit stops.”

“Should
we contact the police?” Isaiah asked.

Jay
shook his head. “It won't do any good. It's just a threat. And
we are in a new town every night. Maybe we should take it to a hotel
tonight. Have Burt go over the rig with a fine tooth comb to make
sure everything is good.”

“I
think that's probably for the best,” Isaiah agreed.

“Go
wake up Todd and tell him,” Jay said, looking out the door at
the crowd he had gathered. “I have to tell my adoring fans that
the party is being moved for the night.”

“Todd
isn't in his bunk,” I said, and Jay froze at the door.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.
He's not here.”

“Maybe
he's out getting laid. I'll have Mike or Joey find him and we'll be
back. Keep the door locked.”

I
took a deep breath, watching Isaiah walk over and lock the door, then
make his way back to me. His hand went under my chin, tilting my head
up. “You alright?” I felt myself nodding, not meaning it.
I really wasn't. But I was never much for leaning on other people.
“No, don't give me that 'I'm metal as fuck and nothing bothers
me' shit,” he said, smiling and shaking my head with his hands.
“Are you okay?”

I
took a deep breath. “I've been better.”

He
didn't speak. Didn't try to tell me that it would all be okay.
Useless words. He let his hand fall from my face, one of his arms
going around my shoulders, the other around my waist, pulling me
against him, and offering me the only kind of comfort I would accept:
physical.